Herman's Day at the Beach (standard:other, 3163 words) [4/4] show all parts
Author: Jim Spence	Added: Sep 09 2003	Views/Reads: 2415/1821	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Part 4 in the Herman series ...

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

He nodded at Mr. Hale as he entered the store, five minutes before
closing time.  Mr. Hale was a fixture in Herman's neighborhood.  He had 
had five wives, Mr. Hale did, and every one of them had left him.  
Herman had heard stories about why they left, but didn't believe any of 
them.  All he knew was, no matter what time of day or night Herman 
would walk into the market, there was Mr. Hale. 

Herman made his few selections, stopping last at the suntan lotion
display.  Not a lot to choose from, he thought.  He picked out what he 
thought was the strongest suntan lotion on the shelf, walked to the 
counter, paid for his toiletries, and headed for the door.  Just as he 
approached the door, it opened, and in walked two young men, gruff in 
appearance, and not very friendly in demeanor. 

As Herman walked out the door, he looked again at the suntan lotion he'd
just bought.  Only then did he realize that it wasn't suntan lotion at 
all, but was in fact baby oil.  “Why don't they put this stuff in clear 
bottles anymore” thought Herman, as he turned around and opened the 
door to return his errant purchase. 

As he opened the door, Herman heard the strangest words.  “Don't make me
wait all day, old man ... I said open the register!” 

He looked up.  There, behind the counter, was Mr. Hale, obviously
frightened.  There, in front of the counter, were the two men, one 
holding a small handgun at arm's length, pointing it directly at Mr. 
Hale. 

They were robbing Mr. Hale!!! 

The robber without the gun heard Herman come into the store, turned and
said “buddy, you'd better freeze”.  And freeze Herman did.  His entire 
body tightened, including the hand that was holding the baby lotion.  
And as his hand tightened, the cap flew from the baby lotion, and a 
stream of oil shot straight from Herman's hand into the eyes of the 
second robber. 

“My god” shouted the robber, as he dropped the bag he was carrying and
grabbed both eyes with his hands.  He took one step towards Herman, and 
... 

It all happened so quickly, even Herman wasn't sure what happened. 
Apparently, as the robber stepped towards Herman, with both hands 
wiping the oil from his eyes, he stepped into some of the oil on the 
floor, his feet went out from under him with his arms flailing, one 
flailing arm going over his head, striking the second robber, the one 
holding the small handgun, in the side of the face, knocking both 
robbers to the floor ... and knocking them both unconscious. 

The police were called, reports were written, photographs were taken,
and the two would be robbers were taken away in handcuffs. 

Herman didn't make it back to his apartment until after 1:00 in the
morning.  He quickly undressed, telling himself he'd finish packing in 
the morning. 

Just as he started to drift off to sleep, Herman awoke and realized ...
in all of the confusion, he'd forgotten to get his suntan lotion.  Oh, 
well, he'd just make time in the morning to go back to Mr. Hale's 
market. 

With his air conditioner broken, Herman slept with the window open.  He
was still half asleep when he heard sounds coming through his open 
window; it was the sounds of the garbage truck making its rounds. 

“Huh” thought Herman, “they're awful early today.  They usually don't
get here on Saturday until around 7:00.” 

“SEVEN O'CLOCK!!!” Herman jumped out of bed screaming.  He'd overslept. 
His train left at 8:20, and it would take him at least an hour to get 
to the station. 

Grabbing a quick shower, even quicker getting dressed, throwing what was
left to be packed in his suitcase, Herman ran out the door to the bus 
station. 

When Herman planned his day at the beach, he had no way of knowing that
he was going on the exact same day that the Shriners had scheduled 
their annual parade ... a parade in which all of the city streets on 
the lower east side would be shut down for over an hour.  When Herman 
saw this, he panicked and ran for the subway. 

“Hurry, hurry, hurry” begged Herman, as the subway pulled away from his
stop and headed for the train station.  He looked at his watch and 
realized, in his rush to get ready that morning, he'd neglected to put 
it on. 

Three stops later, the subway pulled up to the train station.  As Herman
dashed up the steps to street level, he saw his train ... slowly 
leaving the gate. 

“Hold that train!” screamed Herman as he ran for the platform. 

But, it was no use.  The train left without him.  So, Herman walked into
the station to check on the next available train heading his direction. 
 He was told it would be 90 minutes.  Herman sighed.  He really needed 
this day at the beach ... oh well, he'd still have a good day, just 90 
minutes shorter. 

Since he'd gotten up late, and didn't have time to eat, Herman thought
he'd get a quick bite at the deli in the train station.  He ordered a 
breakfast sandwich, and a cup of coffee, and sat down ... probably on 
the only broken seat in the deli.  The seat shifted, and so did Herman 
... unfortunately, his cup of coffee didn't, and found its way into his 
lap. 

“Oh, goodness” thought Herman “this is all I needed.” 

He retreated to the bathroom to clean up as much as he possibly could. 
It probably wasn't a good day to wear white pants anyway.  Herman knew 
he had an extra change of clothes in his suitcase (Herman always packed 
more clothes than he needed), so he could just change on the train. 

Herman walked back out to discover that his half empty cup of coffee,
and his entire breakfast sandwich, had been thrown away by a deli 
employee, who thought it strange that someone would drink their coffee, 
and leave their sandwich. 

“Oh, well” thought Herman.  “I really need the beach today.” 

His train arrived, ten minutes ahead of schedule (my luck is changing,
thought Herman), he got on board and found a seat in the reading car. 

One thing that Herman had remembered to bring was the morning newspaper.
 Herman always read the morning paper, cover to cover.  It was full of 
interesting people, with interesting lives ... not at all ordinary. 

As he started reading the paper, Herman realized that he'd neglected to
change his pants when he got on board.  He laid his paper in his seat, 
went to the restroom to change, and returned to his seat, only to 
discover that someone had picked up his newspaper.  Whom, he didn't 
know.  It seemed like everybody in the reading car had a newspaper ... 
everybody, that is, except Herman. 

So Herman just sat there, watching the scenery, as the train made its
way south, to Herman's beach, and to other destinations that Herman 
could only dream about. 

The windows in the reading car were open, and Herman could smell the
ocean air long before he saw the water.  He started to get excited.  He 
really needed this day at the beach, a day to just relax and be 
ordinary on purpose. 

As the train pulled nearer to the station, it stopped ... 50 yards from
the platform.  Herman didn't know that this particular train was 
carrying a large number of diplomats, including the governor.  A 
ceremony was being held for someone on the platform, the porter told 
them as he walked through the reading car, and all of the diplomats had 
to make speeches; but, he said, they would be done shortly.  Herman 
wondered about that.  He'd never known a politician to do anything 
quickly when the public, and a speech, were involved. 

“Oh, well” thought Herman, “since I'm stuck in the train, I might as
well walk back to the dining car and grab some lunch” (especially since 
his breakfast sandwich was sitting at the bottom of a trash can 
somewhere in the city, and his coffee was languishing on his white 
pants in his suitcase). 

The dining car was located at the very end of the train.  Herman asked
the porter if it was okay to leave his suitcase there in the reading 
car.  “Of course” said the porter “I'll watch it for you myself.” 

So Herman walked the seven cars back to the dining car, looked over the
menu (they have fish, Herman thought with some disgust), ordered his 
meal, reached into his back pocket for his wallet ... and remembered 
that it was in his white pants, covered in coffee and lying at the 
bottom of his suitcase. 

Herman made it back to his suitcase (which was still there ... “see, my
luck is changing” thought Herman), opened it up and starting digging 
out his wallet so he could go back to the dining car and pay for his 
lunch, when suddenly the porter announced that the diplomats were 
finished with their speeches, and the train would be moving shortly to 
the platform.  “Well, I can always eat when I get to the beach” figured 
Herman. 

So Herman disembarked, made his way to the cab station and took a taxi
to his hotel, which was located right on the ocean. 

The cab ride to the beach was uneventful, almost to the point of being
ordinary, save for the warm sea air blowing in the window.  The cabbie, 
a foreign gentleman, was trying to make small talk, but all Herman 
wanted to do was ride in silence.  This was his vacation day, after 
all. 

The cab pulled up to the front of the hotel around 2:00, almost three
hours later than Herman had intended to arrive.  “That's okay” Herman 
thought “I'll get a quick bite to eat, go to my room and change into my 
trunks, and just lay on the beach until the sun goes down.” 

He approached the desk, and told the clerk he had a reservation.  The
clerk checked his records, then came back and said “sir, I'm sorry, we 
have no reservation under that name.” 

“Well, that can't be right” explained Herman “I had a reservation.” 

“We don't show it listed, sir” said the clerk, dryly. 

Then, Herman remembered ... he had a confirmation number and told the
clerk so. 

“Then, please sir, by all means ... what is your confirmation number?” 

Herman remembered where he'd put it ... in his wallet, in his coffee
stained pants, in his suitcase.  He dug it out, and showed the number 
to the clerk, who then went back to his computer, typed ... typed some 
more ... typed again ... until finally he said “oh, here's the problem 
sir.  You'd booked your room for an early arrival, and it's now a 
little after two.  When you didn't call to confirm a late arrival, we 
released your room to someone else.” 

“Now what am I going to do?” said Herman, to no one in particular. 

The clerk, who had been very unhelpful up to that point, suddenly became
very helpful when he said “sir, if you don't mind waiting we have a 
block of rooms opening up at 4:00, and I will give you first priority.  
Unfortunately sir, these rooms are not ocean front”.  “Well” thought 
Herman “that will just have to do.” 

And so, Herman had his room; he just didn't have his room yet. 

He had an hour and a half before he could get his room, so he figured,
since his coffee was on his pants, his breakfast sandwich was at the 
bottom of a trash can in the city, and his unpaid for lunch was on the 
train ... it was time to eat. 

Herman gave his suitcase to the desk clerk, who promised to hold it for
him until check-in time, and rambled off to the beach, sure he would 
find some waterfront café where he could have a good meal. 

He found it just down from his hotel.  Captain Bill's Seafood Emporium. 

Herman took a table overlooking the ocean and decided what to eat.  “I
don't want fish” he thought “I certainly don't want fish.”  Then, he 
realized that, in all of the years he'd been eating fish at the diner 
(and not liking it), he'd never tried shellfish.  So, that's what he 
ordered. 

Herman enjoyed his crab and lobster, which surprised him.  “Must have
something to do with the beach” he thought.  He finished his meal, paid 
the waitress, gave her a nice tip and strolled back to his hotel. 

At 4:05 pm precisely, Herman walked into his room, changed into his swim
trunks, got a towel, and realized that he'd still never gotten any 
suntan lotion.  “Oh, the heck with it” Herman said “the sun's almost 
down anyway.” 

So, Herman finally made it to the beach ... hours after he had hoped,
but ... he was there. 

He laid out his towel, folded his shirt into a neat little pile for a
pillow, and lay down to enjoy the sun.  For about ten minutes.  Until 
it started to set behind his hotel.  So, Herman moved his towel a few 
yards down the beach, back into the sunlight.  And lay back down.  
Until the sun set behind another building. 

Herman sat up and looked around him.  He saw a sunny spot further down
the beach with no buildings of any kind to cast a shadow.  The sun 
should be shining there for at least another hour. 

But, as he started to get up once again to move his towel and himself
into the sunlight that he'd been traveling all day to see, his stomach 
turned a flip.  And then another.  And one more. 

For, you see, Herman had never had shellfish before.  So, he had no idea
if he might be allergic to it.  Which he was. 

He was released from the hospital around two in the morning, and the
hotel had graciously sent a car for him.  “How utterly nice of them” 
Herman thought, with some sarcasm. 

He spent a fitful night sleeping, what with the series of events that
had taken place that day.  When he finally did go to sleep, his last 
thoughts were of his ordinary third floor walk up, his broken air 
conditioner, and of Millie. 

Herman awoke very late the next morning, almost noon, feeling
surprisingly good considering all that had happened the day before.  He 
showered, dressed, went down stairs, ate the complimentary lunch that 
the hotel offered (he stayed away from the fish) and took the train 
back to the city. 

As the skyline of the city appeared in the distance, Herman started
feeling relaxed.  More relaxed than he had felt for as long as he could 
remember. 

And Herman, strangely enough, started dreaming of his next trip to the
beach. 


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