A Couple of Years of Gardening (Chapter 7) (standard:romance, 2564 words) [7/10] show all parts
Author: kmr412002	Added: Feb 26 2007	Views/Reads: 2208/1623	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The courtship and marriage of detective as told by his wife.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

“They have clothes in Atlanta, and all I want for Christmas is right
here.” 

Christmas was great. Of course it would be. We stay in bed all day until
hunger forces us to leave the apartment. 

The morning after, he has to go back to New York. We have breakfast at a
coffeehouse around the corner from my apartment. He is peering over his 
paper at me while I have a mouthful of bagel.  I raise my eyebrows, 
“What?  I got something on my nose?” 

“I told you I don't do distance very well. Sometimes, I—.”  He stops and
picks up the butter knife and lets it fall to the table over and over 
until I reach across the table to still his hand, “Jack?” 

“I really missed you this week. I thought having you home on the
weekends would do it. I don't know, Nina, is this going back and forth 
thing as hard for you as for it is for me?” 

I take a long sip from my coffee cup as I peer out at him. Then I say,
“If I say yes, what does that mean for us?” 

He shrugs, “It means I love you, and maybe we should think about moving
in together.” 

“You mean me move to New York?” 

He shrugs and says, “Well, yea.  It's no secret I want you with me.” 

This is not the first time we have talked about this.  It was usually
done in a jokingly sweet manner.  If I complained about Atlanta heat, 
he'd tell me how great the weather in New York is and I should move in 
with him.  If I complained about my job, he'd tell me to quit and move 
in with him.  But finally, we're not joking. 

I put my cup down and smile nervously. I say, “Jack, I didn't think it
would get this far; maybe distance would do us in. I thought, after the 
novelty of being involved with someone living halfway across the 
country wore off, you'd move on.” 

That heavy brow darkens and he slides his tongue under his upper lip, so
I know he's mad. He mumbles, “Novelty, uh? Let's go.”  He throws down 
money for the check, and stalks out of the restaurant. Not altogether 
surprised by his reaction, I get up to follow him. 

As he makes his way blocks ahead of me, I call after him trying to
placate him. Why in the hell did I say something like that?  But down 
deep inside I know why. 

By the time I catch up to him he is pacing in front of my building,
“What the hell do you think you are to me?  You think you're just a 
diversion?  Hey, maybe I'm the one who's a novelty.”  I watch his anger 
flare up like some terrible car accident I can't keep my eyes from. 

He sneers, “That's it, isn't it? You come in every other weekend, have
your fuck with your novelty and you're off again. No risk in that, uh, 
Baby?” 

I am reeling at the turn this morning has taken. I don't know why I
thought it would be different; that somehow our time together would not 
evolve from bliss to bickering. Somehow I thought the fact that we were 
on my turf, it would be different this time. It just seems to make him 
angrier and me more defensive. 

I turn around and unlock the apartment building door as he follows me.
Angry tears are starting to form in my eyes and I will not give him the 
satisfaction of letting him see them.  I tell him as I climb the 
stairs, “If you honestly believe I feel that way about you, then --.” 

He calls after me, “Then what?” 

When we get inside, I throw my coat on the chair, “Nothing, Jack.” 

“Tell me, what were you going to say?” He grabs my arm and I freeze
staring at his hand. He drops his hand and whispers, “Please tell me, 
Nina.” 

I sit on the sofa and cross my arms. I can't look at him as I say
quietly, “If you believe that about me, then I don't see how we can 
even talk about living together?” He sits beside me, and says, “I'm 
sorry, Baby. I didn't mean that. I don't know why I blew up like that.” 


“Jack, you've got to trust me.” 

He stares at me like I'm speaking another language. I repeat, “You've
got to trust me.” 

He shakes his head, like I've made some irrational statement. “I don't
believe it's a matter of trust. Isn't it just natural for me to want 
the woman I love with me?  Look, if all I ever wanted was to get laid 
every once and a while, I would have --.”  He stops and looks at me 
guiltily. 

Jack takes my hand, patting it like he's trying to console me. I take my
hand from his and smooth the wrinkles in my skirt. I continue to stare 
down at my lap. “Would have what?” 

He says nothing, but folds his arms looking straight ahead. There is
only so much opening up he will do, and it looks like he may have 
reached his limit today. 

“I'm not Megan, Jack.” 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”  He whirls around. 

“That night when you called me, you never told me exactly what happened.
Does she even know why you left?” 

“Yea, I told her I had to go to work.” 

I cock my head to the side and just look at him for a second. 

He finally looks at me. “Nina, don't even start.” 

“You never told her, did you?  Jesus, as far as she is concerned, you
guys are still together. For all I know, maybe you still are.” 

He holds his hands up like he's about to close his ears, “I know you
don't believe that and I can't believe we're even talking about this.  
I know exactly why she and I split up. I fell in love with you, Nina.” 

“I know, Jack, but I can't live with you waiting for me to let you down
like she did.” 

He's quiet for awhile and then he asks, “Do you want to get married?” 

I ask, “Do you think this is what this is all about?” 

He says, “No, not really.” 

I stand up and say. “Maybe, you should get back tonight.” 

I walk into the closet I've made into a darkroom.  I intend to turn on
the darklight, but instead I just stand there in the dark.  I hear the 
door open and shut and he puts his hand on my shoulder.  “Do you want 
me leave now?” 

I put my arms around him and whisper, “No, not now.” 

The next day I'm standing with him at the gate and his plane is about to
board. He turns to me, takes my hand, and says, “You know I don't live 
in a dream world.” 

I nod, “Yea, I know, not a spontaneous bone in your body. 

He says, “But I kind of envisioned you leaving with me this time.” 

All of a sudden, I want to tell him to just ask me to, but before I can
say another word, I see it.  He's rocking back and forth staring at our 
touching fingertips.  There are tears in his eyes when he says, “You 
asked me why I came here, and I guess that's why. But, hey, what was I 
thinking?” 

I kiss him goodbye and say, “Yea, what were we thinking?” 

I call Kate and tell her everything. She asks coolly, “Are you telling
me this to prepare me for the shitty mood he's going to be in tomorrow 
or are you telling me to impress me with your insightfulness?” 

I really can't blame her for unsympathetic attitude. “Kate, I don't
know.” 

You're doing it again. 

What?  What are you talking about? 

“You're pushing him away.  Then why would you say something like that? 
You've always been good at pushing people away, but you're a close 
second to Jack.  He's the champ.” 

The tone of her voice makes me laugh, “I forgot about Saint Kate, Saint
of the Self-Righteous. 

“Not to be topped by Saint Nina, Saint of the Bewildered.  Nina, you
don't believe he's seeing Megan.” 

“No, I don't believe he's seeing her, but I did want him to talk to her,
to be honest with her, and finish what he started.  Am I an idiot for 
wanting that?” 

“No, you're not an idiot.  Yes, you are right to expect that, but when
you got to bed tonight, I hope all that common sense keeps you warm 
tonight.” 

I want to laugh, but then unexpectedly, I burst into tears. I drench the
sleeve of my shirt as tears run down my wrist.  I am angry more than 
sad.  I say, “I am a fucking idiot.  If I had any idea it would this 
painful--.”  I can't talk anymore. 

I wait for him to call that night. When it came at three in the morning,
Jack tells me, “Well, you got your wish, Baby.  I told her what I 
needed to tell her.” 

I said, “Jack, that was never my wish. What happened? 

“You know the usual.” 

“No, Jack. I don't know. Please talk to me.” 

I hear Barrett's voice in the background. 

“Listen, I've got to go. I'm working a case now. I just needed to tell
you, to hear your voice. Nina, when you told me about your folks, you 
said some people are meant to be alone. Maybe you were right. Maybe 
some poor slob just deserves it that way.”  His voice was so tired and 
resigned that I knew he had made up his mind about us. 

“Jack,” I whisper. 

He clears his throat, “Listen, I won't be home this weekend. There is so
much going on right now. Maybe you're right. Maybe this would be a good 
time to take a break from each other.” 

I want to say, “I never said that.”  Instead, for some goddamned reason
I say, “Maybe that's a good idea.” 

He says, “Take care of yourself.” 

In the weeks that follow, I tell myself that Jack and I had our fun and
that was that. But slowly, I began to realize that this is different 
and no matter how much I deny it, my heart is breaking. 

I talk to Katie nearly every week during the next few months and Jack's
name comes up rarely.  In the middle of conversation about a recipe, 
which sounds ridiculous to me, because neither of us really likes to 
cook, she abruptly says, “You know he misses you.” 

“Who, David?” 

“You know who I'm talking about.” 

“Is he okay?” 

“Hell, no. He's in a rotten mood. He looks terrible. I find it hard to
believe that he ever leaves here. You guys really need to talk. There 
is no reason for both of you to be so miserable. If not for yourselves, 
then for me.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I just don't know how long we can stay partners. Sometimes I get the
feeling whenever he looks at me, it just reminds him of you. Even in 
conversation, I feel I have to watch what I say.  It's hard to work 
with someone when something like that is hanging over you.” 

“Kate, I don't know what to say.” 

“I'm not asking to get back together with him, but I do think you guys
need to talk it out. Remember this all started because he didn't finish 
what he started. Do you want that to happen again?” 

“You're right, Katie.” 

“Nina, for God sakes, you love him.” 

“But maybe love is not enough.” 


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