The Last Year of My Life (standard:non fiction, 1879 words)
Author: Lori	Added: Feb 24 2004	Views/Reads: 3218/2257	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The title says it all. It's about the last year of my life in a nut-shell;-)! Feedback is always appreciated.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

relive that night. For a while, he didn't want to have anything to do 
with me. He was too afraid to get close to me. He didn't want to cause 
me anymore pain, he said. Little did he know, that it had nothing to do 
with either of them. 

My wonderful husband, God, I thank my lucky stars every day for that
man. He stayed right there by my bedside through it all that night. I 
called him by the other man's name seven times. I told him what a 
rotten human being he was. I told him that if I had to stay married to 
him, they should just kill me now. In my mind, I was already die 
anyways. So, they should just let me go and stop trying to save me. He 
was at ever meeting I had in the hospital. He was there when I talked 
to all the doctors they make you talk too. He was there when the woman 
told me she wasn't releasing me yet. Just because I had done it five 
years before. How stupid was that woman?!  He told me that he would 
help me get all the help I needed. That he would be there to pick up 
the pieces and put them back together for me. He loved me no matter 
what I did. 

That's my knight in shining armor! That's the man that loves me. Not the
one that wasn't even there. Not the one that didn't even call me in the 
hospital. He said that he had flown in to be closer to me. But was 
afraid to come to the hospital. He didn't want me to be upset. Yeah, 
ok, sure! Of course, I believed him. He wouldn't ever lie to me. He 
loved me! Little did I know he was screwing someone else that weekend. 

I knew the best thing for me to do was to get off the internet. And
that's just what I did. I left in November 16, 2002 and stayed gone 
until February 10, 2004. It was the best thing for me. I've grown so 
much since then. I've put things back in order of importance. 

My children are better. They have their mother back. I may not be well.
I may never see a day where I'm totally healed. But that's okay, I can 
live with that. I can see love in their eyes again. And that's the 
greatest gift that anyone could ever give me. My little boy still has 
nightmares every once and a great while. But he knows that I'm just 
right down the hall if he needs me. They both know that I'm not going 
anywhere soon, if I can help it. They both know that they mean the 
world to me. They both know how VERY much I love them. They both 
understand that it wasn't there fault. I did what I did because I was 
stupid at the time. And that I have a disease that isn't curable. But I 
can live life to the fullest again with them. I have it under control 
again. They are growing up to be wonderful men of the world. They have 
a wonderful mother again. And it feels good to know that. For both them 
and me. 

My husband has forgiven me for all the stuff in the past. He knows now
that I do love him. He trust me again. He knows that I'm not going to 
do that again either. He knows that with my youngest son seeing it all, 
I wouldn't do that to him again. He knows that he is my rock. He knows 
that there's no man out there that could do for me what he has done. He 
stuck by me when no one else would have. He loved me when no one else 
would. He still loves me even though I've given him every reason not 
too. He's a wonderful man and father. I really don't know what I would 
do without him. 

My husband and my children have given me my wings back. And I'm going to
fly like I've never flown before. That's something you can't replace. 
Nor can you do without. 

The other man and I still talk. It's a little uncomfortable. But I know
where I stand with myself. It's not like I'm going to do it again. I 
think we only talk because we are a connection to the past. Sometimes, 
you need that connection. I don't think we will continue to be friends 
though. There's too much water under that bridge. 

Plus, I know it sounds crazy. But I still love him in a way. Maybe I
just love what he didn't give me. It's still twisted up in my head. But 
I don't wait all day to hear from him like I used too. I can go days 
without thinking about him. It's like I love him because he was the 
instrument to get me to feel life again. He made me believe in love 
again. Even if it was a destructive love, it was still love. It was 
still taking the time to smell the roses, so to speak. 

Because of him, I learned that I have talent again. I know that I can
write now. It was just something that I did to escape before. Now, I 
want to see what it can do for me. I've written a lot since I've gotten 
off the computer. Maybe before I send them to a publisher, I should 
post them here to see what the response is. That way I would know 
before if I was any good or not. But I don't know. It's always been a 
pipe dream for me. But wouldn't it be great to see my name in Wal-mart 
one day on a book! 


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