You Know You're a Grownup When ... (standard:humor, 737 words)
Author: Jim Spence	Added: Apr 15 2002	Views/Reads: 6134/2623	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
you finally realize that you're a grownup when ...

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

evening 

the first thing you look at on your waitress is her name tag 

you change the batteries in your smoke detectors before they start
chirping 

you eat at Taco Bell because of the price, not because of the food 

you take pride in knowing an NFL coach takes the same cholesterol
medicine that you do 

you start arranging photographs 

you look forward to mowing the lawn 

you realize that you look younger than all of your friends 

Early Bird dinner jokes aren't so funny 

your physician, your dentist, and your insurance agent are all younger
than you 

kids in high school look like third graders, especially when they're
behind the wheel of a car 

you understand the significance of a good home filing system 

you look forward to snow just for the seclusion 

there are only a handful of people at work older than you 

Alzheimer's scares you 

it takes your heart twice as long to slow down after the sex that takes
half as long as it used to 

coupons become almost as valuable as cash 

you carry twice as many bags of groceries as you should just because you
don't want to make an extra trip 

getting wild and crazy means eating hotter salsa 

you could have sworn that staircase didn't have that many steps last
week 

your back goes out more often than you do 

the expression “a pain in the ass” isn't as figurative 

Metamucil is one of the four major food groups 

raising your heart rate is simply a matter of getting out of the
recliner 

you have to trim the hair on your toes 

you actually start mailing in those rebate offers 

a cold meat loaf sandwich beats a meal at the most expensive restaurant 

you're more familiar with 401(k) than you are with MTV or VH1 

the three Rs change from “readin', ritin', and ‘rithmatic” to
“retirement, rheumatism, and regularity” 


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