Hitlers Second Front (standard:Satire, 1729 words)
Author: Alpha43	Added: May 01 2005	Views/Reads: 4328/2614	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The hatred Hitler felt against Stalin was the reason the German army divided itself and started “Operation Barbarosa”, attacking Russia on ‘Hitler’s Second Front’ in 1941. But the real reason...

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Handsome, 6’ 4” tall, with wide muscular shoulders, the Head Gardener’s
son was a very intimidating man. But he did not have a mean bone in his 
body. Willie had been found to possess the mental skills of a 
6-year-old. 

Willie Barbarosa worked the rose gardens with his father, he was never
was in trouble, and he usually kept his mouth shut. He would sing or 
repeat the conversations around him, but he did not have the ability to 
create a meaningful dialog. 

Willie checked a half a dozen shirts before he found a rather dressy one
big enough to fit him. 

11:34 AM June 14, 1941 

“Try these pants and do not mess them up, they look expensive. Tuck in
your shirt and get your ass headed east. Move, time is of the essence.” 


“East, essence, move” Willie repeated. 

“Just get moving.” Demanded the overworked Sargent. 

11:44 AM June 14, 1941 

A group of security guards passed the Sargent and Willie just as a clerk
yelled: “Sargent, you have a message from Ivan, the Russian 
meteorologist. Storms, Stalingrad is going to get pounded and then 
Moscow will get hit even worse. It is a bleak outlook ..........” 

“I DO NOT have time for this shit right now. Let me take care of this
dimwit, I have to get him out of here before its time for the strategy 
meeting and then I will get back with Ivan. 

“Wait a minute” pointing at the security guards, “You, yes you, take
this guy to the gate. Is Ivan still on the line in the wardroom?” 

“Stalingrad, pounded, bleak” Willie repeated. 

11:56 AM June 14, 1941 

Escorting Willie down the corridor, one of the guards said, “You must be
a hot shot, we seldom escort anyone!” 

“Strategist” Willie said. 

“Oh, I see sir, excuse me. Can we be of assistance to you?” 

Willie said “Hitler at noon” 

“Yes Sir!” 

While Willie was getting his escort, Hitler was in deep conversation
with SS leader Heinrich Himmler, being informed that the expected 
strategist, Heir Mueller was very young, but brilliant. It was true 
that he was a little eccentric, as most of the young strategists were, 
but absolutely brilliant when it came to predicting invasion 
strategies. “I have never met Mueller, but based on his Polish plan, I 
would trust him with the future of the Reich” said Himmler. 

Hilter paced, hands behind his back, deep in thought, when there was a
knock on the library door. “Enter” Hitler said. The doors swung open 
and two guards remained at the entrance and two guards escorted Willie 
into the room. 

“Heil Hitler” was shouted and everybody but Willie raised his right arm.
Slowly, Willie raised both arms, and said “Heil Hitler, Heil Hitler, 
Heil Hitler, Heil Hitler, ...” 

“Very Good, very good, Enough!” Hitler said, looking at Himmler. “It is
my pleasure to met you, Heir Meuller. I have heard about your precise 
predictions in the polish invasion, excellent!” 

But Willie just said “Heil Hitler” again, and everybody snapped to
again, and again Hitler looked at Himmler, with a very questioning 
look. 

“You are excused” Himmler said to the guards, and as they turned to
leave, 

Willie said “Bier!” 

Himmler told one of the guards to bring in three biers. “Would you like
to sit down at the...” 

“East” Willie said, “Get our ass to the East. Time is of the essence”. 

“Excuse me?” Hitler questioned. 

“Surely you don’t think we should go east, starting a second front, the
Fuhrer and I are going to....” 

Willie interrupted “Stalingrad gets pounded, Moscow even worse” 

“But we have all fall and winter to re-arm, and set up small raider
groups to gather intelligence about the Russian troop placements.” 
Hilter said. 

“Time is of the essence” and before Hilter could speak, Willie announced
“smells like cow shit.” 

“Cow shit? I’m sorry Heir Mueller, but there is no way that I can....” 

“Tuck your shirt in, get your ass moving east” 

“I’ll have you shot, you moron, you are speaking to the Fuhrer” Himmler
roared, but Hitler shut Himmler off. 

“Moron, Dumbkoff “ Willie uttered. 

“WAIT A MINUTE! Wait a minute, what is the last thing the Russians would
expect us to do right now?” Hitler beamed. “Invade them, invade them 
soon, just at the wrong time of the year, weeks before winter arrives. 
There is no way they could be expecting an invasion!” 

“But My Fuhrer, I think we should...” Stuttered Himmler. 

Willie interrupted, “Don’t mess your pants, they look expensive” 

“Thank you, they are the finest.” Hitler said. 

Himmler was staring, with his mouth open, as Hitler put an arm over
Willie’s shoulder and led him towards the conference table, discussing 
the possibilities of a fall invasion. 

Willie said “Bier” and Hitler ordered Himmler to find out what was
holding up the biers. The doors opened and a guard carrying a tray with 
three large steins appeared, along with a young man holding a 
briefcase. 

The young man said “Heil Hilter” and everybody saluted. Again Willie
raised both arms, bumping and flinging the tray of bier about ten feet 
in the air. 

“I am sorry I am late, but...” The strategist apologized. 

Willie interrupted saying “My bier, I don’t have time for this shit
right now, let me take care of the dimwit. Get him out the back gate.“ 

The guard grabbed the man, his briefcase, and the tray, escorting the
young man out of the library when Willie hollered “Bier”. 

“Yes, yes, bring more bier” Hilter yelled. 

Himmler was cleaning the bier off his glasses and was pretty sure that
he was losing his mind. Hitler was buying this strategy; something had 
to be done. “Don’t you think we should study this? What about the 
western front? If we could secure our position along....” 

“Barbarosa” Willie said 

“Excuse me?” Himmler stammered. 

“Barbarosa” 

“Operation Barbarosa, I get it, very good, very good” said Hitler 

“Where can we assemble everybody to lay out the final plans for what
will be the greatest surprise invasion in the history of warfare, who 
should be there?” 

“I want Helga again, in the meat locker” said Willie 

“Did you say meat locker” Himmler was stuttering “who’s Helga?” 

Hilter started doing his little goose-step pacing, a smile on his face,
a glitter in his eye. “Meat locker, security, I get it.” Hitler was 
elated! 

Himmler had his eyes closed and was rubbing his temples. 

“Yes, who is Helga? Hitler said. 

“Helga will make all the moves, you just lay back and wait, Helga can do
it all” Willie said. “She will make everything work, time after time 
after time!” 

“Very Well” Hitler said. “We will call a general staff meeting,
scheduled at the meat locker, including Helga. Make the arrangements 
Heinrich.” 

Hitler was elated! Himmler was stunned, speechless, and paralyzed in
place. 

“Tell me young man, do you know anything about Roses? I have a passion
for roses, and I wondered if by chance you might be able to give me any 
advice about those beautiful creations of nature?” Hitler inquired, 
taking Willie’s arm. 

“Roses are my life” Willie said. 

“Really, how wonderful my dear, dear friend. If you would follow me out
to the...” 

The rest is History! 


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