Who I Am (standard:adventure, 5582 words)
Author: S.Grace HE10	Added: Feb 20 2002	Views/Reads: 3326/2558	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
takes place in Medieval times, daughter of king wants to become a knight, not allowed to, not believed in...

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

to. “Nothing, just a little tired.” He nodded and we kept walking. 
After ten minutes time, Jean cleared his throat and spoke again. 
“Elizabeth, I’ve been pondering what your father said earlier. I mean, 
I’ve been thinking about it before he even mentioned it. I always 
imagined one day we’d be wed. Have you thought the same?” “Well, 
yes...” “Good.” He continued walking. I had to run to catch up with 
him. “Jean, I’ve been thinking...I, well, in regards to if we get 
married, I want you to understand that I won’t be a common wife to 
you,” I said lightly. I looked at him waiting for a response. He merely 
smiled. “What kind of wife will you be?” “Well, I certainly won’t be 
one to sit around and wait for my prince charming to come walking 
through the door. I’m not going to linger around the castle choosing 
what dress to wear to this gala or how to dress my hair...you see, I 
want to have a, well....a profession,” “You wish to be employed?” he 
asked confused. I paused, considering how to explain this to him, 
“Jean, what is your profession?” He proudly smiled and stopped walking. 
“I am head General for the British Army. I am commander of all those 
wishing to become knights. I train, I teach, I make them become all 
they can for England.” “And are you good at this?” “I do very well. I 
am amongst the best knights in the land.” “And who do you teach?” 
“Well, I teach amateurs. Those courageous men wishing to fight for what 
they believe in, to fight for England.” he answered nobly. “And must 
they have experience?” “No” “Well, that’s what I wish to be,” He turned 
to me, looking more confused than ever. “What?” “I wish to become one 
of those knights you train to fight for what they believe in, for 
England.” “That’s absurd! You’re a woman! Women do not fight amongst us 
knights!” “And why not?” I replied annoyed. “Why is it that only men 
can pursue their dreams and women be confined to do what is prim and 
proper?” “Liz, no one said that you were confined! You can do and be 
anything you wish to be!” “Except fighting for what I believe in,” I 
said acrimoniously. “Exactly.” “What?!” “Elizabeth, I don’t wish to 
argue with you. I don’t make the rules. I just abide by them.” He 
looked sympathetic, “have you spoken with you father on this issue?” I 
squatted against the cold wall. “Only to have him laugh directly in my 
face,” I folded my arms across my chest and looked away. The tears were 
starting to swell. I was sick and tired of being told “no”. 
“Elizabeth,” Jean started squatting down to be eye level. He took my 
hands. “I stand behind anything you wish to attempt, you know that, 
don’t you? I love you. You are soon to be my life long companion. Liz, 
I live for your happiness, but perhaps this isn’t the area you should 
direct your energies. You would be magnificent in any other type of 
profession, I know it.” “Perhaps...” I said uncertainly. “Besides,” he 
said, “the men out there on the field are much too strong for you. 
You’d regret the day you walked out there if you were to. Trust me, you 
would be scared,” He linked my arm through his and began to walk again. 
I pushed him away.  I surprised him by my strength. “Excuse me? To whom 
are you referring? I would be scared? Because why? Because I am a 
female? Is that it? You know Jean, its people like you that make this 
world stay in its place and never reach a higher level of 
understanding! What makes me not equal to you?” “Oh dear Liz, I meant 
no offense to what...” “Besides,” I said cutting him off and mimicking 
him, “I would probably tear down one of your pathetic knights in a 
second.” He laughed arrogantly. “You’re kidding right? Please 
Elizabeth. You are a female. One of my men would easily take you down, 
but I would never stoop so low to prove it to you. I would not bear to 
watch someone attack you with my own rage bubbling, so don’t tempt me,” 
“So why don’t you fight me?” “Pardon me?” “Why don’t you fight me?! 
Jean D’Arlache, I formally challenge you to a duel!” He laughed. “A 
duel in combat or tournament games?” “Either or,” I replied with new 
hope restored within me. “Elizabeth, you would get hurt either way! I’m 
not going to be responsible for it!” I began to pout innocently. “Jean, 
please?” I puckered my lower lip and blinked my eyes rapidly. 
“Understand you’re asking me to contribute to this nonsense. And also 
seriously injure you; I will not take a part of that!” I thought for a 
moment. “Okay, perhaps if we were to have our duel in secrecy and if I 
do strike you down, I’ll throw away my ambitions of becoming a knight. 
Agreed?” He thought for a moment. As if I could read his thoughts, I 
said “and you must fall down from a hard blow and...and...you must 
bleed! You just can’t fall down with the tap of finger and be done 
with! This has to be for real.” He hesitated to reply. I grabbed his 
arms. “Jean, understand I need to prove to myself that I can in fact do 
this, please Jean,” “And what about fighting for what you believe in? 
Remember, fighting for England?” He replied. “I am fighting for what I 
believe in,” I replied self-assured. He smiled. “Just tell me you 
believe in me.” “I believe in you...and I love you.” He smiled as I 
blushed, and hand in hand we continued our walk. *		*		* I started 
training the very next day. Secretly, I skipped my lessons with 
Monsieur LaBois and met Jean in the courtyard three miles west of the 
castle. The sun was shining intensely as if a message from the angles 
above encouraging me to do my very best in training. Dressed in a young 
boy’s clothing, I saw Jean sitting on his black stallion under the 
elevated trees, clandestinely. Behind him was a small cabal of young 
knights stood holding equipment. “Morning Jean,” I greeted him with a 
warm smile, he only shook his head. “I can’t believe I’m actually doing 
this Elizabeth, if you get hurt I’ll never forgive myself.” “Jean, we 
are only practicing, this is no more different then what you would have 
your knights in training do. Consider me one of them and then you’ll be 
at ease.” I trotted off and dismounted. Jean gathered us all, which was 
seventeen in total, around in a circle. He grabbed the accoutrements 
from a young man and threw them on the floor suddenly angry. He began 
his training induction. “Why are you here? Why have you left your homes 
and come here? What is it that’s making you stand in front of me 
today?” He began to walk around the group looking each one in the eye. 
I snickered, I couldn’t help it. He shot me a glance. While his eyes 
were glaring at me, he continued “There is one reason you are here 
today men. You are here because you want to learn how to fight to 
defend you country! And if you have other intensions in mind, I suggest 
you gather your things and be on with it. I am not here to teach you 
anything else but a way to defend your country!” When no one moved to 
leave Jean clapped his hands and said, “Well then...Let’s begin!” Upon 
being separated into two groups, I soon realized that Jean was not 
going to put me in a group he was not instructing. I didn’t mind 
though, as long as I was learning I was happy. We began by learning 
simple steps on the proper way to hold our sword and defend ourselves 
with shields. I must admit, the shield was somewhat heavy but there was 
no way I would announce that. Even though the sun became like a 
scorching furnace with all the heat it was producing, I enjoyed myself 
thoroughly. Even Jean looked impressed on how well I adapted to 
swerving my wrists around fast. Next we learned simple combat 
movements. The movements were somewhat like fencing but much more 
difficult due to the different weights of the weapons. After four long 
hours of learning how to twist, turn and maneuver my sword, I heard 
distinct giggling. Looking over my left I could see four brunettes and 
one blonde; Mary Lou Novelle. The girls, who were in my lessons class, 
were chuckling and waving to Jean. Even from a distance, I could see 
them batting their eyelashes and winking towards him. Anger filled me. 
My face took a look of distinct disgust. “What’s the matter?” My combat 
partner asked. I shook my head. “Nothing,” I replied but I kept my eyes 
on Mary Lou and her clan. Looking towards Jean I saw him notice her and 
give an awkward wave. She began to walk towards him. “Hello Jean,” She 
began, “My! My! You’re all sweaty! Must be torture out here teaching 
these young boys what you already know. Your so much better than these 
knights. You were always so better than everyone at combat, and 
especially better looking.” She giggled. “Uhh, I’m not sure what your 
implying Mary Lou, and this is my job by choice.” “Sure, sure,” She 
winked, “We both know where’d you’d rather be” She smiled, “Care for a 
handkerchief to wipe your brow?” She drew one from inside her dress 
top. Jean took a step back and replied in an irritated tone. “No thank 
you, I’m fine.” “But I insist! Come here!” Filled with rage and perhaps 
jealously I stepped forward. “Just what do you think you’re doing?” I 
asked crudely. Mary Lou dropped her handkerchief and took two or three 
steps back. “Elizabeth?” She asked befuddled. “That’s Princess 
Elizabeth to you Mary Lou, and what are you doing?” “Princess 
Elizabeth, I had no idea you were here, I...I...” she stammered, 
“wait...what exactly are you doing? Why are you dressed like a man?” 
Her friends began to laugh at me. I closed my mouth and realized how 
absurd I must look like to her. I felt so stupid. “That’s absolutely 
none of your concern.” Jean came in on my defense. Mary Lou gasped with 
surprise as Jean looked down upon her with his rage easily noticeable 
in his eyes. “Jean, certainly you don’t encourage this stupidity of 
hers! How could you possibly courting her, despite being royalty or 
not? She’s dressed up as a man!” She stated resentfully. “And no doubt 
wants to be one,” muttered one of Mary Lou’s friends. They all 
snickered. I bit my lower lip and took at step back. Jean shook his 
head at me but continued to boil with rage and defend me. “Need I 
repeat myself? This is none of your concern. Your presence is not 
welcomed here, so I suggest you and your friends leave before your ugly 
mouth gets you into more trouble,” Jean replied fiercely. Mary Lou 
covered her mouth with her hand and bent down to pick up her 
handkerchief. “I used to think more highly of you Jean. I thought you 
had more commonsense than this, I see now that I was vastly wrong.” “I 
guess you were vastly wrong,” Jean replied mockingly. “Just leave and 
don’t speak with me again until you learn some manners.” Mary Lou made 
an “O” with her mouth and closed it just as fast as it opened. “Come on 
girls, there’s nothing here for us to see. Just a bunch of barbarians 
attempting combat.” With that she pivoted on her left foot and marched 
arrogantly away. 

*		*		* I rode on the white horse at a slow pace. The sun was setting.
The sky was a beautiful mixture of purple, orange and pink. Jean walked 
slowly next to the horse, holding the reins. The day’s training had 
tanned his face, but he looked very reluctant, as if he knew he had to 
do something that was going to cause some dilemma. He walked looking 
straight ahead, squinting at the sun as if asking it a question. He 
seemed upset, but mostly annoyed. “Why are you so quiet now?” I asked 
quietly staring at the white horse’s hair. He blinked once or twice, 
and just shook his head. “What is your quandary?!” “What is my 
quandary? Mine?” He barked back at me. He stopped walking. With his 
hands thrown up at the air as if he was asking ‘why?’ he seemed ready 
to explode. “I don’t have a problem Elizabeth! I go abide by the rules 
and don’t question them. I don’t fight what’s really not there.” I 
dismounted for the horse. The grass beneath me was as cool as my 
emotions. “And what exactly does that mean?” “It means that you’re 
fighting for something that won’t make a difference to anyone whether 
you can do it or not! So what? You fight like a man; you hold a sword 
like a man. What good is that if that’s all you ever do? They’ll never 
let you fight in the army. They’ll never let you play in the games. So 
what’s the point of this pursuit?” “You’re forgetting ‘they’ is really 
only my father,” I said bitterly. “And his father, and his father, and 
his father before that. And as for your father, he condemns it more 
than anyone possible!” “So what do you want me to do?” I yelled 
beginning to match his tone. “You want me to give up on a dream because 
everyone condemns it? To drop a passion that makes my heart 
pitter-patter since the moment I heard of it? Understand me! I love 
this!” “Would you listen to yourself? Mon Dieu!” He looked completely 
disgusted. “Why is the act of fighting appealing to you? Do you know 
how that makes you sound? You’re the King’s daughter! And the only heir 
for that matter! And my future wife no less! This dream of yours is 
going nowhere! You understand me? This is pointless! How many times do 
I have to say it?” He threw his hands up in aggravation. His eyes were 
cold when he looked at me next. I had never seen him look this way 
before. “No one cares about your stupid dream!” The tears began to 
swell in my eyes. I stepped back until I was leaning against the horse 
that stood there patiently for its command. My hands began to flutter 
from my neck to my heart. I couldn’t seem to keep still. “Are you 
embarrassed by me? In front of Mary Lou and the other soldiers? Is that 
what this is all about?” I threw my arms around wildly. “Do you think I 
can’t do this?” He didn’t answer. He didn’t have to. I mounted the 
horse with the tears pouring out of my eyes like a waterfall. The tears 
blinded my vision. I was so angry, embarrassed and shocked than 
anything else, I couldn’t say anything more. I grabbed the reins and 
commanded the horse to begin to trot again. Jean walked next to the 
horse, his eyes in a furrow. There was silence for ten minutes after 
that when I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. “I don’t give a damn 
what you think,” I said smugly. “I don’t need you or anyone else.” And 
with that I tugged at the reins and the white horse began to gallop 
faster. I didn’t look back, but I will never be able to forget the 
sound of Jean screeching my name as the sunset enveloped me. 

* 		*		* I tied the horse’s reins to a tree next to the servant’s house
on the right side of the castle. The sun had already set making my path 
harder to see. I crept slowly to the servant’s quarters and peered into 
the window making sure no one. Unlatching the door, I stepped into the 
drafty room and began to rummage through the darkness. I wiped at my 
eyes that still flowed with tears. I didn’t need him! What I needed 
were supplies like clothes, candles, food and something to trade with 
to get money. I wasn’t about to stay in the castle with everyone in 
there against me. There were two choices to this matter; stay or leave. 
I chose the latter.  I bumped into a small wooden cabinet lying against 
the wall. The cupboard doors was slightly ajar and even in the dark dim 
light I could see white candles and an open basket full of bread, 
cheese and other items. Lying on the floor was a brown dirt ridden 
cloak and a black wide brim hat. I spun around 3 times before I saw the 
gold stopwatch ticking on the countertop of the cupboard. I went to go 
pick it up, but I hesitated. “This is stealing” I thought to myself.  
Yet I couldn’t stop myself from picking up the watch and stuffing it in 
the cloak’s pocket. I glanced around the room again making sure I 
didn’t leave any valuables behind, put the cloak on and rode off. 

*		*		* I rode until dawn, and even by then I was more tired than I
could have possibly imagined. I had passed through the main part of 
England and was now trotting towards the lower Southside. There were 
endless fields of green pastures ahead of me, which is better than an 
endless desert I suppose. The last person I had seen was an hour after 
my departure. The person was a homeless man begging for money outside 
the city gates. A wanderlust traveler no doubt, who had his share of 
bad fortune. I crossed myself quickly after I passed that man, asking 
God to give me wisdom for my journey. I had no idea where I was headed 
to or what I was going to do. I thought to myself, “Just deal with it 
when it comes.” As the horse grazed slowly I thought about what had 
happened yesterday. I couldn’t understand Jean at all! First, he 
defends me against Mary Lou whom we all know to be the biggest gossiper 
in this country and then he completely turns on me and tells me how 
embarrassed he is of me. “Well, he didn’t really say he was 
embarrassed. You implied that.” A voice said in my head. “Well, he 
could have denied it!” I replied back to myself. “You didn’t even give 
him a chance to explain. You just stormed off, leaving him five miles 
away from his home! You should have just let him be, and when he cooled 
down he would have came and apologized to you,” the voice reasoned. 
“And is that what I have to do to get people to understand me? And what 
do you mean I didn’t give him a chance to explain! He tells me that my 
dream is stupid...and I’m supposed to be sweet as pie and forget about 
it until he comes around apologizing? Which wouldn’t really be an 
apology at all!  More like sympathy on his part. Oh, he made the girl 
feel bad!” I said mockingly to the voice. “Better go whisper what she 
wants to hear so she can forgive me and we can move on.” “And would 
that have been so bad? Hearing what you want to hear, despite the fact 
that it’s probably not from the heart?” The voice asked logically. “And 
even if you knew it wasn’t being said with true meaning you would deny 
it to yourself anyways.” “I...” I was at a lost for words. Was my voice 
right? Would I have knowingly denied the fact that his words were 
nothing and accepted them for the pointless phrases they were? “That 
doesn’t matter now!” I said to myself aggravated. “It’s over and done 
with and I am not going back!” “Not going back to where Miss?” asked a 
man’s voice from behind me. I pulled the reins so tightly with fright 
that the white stallion pawed the air causing me to be violently thrown 
off and the rest of the world to go black. 

*		*		* When I awoke next I was lying down in a dimly lit room. I could
feel a wet cloth on my forehead. I could hear people speaking and 
shuffling, but I couldn’t make out the actual words. “Ahh...you’re 
awake!” said a woman. I could barley turn to my side without my entire 
body aching. “Don’t try to get up or move miss. My name is Tillie; I’m 
the Bristow’s maid.” “Who....who...” My throat was so parched I 
couldn’t even speak. “There, there dear. Just keep still. I’ll fetch 
Mme. Bristow.” She said kindly and scurried out of the room. I made the 
effort and managed to turn my head so I was no longer facing the low 
dusty ceiling. The room was small and quaint. It was covered with 
pictures drawn by an infant no doubt. The rug was a bear’s hide, which 
looked misplaced on the dusty, dirty wooden floorboards. All around the 
rooms were candles that flickered like mad. The blinking was irritating 
my eyes. I closed them and drifted off to sleep. 

When I awoke next, the sun was shinning through a small window right
above the bed. I felt much better but still the pain was still 
throbbing all over my body. A knock came at the door. “Miss? Are you 
awake?”  A man’s voice asked. The door open producing a young man 
roughly my age, maybe older. He had the shiniest brown hair I had ever 
seen, it seemed to reflect the sunlight. His eyes were narrow 
almond-shaped, the color brown and green. They were stunning. His skin 
was crème white with little brown freckles on his cheeks. When he 
smiled my heart fluttered. “Finally, you’re awake! You’ve been asleep 
for three days!” His voice was deep, but not too deep...more like, 
perfect. “Pardon me, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Joshua, 
Joshua Bristow. My family calls me Josh.” I managed to sit up. “My name 
is Pri-...um, Elizabeth.” I replied. My voice was scratchy. “I’m from 
London.” “Yes, I would imagine so. Even though you were wearing a 
peasant’s cloak, you clothing took me by surprise. Do all women wear 
men’s clothing in London?” He asked innocently. I giggled painfully. 
“Oh, let me go get Tillie, she’ll help you.” He pivoted on his heel and 
walked out. I must have looked like a wreck. I reached up trying to fix 
my hair only to find it tangled and frizzy. My hands were smeared in 
dirt as I imagined my face was also. I was dressed in a white night 
gown. I wished then I had taken some of my fine clothing with me. “Oh 
Miss,” began Tillie as she walked in finding me fidgeting. “Here, let’s 
get you cleaned up.” 

After managing to get up out of the bed, Tillie took me to a large
wooden barrel filled with water. “Step inside lightly,” she said 
“Careful, it’s hot.” “What is this?” I asked “Why dear, it’s a bathing 
tub...don’t you have one where your from?” Yes, I thought to myself. 
But it was made with porcelain and lined with elephant tusks. I tried 
not to act indifferently towards their tub, but it was quite different 
from my home. I grimaced. Tillie frowned. “It’s okay dear, don’t be 
afraid to bath. It’s really all simple, you’ll see. It’s fun.” She said 
kindly, assuming I had never bathed before. After the bath Tillie made 
picked out clothing for me from Joshua’s older sister Edith who had 
married and left some behind. It was a pale green dress, simple yet 
very appealing. It swished behind me as I walked. She then helped me 
with my hair. She did a better job than the servants at the palace in 
doing so...well, in my opinion at least. “You know, I’ve never seen 
such a mixture of blonde and brown in all my days,” She remarked. “It’s 
beautiful.” “Do you have any children, Tillie?” I asked. “Oh dear no, I 
never married. I’ve been working for the Bristow’s since, oh my...for 
45 years. I helped Mme. Bristow raise her kids, so in a way, it’s like 
they were my very own.” “How old is Joshua?” “Well, he’s roughly around 
twenty-three, turning twenty-four this seventh of May.” I widened my 
eyes. “That’s my birthday!” I exclaimed. She smiled nicely. She would 
have been an excellent mother. “Well then that gives us two reasons to 
celebrate if you’re still with us until then.” 

*		*		* After getting me cleaned and dressed, Tillie took me to the
kitchen. I had very little to no knowledge at all about anything 
kitchen related so I was mostly in her way. She didn’t seem to be 
annoyed at all though. She simply had me fold napkins and other 
clothing material. She talked about all her memories working for the 
Bristows. Apparently she had been a maid here since she was twenty. Her 
family had worked for the Bristow’s for nearly 200 years. As we were 
working in the kitchen, my attention kept on being diverted to the 
young man out the window working in the fields.  Joshua was obviously 
very tired and hot. He worked shirtless in the fields plowing. I 
sighed. He was gorgeous. Tillie looked at me and smiled. “You know 
there’s not a girl in the city that’s not crazy about him,” She said 
proudly as if he were her own son. “Oh,” I said disappointed. “He must 
be courting someone then.” She shook her head. “No,” she said sadly. 
“He finds them all immature or ill-witted. He courted one girl for a 
year three years ago. Her name was Morgan, the eldest daughter of the 
town’s mayor. She was much too girly for him...well, at least that’s 
what he said.” I smiled. “How about you? Were you courting someone back 
in London?” My smiled faded and I looked down. “I’m sorry dear, if that 
was a sensitive subject for you,” Tillie said apologetically. “No, no 
Tillie, it’s fine.” I sighed and resumed folding. “Yes, I was being 
courted. His name was Jean D’Arlache ...” “The general?” My eyes 
widened. “You know him?!” I asked astonished. “Sure...who doesn’t know 
Gen. D’Arlache? Last I heard, he had been dating the King’s daughter 
Eliz...” She stopped. Her mouth dropped open with realization. Her 
hands became uncontrollable, fluttering from her head, to her mouth, 
down to the base of her neck and up again. “My God...Madame, forgive 
me, I had no idea!” She dropped down to both knees in respect. “Please 
Tillie, please...” I reached for her and pulled her up. “Don’t, please 
don’t. Don’t treat me differently. It’s just a title, its not me. And 
please, don’t mention this to anyone. I don’t want anyone knowing I’m 
here, promise?” She hesitated to respond. I grabbed her wrists and held 
them. “Please Tillie? Promise me you won’t tell anyone.” She nodded. 
Her eyes flooded with tears and she embraced me like a mother. “I can’t 
believe it...Princess Elizabeth right here in our home...I...I...” She 
gawked at me. I looked down. “You must think I’m stupid for running 
away right?” I asked. She shook her head. “Not at all dear,” She began. 
“I was wondering what happened to you to make you feel you had no other 
option.” I sighed. “Well, it all began with my ambitions of becoming, 
well, a knight...." 

THE END 


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