The Unicorn and the Almost-Virgin (standard:fantasy, 2233 words)
Author: moya	Added: Jun 05 2002	Views/Reads: 3362/2154	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
What is a virgin to do if she isn't - quite? Sir Eustace to the rescue again. (Dragontail 6)

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story


“Perhaps Snowdrop can help.  I'm sure I heard dragons could tell a
virgin.” 

“I'm afraid I don't have any personal experience,”  said Snowdrop, “but
my Uncle Flamethrower used to say they all tasted the same to him.” 

Princess Claribella burst into tears again. 

“Now, now.  Are you very much in love with this king?” 

“Oh, I haven't actually met him.  Though I'm sure he's very nice, even
if his ears do stick out.” 

“Then why - ?” 

“I've got to!  For father's sake.  You see, he's a traditionalist.  When
my sister Dowsabella married a brave but impoverished third son, he 
gave them half his kingdom.  When   Florribella did the same, she got 
half of what was left.”  She sighed.  “I am his seventh daughter. 
There's only one castle left now and that's falling down.” 

“I see.” 

“If I marry the King it won't matter, he's got plenty of kingdom of his
own.  And money.  Daddy could repair the castle and sort out the drains 
and everything.  Oh, I can't go home and tell him I've failed!  He'll 
be so disappointed.” 

“Yes.  Well. Maybe you should have thought of all this, before   .   .  
.   ” 

“Ah,  you don't understand.”  Claribella clasped her hands, gazing
soulfully upwards.  “He was so brave and handsome, in his shining 
armour with his green plume fluttering in the breeze.  He played his 
lute so beautifully, and sang of the cruel princess who had broken his 
heart.  So sad.  I only wanted to comfort him.” 

“Umm.  His name wouldn't have been Kevin, by any chance?” 

“You know him!”  she cried. 

“We've met, once or twice.  Would you rather marry him?” 

“Of course I would.  But he hasn't any money.  And there's the drains.” 

“Which is more important, the drains or your happiness?  You've blown it
with the King, anyway.” 

“Well, when you put it like that - do you think you can find him?” 

“We can try.  Snowdrop will scout ahead.  You come along with us.” 

A few days later they had left the forest behind and were riding along
the bank of a swift-flowing stream.  Princess Claribella was riding 
pillion on Sir Eustace's charger, Mompyns. Dusk as falling and Snowdrop 
had flown ahead to see if there was any sign of a village where they 
might spend the night. 

“Hullo!”  said Sir Eustace.  “What's that?” 

A riderless horse came cantering towards them.  As Eustace caught hold
of the reins, they heard a faint voice. 

“Help!” (gurgle) “Somebody come!” 

A little way upstream the water flowed round a low rock to which someone
was clinging. 

“Help!” 

“Oh, poor man!  Have we got a rope?”  cried Claribella. 

“Never travel without one,”  said Eustace, “but if we just chuck it at
him we'll likely knock him into the water.” 

A number of spindly trees grew slantwise across the stream.  “I could
climb up and drop it down to him,”  said Claribella. 

“Hey!  That's no job for a lady.  Let me.” 

“Don't be silly, I've been climbing trees all my life.  Anyway, you're
too heavy.  Hang on to the end.” 

Before he could protest further she grabbed the rope and shinned up the
tree.  Inching out over the water, she dropped the end so it floated 
down stream. 

“Catch hold!”  she called.  “O.K., Sir Eustace, pull!” 

A few moments later a bedraggled figure stood on the bank before them. 

‘I say,”  it gasped, “I'm most awfully grateful.” 

He was a rather weedy young man; pleasant enough face, thought Sir
Eustace, if a bit chinless.  Pity about the ears.  “And who might you 
be?” 

“Oh, just call me Fred, everyone does.  But who,” he said, bowing
deeply, “is the brave, virtuous and a excessively beautiful damsel to 
whom I owe my life?” 

Claribella blushed and dropped a demure curtsey.  “Princess Claribella,
sir.” 

“Are you?  How extraordinary - I mean, delighted to make your
acquaintance.” 

A little later they sat around a roaring camp fire (courtesy of Snowdrop
- dragons do come in useful on occasion)  while Fred dried his clothes. 


“I was chasing this unicorn,' he said.  " I only wanted to ask if he'd
seen - someone - but I found him most rude and uncooperative.” 

“Yes, wasn't he?”  agreed Claribella. 

“Oh, you met him too?  He made some quite uncalled-for remarks about -
someone - and when I remonstrated, he galloped off.  I gave chase, he 
jumped the stream, my horse tried to follow and changed his mind at the 
last moment, and we parted company.  If you had not come along, I don't 
know where I'd be now.” 

“I'm so glad we did,”  smiled Claribella. 

“By the way,”  said Snowdrop,  “I think I've picked up the trail of
you-know-who.” 

“We are helping Princess Claribella find her True Love,”  explained
Eustace. 

“Oh.  That's nice,”  said Fred.  “Who is the lucky feller?” 

“Sir Kevin Dandiprat.” 

Fred choked.  “Who?  Him!!!” 

“You know him?” said Claribella frostily. 

“No. No.  Never met the feller.  Must have been thinking of someone
else.” 

“Anyway,”  went on Snowdrop, “he's only twenty miles up the road.  We
should catch him up by tomorrow night.” 

Claribella clasped her hands, “Oh, how wonderful!” 

“Yes.  Great,”  said Fred. 

The next evening they came to a large village.  Claribella had spent the
day riding pillion behind Fred. He had explained that she would be more 
comfortable as he was not in armour.  They seemed to be getting on very 
well, from the laughter and snatches of conversation Sir Eustace 
overheard.  They left Snowdrop outside the village as usual and made 
for the inn.  As they approached they could hear a voice raised in 
song. 

“That sounds familiar,”  said Eustace. 

Inside they found Sir Mervyn Twisk carousing at the bar, with a tankard
in one hand and a wench in the other. 

“Evenin', all,”  he said. 

“Put that wench down,”  said Fred.  “There's a lady present.” 

“And who the hell - oh, right.  Sorry.  Of course.” 

“Did I hear you singing?”  said Sir Eustace. 

“One of Sir Kevin's latest.  Catchy tune.  All about a dragon with a
silly name who has to fight all the other dragons 'cos they laugh at 
him, and how it's the making of him.  Calls it ‘A dragon called 
Snowdrop'.  Very popular, you hear it all over the place.” 

“Really?  Snowdrop will be pleased.  It's Sir Kevin we're looking for.” 

“He's at the castle.  Goes there every night.  Won't you stop for a
drink?” 

“Later.” 

Snowdrop caught up with them again outside the village. 

“Castle?  That's just a mile up the road.” 

“You've all been most kind,”  said Claribella,  “But I think I can
manage by myself now.” 

“Are you sure?”  said Eustace.  “You might need some moral support.” 

“Wouldn't hear of it,”  said Fred.  “Can't have a maiden walking along
dark country lanes by herself.” 

“Can I come too?”  asked Snowdrop. 

“Why not?”  muttered Eustace.  “Sir Kevin might need some - persuading.”


So it was quite a sizable party which arrived outside the castle walls. 
All was dark but for a light in one turret window.  All was silent 
except for the plunking of a lute.  The slender figure and dark flowing 
locks of Sir Kevin could just be seen at the foot of the tower, while 
above him a plump blonde leaned out of her window.  Her hair was caught 
in a net of pearls, and diamonds sparkled on her ample bosom. 

“O sweetest love, O dearest dove,”  sang Sir Kevin, “My breath is
stopped in wonder.” 

“Chance 'd be a fine thing,”  whispered Sir Eustace. 

“When I behold, My arms enfold My exquisite Rotunda.” 

“That's my song!”  hissed Claribella.  She stalked forward, every muscle
stiff with outrage.  “You wrote that for me! 

“O sweetest love O dearest dove I am one happy fella, When I behold, My
arms enfold, My lovely Claribella!” 

“Sir Kevin,”  said the blonde,  “do you know this person?” 

“Never saw her before in my life!”  said Sir Kevin. 

“Ooh, you beast!  You said you'd love me forever and you'd marry me like
a shot if I wasn't Destined for Another.  Well, I'm not Destined for 
Another any more.” 

“It's only one of my fans, darling,”  Sir Kevin called up frantically. 
“Been stalking me for years!  Quite deluded, poor girl!” 

“Liar, liar, pants on fire!”  sang Snowdrop.  Sir Kevin squealed and
clapped both hands to his rear as the smell of singeing filled the air. 


“Come on, Clarrie, you surely never took that marriage stuff seriously,”
 he cried. “I mean, I've got to look out for myself.  I need someone 
with more to offer than a moth-eaten old castle without even a working 
water closet!  Fair's fair. You were only going to marry the King so 
your dad could get his drains fixed.” 

“That was different!  Mummy and Daddy were depending on me.  Anyway, I
wasn't going to unless I liked him.” 

“Am I too understand,”  said Fred, “that you are not prepared to honour
you obligation to this lady?” 

Sir Kevin sneered.  “What obligation?  What - lady?” 

“You cad, sir!” 

Fred stepped forward and his right fist connected with Sir Kevin's jaw,
lifting him six inches from the ground before laying him flat on his 
back. 

“Brilliant!”  breathed Claribella.  “But your poor hand - does it hurt?”


“It's nothing,”  Fred murmured with a modest smile.  “I say,” he went
on,  “I was wondering - seeing there's no-one else in the frame so to 
speak - if you might consider - well -       marrying me?” 

“You, Fred?” 

“Frederic Sigismund Augustus III.  Actually.” 

“You're the King?  But where's your crown?” 

“Only wear it when I must.  Weighs a ton.  Murder on the ears.” 

Sir Kevin had clambered to his feet.  “Looks like you'll get the drains
done after all,”  he said, before staggering off.  Snowdrop sent a 
parting tongue of flame to help him on his way. 

“D'you think you could like me?  Or would it just be for the drains?” 

“But what about the unicorn?” 

“The unicorn can go stick its horn up its - ” 

“Ahem!”  said Sir Eustace.  “Ladies present.” 

He glanced up to where the blonde was still hanging out of her window,
mouth open and eyes on stalks. 

“Sorry about all this, love.  Still, I think you're well shut of Sir
Kevin.” 

The head vanished, the window slamming behind it. 

Fred and Claribella were gazing dreamily into each others eyes. 

“For the sake of the drains,”  she murmured as their lips met.


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