Good as it Gets (standard:romance, 8710 words)
Author: katie rose	Added: Nov 23 2000	Views/Reads: 4445/2644	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Jessica and Ryan met in an unconventional way. See how there love began and how Ryan's feelings change after reading Jessica's journal about their first meeting.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story


They had told her children and parents in the same day, and the
following week, before her closest friends and family they were married 
- husband and wife forever. 

Biting on her lip, she considered her last failed marriage.  Four years
had been the longest she had been able to fight for it.  She never 
should have been married.  They were both too immature, and eventually 
after she realized promises had been irrevocably broken, she vowed to 
show her children that living the way that they had been was not 
normal.  She could show them more love if she didn't constantly desire 
to throttle their father. 

Now she was married again.  There was absolutely no doubt that Ryan
loved her.  Even in the time they had been together, yet unmarried, 
they had behaved as a couple.  It had not been all sweetness and 
flowers, but they had dealt with real life situations, both the highs 
and the lows: his divorce, her developing of her business, and his 
beautiful music all helped to strengthen the bond between them.  
Through it all they worked together, bouncing ideas off each other, 
asking for opinions, and helping wherever they could.  It was all about 
give and take.  And honesty.  For without it they never would have met 
in the first place. 

Ryan motioned to where he wanted her to park, and she pulled her car,
loaded with more boxes, to the end of the walk that lead to the front 
door.  Getting out, she met him half way around her vehicle.  He 
wrapped her within the warmth of his arms and held her to him. "Welcome 
to our new home." 

She smiled and kissed him gently.  "Thank you."  Arm in arm they walked
up the sidewalk to the house. 

"I almost can't believe you're here." 

"I better be, since now I'm your wife." 

He squeezed her to his side.  "You know what I mean.  I bet your dad
wishes all house sales went as quickly as yours." 

"No kidding.  I knew Kate would want to buy it.  She's joked about it
enough." 

They reached the entry and he fished in his pocket for his keys, and
unlocked it the door.  Grabbing her by the waist, he attempted to pick 
her up to carry her across the threshold in the traditional bridal 
welcome. 

"Oh, no you don't," she admonished.  "Do you think I want you screwing
up your back on my honeymoon?  Can you imagine the teasing I'd have to 
live down when that bit of information leaked out to my family?  No 
way."  She successfully held him at bay. 

"Okay.  If you insist."  He reached down, scooped her up into his arms,
and carried her shrieking form through the doorway.  His eyes twinkled 
and he smiled from ear to ear. 

"Ryan!"  She protest and then laughed as he deposited her squarely in
the foyer. 

Grasping her by the shoulders, offering a peck on the lips, he turned
her to face the living room. 

She gasped at the sight before her, "Oh, Ryan.  It's beautiful." 

He smiled again.  "Welcome home." 

They were standing in the foyer, which lead into one huge room.  It
contained a living area, dining area, and a totally open kitchen.  
Dominating the kitchen was an island that looked big enough to 
accommodate a party of ten, but which only six stools set around it.  
However, what had made her gasp was the fireplace.  The fieldstone 
stretched from the floor all the way to the ceiling. 

"How high is that?" 

He laughed.  "Twenty-two feet." 

"And look at the windows.  They're everywhere!"  She poked him in the
side.  "Good thing the neighbors are far enough away.  You know what 
they say, 'People who live in glass houses..." 

"Need tall ladders," he finished for her. 

Joking with him was always so much fun.  Now she was excited to see the
rest of the house.  She pulled him along by the arm.  "Show me." 

It was a simple floor plan really.  A full guest bath and guest bedroom,
a library with comfortable looking furniture and books that lined the 
shelves against the walls, a laundry, and an office were the only other 
rooms on the main floor. 

At the door to the office, she stopped and stared.  "Two desks?" 

"Why not?  If you're going to work out of the house, you need a place
for your stuff too.  I've also got a couple of extra file cabinets to 
move in yet, and I already had them run another phone line in." 

His gesture had touched her deeply and she brushed her hand over his
cheek. 

"Come see the rest."  Her excitement was infectious, and he pulled her
toward the open staircase that lead off the living room and to the 
upper level. 

At the balcony, he stopped so that she could admire the view out the
upper windows of the dining area and into the woods that abutted the 
yard.  "It's beautiful," was all her dumbstruck brain could muster. 

"For a woman who works with words everyday you could use a thesaurus,"
he teased.  "Come." 

Another full bath and two more bedrooms, each with two single beds were
next.  One decorated in masculine green, blue, and red, the other in 
feminine yellow, pink and powder blue. 

She kissed the back of his hand.  "You have been busy." 

"Do you think they'll like it?" 

"I'm sure they will.  When will your kids be here?" 

"In two weeks," he explained.  "They wanted to come today already, but I
explained we needed some time to get things set up for everyone." 

"Good.  My kids will be here the following week, and school will start
the week after.  I still can't believe I won't see them for three 
weeks.  Boy, I'll miss them.  However, I just felt it is right that 
they spend the rest of the summer with their dad, if they're gong to be 
moving here with us.  Do you think I'm right?" 

"You know what's best for them.  Besides, it does give us some time to
spend together before we're bombarded with children.  I just wish I 
didn't have to leave tomorrow and cut this honeymoon short.  I tried, 
but I couldn't reschedule the meetings." 

She kissed him then.  "It's okay.  I'll still be your wife when you get
back.  Now, would you show me the rest?" 

He took her hand and led her across the hall into the master bedroom. It
was huge, with a queen-sized bed and plenty of dressers.  Off the 
bedroom was a walk-in closet that lead to a full bath complete with a 
hot tub big enough for four, a separate tub, a shower with a seat, a 
vanity with double sinks, and a stool.  Everything was decorated in 
sandy colored marble tile with cream and gold accents. 

"Can I just spend all my time in here?" She asked as she turned in a
circle, taking in the luxuriousness of it all.  "This is a woman's 
dream bathroom." 

"I know.  My sister gave me some pointers." 

"I'll have to thank her.  There's one more area I want to see." 

"The basement?" 

"Yep." 

"Then let's go."  Backtracking through the house, they followed the open
staircase in the opposite direction to the basement.  Everything was 
finished down there too.  There was a family room, a functional kitchen 
and eating area, another full bath, a workroom, and then the room that 
was what she had been waiting for, the music room. 

Crates that held music, cd's, and old vinyl records lined one whole
wall.  To the right through a glass-topped door, she could see the 
small recording studio.  Everywhere she looked, there was a guitar of 
some type or another.  Quite out of place was a Lazyboy recliner. 

She smiled as she looked at it.  "That's where I get to sit and watch
you make music for me?" 

"If that is what you'd like.  That chair has held me many a time while I
talked with you."  He sat in the chair and pulled her onto his lap. 

The ring of the phone interrupted their snuggling and she pulled away
from him. 

"Let the machine get it," he suggested. 

"No. It might be one of our kids." 

He groaned his frustration and reached for the phone. 

"Hello?"  He smiled and cupped his hand over the mouthpiece.  "You were
right," he whispered.  "Yes, John, we just got back.  Yes, she's with 
me." 

Jessica got up and mouthed that she was going upstairs and blew him a
kiss. 

"Yes, son.  I am very happy that she's finally here." 

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"Here, let me get the door"  Jessica stepped out and held the door as
Ryan passed through carrying yet another box full of her possessions. 
"Are there any more boxes?" 

"No, this is the last of it.  Where would you like it? It looks like
mostly books for work." 

"Well, do you think you could find a spare shelf in your, I mean our
office for it?"  She smiled up at him. 

"Yes, I think there may be one in OUR office."  He bent over and placed
a quick kiss on her lips. 

"Thanks."  As he walked down the hall, she took a quick look around her
new surroundings.  She liked this house.  Now, it was their house.  The 
living room was scattered with boxes filled with all of her belongings. 
 Eventually everything would be put in its place, but for now she just 
had to find a spot to put everything until she could go through it all. 


She wandered down the hall to the office where Ryan set the box near a
shelf and was placing her books next to his.  Kneeling behind and 
wrapping her arms around him, she kissed the back of his neck. 

"You keep that up and we'll never get you unpacked," he warned. 

"And you mind?"  She continued kissing and licking along the muscles of
his neck, tasting the salty sweat of the day. 

"No, but you'll end up doing the rest of it on you own while I'm gone
this week."  He hesitated in mid-placement of the books. "Honey, what 
is this?  I remember seeing it somewhere."  He was holding up a wire 
bound journal with a paisley swirled pattern in blues and purples on 
the cover. 

She smiled again.  "That is the journal that I was writing in the first
time we met." 

"I thought you said you had been writing a letter." 

"I was sort of, but mostly to myself.  I wanted to remember our first
time together forever." 

"Did you think I'd let you forget?" 

"No, but that was a long time ago.  There were many decisions that
needed to be made before we got to where we are now.  Things were not 
quite so certain." 

"Oh."  He looked down at the book in his hand and contemplated its
contents. 

"Would you like to read it?" 

"Really?" 

"It's not a masterpiece, but sure.  You were a part of it.  Why don't
you take it along on your trip tomorrow?  You can read it at night when 
I can't be with you." 

"Okay."  He placed it on his desk on top of some papers. 

She glanced at the clock on the office wall.  "We better get moving or
we'll never be able to find the living room."  She kissed him one more 
time and turned, leaving him to put away the remainder of the books. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Ryan dropped his duffle bag on the floor, placed his briefcase on the
desk and flopped down on the too hard bed.  What a day.  A three-hour 
drive followed by non-stop meetings.  The he topped it off with a 
luscious, lonely meal at Subway. 

'God, I wish I was at home with Jessica.  Right now we could be having a
relaxing dinner together followed by a nice, slow dessert.' 

He stood, stripped off his clothes and headed for the shower.  Once he
was out, he wrapped a towel around his waist and went to call her. 

"Hello?" 

"Hi there." 

"Hi."  He could hear the smile in her voice.  "How was your day?" 

"Long.  The meetings were productive though. How's the unpacking going?"


"Well, we have a living room again.  I started on the kid's stuff this
evening and hope to finish before I head for bed.  Sure wish you were 
here to join me."  He heard the disappointment in her voice. 

"Me too," he agreed.  "I've got everything set for tomorrow's meetings
so I'm probably just going to flip through the channels for a bit and 
then I thought I'd take a look at that journal." 

"Ah.  Well, have fun.  Remember, that was written a long time ago." 

"I remember.  I'll call you again tomorrow, and then be home after
Wednesday's meetings, but probably not until late that night.  You 
might even be in bed by the time I get there." 

"Okay.  I love you Honey." 

"I love you too."  He placed the receiver back on the cradle. 

Going to his briefcase, he removed the journal and returned with it to
the bed.  Propping himself up with pillows he flipped through the 
channels, stopping briefly to watch the last part of a documentary. 
Turning off the TV, he opened the journal. 

````````````````````` 

April 29th. 

Since I have some time to spare, I thought I'd keep a journal about this
special occasion. 

I left home at 7:10 AM hoping I had planned enough time and that I
wasn't forgetting anything.  Five miles down the road I remembered the 
hotel phone number and confirmation number sitting on the kitchen 
table. 

The directions through Chicago were easy enough to follow.  Just take
Interstate-94 all the way.  I made good time. 

Getting there an hour early, I checked on the room and everything is
ready.  I called him, and he's about half an hour out yet.  I can't 
believe today has finally arrived, though it really hasn't been that 
long, only two and a half months. 

We say we just want to see where this is going to, yet we talk of being
together in the future, both near and far.  Nobody who knew I was 
coming here could believe I was actually meeting with someone I met on 
the Internet.  There are so many horror stories out there.  Even though 
I'm a 33-year-old divorced woman, my parent's would have a collective 
heart attack if they knew.  So far, it's been easy for me to keep my 
parent's in the dark. 

I feel like I'm a teenager again, sneaking out to go to a forbidden
party, and then pay the consequences when found out.  It doesn't matter 
though because they won't understand.  Nevertheless, the others were 
curious and gave me strict warnings that they want all the details when 
I get back.  A family newsletter probably isn't a bad idea. 

How about: 

Dear Family, We met, we made love, again and again, we both returned to
our homes.  We're going to do it again. 

He's here. 

````````````````` 

Ryan shook his head while he chuckled.  He remembered their conversation
about telling her family.  While her kids had accepted him right from 
the beginning, it did take some time before she finally gained enough 
courage to tell her parents that he existed in her life.  Considering 
how they had met on the net, he couldn't blame her parents for their 
trepidation. 

Her father was quicker to come around.  Since they were the same age and
both business owners they found plenty that they had in common.  Her 
mother was more reserved, but finally she was forced to see how happy 
Jessica was and that Ryan hopelessly loved their daughter. 

He would never willingly do anything to hurt Jessica.  The simple fact
was she was the one that was genuine.  She was honest to a fault. 
Hiding his existence had nearly driven her apart from her parents. 

She listened to Ryan's ideas, offered her thoughts, but never ranted if
he didn't follow her views on a situation. 

He turned his attention back to the journal. 

``````````````````` 

This was amazing.  It was like something out of some sexy, sappy,
romantic movie. 

I looked up and he was standing beside my car.  I stepped out and he
immediately scooped me into his arms.  I was touching him.  Finally 
filling my arms.  He held me so tightly.  His arms wrapped around my 
waist pulling me to him as my arms went around his neck and held on. 
Then he pulled back, smiled at me, and bent down to kiss me.  It was 
not a sweet, tender first kiss - but a hot kiss, full of passion.  I 
ran my fingers through the soft, wavy curls of his hair. 

We were like a couple of teenagers making out in the lot between two
parked cars. At some point, I realized we were doing it right in front 
of the big window of the hotel restaurant.  He must have thought of 
something similar because that's when we broke and he smiled down at 
me.  Breathlessly he suggested, "Let's go to our room." 

We held hands and touched during the whole check in process.  We got our
key and moved our vehicles to the back, then carried in our bags along 
with his guitar.  I locked the door while he closed the curtains and 
again we were in each other's arms. 

The anticipation of the touch just couldn't compare to the real thing.
All the words of warning, all the tempting promises could not prepare 
me for the feeling of his mouth on mine, combined with his chest 
pressing against me. 

Never once in this time that we were together did he give me time to
doubt my body.  The minute a shameful thought would enter my mind, he 
was there with a word or touch that removed the feeling, making me feel 
like I was the most beautiful woman on the earth.  Even if I didn't 
think I was, he did, and that was all that mattered at that moment.  He 
is such a special man. 

When we had finished, I snuggled again within his arms, our legs
entwined, and we slept.  For the first time in our lives, we slept 
together. 

```````````` 

He reached for the phone and dialed home. 

She answered on the second ring. 

"Hello?" 

"Hi," he said.  His voice was a throaty whisper. 

"Hi.  I thought you'd be sleeping a long time by now." 

"Sure you did.  Did you really think I would just drift silently off to
sleep after I started reading that journal?" 

She chuckled then.  "Didn't you find it boring?  After all, you already
lived it." 

"But I am enjoying it immensely.  Why didn't you ever tell me about it
before?" 

"I don't know."  She seemed to consider her words carefully.  "I guess I
was embarrassed after I wrote it.  It's not only action; there are 
thoughts too.  Now it's not so bad because you're my husband, but at 
the time I wrote it, we were just getting involved in this long 
distance relationship and didn't know where we were heading.  After a 
while I just didn't think about it." 

"You know I love you, don't you?" 

"Yes, Honey.  I do know it.  Get some sleep," she suggested. 

"I will, but first I need a shower." 

She groaned on her end of the phone. 

His laugh filed the room and floated across the miles.  "Okay, I'm
going.  Night Love." 

"Good night." 

He hung up the phone and grabbed the towel but as he turned to get out
of the bed, the words 'I want to love you again' caught his eye.  He 
picked up the journal and continued to read. 

```````````` 

We dozed and woke again in each other's arms.  It was now only five
hours since we met.  He had told me when we were checking in that he 
had a headache, but it was pushed aside and we were wrapped up in each 
other.  Since a nap hadn't cured it, we decided that maybe a little 
food would help and I started to dress.  Then I stopped to snuggle with 
him for a little bit.  It was just so good to touch him, to hold him 
within my arms.  To smell his skin next to mine was heaven. 

Eventually we started to rise.  He got out of one side of the bed and I
out the other.  For some reason I turned and looked at him.  He was 
standing there shaking his head. 

Before I could ask what was wrong he said, "Honey, I don't want to go
get food, I just want to love you again." 

Never were those memorable words ever spoken to me, and I will never
forget them.  It was as if he had just resigned himself; it was 
inevitable.  The desire was there, the need was there.  We didn't know 
when the next time we would be together again and we wanted to make the 
most of our precious time. Sounds corny, but it was true.  I loved him 
more then than I had when he first swept me into his arms. 

```````` 

Ryan looked up from the journal and realized that he had no idea how
much his simple declaration of love had meant to her.  He closed the 
journal, smiling.  God he loved her. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Tuesday's meeting met with just as much success as Monday's had.  Though
he had been busy rushing from meeting to meeting he still found at 
times he would be sitting there with a stupid smile on his face, 
remembering the journal that awaited him back a the hotel room, and 
thinking about what had transpired the night before. 

One of his clients even commented that his new marriage was good for
him.  Maybe Ryan would be distracted enough to cut him a good deal.  He 
just smiled and shook his head.  He knew he had been caught. 

Back at his room that evening and fresh from the shower, he called home
once again. 

"Hello?" 

"Hi there," he said, settling back against the headboard. 

"Hi.  How was your day?" she asked. 

"The same as yesterday, but with one noticeable difference." 

"Oh?  What was that?" 

"I had this stupid grin plastered across my face all day.  I probably
heard six times that you must be good for me.  Was I really that crabby 
before we were married?" 

He heard her laughter tickle his ear.  "No, I don't think so. Although,
you usually do take your work seriously." 

"Then maybe you're not so good for me," he teased.  "How was your day?" 

"I'm finally settling in.  I worked on the office today.  How do you
expect me to get any work done if you're sitting at a desk only four 
feet away from me?" 

"That's my whole plan.  I distract you, you don't get your work done,
and you lose your business and have no hope for income.  Then you 
become my love slave; totally dependent on me." 

"I'm already your love slave." 

"Sometimes I think it's the other way around," he smiled. 

"Just proves how good we are for each other," she said. 

"I must be a glutton for punishment because I'm going to read more of
the journal tonight." 

"Really?  How far are you into it?" 

"We haven't even made it out of bed yet." 

"That far huh?  Must have been pretty boring reading since you didn't
get very far," she hedged.  "I guess you'll have to keep reading." 

"I guess I will have to."  He paused.  "Jessica, you know I'm teasing
you." 

"I know." 

"I wish I wasn't here.  I miss you.  I wanted you for my wife so we
wouldn't have to continue our relationship over the phone lines." 

"I know." 

"I've made a decision.  No more road trips without you.  It's killing
me." 

He heard her sigh on the other end.  "I know it hasn't been easy, but
I'll let you make this trip up to me when you get back." 

"Will you?" 

"Oh, I think so.  Besides, after our kids are here we may not have the
luxury of road trips with just the two of us." 

"Yes there will be, even if I have to hire a nanny.  I've waited all my
life it seems, just to be with you, and now that you're my wife, I'm 
not letting you go.  Besides, there are bound to be times when we'll 
both need a break from kids." 

"So you plan on whisking me off to our own little room of childless
paradise and then you'll leave me there while you head off to your 
meetings?  Hmmm....that might not be so bad after all." 

"You're too much.  Okay, I'm off to read about this couple and see what
happens next.  I can't wait." 

"You mean you've forgotten." 

He smiled wistfully then.  "How could I ever?  Good night, Honey.  I
love you." 

"I love you too." 

Hanging up the phone, he reached for the journal and pulled the slip of
paper out that he had used to mark his page. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

The soft breath that brushed across my shoulder reminded me that I was
not alone. 

Savoring the thought and keeping my eyes closed I took stock of body
parts.  One strong leg draped over mine and one protective arm wrapped 
around my waist, holding me close. 

I smiled and carefully and minutely snuggled closer. 

"I like waking up next to you," he whispered into my ear. 

"Yes," I answered and wiggled against him again. 

It was such a thrill to know that he was there for me.  All he cared
about was having me pleased.  He was such an attentive lover.  He 
watched, listened, and learned.  I have never had a lover like him. 
Even when I was married it was never like what we have together.  He is 
my best friend, and I would do anything that he asked.   It's a loving, 
giving thing. 

``````````````` 

Ryan lay on the bed, eyes closed.  The past mixing with the present, his
mind's eye envisioned her lying next to him.  He would always remember 
the way she looked that day; the way she looked down at him with her 
big blue eyes and he fell in love all over again. 

"I love you," he had whispered. 

She had smiled then, stopped her movements and answered him back.  "I
love you too."  She'd kissed him with all the passion her love had held 
and her body joined in on that love. 

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

The cool air dancing across his body woke him.  He reached for Jessica
to warm him, but only found empty sheets.  Opening his eyes then, he 
realized he had fallen asleep reading that damn journal.  He reached 
over, snapped off the light, and stared at the ceiling in the dark. 

Why did he just think of it that way?  He considered his motives for a
moment and realized why.  Because it reminded him about just how lonely 
he was.  She should be there with him - filling his arms the way she 
filled his heart. 

Three years.  Why had he wasted three years worth of time that they
could have been together totally? 

Yes, it was true that at the time they had met he was married, but it
had been a loveless marriage for a long time.  When he met Jessica, he 
knew in a short time that he truly loved her, but he'd said he wanted 
to do it right.  He didn't want to hurt his wife or his children by 
filing for divorce, but he wasn't happy.  He needed his wife to 
understand that there was nothing left for them, and he wanted his 
children to continue to love him, not blame him.  So he had taken his 
time with Jessica in the wings occupying a great part of his world, yet 
because of the physical distance between them, she didn't complicated 
his everyday life. 

Three years.  She could have been my wife for at least two years by now.
 Restlessly he rolled over and punched his pillow into compliance.  Now 
he couldn't sleep.  He looked at the clock.  2AM.  Frustrated, he 
reached for the phone. 

"Hello?"  Her voice was raspy with sleep. 

"Hi." 

"Hi.  What's the matter?" 

"I couldn't sleep." 

"So you thought if you couldn't sleep, I shouldn't either."  She
followed that with a yawn. 

"We agreed to share everything," he teased. 

Chuckling, she answered, "Yes we did.  For a minute, there when I heard
the phone ring, I was confused.  I was thinking you were playing music 
and were calling me on your way home." 

He was silent for a minute. 

"You still there?" 

"Yes," he answered. 

"What's the matter?" 

"Jessica, I owe you an apology." 

"For what?" 

"I should have married you a long time ago." 

"What?  Where did that come from?" 

"I don't know.  I was just thinking about it." 

"Ryan, you did things the way you thought best." 

"I know, but now I'm not too sure." 

"It's in the past, Honey.  We're together now and that's all that
matters." 

"I know, but I'm still sorry.  You deserved so much more, and I took you
for granted while you waited around for me to get my act together." 

"And it was worth it.  Besides, you have the rest of our lives to make
it up to me." 

"I will, I promise." 

"You already promised that on our wedding day.  Now go to sleep.  You'll
be home tonight, right." 

"Yes, just as soon as I can." 

"Sleep well, love." 

"You too.  Good night."  He rolled over and hung up the phone and
thought, 'She's too good to me.'  In the reflection of the clock, he 
saw the journal.  Flipping on the light, he picked it up again. 

``````````````` 

Seven hours after our first touch, we finally made it out of the room.
Since he grew up in the area, he gave me a quick tour, pointing out 
different sites and telling me memories of things that had happened to 
him here and there.  I loved it.  This was a part of him that I enjoyed 
hearing about, past loves, fights, music and family. 

Eventually we reached our destination.  The casino boat was docked, so
we went to the bar for a bite to eat before departure.  Moving into the 
casino, he took my hand.  There were tons of people, and standing a 
good foot above me, he easily guided us through the throng.  I had 
never played roulette before, so I stood by and watched as he doubled 
his money. 

Then he again placed my hand in his and we headed to the slot machines. 
We were off to make a fortune.  Unfortunately, it didn't work, but we 
did enjoy each other's company while we fed the machines. 

At one point near the end of our playing time, we were sitting side by
side sharing one machine and I slid my hand into his.  I smiled at him 
and kissed him then.  Something about the fact that there were people 
all around us, not to mention the surveillance cameras excited me.  
When he finally asked if I was ready to go back I enthusiastically told 
him yes.  We played out our money and headed for the door. 

Back at the room, he slipped the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door.  He
wrapped his arms around me and I circled in his arms. 

"Are you feeling better?" I asked. 

"The food helped, even if it was a couple of hours ago, but I still have
a slight headache," he said. 

"Then let's get you some rest.  Just being in the same room with you is
enough for me." 

We climbed into bed and he enveloped me in his arms.  "This has been an
incredible day Baby," he whispered in my ear.  Then he placed a tender 
kiss upon each eye and I fell briefly into sleep. 

When his arm had fallen asleep, he had tried to remove it without waking
me, but I roused myself, knowing I didn't want to waste our time 
together by sleeping through it. 

It was at that time that my stomach made a nasty growl and we laughed
together.  He admitted that he too was a bit hungry so I told him that 
in my car, I had a small cooler and he quickly dressed and stepped out 
to retrieve it.  When he returned I lay on the bed and watched as he 
prepared a snack.  It wasn't much, but I knew it would give us at least 
a little nourishment. 

He sliced the cheese, opened the crackers, plucked the grapes and mixed
orange juice with the wine coolers for a makeshift Mimosa. 

Lounging on the bed we snacked and talked about the music gig he had
played the night before.   We talked about a couple of books he had 
recently purchased and had brought along to show me.  I reclined on the 
bed as he took one out and we flipped through the pages while he 
pointed out parts that interested him. 

I did try very hard to stay awake.  He was so excited to share this with
me, but I just couldn't control my body's desire for sleep. 

Thankfully, he recognized the fact that I had no choice but to sleep and
advised me to give into it.  I snuggled into the blankets and pillows 
and opened my eyes periodically to gaze upon his face as he munched on 
crackers absent mindedly, concentrating on the book. 

Eventually he also was over come by the efforts of our day together and
he placed the snacks and book on the table beside him.  I remember one 
last look at the clock - 4 AM. 

It was 9:00 before we woke.  The reality of the fact that today we would
part hung in the air, yet neither of us mentioned it. 

We kissed and cuddled, and whispered words to each other until we made
slow, passionate love.   Our emotions were raw and we both held on 
desperately to each other. 

Slowly the lethargy caused by my confused emotions seeped in and I felt
like I couldn't move.  I didn't want to move because if I took that 
next step it meant we were getting closer to our time of parting.  We 
had just made love for the last time and had no idea if it would ever 
happen again.  Ryan kissed me gently and told me to rest while he went 
to take a shower. 

He knew.  He knew me too well.  With the water running the in
background, I cried softly into my pillow.  How I thought we could 
spend this beautiful time together and then just walk away, was beyond 
me. 

I pulled myself together, determined that he wouldn't see me cry.  I had
to be stronger.  Make it playful and I could get through it, I told 
myself. 

As I heard him step out of the shower, I flipped back the covers and
boldly walked over to him.  Staying behind him so he wouldn't see my 
red, swollen eyes, I playfully kissed his back. 

"Did you leave me any hot water?" 

"I hope so." 

I chuckled behind him.  "What time do we have to be out of the room?" 

"Eleven, but I'll call the front desk and get and extension for an hour
if I can." 

"Okay."  I ducked my head and my hair fell forward to cover my face as I
moved to the bathroom.  Turning on the cool water, I let it fall 
against my face.  It was a jolt, but a well needed one.  As I continued 
to wash, I warmed the water and through the open door, we talked and 
teased each other. 

"You know, you could come in here and help me," I told him. 

"You should have said something earlier, but I doubt they would have let
us delay our check out time until three," he teased. 

When I turned off the water, he met me with a towel to wrap around
myself.  He was already dressed.  I shook my head, sending droplets of 
water flying in all directions and sprinkling his shirt. 

"Get dressed.  I want to play something for you, but right now you're
distracting me."  He smiled down at me and placed a quick kiss upon my 
lips. 

As I picked out my clothes, I watched him in the mirror bring his guitar
to the bed.  It was a beautiful combination of metal and wood and I 
watched as he place the finger picks on his fingers and started to 
pluck the strings and check the tune.  The rich notes filled the room. 

I quickly dressed, combed my hair and reclined on the bed next to him. 

"What's that you're playing?" 

He smiled back at me.  "Just some warm ups to get the flexibility back
into my fingers."  Then he turned serious.  "I want to get this right.  
I've never written a song before.  I never had the desire to.  However, 
one night when we were talking with me playing in the background, I 
came upon a melody.  Pardon the pun, but it just struck a chord, so I 
wrote this for you.  Its called 'Jessica Lynn'." 

I couldn't help it.  My eyes began to tear before he even played a note.
 I blinked rapidly so I could watch him through clear eyes as he 
played. 

There was concentration on his face as he started to play, but the more
he played the more he relaxed and seemed to go to another world.  The 
song was beautiful.  A mixture of playful and soulful notes floated 
through the air.  He played them repeatedly until the last note echoed 
through my ears.  I was so lost in the music I didn't realize that he 
had been watching me.  The smile that crossed my fact told him what he 
needed to know, but I said the words anyway. 

"Honey, that was wonderful, and I feel so special that you wrote that
just for me.  It's beautiful."  Again, I had to blink rapidly and he 
recognized my maneuver. 

"You don't have to cry over it," he smiled. 

"I can't help it.  I never had anyone write a song for me.  I love it. 
Too bad I didn't bring a tape recorder along so I could take it home 
with me." 

That is when he smiled sheepishly, reached into the case and handed me a
tape.  "I had hoped you would like it so I made a tape of it at home." 

I sat up and kissed him then.  "The way I enjoy your playing for me over
the phone, you should have known I would love it." 

"Yes, I should have.  It's just that I've never done anything like that
before and - "  He stopped right there, unable to admit his 
vulnerability. 

I kissed him again.  "I love it, and I love you.  Play it again for me,
then we better get going." 

We packed our things in almost complete silence, yet the silence wasn't
uncomfortable, then loaded the vehicles and went for breakfast, even 
though it was afternoon.  After some shopping and a little more 
touring, we resigned ourselves to the fact that we had to head for our 
homes. 

We sat in the parking lot of the hotel in silence.  This one laced with
sadness.  He held my hand and relaxed against the seat. 

"Don't be sad, Honey.  It just makes this harder on us and I would like
to be able to do this again.  If you're going to be sad when we part 
each time, I don't think I can handle it." 

I kissed his fingers then.  "I'm not sad," I somewhat lied.  "I'm very
happy matter of fact.  I'm so glad we finally got to be together.  Most 
people who meet like we did never get that opportunity." 

He reached over and stroked my hair then.  "Good.  We better get moving.
You have a long drive ahead of you." 

I transferred to my car and he came to reassure himself I was wearing my
seat belt.  With one last warning to be careful on the drive home, he 
kissed me, told me he loved me, and shut the door. 

It took everything in me to watch him pull away and into traffic.  I
just wanted to sit right there and bawl.  However, it wouldn't have 
done me any good.  Therefore, I put the car in drive and headed toward 
home. 

Half an hour later as 'Jessica Lynn' played in the background, I
maneuvered through traffic.  While I mechanically jockeyed from lane to 
lane the ring of my cell phone broke through to me. 

It could only be him. 

"Hello?" I answered. 

"Hi there.  Well, how far are you?" 

"We only left half an hour ago.  I'm on the toll road.  I missed my
exit, so I decided to take the route I knew.  Do you miss me already?" 
I asked. 

"That's why I called." 

I smiled to myself.  "Honey, I'm sorry for my mood just before we left,
but I couldn't help it.  I didn't lie though.  I was happy at the same 
time." 

"I know.  Next time hopefully it won't be so hard." 

My heart gave a special little flip at the mention of there being a next
time.  "I look forward to it." 

"I'm going to get going, but I just wanted you to know you were on my
mind.  No matter what I'm doing, you're always there.  I'll call you 
tonight, okay?" 

"Right.  I'll be home by seven, but probably not back to the house until
about nine.  I have a couple of stops when I get back," I told him. 

"Sounds good.  I'll talk to you then love." 

"I love you too." 

I hung up then, and drove the remainder of the way home with a slightly
happier heart.  At least until I reached home, drove directly to my 
sister-in-law's house and cried my eyes out. 

It was such a beautiful, wonderful, emotion filled weekend.  I do hope
we can do this again soon.  I hope that I'll be better equipped to 
handle the emotional side of things. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

May 28 

This has been a strange turn of events.  Ryan and I were together for a
total of two days and one night, and the ramifications of those days 
were felt today.  This seemed like the best place to write down my 
thoughts.  This is the only place it will be noted and probably won't 
be brought up again.  There is nobody else besides Ryan who will ever 
know about this. 

I had gone on the pill before we were together.  However, it appears
that we were one of the 'unlucky' ones where it didn't work.  Yet, fate 
seemed to know it wasn't the right time for us.  Today, even though I 
didn't realize I was pregnant, I had a miscarriage.  I sat in stunned 
silence staring at my computer screen.  I couldn't even call Ryan to 
tell him.  He had to find out over the cold lines of the Internet. 

To say he was surprised was an understatement, but he was very
understanding and concerned.  I knew there was no way he could be with 
me.  Nevertheless, all I really wanted was for him to be there to hold 
me.  Nothing else could be done. 

I'm having very mixed feelings about this.  I feel somewhat cheated that
I didn't get to even enjoy the feelings of knowing that I was pregnant 
with Ryan's child.  Though I would have been more confused and it 
really would have changed my life, I would have loved that child 
totally.  Now, even that has been taken away. 

At this point, I don't know when Ryan and I will be able to see each
other again.  While I do love him, I know he has to go through a lot in 
his life in order to make time for us to meet, not even considering 
having a normal relationship.  I will be here for as long as he wants 
me, but I realize that life changes and our lives could go separate 
ways.  That is why I am thankful that I took the time to write this 
journal.  Someday, I may look back at this journal and it may be the 
only reminder of the time we had together, of how much I loved him, and 
I may be saddened that things didn't develop between us.  On the other 
hand, I could be reminded of the happy times that started this 
forever-lasting relationship.  Either way, it has been very special.  I 
wouldn't have changed it for anything. 

`````````````````` 

Ryan closed the journal and set it aside.  She had warned him, but he'd
had no idea that her emotional thoughts would be so clear and that they 
would have such an effect on him. 

He sniffed involuntarily and realized he had been crying.  Burying his
face in his hands he let loose and cried for the time they had lost 
together, cried for the child they would never know, cried because he 
was thankful that her love had been strong enough to last and that she 
was now his. 

The buzz of the alarm clock startled him out of his emotional outburst. 
Slamming the snooze button, he glared at the clock.  He wiped his eyes, 
turned off the alarm, and headed for the shower. 

While he waited for the water to warm, he studied his reflection in the
mirror.  Had he done the right thing by marrying Jessica?  When he 
finally decided to ask her, it just seemed like the right time.  His 
divorce was done, the house was built, and all his ducks seemed to be 
in a row.  She had deserved so much more, but still she had been there 
for him.  He loved her so much.  He shook his head and stepped under 
the water. 

He finished his shower and stepped out, toweling dry his hair.  That's
when he noticed the message light blinking on the phone.  He picked up 
the receiver and dialed in the retrieve number. 

"Hi Honey.  I was thinking about your phone call last night, and I just
wanted to tell you that I love you.  I don't care what happened in the 
past or what happened to bring us together.  All that matters is that 
we are together now and will be together for the rest of our lives.  
That's an awful long time, however I think we're up to the challenge.  
Honey, I love you.  I wouldn't change that for anything.  Bye, Love." 

Ryan shook his head, smiled, and returned the phone to its cradle.  She
knew him too well.  Across the room, he saw his brief case and knew 
what he had to do.  Grabbing his planner, he reached for the phone. 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

Jessica sat on the grass, knees pulled to her chest as she stared
absentmindedly at the burning boxes. 

She hoped Ryan's meetings today went well.  Something in his voice last
night had bothered her, and it had prompted her phone call that 
morning.  She hoped he had gotten her message. 

She rested her forehead on her knees.  She never should have given him
that journal. 

Suddenly, arms wrapped around her as someone sat down behind her.  "Is
this seat taken?"  Ryan's voice reached her ears. 

"Ryan!"  She turned then and threw her arms around him.  "What are you
doing home already?  I thought you wouldn't be home until late?" 

"Well, it seems that all my appointments were cancelled unexpectedly." 

"Really?  What happened?" she asked, her forehead furrowing in concern. 

"Yes.  When I explained to them that I had an emergency at home, they
were more than happy to reschedule.  Especially since I offered them an 
additional discount if they could." 

"You didn't.  Why?" 

"Because we're on our honeymoon.  My reason for not moving swiftly
towards my divorce was that I wanted to do things right.  Now, I want 
to do things right again.  Jessica, it's our honeymoon and we belong 
together." 

"Oh, Ryan, I do love you." 

He pulled her against him and kissed her then, right there on the grass
in the back yard. 

They were together, and would always be together.  It was meant to be,
and they wouldn't have changed a thing. 

The End. 

If you enjoyed my story, please take the time to vote and drop me a
line.  I appreciate any feedback that I receive - good and bad.  I'll 
answer all mail as early as possible.  Thank you for your consideration 
- katie rose 


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