An Ending . . . Of Sorts (standard:non fiction, 2023 words)
Author: Sarah	Added: Apr 01 2001	Views/Reads: 3263/2083	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Emotions and thoughts surrounding the demise of a relationship/marriage.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

to Missouri, after all. 

David pulls up to the side of the house to make it easier to load the
van.  I go around to the front door and once inside come around to 
unlock the side door.  They come in, David exclaims over how big the 
cat has gotten, and heads for the basement. 

Sally is small in stature.  A little pudgy like me but in different
places.  Tight jeans and turtleneck reveal little bulges here and 
there.  Salt and pepper hair and dark eyes.  Attractive. 

David comes back upstairs.  As I direct them to the piles and boxes I
have accumulated for him, we talk.  Ironically, I realize this is a 
woman I could like; someone I could be friends with.  Under different 
circumstances.  She is friendly and speaks intelligently. 

I learn she is self-employed; sells real estate and is a tax accountant.
 She goes on to say she is a Pentecostal Christian and has been a 
minister for 20 years.  But recently left the ministry.   Because she 
can't be a minister and drink and dance and she has recently discovered 
both.  I am dumbfounded!  David the Atheist coupled with a 
Fundamentalist!  Unbelievable. 

She also is newly divorced--six months ago.  As she speaks of the
details of the marriage and divorce I hear remnants of pain in her 
voice although she says it is behind her now.  That sisterhood of woman 
bonding thing rises up in me and I blurt out, "but you're so needy 
right now.  You need time to heal." 

"Actually it's been two years since we split up.  It's just that the
divorce became final six months ago." 

She talks about a husband who was undemonstrative, who didn't show her
any affection.  The more she talks, the more I feel drawn to her and 
the more I feel the need to warn her.  Warn her of what?  It's none of 
my business.  Recognizing this does not subdue the feeling. 

She says she and David met about six months ago and haven't stopped
talking since.  How familiar this sounds. 

I tell her, "Well, David will tell you he wants an independent woman. 
Beware!  He only wants you to be independent as long as you agree with 
his point of view."  David is standing nearby and I say it in a joking 
manner--I hope.  They both grin so I guess it's okay that I said it. 

I continue by saying, "Which I have decided must just be a male thing." 

"I think you're right," she replies and smiles also.  "We've had some of
those kinds of conversations already." 

"Well, don't back down," I say. 

"Oh, I won't; I'm good at defending myself.  He knows that already." 

Sounds more and more like this is a potentially serious relationship.  I
feel concern for what I perceive this woman's needs to be because I 
have no doubt they will remain unfulfilled.  What is this pain I'm 
beginning to feel?  Why do I feel so protective of her?  She says she 
has dated quite a few men during the past two years.  I sense that she 
is looking for someone to love.  And to be loved.   I know the feeling. 
I was there.  Fourteen years ago.  It didn't happen. 

We are alone for a few minutes when David goes back to the basement. 

As we stand emptying clothes from what once was his closet, I decide to
speak what's in my heart.  "Please don't misunderstand but I feel the 
need to talk to you woman-to-woman.   I don't wish David any harm.  I 
just feel the need to warn you.  If you just want a friend, a sexual 
buddy, then you probably won't be disappointed.  But if you're looking 
for something more, please be careful.  David himself told me in the 
early months of our relationship that a woman he once dated for nine 
months told him, 'David, you're a taker.' 

"Whatever it is that did or didn't happen to David as a child has made
him the way he is.  It's why we all are the way we are, of course, but 
with David, what this amounts to is, I don't think he knows how to 
love.  It's not that he's intentionally selfish or unkind.  But he is 
the most self-absorbed person I have ever known.  And hasn't a clue as 
to how to be a father or a husband.  Clueless is what he is." 

Then I tell her about his daughter's wedding and how he failed to show
up at almost the last minute.  He was driving over the road at the time 
and called me to say he would have to cut his run short and it might 
jeopardize his job and he thought he would probably just be in the way 
anyway and what did I think he should do? (His ex-wife and daughter had 
rented a hotel room for us, bought flowers for me and him, rented him a 
tux.  They were expecting him to walk her down the aisle, for god's 
sake!) 

I told her by this point in the marriage I was tired of being the
manager, the mother, of making his decisions for him, so I told him he 
had to do what he thought best.  What he thought best was not to go.  
It broke his daughter's heart and she called in tears two days before 
the wedding.  David was still out on the road and I had to talk to her. 
 I felt horrible.  And wished for her sake I had talked him into doing 
the right thing--at least one more time. 

Just then I heard David's footsteps on the stairs and tried once again
to assure Sally I wasn't trying to be vindictive.  "I just have the 
feeling you may be looking for something that isn't going to be there." 


"No, no, I've wondered about some of this myself.  I'm glad to know." 

* * * * * 

By the time the tire shop called to say my car was ready, Sally and
David were just about finished loading up the things they planned to 
take.  David has to return in November for the court date for the 
divorce and will get the rest of his things then. 

We all piled into the van one more time and they dropped me off at the
tire store. 

As I prepared to exit the van, Sally said, "I was a little nervous about
meeting you but hoped it would be okay.  And it was." 

"Me, too," I said.  "But there's no reason for me to have bad feelings
toward you.  What happened between David and me happened before he ever 
knew you.  You had nothing to do with it." 

"Well, that's how I hoped you'd feel.  My best friend had an affair with
my husband so that's the last thing I would ever do to another woman," 
Sally replied. 

"Have a safe trip; I wish you well," I said as I exited the van and
headed to the tire store.  I wrote my check, left the store, and drove 
home with a little knot of pain and sadness rumbling around deep inside 
my guts.  I didn't exactly know why. 

Then I figured it out. 

David is looking for a connection.  Of sorts.  He was looking for it
when he ran into me.  Who was looking and hoping and praying.  To be 
needed.  To be loved. 

He found the real thing.  He didn't know it.  He didn't take care of it.
And then he lost it. 

Me, I'm not looking anymore. 

David still is. 

He's run into someone who's looking and hoping and praying . . . 

I have to stop now.  There is a pain behind my eyes and it is spreading
to my throat and moving down to squeeze around my heart. 

-- end -- 


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