A story of La Chusa, a Mexican monster. Humor. (standard:Satire, 1915 words)
Author: Oscar A Rat	Added: Jul 19 2020	Views/Reads: 1296/838	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
A monster is murdering drug dealers in the US, then hiding in Mexico. A very special composite of expert government agencies is tracking it down.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

Taking a break from his comic book, he'd looked up at monitor B-23 in 
time to see a huge bird flying south toward the Mexican border. "La 
Chusa," he cried. "Mommy used to tell me about her." 

Yumyum, at the monitor controls, managed to swoop the camera in close,
showing a clear picture of a leathery shape with an extremely ugly 
human face. It was clutching something. "It's got a bomb," she informed 
the others. 

"Call the Border Patrol Artillery," National Security Agent Shepfield
ordered, reaching for a telephone. 

"Hands off, Shep, you dog you." Johnson from the FBI shoved him away.
"It's my turn on the telephone." He picked it up and started to dial. 

"Hold on." Peterson from the XYZ Secret Police grabbed the hand-piece
from him. "Look up edict 10-17 paragraph six. It's my phone. My agency 
pays the monthly bills. I'll call. 

"You guys cut it out," little Johnny screamed in desperation. "The
Border Patrol Artillery gets off work at six pm. It's five-after right 
now." 

"How can they do that?" Yumyum asked. 

"It was a special act of congress. The Texas governor took the matter to
the Supreme Court," Johnny answered. “The governor won't authorize them 
overtime pay.” 

"That thing, whatever it is, flies over every night at this time. Track
it to its destination, Yumyu ... I mean Agent Janice," Colonel Evens 
ordered. "We'll hurry down there and find out what it is. It has to be 
a threat to National Security." 

"Just what is this 'La Chusa'?" FBI Agent Johnson asked the Eagle Scout
representative. 

"According to legend La Chusa, or Bloody Mary, is a particularly ugly
old woman. She can fly, and steals souls from the unwary. Many think 
she comes from Mexico but operates all over the world." 

"Uh, does this creature use modern weapons, like electronics and
firearms?" Colonel Johnson asked. He had an ingrained fear of having 
holes drilled into his carcass, which was why he worked in Intelligence 
rather than on battlefields. 

"Not that I've ever heard," Johnny answered. "She has no super powers.
In her human state, she's only a particularly disfigured and ugly old 
flying woman." 

"I can take on any decrepit old lady," NSA Agent Shepfield boasted.
"I've stomped many of them." 

"We'll get it, or her, tomorrow night," Colonel Johnson affirmed. "I can
have a helicopter unit with M-269 mini-guns and a Ranger battalion 
ready to cross the border in ten minutes." He pushed the appropriate 
button on a cellphone. 

"Uh," Eagle Scout Johnny asked, "isn't that overkill? For one old lady
with or without wings." 

"It's the military way," Colonel Johnson replied with pride. 

"I think five of us can do it alone," Yumyum suggested. "It would look
better on our records." 

So it was agreed that one helicopter and five of the HotShots would take
on the difficult task of arresting an old lady across the border in 
Mexico. Only the Eagle Scout would be left alone to coordinate the 
attack from their control room. 

*** 

The next night, in Amarillo, a drug dealer named Elvis Jesus Rodriguez
sat on the patio of his home, studiously filling little baggies with 
bits of a large crack cocaine rock. Busily weighing the ensuing 
dribbles of product, he didn't notice a shadow falling over him. 

With a loud screech, La Chusa landed on his back, shoving his face into
the table and knocking his scales over. It reached down and bit a chunk 
out of his neck. 

Pulling a shiny object from him – his soul? – it shoved the limp body
off the table. Palsied skinny old fingers scooped up the drugs while a 
wrinkled and weatherbeaten female face hovered over the table. With her 
loot, Bloody Mary rose into the sky and flew south. 

*** 

"HS one to HS two. HS one to HS two," Johnny spoke into a radio, eyes on
a monitor above his small head, "the target has been spotted and 
identified, flying at ten-thousand feet toward the border." 

"On the way, HS one," agent Yumyum replied. She and the other agents
were in a helicopter flown by Colonel Evens. It rose quickly. Within 
two minutes, the craft showed on Johnny's screen. 

Johnny was glad he had his merit badge in radar tracking. The Boy Scouts
had modernized and now offered badges in many electronic subjects. 
Woodcraft, forestry, and kosher tampon rolling were old-fashioned in 
the modern age. 

He guided the armed helicopter onto the same path as the target, where
it followed at a leisurely pace. The La Chusa was soon in their sights, 
flapping along like a particularly large bird. 

"Got it in sight, HS one," Yumyum replied to base. While the colonel
flew, the others checked their weapons, everything from a portable 
flame-thrower to automatic rifles. With the myriad of firearms on the 
chopper, they were satisfied they could take on a little old lady, even 
one with wings. 

The La Chusa landed in front of an old-folks home in the suburbs of
Chihuahua, Mexico. It took the helicopter five minutes to find a decent 
landing spot and another few minutes for the agents to arrive at the 
entrance. 

Storming inside, weapons primed and extended, they found fifty-three
elderly residents reading and watching television. A few were having a 
walker race, trying to be first into the enema room. 

"Get these people all together so we can find the one we want," Colonel
Evens ordered, holding an automatic rifle on a table where two couples 
were playing strip poker, clothing and pampers piled in the center of 
the table. 

The others hurried through the premises, gathering up octogenarians,
shoving strings of wheelchairs and wheeled-beds back to the reception 
area. During the process, three oldsters suffered heart attacks when 
faced by armed American HotShots. 

Within the hour, all of them were assembled in a large lounge at the
entrance. It then took another half-hour for nurses to change diapers 
on those overly excited by the activity. The few staff were then 
handcuffed and dumped into an office area to get them out of the way. 

"Which one of you is the La Chusa?" XYZ Agent Peterson asked, perplexed.
There were thirty old women. Although Agent Yumyum found the stolen 
drugs in one room, they had no idea who they belonged to. No one had 
been in the room at the time of the raid. 

"We'll have to take the ugliest old women with us. Let the courts sort
them out," Agent Shepfield suggested. 

In the end, five particularly ugly old Mexican women were taken into
custody, handcuffed, and returned to the helicopter along with the 
stolen drugs as evidence. 

*** 

"A job well done," Agent Johnson stated from the helicopter, feet
resting on the body of a whimpering old lady. "Team Doggie will all get 
commendations for this. Johnny will also earn another merit badge to 
wear proudly on his uniform." 

Meanwhile, at the HotShot base, Johnny called the local FBI office.
Other agents were waiting to take custody of the five suspects. 

When the President heard of the apprehension of five terrorist suspects,
taken without permission in a foreign nation, he smiled. 

"Take them directly to Guantanamo," he ordered. "We won't torture them,
only use that waterboard thing. Dipping their heads into life-giving 
water will be good for their constitution, cool and refreshing." 

“Please don't mention that old piece of paper,” the Vice President
interjected, spitting into a corner. 

"What about the innocent ones?" one aide asked. 

"In this war, holding four innocent people to maybe catch one terrorist
is well worth it. They shouldn't have been associating with that damned 
La Chusa in the first place, " he replied. 

The next night, a drug dealer in Dallas was killed, his stash stolen and
a large bird seen flying away in the light of a full moon. The matter 
was mentioned to the President, who never admits to making mistakes. He 
simply ordered a dozen captured Mid-Eastern terrorists to be flown to a 
secret prison in Lebanon to make room in Cuba for more old women. 

The End.


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