The Undoing of Giles Crumm: Part 1 (standard:fairy tales, 1490 words) [1/2] show all parts
Author: heather	Updated: Oct 23 2000	Views/Reads: 3842/2196	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Two strange figures trudge into the village of Benton with a definite destination--to solve the problem of Giles Crumm, the crummiest and crustiest man alive.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

Giles Crumm began an inspection of the room.  He walked from place to
place, opening drawers and chests with a loud "HAH!"  He was about to 
go back upstairs, when he spied the small sack in the doorway.  He 
seized it and opened it, pawing through it like a cat searching for a 
hiding mouse.  Finding nothing, he stood at the foot of the stairs, 
moving only his eyes from side to side in a suspicious glare, his one 
disheveled white eyebrow raised craftily.  Satisfied that there was no 
one in the house, he went back upstairs and slammed his bedroom door. 

Declan and Clancy both breathed sighs of relief, and cautiously quitted
their hiding places.  In the light, one would have seen something 
extraordinary.  The two figurest stood no taller than three feet, but 
both were handsome, even by human standards. Declan was black-haired 
and blue-eyed, and looked as gruff as he sounded.  Clancy was more 
timid looking, with red hair and green eyes.  They both wore simple 
garb of deer's hide, covered in a fur mantle to keep them warm. 

"Why didn't he take the sack, for all that's in it?" Clancy asked with
wonderment. 

"I've told ye before, Clancy--Humans can't see the magic unless they
believe in it," Declan said, more patient from his scare. 

Clancy nodded in comprehension. 

"Who was that?" he asked. 

"I've never knowed a being, human or other, worse for questions than
you, Clancy McDermot!  Did ye not hear the man when he was off on his 
tirade?  He's Giles Crumm!" Declan stated. 

"Giles Crumm!" Clancy screeched.  "What in the name of St. Patrick have
we come to Giles Crumm's house for?  Leave I will, if it involves 
coming within an inch of the man!" 

"Stop your chatter, and I'll tell you!  Giles Crumm is a very rich, very
nasty man.  His house is tremendous for a reason, and that reason is 
that he has about fifty children under his eye for education and 
shaping of character, such as he calls it, but Heaven bless their 
characters if they be shaped by Giles Crumm!"  Declan explained. 

"Heaven above...so what's all that got to do with us?"  Clancy inquired.


"Clancy...the day you say a straight phrase with no question at the end
of it, will be the day I kiss your hand and knight you!" Declan sighed 
wearily.  "Do you know what Giles Crumm does for the fish of it?  He 
walks around the village with his blasted bloody cane, whacking 
anything that comes within an inch of him, not excluding animals, small 
children, and little old ladies.  He's got language that would make a 
sailor blush, and he uses it at will.  I can only imagine what any 
children whose characters had been shaped by him may turn out like." 

"How long has he been in the business of shaping character?" Clancy
asked wryly. 

"Oh, about forty-odd years." 

"Well, where did all those children go?" 

"Don't you realize?  Every nasty lad or lass that ever walked the moors
of this county was once under his care.  He's like a factory whose only 
product is to breed cruelty.  Every teacher that used a cane on his 
student is a product of Crumm.  Every dentist who pulled a tooth for 
the pure pleasure of it is a product of Crumm.  And every lawyer, 
period, is a product of Crumm. No question in my mind!" Declan said. 

"So I suppose our mission is to stop this all, then?" 

"Give the lad a medal, his slow wit has caught up at last!" Declan
exclaimed. 

"Well, how do you plan on doing that?  He's nearly twice our size!"
Clancy retorted. 

"You nit, I'm not planning to kill the man!" Declan snapped. 

"Well, what's the plan then?" Clancy asked wearily. 

"Listen, and I'll tell you..." Declan began. 

The two stood under in front of the doorway for about an hour, during
which Declan never stopped explaining the plan.  Here and there, Clancy 
let out a gasp or a laugh, to which Declan answered with a whack upside 
the head. 

"Do you see?"  Declan finally finished. 

Clancy nodded.  "I see, but it'll take a fair bit of doing, seeing as
we're...who we are!" he said doubtfully. 

"Clancy, my friend, did you sleep through your classes at the academy?" 
Declan asked sorrowfully.  "Who do the professors say is the number one 
ally to an elf?" 

"Children," Clancy replied slowly. 

"Right.  And what have we got cartloads of at this house?" Declan
prompted him. 

"Children..." 

Declan brought it all around. 

"So how will we accomplish the plan?" 

"With...children?" Clancy guessed. 

"Right!  Now that we're both on the same page, let's go to sleep, for
it's near two in the morning and we've got much work to do on the 
morrow!" Declan said with a clap of his hands.  At this, he took a 
small thing, much like what we would call a sleeping bag now, unrolled 
it, and placed it under the desk.  Clancy, meanwhile, took his sleeping 
bag and crawled into an empty drawer. 

"Good night to ye," Declan said gruffly. 

"Good night," Clancy replied. 

And all was silent. 


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