The Soul of Me (Part 6) (standard:drama, 4079 words) [6/11] show all parts
Author: Maya	Added: May 09 2001	Views/Reads: 2463/1812	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Heidi trys to get back to her life.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story


“You’re asking me?  I’m depressed remember.  I don’t know what happy
is.”  I grinned at her.  She just gave me a ‘that’s not very funny’ 
look.  “I was just kidding.  You don’t have to pretend it didn’t 
happen, just don’t dwell on it, okay?” 

“Okay.”  She was finally lightening up.  “Hey, I know a happy subject.” 

“What.” 

“Aaron...and he’s right behind you.” 

I turned around and saw Aaron drifting towards us.  I swear he got more
beautiful every time I saw him.  He was looking right at me with those 
baby browns...yummy. 

“Are you avoiding me?”  What, no hello? 

“No, why?”  I asked. 

“Well, you weren’t in your gym class today or English class today or
yesterday.  I thought we were going to talk today at lunch, and you 
practically ran away.  What’s the deal.” 

“Sorry, I just had things I had to do.  I’m not avoiding you.”  I
decided to get back on track.  “So, how’s the book coming along?  Have 
you gotten very far?” 

“It’s going pretty well.  It’s not quite as easy to read as I thought it
was going to be.  It’s a good story.  It’s just a little hard to 
follow.  I think I’m on page 125 or so.”  He’d read only a few chapters 
less than I 

“Wow, you seem to be getting through it pretty quickly.  I haven’t
really had the chance to concentrate on it like I wanted to.  You’re 
only about 50 pages behind me.  I don’t think I’ll have it done by 
Monday.  I guess we’ll still have time to get a good report written 
even if it takes us two weeks to finish the book.  Don’t worry about 
hurrying through it.” 

He looked relieved.  “I’m so glad you said that.” 

“Hey, Aaron, come one.  We’re going to be late for practice.  Get a move
on.”  One of Aaron’s teammates had just walked up. 

“Hey Clark.  Do you know Heidi Bennett and Jody Swanson?” 

“Uh, no.  Well, you know.  I’ve seen you two around, but I guess we’ve
never met.  I’m Clark Little.”  He actually held out his hand for us to 
shake.  What a nice guy.  I guess if he’s a friend of Aaron’s he 
couldn’t be too bad. 

Clark was...well...tall, dark and handsome.  He had dark eyes and short,
almost shaved, black hair.  He looked very friendly.  He might have 
been part Asian part African-American.  He was so cute, but not in the 
same way Aaron was cute. Clark had these absolutely adorable shiny, 
plump cheeks that looked like they were just asking to be pinched.  His 
teeth were perfect.  Pearly white and straight. His smile seemed very 
at home on his face.  His shoulders were wide and strong, and his legs 
appeared quite powerful underneath his basketball shorts. 

“Hi, Clark. It’s nice to meet you.”  Jody held his hand just a bit, too
long.  “I’ve seen you around, too.  You’re quite the basket ball player 
I hear, and aren’t you in drama club?  You should be.” Okay, I knew 
Jody well enough to know Clark was definitely her type.  If I didn’t 
get her out of here soon, she was going to start flirting.  “They could 
definitely use someone as handsome as you.”  Uh oh.  It was too late.  
Oh, well.  “My, you certainly are a tall one.  So, you guys have 
basketball practice.  Do you think it’d be alright if we watched?” 

“Sure, anyone is welcome to watch, and uh...thanks for the compliments. 
You’re not too bad, yourself.”  Oh please.  I thought this was about 
me.   “So, do you two want to come watch?  I could take you both home 
afterward.” 

“Yeah, Heidi.  Why don’t you guys stick around and watch.”  Aaron chimed
into the conversation. 

“I don’t know.”  I turned to Heidi.  “You know I really need to get
home.  I think my parents will want me home early today.  You can watch 
though.” 

“You wouldn’t mind?”  She gave me a worried look. 

“Of course not.  You weren’t going to baby-sit me or anything.  Have a
good time.”  After saying our good-byes, I turned to leave.  Clark and 
Jody had already started toward the gym. 

“Wait, Heidi.  Are you sure you don’t want to come and watch?”  He stuck
out his chest, and with an exaggerated sense of superiority he said,  
“I’m pretty good, if I do say so myself.” 

“I really can’t.  I have to go.” 

“Is there something wrong?”  He looked hurt. 

“No of course not.”  I lied.  I wasn’t about to burden him with my
problems.  “Why?” 

“You really do seem to be avoiding me.  I know we don’t really know each
other very well, but it’s not like we’re strangers.  We’ve been going 
to school together for eight years.” 

“You know Aaron, I didn’t really want to get into this with you, but
since you brought it up, I guess I will.  We are strangers.”  I don’t 
know why I picked this time to talk about this.  I guess I heard so 
much about the importance of talking that day that I decided to start 
right then.  “Sure, we’ve known each other’s names for eight years, and 
though you’ve never been cruel to me in all that time, you just started 
paying attention to me a few weeks ago.  The first conversation of more 
than five words happened only three days ago.  Can you tell my why now? 
Why not five years ago, or two or last year.” 

“I don’t know.  I needed your help for one.” 

“What else.  You could have found a hundred other people to help you
with your English paper.  You didn’t need me.  So tell me.  Why?” 

“Does there have to be a reason?” 

“In my life, yes.  There is usually a specific reason someone starts to
talk to me.  It’s usually to intimidate and tease me.  If it’s not 
that, it’s because they don’t have a choice.” 

“What about Jody?” 

“She’s different.” 

“Well, maybe I’m different, too.”  He didn’t stay to clarify, he just
turned on his heel and headed to the gym. 

Talk.  Trust.  Believe. 

At least I had started talking. 

When I arrived home I found my mother and father already there and
sitting at the kitchen table.  I can’t say I was particularly surprised 
to find them there.  I tried to appear perfectly normal, but after what 
they now knew, this was exceptionally difficult. 

“Hi.  What are you guys doing home?”  I know, this was a rather stupid
question, but I was just trying to make conversation. 

“We just wanted to be home for you today.  It was a rough day for
everyone.”  My mother looked better than she had earlier today, but she 
still looked a little frazzled around the edges.  “So, how are you?  
Uh...I mean how was the rest of your day?” 

“Fine, mom.  I’m fine and the rest of the day was fine, too.”  I said. 
“I talked to Jody after school.  I wanted to let her know how things 
went with you and Dr. Lane.” 

“I really wish she had come to us last night.”  My dad was staring at a
cup of coffee.  It was like wanted to avoid my eyes. 

“Dad,”  I said putting my hand on his.  “She really wanted to.  I mean
really wanted to.  She went against her better judgement because I 
practically begged her.  If it wasn’t for Jody, I don’t know where I’d 
be right now.  She made me go see Mr. James.  Mr. James made me see 
that telling you was really the only way to go.  I’m glad I did, too.  
Please don’t be upset with Jody.  In a way, she’s my savior.” 

“I know, honey.  I just wish I could fix everything for you.  I don’t
mean to dump on Jody.  In fact, I’m glad she found out...about 
yesterday...I mean.”  Neither one of my parents knew what to say to me. 


“I called Dr. Randall’s office.  I waited, and was able to speak
directly to him.  I told him what was going on and that Dr. Lane needed 
to have the results of your complete physical as soon as possible.  He 
is making space in his schedule for you tomorrow at 10 o’clock.  I’ll 
take the morning off and go with you.” 

“You don’t have to, mom.  I can take a bus, It’s not that far.” 

“I know, but I’d really like to go with you, if you don’t mind.” 

“No, I don’t mind.”  I glanced at the clock.  I was extremely
uncomfortable.  These were my parents, and I shouldn’t have been, but I 
felt like I needed to get out of there.  “I’m going to go up to my 
room, okay?  I have some homework to do.  I’m a little behind in a few 
of my classes.” 

“Okay, I’ll call you when dinner is ready.”  My mom tried to give me a
smile, but it just didn’t look right anymore. 

My dad still hadn’t met my eyes.  He continued to stare into his coffee
cup. 

When I entered my room I noticed the light on my answering machine was
blinking.  I only had one message.  I knew who it was from.  I hadn’t 
cleared the message from yesterday when Aaron’s called stopped me from 
killing myself.  I went to the machine and pressed play and delete. 

I heard Aaron’s voice: “Hi Heidi.  It’s Aaron.  I didn’t see you in
English.  I was hoping would could talk about the book a little bit.  
It’s not that I can’t follow it, but well...you know...it might be 
helpful if you could sort of talk to me about the story in plain 
English.   Also, I kind of wanted to ask you something.  So, if you’re 
not like, too sick, call me later.  Bye”  Then the mechanical sound of 
my answering machine:  “One message deleted.”  No more blinking light. 

It was  hard to listen to the message again.  It made me remember
yesterday all too clearly, then I felt immense guilt for putting the 
people I love through this.  I really wanted to forget yesterday ever 
happened.  Aaron was my savior as a much as Jody was.  Aaron just 
didn’t know how that simple call changed my life. 

I hoped I hadn’t gone too far when I was talking to Aaron after school
today.  He seemed pretty angry when he walked away from me.  I really 
wanted to be his friend, and he seemed to be treating me like he wanted 
that as well.  He did stick up for me with Kyle.  He even went as far 
as to pretend he was taking me to the prom.  I was sure that was going 
to backfire on him.  I wondered what he’s going to say when other 
people started asking him about it.  Kyle has a big mouth, so 
undoubtedly he would spread the gossip.  Then again, how many people 
would believe him.  Aaron, taking me, ha!  Maybe it wouldn’t backfire.  
He could just deny it, after all.  Then Kyle would really look like an 
idiot. 

I wish I could stop from feeling suspicious.  I just didn’t understand
why someone like Aaron would want to be friends with someone like me.  
Even after I confronted him, he wasn’t really able to give me a good 
reason.  Maybe, like Kyle said, he was just doing what he thought was a 
good deed. 

At least I was talking to him now.  Whatever the reason, I was able to
talk to him and look into his lovely eyes.  I wanted to be able to 
enjoy the time I spent with him for whatever the reason.  I decided 
that this was too important to me.  Next time I saw him I would 
apologize for getting on his case.  When it comes to Aaron, maybe I’ll 
stop looking a gift horse in the mouth. 

I settled down on my bed and started doing my homework.  Even though I
had missed several classes in the last two days, I hadn’t missed too 
much school work.  A little reading, some questions to answer and some 
math homework and I was more or less done.  I still had an hour or so 
before Mom would be calling me for dinner, so  I decided I needed to 
read a few more pages of The Count of Monte Cristo.  I sure didn’t want 
Aaron to finish the book before I did.  I had my pride, after all. 

‘Okay, Edmond.’  I thought to myself.  ‘What are you up to today.’  I
loved to read.  Reading was an escape.  I could go anywhere and be 
anything I wanted to be.  There was only me, my imagination, and the 
story.  I took enormous pleasure in seeing the words on the pages and 
feeling the book in my hands.  I experienced the story.  I didn’t just 
read it. 

I was able to read about forty pages before my mother called me for
dinner.  I was about half way finished with the book.  I was not 
disappointed.  The Count of Monte Cristo was a wonderful book, full of 
beautiful images of  19th century France.  As beautiful as the images 
were, it was, in fact, a dark story.  A story of lost love, lost years, 
injustice, and revenge.  It was fun to read what Edmond was planning 
next for the people that had conspired to have him arrested and thrown 
into the terrible prison, Chateau d’If.  I enjoyed seeing the people 
that wronged him get what they deserved.  I was anxious to see how it 
would end.  But for now, dinner was ready. 

Downstairs I found my parents already seated at the dinner table.  I
smiled, tried to look cheerful and happy, and took my usual place. 

“This looks good, mom.” 

“Thanks.” 

“So, do we have any plans for the weekend?” 

“No.”  They both said at once. 

“I thought I might see if Jody wants to go to a movie.  Is that okay
with you?” 

“Yes.” 

“Fine.” 

“Is there any good movies opening this weekend?” 

“I don’t know.” 

Dad just shrugged. 

“Dad, could you pass me the salt.” 

He reached for the salt and handed it to me.  He barely looked up. 

“Thanks.” 

The only sound to be heard for the next fifteen minutes was the sound of
the silverware against the plates.  I couldn’t take it any more. 

“Dad?”  I finally broke the silence. 

“What?”  He didn’t even glance in my direction.  His gaze remained on
his plate. 

“Can’t you even look at me?  I haven’t changed, you know.  I’m the same
Heidi I’ve always been.  You just know a little more about me now.”  I 
was so afraid that this was going to happen. 

“I know.”  He said.  This time he did look up – for a moment. 

“Then what are you afraid of?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“I wish you both would just treat me like you always have.  I know this
is hard on you.  I’m sor....”  I remembered what Dr. Lane had said.  
There was no blame and, therefore no reason to apologize.  “I wish 
things had worked out differently.” 

Both my mom and my dad’s faces sprang up to look at me.  I realized what
I just said.  I couldn’t help but chuckle. 

“I didn’t mean it like that.  Jeez, lighten up.”  I wish they could have
seen the looks or their faces.  It was actually comical.  “I just meant 
that I wish I had talked to you guys sooner.  That I hadn’t had to 
reach the point I did before I realized I could talk to you.” 

They were still looking at me with funny faces.  “At least you’re
looking at me now.”  I smiled again.  They smiled back. 

“I guess we don’t know how to act around you now.  Do we watch every
word we say?  Do we watch every word you say?  What if we say something 
that upsets you?  We just don’t want to hurt you.”  It was hard for my 
dad to really express what he was trying to say.  “It feels like I’m 
not really here – like I’m reading someone else’s story.” 

“Heidi,”  My mom said.  “We love you.  This was not something we ever
dreamed would happen to you.  We just don’t know how to deal with it.” 

“I know, but the first thing you need to remember is that I’m very
lucky.  You and dad are not the reason I ended up where I did.”  I 
couldn’t even say it.  I tried again.  “I did not plan to kill myself 
because of anything you and dad ever did.  You don’t have to change.  
Well, in a way, you do – we all do.  We need to start communicating 
about the important stuff.  I need you to listen, but please don’t stop 
talking to me.  Don’t treat me like I’ll run off and try to kill myself 
again if you say the wrong thing.  That’s not what happened, and that 
won’t happen.  We can’t just pretend that it didn’t happen.  In fact, 
as long as the rest of the world doesn’t know our business, it’s even 
okay to talk about.” 

I looked at my mom.  “Okay?” 

“Okay.”  She smiled. 

I looked at my dad.  “Okay?” 

He looked directly into my eyes, smiled and said, “Okay.” 

Before I knew what was happening, they were both up and giving me the
biggest hug I’ve ever gotten.  “Okay, okay.  Now that we’ve gotten that 
out of our system, what’s for dessert?” 

“Guess.”  We never had dessert unless it was a special occasion. 

“I’m guessing nothing.”  I said. 

“Bingo.”  Mom was getting back to herself a little.  “I’ll tell you what
you do get, though.   You get to clean up the kitchen.” 

“But. Mom...”  I started to complain.  In reality, I was going to clean
the kitchen anyway. 

“Hey, you were the one that said not to treat you differently, so get to
it.”  She grinned. 

My mom and dad helped me clear the table, then went into the living room
to relax while I finished the dishes. 

I truly hoped my parents and Jody would keep their word and not treat me
differently.  I wanted some change in my life, but I didn’t want their 
love for me or how they acted around me to change.  It was the only 
constant I felt I had. 

Once I finished with the chores I went into the living room and visited
with my parents.  I hadn’t done this for a while.  I usually just head 
on up to my room.  It had become habit.  Today I decided to spend some 
time with them and watch a little television.  It was a really nice 
evening.  I felt that they were really trying to treat me like they 
always did.  Eventually I hoped they wouldn’t have to ‘try’ to treat me 
normal.  If you have to try to do something normal, it sort of defeats 
the purpose of being normal.  It was a start. 

About 9 o’clock I said goodnight, kissed my parents and went upstairs to
my room.  I was going to do some more reading before I went to sleep. 

Half way up the stairs I heard my phone ringing.  I sprinted up the
remaining stairs and grabbed my phone. 

“Hello?”  I said, a little out of breath. “Hi, Heidi?  It’s Aaron” 

****************** 

I hope you are enjoying my story.  In the next chapters I hope to go
back to the story I had intended on writing before Heidi decided to try 
and end her life.  That part was a surprise to me.  I'm not the best 
writer in the world, but I have to admit, I am enjoying writing this 
story.  I even have some ideas for a new story when this one is done.  
Please send me your comments.  I'd love to hear from you.  Thanks for 
reading. 


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