|My Millennium (standard:romance, 40993 words)|
|Author: Anonymous||Added: May 17 2001||Views/Reads: 2107/1834||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|About my life in the year 2000 that mainly revolves about my feelings towards my boyfriend.|
Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story We talked about the things that were happening around us, and kept each other updated. As it was still early, Alicia and Logan decided to go to this street party, held at Star Walk. Star Walk is a place where most teenagers hang out with their friends. All of us agreed, and I had to call Mom to inform her that I was going out with Alicia and Karen. “Hello, Mom,” I said when Mom picked up the phone. “Yes, Anna, where are you?” Mom asked. I sighed. That was the first question she had to ask me. “Mom, I’m going out with Karen and Alicia after this. Probably to grab a bite or something. I won’t be back that soon,” I said, hoping Mom would understand. “Where are you going?” “Not sure yet.” “Well, don’t come back too late.” “I won’t. Bye, Mom.” We hung up. “Okay, done. Let’s go,” I told my friends. Logan drove. I left my car at Alicia’s house. Logan picked up another friend of us, Victoria Zestwood. She has a weird family name, but nobody cares. Logan drove us down to Star Walk but the road was jammed up. There were cars everywhere, heading to the same place, I guess. It was already almost 2 in the morning. We then decided to turn back and went to Heaven Road, which is equivalent to Star Walk, only at two different locations. On the way there, Victoria asked me, “Where’s your boyfriend?” Great, just what I needed. I smiled. “He’s somewhere out there, I can’t follow him because he does not intend to go home after this. Know what I mean?” “I see. Miss him?” Victoria asked. What was she trying to do? Get me upset? “All the time. All the time, Vicky,” I answered. There were cars everywhere at Heaven Road, too. But Logan managed to find parking, so we got to join a street party there. It was really crowded with people and we could hardly walk. We had to hold hands because we did not want to get lost in the crowd. While we were squeezing our way past through the crowd there, I felt a tap on my shoulder. “Anna!” Kian Hawke exclaimed as he held out his hand. I shook his hand. “Kian! Fancy meeting you here.” Kian smiled. “Who are you with? Kevin?” I wished I was! I shook my head. “Nah, I’m with my friends. Well, gotta go!” “Take care,” Kian called out after me. “Who was that?” Karen asked. “Just my college friend,” I answered. Since there were tons of people, we went to Coffee Bean instead. We ordered hot coffee and then decided to go back home as there was nothing interesting to do over there. We could barely talk to each other as it was so noisy. Logan drove all of us back to Alicia’s house. We said our goodbye’s and then I drove Karen back to her house. I reached home at around 4 in the morning. I hope I did not wake my parents up and hope that they would not ask me what time did I get back home. Happy because I get to spend time with my friends, at least I did not have to stay at home, but I really wished that Kevin was there as well. Kevin finally called at around 8 at night. He told me that he had just got back home. Extremely happy to hear his voice. We then told each other what we did the previous night. However, he could sense that something was wrong. “Honey, are you okay?” Kevin asked. I was surprised, but secretly glad. “Huh? What do you mean?” “Are you mad at me?” Kevin asked again. “Why would I be mad at you?” I asked back. Silence. “Maybe because I did not spend the new year’s with you?” Oh god, he knew. I asked Kevin, “What makes you think I would be mad at you because of that?” “I don’t know. And you sound like you’re sad,” Kevin answered. He knew me too well. “Don’t be ridiculous, it’s nothing,” I assured Kevin. Kevin said that he wanted to see me the next day and I agreed. I always look forward to seeing him. It makes me happy, just to be with him. He said tomorrow we would go and watch a movie together. That was really more than fine with me. Sunday January 2, 2000 Kevin told me that he would pick me up at 2 in the afternoon. By 2 o’clock I was ready and looking forward to spend the day with my boyfriend. But still, at 2.15 pm, there was no sight of him. At around 2.30 pm, the phone rang. “Hello?” I said. “Anna,” the voice on the other line said. “Kevin! Where are you?” I exclaimed, patience running low. “What’s taking you so long?” “Sorry, Anna. I’m just leaving my house. We’ll watch Drive Me Crazy, okay? You’d want to watch that, right?” Yeah, as a matter of fact, I did. “Cool..but just hurry, will you?” I told Kevin. “Wear something nice, okay?” Kevin said. “Huh? Why? You know that all my clothes are horrible. What time do you think you’ll get here?” I was getting impatient. “Soon. I’ll see you later okay?” Kevin said. We hung up. Why did he want me to wear something nice? Does this mean that before this whatever I wore wasn’t nice at all? I was really mad because Kevin said that he was going to pick me up at 2 o’clock, but he was just leaving at 2.30 pm. I really would not do that kind of thing to him, or to anyone for that matter. Plus, it’s really not good to keep people waiting for you. I would feel bad if I had to do such a thing. When Kevin arrived, I got in his car and refused to talk to him. He kept on apologizing but I refused to budge. That was me, rebellious. It does not get me anywhere though, yet I still do not know why I was being so hard on such a small thing. Kevin tried to tell me something, but I didn’t want to hear it. “Stop talking to me!” I said dryly, looking out of the window. We barely talked as he drove to the theatres. After Kevin parked his car, he met his friend at the elevator. “I’ll see you later,” I heard Kevin said to his friend, whom I did not quite get his name. When we got out of the elevator, Kevin met a few more of his friends. I was surprised. But then it hit me, he was trying to tell me that we would be going out with his friends. I grabbed Kevin’s arms and pulled him aside. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked. “I tried, but you told me to shut up,” Kevin said. “Well, it’s all your fault!” I was practically yelling at him. “Let’s just go and meet my friends, okay?” Kevin pulled me out of the corner. “Yeah, whatever.” Kevin introduced me to his friends, and they said that I looked pretty. No wonder Kevin wanted me to wear something nice. To impress his friends. During the movie, I refused to hold Kevin’s hand because I was still pretty mad. I was really mad because firstly, he was late. Secondly, he did not even tell me that his friends would be there. Not that I mind, but I just thought that he would have the decency to go out with me, just the two of us, since we did not even get to spend the New Year together. After the movie ended, Kevin said that he would send me back as I looked unhappy. “I do not want to go back home!” I told Kevin. Whenever I was mad, I did not feel like going home at all. “Then where do you want to go?” Kevin asked. “Anywhere.” “We’ll go to Rio, would you like that?” Rio is a shopping mall nearby my house. That was where Karen and I went to watch ‘The Bachelor’ on new year’s eve. “Okay”. Kevin drove to Rio and we had a strolled at the mall. As it was getting dark, I had to go back home. That night, when I thought back about what had happened, I realized how childish I had been. I felt really bad. I called Kevin to apologize, but he refused to talk to me. I guess I deserved it. But I really hated it when Kevin does not want to talk to me. I knew I was wrong, but he could at least hear me out. Later that night, I saw Kevin online on ICQ. I sent him a message. “Kevin..I’m sorry..for everything.” Kevin replied, “Look..please stop behaving like this.” I was stunned. I felt like crying and I did not know what to reply. I went offline. Monday January 3, 2000 I had no classes but I had to go to college to do my programming project. I am a computing student at ITI, acronym for Information Technology Institute. Mom sent me to college. Guess what, on the way, I actually saw Kevin! He was driving, on his way to college, too. I saw Kevin at college but I was hoping that he did not see me. Of course, he did. “Hi, what are you doing here?” Kevin came up to me as he sat and used the computer terminal next to me. “Programming project, what else?” I answered, not knowing how to act. I was so ashamed of myself. “Kevin, sorry..” I started to say. He smiled. “Now only you want to say that.” I was embarrassed. “I wanted to tell you yesterday, but you did not want to talk to me.” The conversation was cut off when one of our friends came up and talked to us. After that, I was busy with my programming project and then Kevin told me that he and the guys were going for a movie. Great, I was not invited. As usual. I got frustrated with what I was doing and called Mom to pick me up. I went to buy lunch and Mom sent me home. When I got back home, I checked the mail box. There was a card for me. Surprisingly, I received a card from Mark Siler. Mark was a guy whom I had a crush on before I fell in love with Kevin. I was so excited. I thought that Mark had forgotten about me. I replied Mark’s card and sent it off. Tuesday January 4, 2000 I didn’t do anything much today. Just concentrated on my programming project. Can’t wait to get it done with. Wednesday January 5, 2000 I continued working on my programming project. It was really becoming a burden to me. When I finally finished it, I was relieved. Totally relieved. I could not have done it without Kevin’s help, though. He helped me a lot. So did one of my group members, he was really helpful. Kevin was glad that he did not have to hear me complain about not finishing my part for the project anymore. Thursday January 6, 2000 What a boring day. I did some research regarding UNIX System V for my Operating Systems assignment. Didn’t manage to find much information, though. Friday January 7, 2000 My family and I went back to Dad’s hometown. Saturday January 8, 2000 Still at Dad’s hometown. Sunday January 9, 2000 Home sweet home. Monday January 10, 2000 My family and I went to Trennesse, a place where my brother, Bryan, will be working at. He had just gotten a job there, and I guess you could say that I was proud of him. The only thing was, I wished he would get himself a girlfriend. While we were at Trennesse, we stayed at this luxurious hotel, which had a lovely name, too. The hotel was called ‘Trennesse Angel’. Tuesday January 11, 2000 Headed back home as I have classes going on tomorrow. Wednesday January 12, 2000 Sucks. College started today. At night, I had to do some research on the Internet regarding UNIX System V. how frustrating, since I haven’t gotten sufficient information on that topic yet. And I’m running out of time. Thursday January 13, 2000 I had my programming project presentation. It went well. Kevin wished me luck and he kissed my forehead at the computer lab. As happy as I was, I hope nobody noticed. Friday January 14, 2000 Even though my programming project was over, we still had to do the documentation part. And guess who was in charged. Yours truly. I drove to college to do the documentation part as my group members and I wanted it to be completed as soon as possible. I also picked up my friend, Pristine Nevelle. Nice name, huh? After we were done with our stuffs at college, Pristine and I went for lunch. Then, I sent her back home. On the way, I almost ran into a bus. It was really scary! I do not know why this kind of thing always happens when I am driving. That’s why I hate to drive. Until now. Saturday January 15, 2000 6 months anniversary – Kevin and Anna. Surprisingly, Kevin remembered. “I have been with you for six months already..it’s great,” was what Kevin said. It made my day! Sunday January 16, 2000 Since Kevin and I did not get to celebrate our 6 months anniversary yesterday, we went out for a while at night. We just drove around, with nowhere to go. But I could tell that both of us were happy just by being with each other. I wished that the night could have go on forever. But at the end, we had to go home. How sad. Monday January 17, 2000 Dad’s birthday. I was really busy completing the documentation for my programming project. Tuesday January 18, 2000 I was still busy with the documentation. It was like I had no life at all. I hated it. Wednesday January 19, 2000 Finally! I was done with the documentation. It really took a lot of my time and I spent a lot of sleepless nights perfecting it. I wanted the documentation to look great, as I do not want Pristine, who was also my group leader to look down on me. We had many misunderstandings while we were doing our project. It was horrible. The last thing I would want is to quarrel with my own friend. Started printing the documentation but something unexpected happened. A piece of paper got stuck at the printer and I could not get it out. I was supposed to go to college and on that day, and Kevin was supposed to come and pick me up. Kevin helped me with my printer and tried to take out the paper that was stuck, but the paper would not budge. I was so upset that I could not go to college at all. All afternoon, I tried calling Mom but she was not at her office. I wanted to ask her to bring back her printer from her office, as I really needed to get the printing done. Finally, I got hold of Mom and she said that she would be back with the printer straight away. That night, I was really busy and I hardly ate my dinner. I refused to accept any phone calls either, except if it was from Kevin. When the printing was done, I had to send it to a friend of mine, Junior Feehily. Only I did not know where Junior stayed, so I thought that I could get Kevin to send me there. Obviously, Kevin was too busy for me. “Why don’t you ask your father?” Kevin asked. “Fine,” I said, getting the big picture. “Call you later,” Kevin said. So, I had no choice but to ask Dad to send me over to Junior’s place, so that I could hand in the documentation for him to bind. After that, I called pristine and apologized to her for not coming to college today and that I have already given the printed documentation to Junior. Thursday January 20, 2000 “How’s the documentation?” I asked Pristine, after Junior had collected it from the binding shop. “Great! I liked it,” she said. Phew. Kevin sent me back home from college. Tomorrow we will be having another presentation, and this time I was in the same group as Kevin. “I have some time to spare tomorrow after our presentation. Would you like to go to the movies? We haven’t been to the movies for quite sometime,” Kevin said to me. “I’d love to! Then, I can buy something, too,” I said. “What’s that?” Kevin asked. “You’ll know tomorrow,” I answered. I was really glad because I would get to spend time with Kevin. I felt as if we have not spend time with each other for ages. And I was really hoping that I would get to buy Westlife’s VCD tomorrow. Westlife is my favourite music group, ever. Friday January 21, 2000 I did not get to go out with Kevin. But I did get to buy my Westlife VCD, though. I had to practically beg Mom to bring me to the mall for me to buy it. Mom was angry because it made her took some time off from her work. At college that day, after the presentation, Kevin said that he was going out for lunch with the rest of the guys. Huh? I thought he said that we were going out for a movie. My hopes were crushed. It was just like Kevin. To make plans with me, and then forget all about it, while simply making plans with others. I was really upset. “Great. I thought that you said you would bring me out,” I told Kevin. “It does not matter. You can come to lunch with us,” Kevin said. I sulked. “I think I will call my dad to pick me up.” Kevin held my hand. “Honey, come with us.” I did not dare to look at Kevin. “No, I don’t want to!” Kevin tried to calm me down, but I guess he was in a hurry to go. “I’m going to call my dad,” I kept repeating the same thing over and over again, until Kevin said, “Go ahead.” Fine. It wasn’t like he wanted me to go with him anyway. I quickly went downstairs and called Dad. Dad asked me to wait for another half an hour because he had some stuff to be done. As much as I hated to wait, I had to. While I was waiting for Dad, I saw Kevin and the rest of our friends. Kevin came up to me. “Hey, haven’t gone back yet?” he asked. “If I had, would I still be here?” I shot back at him. “Honey..” Kevin started to say. I looked down at the floor. I was really upset. “Honey, please don’t be mad,” Kevin said, holding my hands. I let go of his hands. “I’m not mad.” “Good. I’ll call you tonight,” Kevin said as he started walking away and waved at me. He never did. I waited the whole night, but he did not call at all. It made me more upset than ever. It also made me wonder, what was it with guys, saying “I’ll call you” but they never do so. I should have known better. Saturday January 22, 2000 Kevin called while I was having my lunch, so I did not get to talk to him for long. “Honey, I’m sorry about yesterday,” Kevin said. “About what?” I asked. “I’m sorry I was in a bad mood yesterday,” Kevin apologized. Huh? I did not quite get it. I thought it was me who should apologize. Even if he were to apologize, you would think that he would say sorry because he should have taken me out yesterday. I was mad because he did not apologize because of that, so I did not have the mood to talk to him. “It’s okay, it’s not your fault,” I told him. “Are you still mad?” Kevin asked. “I have to go now, I’m having my lunch now,” I said, refusing to answer his question. “Okay, you go ahead. I will talk to you later.” This time, I did get to talk to him later in the evening. Sunday January 23, 2000 Went shopping with Mom and Dad at Sunshine, one of the biggest shopping malls in the city. Monday January 24, 2000 Nothing much. Kevin had his hair cut. He looked cute! Tuesday January 25, 2000 I studied practically all day long. Exams are just around the corner, I’m starting to freak out! Wednesday January 26, 2000 At college, we had this termination of course briefing. It was hard to believe that we will actually come to an end of our first year in college. I was really confused about what to major in for my second year. I guess I will have to start thinking about it soon. We’ll be having our exam tomorrow. Kevin agreed to drive me to college but suddenly, he changed his mind. “Can you find your own transport tomorrow?” he asked. “But I thought that you are going to fetch me there?” I asked back. “Yeah, but I can’t,” Kevin answered. Fine. Luckily Mom was able to send me to college. I asked Mom to pick me up after my exam as well. Thursday January 27, 2000 When I saw Kevin today, he came up to me but I just ignored him. “How did you come here?” he asked. “You asked me to find my own transport, I’ve already did,” I answered sarcastically, without even looking at him. Kevin was surprised of the way I answered him. “But you are going back with me, right?” “If I can find my own transport here, I certainly can find my own way back.” I knew it was a cruel thing to say, but I could not stop myself from saying it. I guess I hurt Kevin’s feelings, as he just walked away from me without saying a single thing. The paper sucked. Most of the questions that came out was similar to the questions that were in the class test. I’m gonna die! After our exam, Kevin kept apologizing to me, and well, I did not want to quarrel with him, so I forgave him. It was not such a big deal anyway. Friday January 28, 2000 Watched a movie with Kevin at Rio. We watched ‘Blair Witch Project’, which was really horrible. I did not understand what the whole movie was about and it made me dizzy after we came out of the theatres. Saturday January 29, 2000 Alicia had a party, so I went. After Alicia’s party, I met up with Kevin for a while. He wanted me to spend the rest of the night with him, but I could not. What am I going to tell my parents? That I did went to Alicia’s party, and then suddenly I was with Kevin? Two different things there. They would think that I went out with Kevin all along. Kevin was upset about it, but there was nothing I could do. As much as I would want to spend time with Kevin, I have to think about my parents as well. I felt bad, though. Sunday January 30, 2000 Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. They showed one of Westlife’s performances on TV. Monday January 31, 2000 In the afternoon, met up with Karen and Alicia. After that, met up with Kevin. Happy! Tuesday February 1, 2000 Went shopping at Rio. Bought a small handbag, a sleeveless top and also a pair of party sling shoes. Loved those shoes, it was perfect for a night’s out. I also saw Karen at Rio, she was with her friends. Wednesday February 2, 2000 Last day of finals. my friend, Stacey Garner, asked me out. Pristine was supposed to follow us, but she could not make it as she had to go out with her sister. Stacey wanted to go to Balley, a new disco that had just opened. I agreed, as I did not have any plans at all that night. I wanted to ask Kevin to come along, but Stacey said that she did not want Kevin to come along. When asked why, she said that she did not want to be a “lamp post” and that she preferred if Kevin wasn’t there. Maybe she thought that I would pay no attention to her if I asked Kevin to come along. Gosh, I would never ditch my friend even if my boyfriend was there with me. How would you feel if someone does that to you? I have experienced that many times, and I would never do that kind of thing to my own friends. At Balley, I saw my high school friend, Ashley Olwen and her boyfriend. I hid. It was because I rarely go to disco’s, and I would not want Ashley to see me there. I could not hide for long, as I felt really bad, so I went up to Ashley. “Ash! Hi!” I greeted her. “Anna! Fancy meeting you here!” Ashley said, surprised. I laughed. “I guess..well, never underestimate me!” “Who are you with? Your boyfriend?” Ashley asked. “Nah, I’m with my college friend,” I told her. “Does your mom know that you’re here?” Ashley questioned. “Of course,” I answered. Ashley then introduced me to her boyfriend. Not bad looking. “Would you like to join us?” Ashley asked. “No, it’s okay. You go ahead,” I said. We then said goodbye and hope to meet each other some time soon. I had fun at Balley but I felt really bad because I did not tell Kevin about it. Ashley said I could not tell, because she feared if I did, then Kevin would want to come along. What was so bad about that? I would love that. Thursday February 3, 2000 As finals were over, I got to catch up with my sleep. Before this, I had been studying like mad and didn’t get enough sleep. Wait. Studying like mad? I think I need to rephrase that. Friday February 4, 2000 I told Kevin that I went to Balley. As expected, he was mad at me for not telling him. “You went to Balley and you did not tell me?” Kevin asked angrily. “I wanted to! But Ashley said not to tell you!” I answered. “Since when Ashley is so important to you that you must follow what she asked you to?” “I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to. I wanted you to go as well, but she said that she preferred if you didn’t. I’m sorry!” “I can’t believe you.” “Besides, I overheard you telling the guys that you did not feel like going to Balley that night, so I didn’t ask you.” “Well yeah, but if it meant going with you, I would have.” I did not know what to say. “I’m sorry, Kevin. I won’t do it again,” was all I could say. I felt like such an idiot! Saturday February 5, 2000 My family and I went back to Mom’s hometown. Sunday February 6, 2000 Still at Mom’s hometown. I miss Kevin! Monday February 7, 2000 Headed back home, reached home around midnight. Tuesday February 8, 2000 How fast time flies. It has been a year since I had been a student at ITI. I went shopping at Rio. Bought a pair of shoes and a pair of jeans. I know that I had just bought a pair of shoes last week, but I couldn’t resist it. Wednesday February 9, 2000 Went to Sunshine with Kevin. We watched the movie, ‘The Beach’. It had Leonardo DiCaprio in it. A lot of my friends said that the movie sucked, but I thought it was okay. Plus, the location where the movie was shot was just marvelous. Thursday February 10, 2000 Didn’t do anything much. Met up with Kevin for a while. Friday February 11, 2000 Everyone was getting ready for Valentine’s Day. I am really excited because this is the first Valentine that I will actually be spending it with someone special. Kevin McFadden, my boyfriend. I have no idea what to get him. I would like to get him something, but I doubt that he will get me anything. So, I just got Kevin a card. Alicia’s birthday is coming soon and she invited a couple of us to go to Balley to celebrate her birthday. Saturday February 12, 2000 Watched TV. Ironed pants. How fun. Sunday February 13, 2000 Bored. Bored. Bored. Monday February 14, 2000 Valentine’s Day. Would Kevin remember? Like he would even remember, I thought. But he did. In the morning, I went over to Kevin’s house. He was not in, so I dropped a card in his mailbox. It was rather scary, because I did not want anybody to see me. I quickly dropped the card in his mailbox and ran towards my car. In the afternoon, Kevin called me. “Honey! I got your card, thanks!” he said. “That’s great, Kevin,” I said. “When did you come to my house?” Kevin asked. “This morning,” I told him. We then chatted for a while, and then we hung up. Kevin and I had planned to go out for dinner at a special restaurant that night. It was cancelled, though. He called me later that afternoon to tell me that his mom did not let him use the car. Too bad, Mom had to work late or not I could have used Mom’s car instead. Kevin was really upset because he could not use the car, which meant that we had to cancel our big night out plan. I was disappointed, but I did not want to upset Kevin more, so I did not say anything. “It’s okay Kevin, we could always go out some other time,” I said, trying to cool him down. “No, it’s not okay. I have to see you today,” he said. “It doesn’t mean you have to see me today, any other day would be fine,” I told Kevin. “No, I want to go out with you today,” Kevin insisted. Yeah, me too. Of course I wanted to go out with my boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. “Okay, but how? I have no car, either,” I said. “Maybe we could borrow your dad’s car!” Kevin joked. “Yeah, and have him come with us,” I added. “I guess I will have to take a cab to go over to your place,” Kevin said. “And then what?” I asked. “Do you mind walking?” Kevin asked me back. “Huh? What do you mean? Walk to where?” I asked curiously. “We could walk to Rio, if you want to,” Kevin answered. “Okay..sure. That would not be a problem at all, done that before,” I told Kevin. “Great. I’ll hit the showers and then I’ll call for a cab. What are you wearing?” Kevin asked. I thought for a moment. “Something brown.” “Okay, I’ll try to find something brown as well.” Kevin reached my house at around 6.50 pm. He was looking really cute! He gave me a present. “Happy Valentine’s Day,” Kevin said as he kissed my cheek. “Happy Valentine’s Day,” I wished him back. “Sorry I did not have anything brown to wear. Just my pants,” he told me. “It’s alright, Kevin,” I said. I went up to my room and put the present that Kevin gave me. I wondered what it was but I did not have the time to open it. At that time, it was raining. We had to walk in the rain to Rio, under an umbrella, of course. It was a new experience for me. A nice one. An experience that I would never forget and would always cherish. Kevin was being really patient with me, because I was grumbling all along the way that we should have taken a cab instead of walking in the rain because the sandals that I was wearing were getting wet. When we reached Rio, we had to walk with an umbrella with us. I did not want to carry it, so Kevin had to. It was pretty disturbing, and Kevin had this idea of hiding it at the exit entry at the staircase there. So we did. After that, we had dinner at a Japanese restaurant. It was simply delicious. When we wanted to head back home, it was still raining. In fact, it was raining heavily. “See, aren’t we lucky to have an umbrella with us,” Kevin said. “Yeah,” I agreed. “I bet if we sell off this umbrella, anyone would want to buy it. Even if we sell it for 50 bucks!” Kevin joked. We took a cab back home. After getting ready for bed, I opened Kevin’s present. It was this crystal look-a-like decoration kind of thing. It had two swans and a heart shaped was behind those two swans. It was beautiful! I will keep it for the rest of my life. I felt really bad because I did not get Kevin anything. How stupid I was! I really thought that Kevin would not remember to get me anything. I guess I underestimated him. I love Kevin, I would always do. He was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Even though this Valentine was not as I had expected, but I had a really happy one. Just being with Kevin was the best thing I could ever asked for. I love you, Kevin! Tuesday February 15, 2000 7 months anniversary – Kevin and Anna. Sadly, kevin did not remember, though. Practically everyone was asking me about my Valentine’s Day. It was fabulous! At night I vomited twice, I was falling sick, I guess. I hardly fall sick, though. I started coughing, though. My friend, Jonathan McGill, asked me about my Valentine’s Day. I told him all about it. Jonathan said that the part where Kevin and I walked in the rain was really cool. Jonathan is one of my closest friends, I knew him from the Internet. We had never met before yet we were good friends. Wednesday February 16, 2000 I had Delifrance for lunch. Yum yum. I also got to buy one cotton candy. I know that it’s bad for my teeth, but it’s not like I get to buy it all the time. Thursday February 17, 2000 Still coughing. Not good at all. Friday February 18, 2000 I went to Guardian, a pharmacy, to buy a cough mixture. I had to take it because my cough was getting worse and I really hate to cough for so long. At Guardian, I saw two cute plush toys. One of them said “Little Devil” and the other, “Little Angel”. It was really cute. The “Little Devil” plush toy really reminded me of Kevin. I wanted to buy it for him, but I was with Mom so I could not. I would not want to be bombarded with twenty questions from Mom if I were to buy it with her. I told Kevin about the plush toys that I saw. “Kevin, just now I went to Guardian. I saw this kind of plush toy, they were a pair. One said ‘Little Angel’ and the other said ‘Little Devil’,” I said. “Really? That sounds cute. What do they look like?” Kevin asked. “Well, the Angel had wings, it was a girl, I think. And the Devil had a devil suit on it,” I told him. Kevin laughed. “You know what, when I saw the Little Devil plush toy, it somehow reminded me of you,” I said. “Really? In a good or bad way?” Kevin asked. “Good, of course. Next time we go to the mall, I’ll show it to you.” I said. Saturday February 19, 2000 Bought two pairs of fishes at the fish shop. Sunday February 20, 2000 My cat is sick. Took it to the vet. I hope that my cat would get better soon. I love my cat as much as I loved Kevin! But of course, I loved Kevin even more and he’s in my heart and mind every single second. Monday February 21, 2000 Bored. Watched ‘Down To You’. It has Freddie Prinze Jr. and Julia Stiles in it. Freddie Prinze Jr. is my favourite actor. He’s so gorgeous! Tuesday February 22, 2000 Kevin and I went to register for our second year at college together. We are even majoring in the same course, which means we will be in the same class. Cool. But not so. “Kevin, you know, as much as I liked to be in the same class with you, I wish that we won’t be in the same class at all,” I told Kevin. “I know what you mean. I feel the same way, too,” Kevin said. I was surprised. I did not know he felt that way as well. “So why don’t you change classes?” I asked Kevin, although it really was meant as a joke. “Yeah, perhaps I would. Depends on my results,” Kevin answered. I really did not want to be in the same class as Kevin because sometimes it really was uncomfortable to have someone watching over your back all the time. Okay, so that was not the main reason. I did not want to be in the same class as him because I was scared if anything were to happen to us, then how was I going to face him in class everyday? When Dad came back home from work at night, he gave me a jigsaw puzzle. A Winnie The Pooh jigsaw puzzle. It was really cool, I could not wait to start doing it as I was really bored staying at home without anything to do. Wednesday February 23, 2000 Alicia’s birthday. at night, when I was talking to Kevin, at the end of the conversation, he said something funny. I took it as a joke. “What if, I don’t call you forever, and you don’t need to call me forever, too,” Kevin said. Upon hearing that, I was rather shocked. Shocked at what I heard and thinking whether Kevin really meant it or not. I was too shocked for words, that I was not able to say anything. “Why aren’t you saying anything?” Kevin asked me. “Nothing,” I answered. “Angry?” Kevin asked. I kept quiet. I did not know what to say. I was confused but I did not dare to ask Kevin about it because I was scared if the answer I would get was negative. I cried the whole night. Thursday February 24, 2000 I really thought that what Kevin said was true. He did not call me at all for one whole day. That was unlike Kevin. Usually, even if he was busy, he would eventually call me at night before he goes to sleep. But this time, I did not get a single phone call from him. I was too scared to call him because I was afraid, what if what he said on the phone was really true? I cried my hearts out for the whole day and night. I cried until my eyes were swollen and until I could not cry anymore. Friday February 25, 2000 In the morning, when I got up, I was so depressed that I did not have the mood to do anything. Instead, all I could do was just cry. I felt hopeless. I started doing my jigsaw puzzle and I managed to finish it. When I was having my lunch, the phone rang. “Hello?” “Anna!” My heart leapt with joy upon hearing Kevin’s voice. I was so glad that he called! Kevin told me that he was at the hospital, because his grandfather had to undergo an operation. Well, that explained it all. At night, I went to Balley in conjunction with Alicia’s birthday. I told Kevin this time. I did not want to make the same mistake twice. Couldn’t afford to! kevin had some stuff to be done, so he could not follow. I wore my new Esprit dress to Balley. I had planned to wear my Esprit dress on Valentine’s Day, but since Kevin and I did not get to go out to an exotic dinner, so I did not have the chance to do so. After going to Balley, I went over to Kevin’s house. I just felt like I had to see him. I missed him so much. “Hey, new dress?” Kevin asked. “Yeah, I was supposed to wear this on Valentine’s,” I told him. “You look pretty,” Kevin complemented me. “Yeah right,” I said. “Wear this dress next time we go out, okay?” Kevin said. “We’ll see,” I replied. Then we chatted and held each other for a while. I really wanted to tell him how I cried so badly when he told me that he would not call me anymore and that I do not need to call him either. I wanted to tell him not to say those kind of nonsense anymore. But I chickened out. I was such a coward! Saturday February 26, 2000 Mom and I went back to Mom’s hometown. Sunday February 27, 2000 Still at Mom’s hometown. I slept almost the whole day because I was so bored. I really missed Kevin. Monday February 28, 2000 Mom and I was stranded at the airport for like 6 hours because our flight back home was delayed. I was so relieved when we got back home. Tuesday February 29, 2000 Happy February 29! See you in 4 years time. Wednesday March 1, 2000 It’s the month of March already! That means I only have 19 more days of holiday and then college will start back. Definitely not looking forward to it! Thursday March 2, 2000 Bored and I missed my boyfriend so much. Friday March 3, 2000 Kevin and I went to the theatres to catch a movie. We watched ‘The Bone Collector’. It was pretty scary. In the theatres, Kevin suddenly let go of my hand. I was surprised, because he hardly does that. I felt rejected. When Kevin wanted to hold hands back again, I refused. After the movie, we walked around the mall. “What’s wrong, Anna?” Kevin asked. “Nothing,” I told him. “Then why are you acting all strange?” Kevin asked again. “Nothing,” I said. I finally told him, though. “You,” I said. “What me? What did I do?” Kevin asked. “In the theatres,” I told him. “When I let go of your hand?” he suddenly asked. He knew. He knew about it all along. I did not answer. “Is that it?” Kevin asked. “Sometimes when I don’t answer, that’s the truth,” I said. “I’m sorry,” Kevin said. “Yeah well, forget it,” I told him. We then hugged each other tightly. I was wearing this spaghetti strap top with a matching cardigan. The mall was really cold, sometimes Kevin’s arms were not enough to warm me up. I had to wear a cardigan to cover up my bare skin. However, I did not know that Kevin did not like it. “Take it off,” Kevin said. “No, I’m cold! Besides, I wouldn’t want to hold it,” I told him. “I’ll hold it for you,” Kevin offered. “It’s okay. I feel cold, I need to put it on,” I declined. “Take it off,” Kevin kept repeating the same thing over and over again. I refused. Big mistake. “It makes you look like an auntie,” Kevin said. Those words from Kevin’s mouth poked my heart so badly. I felt so insulted. I had never ever talked bad about his clothes before. I let him wear anything he feels comfortable wearing. I had never commented about his attire and he could always wear anything he wanted to. And this was what I got? That did it. I felt so insulted that my appetite vanished and I did not want to speak with him. “I simply said that to make you take your cardigan off,” Kevin told me. Just that. No sorry, no just joking or just kidding. I was really upset. Saturday March 4, 2001 In the morning, I went over to Sasha Penton’s house. She is one of my closest friends. I had to help her with some stuff, which was good because it kept me busy from thinking about Kevin. at night, Kevin called me at around 12.30 am. He actually asked me to come out of the house at that very moment. If my parents did not mind, I would have. But having conservative parents who did not understand you, I could not. “Can you come out now?” Kevin asked. “You know me better than that, Kevin. How can I go out at this time?” I asked back. “It’s just for a short while. I want to see you,” Kevin said. “Can’t it wait until tomorrow? I really can’t go out now,” I told him. I guess he was upset about it. There was nothing I could do. “It’s okay, bye,” Kevin said. I was taken aback. Whatever did Kevin want till it could not wait until the next day? He knew for sure that I could not go out of the house at that time yet he insisted. I was really scared. Sunday March 5, 2000 Kevin called at night. But I was already asleep. “What are you doing?” Kevin asked. “Sleeping. What’s up?” I answered sleepily. “It’s okay, you go back to sleep,” he told me. “Are you sure?” I asked. “Yeah, goodnight,” Kevin said. Something in his voice told me that something was terribly wrong. I went back to sleep feeling terrified. Monday March 6, 2000 after talking on the phone with one of my guy friends, Matthew O’Brien, Kevin called. That was when it happened. It was really weird because before that we were talking and stuff. And he was still calling me “Honey”. I should have known, though. “Honey, I need to go to the toilet,” Kevin said. “Wait for me?” “Of course. Don’t be long,” I said. I waited for Kevin as he went to do his business in the bathroom. A couple of minutes later, he was back. “Anna,” Kevin started to say. “Yes?” “Anna..I don’t want to do this anymore.” What? Did I just hear what I thought he said? Did it mean the same as I thought it did? Silence. I was too speechless to say anything. “What are you talking about?” I managed to voice out. “Look, there’s no use in continuing this. It just won’t work,” Kevin said. “How would you know?” I asked. Silence. I guess he did not know the answer to that. “Just forget about me, okay?” Kevin said. What? “Just forget about me, okay?” he said again. Forget about him? How could someone ask a person to forget about that particular someone? Was it so easy to forget somebody that you could just asked that kind of question? I could not bring myself to say anything. I felt as if I was going to cry. I could not believe this was actually happening. How could he ask me to forget him just like that? After almost eight months of being together, I could just forget him that easily? I could not remember what was said between us after that. I was too shocked, angry and sad at the same time. All I could remember was Kevin was running out of patience with me and he wanted to hang up. “Goodbye and goodnight.” That was Kevin’s last words. He hung up, leaving me in a shaken up state. I did not know what to do. I crawled into bed and covered myself with my comforter, not knowing what to think or do. Tuesday March 7, 2000 When I woke up in the morning, everything that happened last night hit me. It was then I realized that I was not dreaming, and I have lost Kevin for real and I did not even do anything to stop that. How could I have been so stupid? I felt as if my heart has been broken into pieces. I was feeling so down that I just broke down and cried. No matter how many times I kept telling myself to not to be sad, not to cry and not to think about it, I was sad, I cried and I could not help but just think about what had happened. At night, I received a phone call from Stacey. I really did not have the mood to talk to anyone but I picked up the phone anyway. “Hello, Anna, are you going to the barbeque this Saturday?” Stacey asked. “Huh? What barbeque?” I was confused, I did not know what was she talking about. “You know, the one Kevin McFadden is having,” she told me. I was surprised. How come I did not know anything about the barbeque? Why didn’t Kevin tell me? “When did you know about this, Stace?” I asked. “A couple of days ago,” Stacey answered. “Oh. Emm..actually Kevin and I are not together anymore,” I finally broke the news to Stacey. Silence. “I’m so sorry, Anna! When did it happened?” Stacey asked quietly. “It’s okay. Emm..yesterday,” I said, although it wasn’t really okay. “So, will you be going to the barbeque? Then we can go together,” Stacey said. What kind of question was that? I certainly could not go to the barbeque! My ex-boyfriend’s barbeque! And to think that I was not invited at all! “I don’t think so, Stace,” I told Stacey. “Are you sure?” Stacey asked. “Yeah, I can’t go. No,” I said. “Ok..let me know if you change your mind, okay?” Stacey said. “Sure. Thanks for letting me know,” I said. Great. That phone call from Stacey really made me depressed. Stacey said that she knew about the barbeque a few days ago. A few days ago I was still with Kevin. Why didn’t he tell me that he was planning to have a barbeque at his house? Why wasn’t I invited? Was it because he knew that we were not going to be together anymore? Why didn’t he tell me, was the question I could never find the answer to. It really made me upset. For the first time in my life, I had insomnia. And, for the first time in my life, I watched my world and life crumbled on top of me. Wednesday March 8, 2000 still feeling sad. Was it normal or am I abnormal? Matthew took me out to Coffee Bean. He said that he wanted to cheer me up, but that failed, though. I really appreciated what he had done, but the only person that could cheer me up at that time was Kevin. Yeah. I have to admit, I still care for him. How would I know this was to happen? At night, I went online. On ICQ, I saw Kian. Kian sent me a message. “How are you and Kevin?” I really did not want to talk about it. I replied, “=(“ “Why?” Kian asked. I told him. I bet Kevin has told the whole world about it, anyway. “We are not together anymore.” I guess Kian was surprised. He replied, “Oh. Sorry to hear about that” Yeah, me too. What could I say? I wrote back, “It’s okay, I guess.” “Let me guess. It happened on Valentine’s Day?” Kian asked. I was surprised. I asked him, “Nope. A couple of days ago. Why did you say V-day?” Kian told me that his friend saw Kevin and I at Rio. After that, memories started attacking me. I hated it. Thursday March 9, 2000 ESPRIT is having a sale. I was so depressed that I had to buy something. I wanted to buy the clothes on sale, but as usual, the one that I wanted was not on sale. It was under the ‘new arrival’ section. I bought a white ESPRIT top. I thought it was really pretty. I just wished that Kevin would be able to see me wear that. He once told me that he liked me wearing white. My God! Not Kevin again! Anyway, I also bought Mandy Moore’s album, ‘So Real’. I love all the songs in it! Lovely songs! Plus, Mandy Moore is just so gorgeous. Perhaps if I was as gorgeous as her, I would still be with Kevin. Matthew tried to cheer me up. He asked me to go out and have lunch with him. I went out with him although I had eaten lunch at that time. I just could not bear staying at home alone. Being alone reminds me of Kevin even more. However, that does not mean that when I am out with my friends, I do not think of him, either. Doesn’t make any difference at all. When I’m with my friends, I could still feel like something is missing. I felt so empty. I really thought that I was going insane. Friday March 10, 2000 At night, Kevin and Stacey were online on ICQ. I put on my ICQ as invisible mode, though. I did not want Kevin to know that I was online as I do not know whether I should talk to him or not. I even told Stacey not to tell Kevin that I was online, but too late. Stacey had already told him. And Stacey also said that Kevin asked her to cheer me up. What? I do not need Stacey to cheer me up! And why couldn’t Kevin himself cheer me up? He was the one who caused me to be sad, not Stacey or anybody else. As Kevin knew I was online, I changed my invisible mode to online mode. Suddenly, Kevin sent me a message. “Hi”, it said. I did not know what to reply. “Yeah, Hi. What’s up?” I wrote back. He told me that he was really busy taking care of his grandfather. It was really an akward conversation. It was the first time I talked to him after we broke up. I hated it. Saturday March 11, 2000 The barbeque day finally came. I was depressed, thinking that I was not there, and he did not even mention a single thing about it to me, even when we were still together. That afternoon, I went over to Sasha’s house because I was so depressed. I needed somebody to talk to. Sasha even asked me to go after Matthew. Matthew was a really nice guy, good looking and rich. He used to like me last time, but I could not be bothered because I thought he was just joking. Well, that is me. I do not believe that guys liked me unless they have the courage to actually tell me themselves. I told Sasha that I could not possibly get Matthew. His standard is way too high for me. At night, I went out with Karen, Alicia, Logan and Ashley. Now all of them knew that Kevin and I had broken up. They kept asking me what went wrong. Like I know! I hope Kevin’s barbeque sucked big time. After I reached home, I went online for a while. Stacey was there. I asked her about the barbeque. “How was it? Did it suck?” I asked. I knew I sounded cruel. “It was okay..Kevin McFadden did ask about you.” Stacey told me. I was surprised. Kevin asked about me? I didn’t think that he even remembered who I was. “What did he say?” I asked. “He asked me whether you were still sad, and when will I be seeing you.” Stacey informed me. I could not believe Kevin had the nerve to even ask Stacey whether I was still sad or not! Like he even cared. “What did you tell him, Stace?” I asked. “I told him that you were a bit sad and that I will be seeing you before college starts.” Stacey replied. Great. Now Kevin knows that I was sad. “Stacey! You told him that I was sad?” I wrote back. “Sorry, Anna..I did not know what to tell him. I really don’t like him asking me this kind of questions.” Stacey said. “Nevermind. Anything else?” I asked. “There were rumours about you and Kevin kissing in front of your house” Stacey said. I could hardly believe it. That never happened before! “What? I can’t believe this! That’s not true at all!” I told Stacey. “Then just ignore it, okay, Anna?” Stacey wrote. I replied, “Next time if Kevin asks you about me, ask him to ask me himself.” “Yeah, good idea. I really would not want to be the middle person. I feel like a postman.” Stacey replied back. Well, I was surprised that Kevin even remembered me. I hate him so much! Sunday March 12, 2000 I went to see the movie ‘Girl, Interrupted’ with Karen. In the theatres, I wished that Kevin was there so that I could hold his hands. I wished he was there to keep me warm. Although I was smiling and laughing, I was really crying inside. Each time I saw couples here and there, I got sad. It reminded me of Kevin and I. I kept telling myself that, “I have been in that position before, so get over it.” It was the loss of the nicest parts of having someone like Kevin which really saddened me. I realized that we often learn how to cherish something only after we had lost it. Perhaps it was just human nature. I hate myself! I listened to Mariah Carey’s song, ‘Love Takes Time’. An excerpt of the lyrics, “Love takes time to heal when you’re hurting so much – couldn’t see that I was blind – to let you go – I can’t escape the pain inside – cause love takes time – I don’t wanna be here alone..” Listening to the lyrics really made me cried. Monday March 13, 2000 I don’t know how Mom knew Kevin and I broke up. I guess it was because I did not have the appetite to eat and I was having insomnia. Plus, I was moping around the house and crying all day long. “What’s wrong with you, Anna?” Mom asked. “Nothing,” I answered. I could not possibly tell her. She was not supposed to know that I was with Kevin before this, although she did suspect it, though. “Did you break up with Kevin?” That question made me wanted to die. How could she possibly knew? Did she listen to my telephone conversations? I kept quiet, I did not know what to say. “Before this, you were so perfectly alive and kicking. Now, it is like as if your whole world turned 180 degrees and you have changed completely,” Mom commented. How comforting. Like I needed that kind of thing at that time. I couldn’t help but broke down and cried in front of Mom. Tuesday March 14, 2000 My results, although not official, came out. I passed my last paper, I could hardly believe it. I thought I was going to fail because I thought I did rather badly. Thank God I passed. I guess I have Kevin to thank, in a way. I remembered that he always encouraged and motivated me to study and not to be lazy. It was like, if he studied then I would have to put in more effort. It was because he was way smarter than I am, and it would be hard to catch up with him if I did not study. God, those were the days. Kevin was online on ICQ. I told him that I passed the paper. We talked, but it was really akward. I guess he was just trying to be nice, but I was trying to be sarcastic instead. Kevin asked, “How are you?” I wrote back, “Not too good. I am now emotionally and mentally disturbed.” I did not receive any messages from him after that. Then, a message came in. It was Kevin. I thought that he would not reply at all. He said, “Why? Is it because that college is going to start soon?” Obviously not. I told him that it was a bit of that and some other stuff as well. Suddenly Kevin asked, “Am I one of the cause?” That was so funny, I forgot to laugh. I asked back, “What makes you say that?” He replied, “Nothing. It was just a stupid question. You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.” As much as I did not want to answer him, I wrote back, “Since that was a stupid question, then I will answer it stupidly as well.” “Ok..” was what he replied. I wrote, “That’s the major cause!” I wonder what he must have felt upon reading that. Served him right. I guess I scared him away or something. He replied, “Ok..Then I don’t want to ask anything more.” What was that supposed to mean? He could at least said ‘sorry’. Wednesday March 15, 2000 Such a sad day. If Kevin and I were still together, it would be our 8 months anniversary. Sucks. I listened to TLC’s song, ‘I Miss You So Much’. I love that song! It made me cry, though. An excerpt of the lyrics, “Oh, I miss you so much – I long for your love – it scares me – cause my heart gets so weak – that I can’t even breathe – how can you take things so easily – baby why aren’t you missing me..” It was like so true! Thursday March 16, 2000 I wanted to change classes for my second year in college. See, I knew that I should not be in the same class with Kevin. I really wanted to change classes. I do not know how was I going to face Kevin in class. Mom and Dad did not allow me to change classes. We argued and argued. They said that the fees had been paid, so I could not change classes. I was really upset about it. I cried the whole day until I looked so horrible. What was I going to do? I did not want to be in the same class with Kevin! I just can’t, Friday March 17, 2000 On ICQ, Jonathan was online. I told him that I was scared if I could not handle being in the same class with Kevin. Jonathan asked, “If Kevin can, why can’t you?” Exactly. Very good question, though. If only I knew the answer. If only I could be like Kevin. I wrote back, “Maybe it is because that Kevin is a guy..so he is stronger than me. I wonder how he can take things so easily!” Jonathan said, “Maybe Kevin is just strong physically, you never know. Maybe he just doesn’t show his feelings to you, so you shouldn’t show yours, either.” Easier said than done. I wish I could do that. Saturday March 18, 2000 I was feeling so depressed that I did not have the mood to do anything. That was what usually happens when I am depressed. When I feel down, I wouldn’t want to do anything. However, I was forced to go out by Mom and Dad. Which was pretty weird, because most of the time they do not fancy me going out, they would rather have me stay at home most of the time. But this time it was like when I did not want to go out, they asked me to go out, but when I wanted to go out, they will ask me to stay at home. Weird case. Sunday March 19, 2000 Sasha told me that he asked Matthew to go after me. Crazy. Like Matthew would ever do that. Surprisingly, Matthew also said the same thing about me. He said that he could not possibly get me. College will start tomorrow! I really am not looking forward to it. Going to college meant seeing Kevin. Seeing Kevin meant seeing the love that was once there but not anymore. And that hurts. Not a little, but a lot. I called Stacey. I wanted to go with her on the first day of college. I just could not bear going alone and face Kevin there. “Hey, Stace, wanna go together tomorrow?” I asked, hoping she would say yes. “Of course! That would be great!” Stacey told me. “So, I’ll pick you up around 9.30 am, okay?” I told her. “Sure, see you then, Anna,” Stacey said. Monday March 20, 2000 The day finally arrived. The first day of my second year at college. I did not know what to wear. I wanted to look good in front of Kevin. I picked up Stacey and we arrived late by a few minutes. That was because there weren’t any empty parking lots nearby, so I had to park my car further down the road. As we were late, the classroom was already full of people. To make matters worse, when I entered the classroom, the first face I saw was Kevin’s face. Of all people! Plus, he was sitting at the very last row, when I should have seen those who were sitting in the front row first! I was so mad! It was a disaster. They separated the class into two classes. There were 15 people in one class and 34 in the other. I wondered why they didn’t divide it equally. It turned out that the first class was to be combined with another class from another intake. I was in the first class. I almost got a heart attack when the lecturer mentioned Kevin’s name as the fifteenth person. “The last person to be in the first class is Kevin McFadden.” I felt my heart stop beating. Yuck. Now I am stuck being in the same class with Kevin, that was for sure. This could not be happening. If we were good friends, then I guess it would be okay but we were practically like strangers. It was as if we did not know each other at all. I just could not be in the same class with him. It was a definite no. After that, most of my classmates, who were in the same class as I was during my first year, wanted to go to Valley Centre. Valley Centre is the biggest shopping mall in the region. Obviously, Kevin was going as well, so I did not want to go. Stacey did, though. She wanted to buy something. “Do you want to go to Valley Centre?” she asked me. “Why? Do you want to go?” I asked her back, I knew she wanted to go. “Actually, I wanted to get something,” Stacey told me. “Emm..I can go, but Kevin is going to be there,” I said reluctantly. “Why don’t we go, but we won’t hang out with them,” Stacey said. That made me feel better. So off we went to Valley Centre. Who could have believed, a place as big as that, we bumped into Kevin many times. I tried my best to avoid him. I could not even bring myself to look at him. At first, Stacey and I decided to catch a movie. When we reached the theatres, Kevin and a group of friends were there. Great. Stacey and I ignored them. We went to check out the list of the movies that were currently playing. Suddenly, I heard a voice behind us. “Hello.” It startled me and I screamed! It was really embarrassing because I knew whose voice that belongs to. None other than Kevin. Kevin knew I was surprised, and he laughed. I turned back and looked at Kevin. His appearance was the same, except that he wore a new pair of shoes. And he has a mobile phone now. I wondered what was his number. Like that even mattered. Like I could ever call him again. I wish I had a bowl of hot soup, so I that I could throw it at his face. When I went back home, I broke down and cried. I told Mom that I did not want to go back to college tomorrow. I did not want to be in the same class with Kevin. I just couldn’t. try being in my position, you wouldn’t want that, either. Mom said that she would try to talk to my lecturer tomorrow. Tuesday March 21, 2000 Mom and I went to see Mr. Devon and managed to persuade him to let me change to the second class. While waiting for Mr. Devon, I saw Kevin. Of all people. He was surprised to see me. He said ‘Hi’ and I waved. I bet he was curious why I was there with Mom, instead of being in class at that time. I was right. Stacey called me at night and asked me how was the first day of my class. “How was class today?” Stacey asked. “Guess what, I’m going to be your classmate!” I told her. "That’s really great, Anna!” Stacey exclaimed. I told her that I went to see Mr. Devon. We then talked for a while, when Stacey decided to tell me the truth. “I’m such a good actress,” Stacey started to say. “Huh? What do you mean, Stace?” I was confused. “Kevin called me and asked me to call you, to find out whether you’re changing classes or not, Anna,” Stacey informed me. I could hardly believe my ears. “What? The nerve of him!” “And he said that he’s going to call me back later to get the answer,” Stacey continued. “Oh my god. As if he could not ask me himself! What a coward!” I said angrily. “I don’t know..I really do not want to be the messenger between you guys,” Stacey said. “I thought I asked you to tell him to ask me himself if he asks you anything about me,” I reminded Stacey. “Oops, I guess I forgot about that.” Great. "It's okay.” No, it wasn’t. “If he calls, I will tell him that you did not tell me anything, okay?” “Okay. And call me back as soon as he calls you. Please, Stace.” “I will.” “Thanks.” I could not believe it. Why did Kevin wanted to know whether I changed classes or not? Even if I did, or did not, what does it matter to him? And why could not he asked me himself? The worst part was, I heard that Kevin wanted to change classes as well. I hoped he does not succeed in doing so. Wednesday March 22, 2000 Of course Kevin managed to change classes. Luck is always on his side, remember? I’m the unlucky one. So now, it does not make any difference at all. I was going to be in the same class as him, after all. For my first day, after I have changed classes, I wanted to go together with Stacey. However, Stacey was going with Michael McLean, our classmate. I asked Michael to give me a lift, and he agreed. Suddenly, there was a changed of plans. Stacey told me that Joey Anson was going to pick us up. I did not mind, as long as I did not have to go alone. Thursday March 23, 2000 While I was waiting for Joey, Stacey called. “Somebody else is going to pick you up, Anna,” Stacey said. Great. Change of plans again. “Who?” I asked. “I don’t know, they don’t want to tell me,” Stacey said, refusing to let me know. Something fishy was definitely up. “Who? Tell me, Stace,” I urged Stacey. “A friend,” Stacey replied, sounding like she was hiding something. A friend. Why did I have the feeling that the ‘friend’ was Kevin? Stacey put Joey on the phone. “What is going on?” I demanded. “I have already asked Kevin to pick you up, he is on his way now,” Joey said. I was shocked. How could they? They knew about Kevin and I, yet they still have to do this to me. “I do not want to go with Kevin!” I practically shouted. “Okay, okay. I will come and pick you up,” Joey said. Joey picked me up, eventually. I could not believe he actually asked Kevin to pick me up instead. I hate him! At college, before class started, I saw Kevin. There were a few chairs in front of the classroom, and I saw Kevin walked towards them. He sat there. Alone. I felt sad. I wished I could have sat there with him and talked to him. I hate him and I hate myself. Life sucked. Friday March 24, 2000 I dread going to class and I hate kevin. Saturday March 25, 2000 I was deadly bored. At night, I was home alone because Mom and Dad went to dinner at a golf club. This is the time when I really missed him. I hate my life! Sunday March 26, 2000 At night, Jonathan and Kevin were online. On ICQ, I was in invisible mode, so Kevin did not know that I was online. I talked to Jonathan for a while. I told him about the day that Kevin asked Stacey to call me. I asked Jonathan’s opinion, “Why did you think he asked Stacey to call me when he could have asked me himself?” Jonathan wrote back, “Maybe he is scared that you will be mad at him.” No matter how mad I was at Kevin, I would still love to talk to him. And as a friend, I would always care. Monday March 27, 2000 I listened to Mandy Moore’s song, ‘Love You For Always’. It made me cry. An excerpt of the lyrics, “dreaming of you tonight – praying that you will be mine – hoping you’ll be holding me tight – never ever letting me go – I need you to know..” I wish Kevin knew how I was feeling! Why can he smile when I am frowning? Why is he so happy when I am hurting so deeply? Tuesday March 28, 2000 Britney Spears’ song, ‘From The Bottom of My Broken Heart’ always makes me cry. I love that song so much, though. An excerpt of the lyrics, “Never look back we said – how was I to know I missed you so – loneliness up ahead – emptiness behind – where do I go..” But the part that really made me cry was “Baby I said please stay – give our love a chance for one more day – we could have worked things out – taking time is what love’s all about..” Wednesday March 29, 2000 What a coincidence! It was so funny that I forgot to laugh. At college, Kevin wore a light blue coloured shirt, while I wore a light blue coloured shirt as well. Crap. Last time, when we were together, we always liked to wear matching coloured tops. Even if we did not plan it, if it were just a coincidence, it made us feel ‘connected’. Whatever. Kevin talked to me. I was surprised. He asked me what was my student ID number. That was none of his business! I hate him! For lunch, I ate at DOME. After that, I got to buy two pretty pants. Loved them. Thursday March 30, 2000 I received an e-mail from my friend, Rachael Adams. In Rachael’s e-mail, she said that it was Kevin’s loss that he does not have a girlfriend like me. And that guys who when they think they like you, they would go all the way for you and then they would not care at all, guys like that ought to be shot in the head. Rachael also mentioned that Kevin was a total jerk for doing that to me. You go, girl! I totally agree. Kevin, you are the biggest jerk ever! If Kevin had cared enough, he would have made our relationship work instead of taking the easy way out without even talking things out first. What kind of person who just walked away, gave up things and did not give any chance at all to even make things work? People like Kevin. It really made me stressed out and I was devastatedly depressed. Friday March 31, 2000 I hate Friday’s. it’s because that my class ends at 10.30 in the morning and after that I am free the whole day. And what do I do when I was free? Cry. What a great life I lead. Saturday April 1, 2000 Happy April Fool’s Day. That was what I felt. I felt like a fool. A fool for believing Kevin. Believing all those sweet words that he told me. Believed that he loved me and that he cared, when the fact was, he did not care at all. If he did care, would he leave me all sad and alone here? Everyone seemed to think that I was fine about it, but the truth was, it was really killing me inside. Life sucked so bad. Why does when life sucked so bad, that even if you kept on wishing it to get better, it does not? I’m going insane! Help me!! Sunday April 2, 2000 Started doing my Computer Networks and Distributed Systems assignment. Hope to complete it soon. Monday April 3, 2000 Kevin was online on ICQ. We talked for a couple of minutes. He said, “See you in class.” Yeah, right. Even if he did see me in class, it was as if he did not see me at all. I dread going to class. I still don’t know how was I going to face Kevin and act like everything was okay. Each time when I see Kevin, I always wonder, could our love had been true? I could not and would not find the answer for that. It just hurts to know that being together was too hard for Kevin. Didn’t what we had mean anything to him at all? What was his heart made of? Something hard and thick? A stone? Tuesday April 4, 2000 I broke down and cried when I listened to Backstreet Boys’ song, ‘Show Me The Meaning of Being Lonely’. I cried so bad at the part when they sang, “show me the meaning of being lonely – is this a feeling I need to walk with – tell me why – I can’t be there where you are – there’s something missing in my heart..” I want to be where Kevin is! He’s the one missing in my heart! Wednesday April 5, 2000 Our official results for our first year came out. I did not get my results immediately, I waited until class was finished. The others were so excited about it that they took their results before class started, though. Including Kevin, of course. He asked me about my results. “I haven’t gotten them yet,” I told Kevin. “Why not?” Kevin asked. “I will get it later, after class,” I answered. “Why?” Kevin questioned. “Can I have a look at your results?” I asked Kevin, I was really curious about what he got. “But I want to see yours, too,” Kevin said. “Well, too bad, I don’t have mine right now,” I said. “If I let you see mine, you will have to let me see yours, too,” Kevin said. “Okay,” I agreed. “Promise?” Kevin asked. Whatever. “Yeah,” I said. He let me have a look at his results. Pretty good. Of course, Kevin was really smart. After that, we were back to strangers. Thursday April 6, 2000 Miserable day. A month since Kevin and I broke up. Life sucks. Friday April 7, 2000 when I was driving out of the college compound, I saw Kevin’s car through the mirror. I was quite surprised, because I did not realize that he was behind me. At night, I saw Kevin online on ICQ. Kevin sent me a message,“Did you know that I almost hit your car just now?” I was totally confused.“Huh? What are you talking about? When?” Kevin wrote back, “When you were driving out of the basement car park.” I was shocked. I seriously did not see his car there at that time. “Are you sure? I did not see you at all!” He replied, “Yeah, next time be more careful.” I hate him so much! Saturday April 8, 2000 What a joke! In the newspaper, my horoscope said that today is a great day for love and romance. I wished! Sunday April 9, 2000 When I switched on the radio, they were playing Backstreet Boys’ song, ‘All I Have To Give’. I cried. An excerpt of the song, “cause my love is all I have to give – without you I don’t think I could live – I wish I could give the world to you – but my love is all I have to give – to you..” I wish Kevin knew that love was all I had for him. And I wished that I did not need him so bad. Needing him but not having him really hurts. Monday April 10, 2000 At the college cafetaria, I saw Kevin and he waved. I managed to crack a smile. Tuesday April 11, 2000 I went out for lunch with Rachael and another friend of ours, Nina Olsen. Rachael gave me a picture of me and her that we took at college last year. Guess who was the one who took that picture? No points for guessing there. None other than Kevin. Wednesday April 12, 2000 I went to college with Sasha. I did not know that Kevin came early to college because he had a group discussion. When I saw him, I avoided him. Sasha said that Kevin has put on weight. I didn’t notice that. And who cares, anyway? In class, Stacey told me that she thinks Kevin is not handsome at all, but his brother was really cute. That made we wanted to laugh. I thought that Kevin’s brother was cute, too. And at first, I found Kevin not good looking at all. But as time goes by, I found him cute. And tremendously special in his own way. Watched the movie ‘Anywhere But Here’ with Karen. It has Natalie Portman and Susan Sarandon in it. A pretty touching story. Thursday April 13, 2000 Kevin didn’t come to college today. I heard from Michael that he’s sick. Kevin always gets sick easily, while I rarely get sick. I wish I was more like Kevin, though. Friday April 14, 2000 Supposed to go to Valley Centre with Karen but in the end we went to Sunshine instead, because Sasha was there. Karen and I watched ‘Romeo Must Die’. Maybe they should create another movie entitled ‘Kevin Must Die’. I would be the first one to get the tickets once the movie hits the big screen. Haha. I was so bloody tired that I slept at 10 pm. Saturday April 15, 2000 Bored to death. I hate every fifteenth of the month! Sunday April 16, 2000 Have you ever heard of the quote, “Most boys aren’t worth crying over, but the ones that are won’t make you cry.” What does that actually means? That guys who are worth it, would not make you cry? Kevin made me cry, so does that mean he was not worth it? I wished I was Sabrina The Teenage Witch or that I have some magical powers so that I could easily curse Kevin. I wanted to turn Kevin into a big, fat and light balloon so that he would just fly up into the air and eventually burst. That way, I would not have to see him anymore. Monday April 17, 2000 in class, Kevin talked to me. I was sitting in front of him. It was pure torture because I could feel his eyes behind my back. “Anna..” I heard him called me, but I pretended as if I did not hear anything. “Anna Chantelle Thomas,” Kevin called out my full name. “Yeah..” I answered, without even turning back to look at him. We then chatted for a while, akwardly. I just could not bring myself to look at him. I did not want him to see the hurt and pain in my eyes. I did not want to see the guy that once loved me. Tuesday April 18, 2000 Depressed. My life really sucked. It started when Kevin went away. Wednesday April 19, 2000 At night, I saw Kevin online. I took the opportunity to ask him the directions on how to get to one particular parking area. It so happened that the next day, I had to drive to college and I had classes all day long. I wanted to park somewhere cheap. There was this car park area opposite my college, which was rather cheap, but I did not know how to get there. However, from there, you have to cross a busy road to get to my college, though. I asked him, “Kevin, how do you get to the three bucks parking area? I want to park there tomorrow.” I got a reply from him, he sounded surprised. “Wow, you wanna park there? Did you know that now to cross the road is two times harder than the last time I bring you cross? They took out the traffic lights there.” Huh? The road that he bring me cross? Who does he think he is? Does he think that I was not able to cross the busy road without him? I replied sarcastically, “I asked you how to get there, not how to cross the road.” Kevin wrote back, “I was just thinking about your safety only.” Well, how nice of him. As if. Kevin then started explaining to me how do I get to that parking area. I was rather bad with roads and directions, so I could not understand. Kevin said, “I’ll call you and explain. I wanna go offline now.” That surprised me. I never thought he would do such thing. So, Kevin called me and explained to me the directions. Finally, I understood. He also offered to send me back home from college if I wanted to. I declined. It would be very akward and uncomfortable to actually sit in my ex-boyfriend’s car! I was really happy because I got to talk to Kevin. I did not know what was I so excited about. But I really was. I just wished that we could talk more often. I wished we could go back to the days when we were both happily in love with each other. But those were just empty wishes, they would never, ever, come true. I felt hopeless. Thursday April 20, 2000 in class, Kevin talked to me. He asked me whether I parked at that parking area or not. Also, In class, Kevin and a few guys were talking and then they laughed out loud. I did not know what was it about, though. Kevin laughed the loudest, as usual. I overheard one of my classmates, Nick Colt, commented something. Nick said, “That Kevin McFadden, he is really irritating.” If I was still Kevin’s girlfriend, I would have defended Kevin. I would not let anyone say bad things about my boyfriend. But I was just a nobody, so I kept quiet and pretended that I did not hear anything. After class, Sasha and I went to Sunshine. It seems that Sasha likes to go to Sunshine a lot. I got to buy Westlife’s Fool Again CD single. I found out that Westlife is going to come here and have a mini concert. It’s a part of their Asian Tour. I had to go. I could not miss it for anything. I called the Westlife’s ticket hotline and reserved a ticket for myself. Friday April 21, 2000 Collected my Westlife tickets. Yay! Saturday April 22, 2000 In the morning, went to Michael’s house to do our group project. In the afternoon, went to Rio. Got to buy a blouse. In the evening, went to Sunshine. Got to buy a pair of pants. Sunday April 23, 2000 Bored. Kevin, give me my life back, please!! Monday April 24, 2000 Kevin and I wore the same coloured shirt again. He was wearing blue, and so was I. There was a time when I went to the ladies, and when I came out of it, I saw Kevin and Michael standing across the hallway. To get back to class, I had to pass them. I felt really uncomfortable. I wanted to smile at Kevin, but I did not. I smiled at Michael, but I just stared at Kevin. I stared at him until I reached the classroom. I wished I could have talked to him. I felt so sad. Sweet memories came attacking my mind and it made me could not concentrate in class. I could not believe that Kevin once asked me to forget him. He could have asked me to forget myself, that was much easier. When he asked me to forget him, it was as if he was asking me to die. Sure, life goes on. But it was as if for me, it stopped. The minute Kevin said it was over, the minute he said goodbye. Kevin, when you went away, you took my life with you. Give it back to me! I need it. Tuesday April 25, 2000 Depressed. Hate everyone. Wednesday April 26, 2000 At night, I saw Kevin online on ICQ. He sent me a message. It said, “Hello.” I replied, “Hi Kevin.” He replied back, “Hi Anna..hehehe.” I asked him, “What’s with the hehehe?” He wrote back, “You have never messaged me with my name there before..and I thought it was kinda funny. So, hehehe.” We then chatted for a while. As usual, it was pretty akward. “Huh? That’s funny?” “Yeah.” “So, what are you doing? Why aren’t you asleep yet?” “I’m sleepy, I’ve been here for quite long..I’m so bored.” “Then, why don’t you go to sleep?” “Going..but I want to chat with you.” That was weird. “That’s funny. Now’s the time to hehehe.” “Why?” “Just now you found something I said funny, and now it’s my turn.” Suddenly, Kevin asked me, “So, how’s life?” Ever since we broke up, I found that question hard to answer. “Emm..I don’t know..” “Don’t tell me that it sucks..because I am feeling that way now.” What? Kevin’s life sucked? That was something new. “Why?” “You know, I’m having this problem, that problem..it’s giving me a headache.” Served you right, Kevin. I wrote back, “I thought that your life is always problem free? J/k.” “From the outside only..nobody knows. What’s j/k?” “Just kidding.” I did not know that he felt that way. I wished I knew what was bothering him. I wished I could lend a helping hand. I wished I could be the one he turned to when he had problems. Yeah, I wished. I can keep on wishing, but none of them will come true. Thursday April 27, 2000 Kevin wore the black shirt that I gave him for his birthday last year. This was the first time I saw him wearing that shirt ever since we broke up. I thought that he would never wear it again in his whole entire life. Friday April 28, 2000 Kevin was supposed to get a lift from James Wilkins, our classmate, to come to college. It turned out that James overslept. You could never rely on people like James. He hardly comes to college, anyway. Since James overslept, Kevin did not get to come to college. Served him right. He missed a class and he had to take a cab to come to college. In class, I overheard one of my classmates, Nicky Renfro, talking to Kevin on his mobile phone. He called Kevin to ask him why he wasn’t in class. That was how I knew about Kevin and James. I also overheard Nicky asking Kevin, “Why nowadays, I always hear you saying foul languages and harsh words? Last time you were not like that.” Was that good or bad? All I know was, when we were together, he hardly used foul languages. Well, in front of me, that was. Come to think of it, ever since Kevin and I broke up, I have been swearing and cursing a lot, too. Saturday April 29, 2000 I received an e-mail from Rachael. She said something that made me sad. In her e-mail, she wrote that she thinks Kevin would get into a relationship soon because Kevin seems like the playboy type. I could not believe it. I did not know what to think, because I thought Kevin was a loyal person. If I were to see Kevin with someone new, I would just die. Sunday April 30, 2000 When I switched on the radio, they were playing Mariah Carey’s song, ‘Heartbreaker’. Something in the lyrics made me sad. It was, “I should have known right from the start you’re going to break my heart”. Yeah, I guess I should have known that Kevin would break my heart. Why was I so stupid and blind? Monday May 1, 2000 Went to Sasha’s house in the afternoon. It’s already May and I hope time passes quickly and smoothly because I can’t wait to get the year 2000 over with. It is so sickening because my life sucked so bad ever since early of March, no thanks to that good for nothing Kevin. I hate Kevin. Tuesday May 2, 2000 Must all the days that I go through be so sad and lonely? I just wish that this hurt will end and give me broken heart a chance to mend! Wednesday May 3, 2000 Since I had no transport to go back home from college, I got a lift from Isaac Christ, one of my classmates. And someone dangerous too, because he was quite close to Kevin. Before going back, I think Kevin had to take something from Isaac’s car. After that, he talked to Isaac for awhile and then Kevin said, “Anna, bye.” At that time, I was at the back seat of Isaac’s car, looking out of the window. I was rather surprised, because I did not think that Kevin would even acknowledge me. All I could do after that was waved. How pathetic. I really love Jessica Simpson’s song, ‘Where You Are’. That song is a duet with her boyfriend, Nick Lachey from 98 Degrees. An excerpt from the song, “only then will I be free – when I can be – where you are..” Thursday May 4, 2000 In class, Kevin and I sort of sat beside each other. Not really beside each other, but well, I was sitting at the left aisle while he was at the right aisle. We were sitting practically beside each other, but never once talked. Sad, huh? Did he think that if he opened his mouth to talk to me, gold will start coming out? I hate Kevin! Friday May 5, 2000 I had just finished my group discussion and I needed to call Mom to come and pick me up from college. I borrowed Michael’s mobile phone to call Mom. “Calling boyfriend?” Michael asked as I dialed Mom’s number. I looked at Michael. “Boyfriend? What’s that? Someone who breaks your heart?” “Someone who makes you happy.” That was so funny I forgot to laugh. “Yeah, right. Somehow that doesn’t seem to work for me.” “Sometimes you have to thank the person who made you happy in that short period of time.” Does that suck or what? After Mom sent me home, she went back to her office. Mom’s working as a lecturer in a university nearby. Alone at home, I felt so lonely. I have never felt as lonely as this before. I wondered, why does life always need to be so hard? Each that day passes by seems to submits another scar to my heart as I was left alone with a broken heart. I have a hurt mind and my heart was sad. It seemed as if love was just a dangerous game that tricks the mind into believing something that was not real. I felt so alone because I had lost the best thing I had ever had. I could not believe I actually let someone so precious slipped away through my very own eyes just like that. Everyday and night, I prayed for just one more day with Kevin. And everyday and night, I cried because my prayers and wishes were never answered. Pathetic, I knew that. The only thing I did not know was how could I stop these tears? How could I stop the pain that I was feeling? How much longer could I deal with this? I feel as if I can no longer live. Why was it like this for me? Am I just not good enough for love? Am I not good enough for Kevin? Outside I was happy, so why inside my soul wants to cry? Saturday May 6, 2000 Bored. Nothing to do except cry. As usual. Sunday May 7, 2000 Went to Valley Centre. Got to buy a hair straightening balm from The Body Shop. Monday May 8, 2000 Went to Valley Centre again before class started. Went with Pristine. We wanted to get Stacey’s birthday present as tomorrow is Stacey’s birthday. Pristine and I ended up buying Stacey a spaghetti strap top with a matching cardigan. Nice! There were a lot of sales going on at Valley Centre. I wished I could have gone shopping but I didn’t have the time to buy anything. After buying stacey’s present, we had lunch and then rushed back to college. Tuesday May 9, 2000 Stacey’s birthday. Happy Birthday, Stace! Wednesday May 10, 2000 at college, Kevin and I wore matching outfits. It was hilarious. Both of us were wearing light brown shirts and black pants! It was really identical, except that my shirt was long sleeve and his was short sleeve. I wondered if he noticed that. Jonathan called. He needed somebody to talk to. He said that he was stressed out about some girl. Yeah, and I was stressed out about some guy. What a perfect combination. I told Jonathan about Kevin and I wore matching outfits. The surprising thing was that Jonathan commented that he thinks that I still liked Kevin. He even said, “Why don’t you go back to him instead of suffering yourself?” I would never do that. Could never do that. As much as I wanted to, I just couldn’t. I have my pride. Besides, it was too late already. Thursday May 11, 2000 At the mall, I saw an interesting book entitled ‘Why Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise’. I wanted to buy it but I did not have enough money. Friday May 12, 2000 I had a presentation at college. It went really well and I was really happy about it. The lecturer commented that my group presented really well and he was impressed with our material. Cool. After the presentation ended, I bumped into Kevin at our classroom’s door. He smiled at me and I smiled back. I wondered if he was proud of his ex-girlfriend or not. Obviously not. That day, I went back home smiling because I was proud and happy that my presentation went smoothly. It was the first time I went back home from college smiling, after ages of not doing so. Saturday May 13, 2000 I went to Tower Records’ grand opening at the mall with Stacey and her friend, Brittany Heigl, our classmate, also came along. I also saw a few of my high school friends there, including Ashley, Victoria and Alicia. During lunch with Stacey and her friend, Stacey told me that yesterday, Kevin asked her why she wasn’t presenting as well when my group went in front of the class to present our topic. Kevin thought that Stacey was in the same group as I am. When Stacey told Kevin that she was not in my group, Kevin asked who’s group was she in. Jokingly, Stacey told Kevin that she was in Kevin’s group. Somehow, Kevin got mad and showed Stacey his middle finger. How rude! I apologized to Stacey on Kevin’s behalf. I felt really bad. How dare Kevin treated my friend in such a way! That night, I saw Kevin online on ICQ. We chatted for a while. He messaged me, “Are you going to Westlife’s concert tomorrow?” Of course! I would not miss it for anything. “Why?” “Just asking..since you are such a big fan of them.” “So, are you going?” “What do you think?” “I think that you surely will. I know you won’t miss it at all.” “Of course I’m going. What kind of question was that anyway?” “They came out with a new song..that one is really nice.” All Westlife’s songs are nice! “You mean Fool Again? Hey, that’s the first time I heard that you said Westlife’s song is nice.” Kevin doesn’t really like Westlife. He always complained whenever I talked about them. “I did say that their other songs were nice, too.” “No, you didn’t.” “No? It was you who didn’t notice..” “Fine. Now everything is my fault.” I was getting lazy to chat with him. “I am sorry..I didn’t mean to say that. No, it’s not your fault. Nothing is your fault, okay?” Now, what was that supposed to mean? “I am sad now.” “Please don’t be like that..I am sorry..I don’t want you to be sad.” Yeah, as if that were true. If Kevin really did not want me to be sad, then I would not be in this position at all. Sunday May 14, 2000 Westlife’s concert. It was fabulous, I had a great time! I wished that I had gone with Kevin, though. I wondered what would it be like if I had gone with him. I would probably had more fun, going to my favourite group’s concert with someone I loved. Yeah, that would be the day. I came down with a terrible sore throat after that. Then, I was coughing so badly. Perhaps it was because I screamed too much during Westlife’s concert. Monday May 15, 2000 I hate every fifteenth of the month! But most of all, I hate Kevin McFadden the most. Went to Rio, bought Westlife’s special edition album. Plus, there was a free poster of them. Tuesday May 16, 2000 today I felt really sad. I needed someone to talk to, but I felt as if I could not confide in anyone. It was as if I was going insane. I even thought that I might need to seek professional help, like see a psychiatrist or something. My life sucked so bad. The way I was feeling at that time, I would rather be in hell. Wednesday May 17, 2000 At the basement parking at my college’s building, while I was finding a car park, I noticed Kevin’s car behind me. It was scary. Suddenly his car appeared out of nowhere. After that, I saw him at the elevator. “So, you parked at the basement?” Kevin asked. “Yeah,” I answered. After college, I went out with Sasha. When I reached back home, I was so tired. Thursday May 18, 2000 I bought Britney Spears’ new album, ‘Oops, I Did It Again’. An excerpt of the song titled ‘Lucky’, “she’s so lucky – she’s a star – but she cries cries cries in her lonely heart thinking – if there’s nothing missing in my life – then why do these tears come at night..” That was like so true. If there was nothing missing in my life, then why was I so unhappy? Where did all the tears I cried came from? What was it for? There were so many unanswered questions. Friday May 19, 2000 Today in class, Kevin looked ugly. His hair was kind of long and it was like yuck. I wondered if he knew that? I did not want to hate, but that was all Kevin left me with. Saturday May 20, 2000 while I was sleeping, I felt very cold. I was shivering, but my body was burning. I think I came down with an instant high fever or something. I was so cold that I had to switch off the fan. Usually, I could not sleep without the fan on. I also had to change my shorts into pants. It hurts so bad that it made me cry. I wanted to call out for Mom but I did not have the energy to do so. It really scared me because I had never felt that way before. I told my friend, Rick Hamilton, about it. “Why don’t you go and see a doctor?” Rick asked. “I don’t need to see a doctor! I need to see a shrink!” I exclaimed. Sunday May 21, 2000 At night, while I was talking to Sasha on the phone, she suddenly asked me whether I was ever going back to Kevin or not. I told her no. After that, I felt depressed. It just felt like one tiring ride as more days pass along and I was still sad. How was I going to go through this? What was I going to do? There were times when I felt like dying, but since I am not dead yet, I guess that meant God doesn’t want me to die yet. Sometimes I feel like God has something against me, because He always seem to take the person I love away from me. Whenever I am happy, He has to take the happiness away from me. Why couldn’t He just let me be happy or take my life away? I would rather die than live a life full of sadness, depression, unhappiness and tears. Monday May 22, 2000 Boring day. Got tied up with my assignment. Tuesday May 23, 2000 Life sucks. I am sad and lonely. Life sucks. Nobody to talk to, no one to confide in. Life sucks. Everyday unhappy, everyday sad, everyday alone, everyday depressed, everyday cry. Life sucks. No life, no happiness, no friend to confide in, no thing. Life sucks. I want to die than live a life like hell. Wednesday May 24, 2000 I am still coughing. College sucked. Kevin’s hair wasn’t as bad as the other day. Thursday May 25, 2000 Kevin didn’t come to class today. Which was good. But I wonder why, though. Was he sick? Like what do I care! For all that I care, he can go to hell! Friday May 26, 2000 Once again, Kevin and I wore matching coloured tops. Last time, we always liked to wear that same outfit. It was like, whenever he wears his light purple coloured shirt, I would wear my purple coloured shirt. When I wanted to go back home from college and got into my car, suddenly Michael stood in front of my car. Jokingly, he asked me to hit him. Suddenly, Kevin came and he joined Michael. He, too, asked me to hit him. I wanted to yell that I did not want to do such thing. If I were to do it, I would only hit Kevin and not Michael. Of course, I would not even have the heart and guts to do so. Saturday May 27, 2000 Once, there was life, hopes and dreams. God, please show me back, back to where I was alive. Back to where I was loved. I am so miserable! I am still coughing and I had a headache. Plus, life sucked as usual. How do I get away from all this that was bothering me? I prayed to God to give me the strength to carry on with this life. I just hate the life that I was living. Why could not I be like what I used to? I have cried my hearts out but I am still hurting. It’s going to be three months since Kevin and I broke up, but I am still not over him. Sunday May 28, 2000 I plan to pursue my degree in the United Kingdom. I had always wanted to study overseas. And now, since my life sucked, that made me wanted to get out of this country even more. I knew that I was not able to study overseas now, I would only have the opportunity to do so after I have completed my second year at college. However, I felt as if I wanted to go to the United Kingdom at that very moment. I talked to Sasha about it. She adviced me to not to go now. Not when I wanted to run away from something. I should go when I am ready. That’s true, I agreed. But I wanted to run away! Run away from this life full of pain and hurt. Run away from Kevin even though we were not together anymore. Monday May 29, 2000 Bored. Nothing much to be done. Tuesday May 30, 2000 Had dinner at American Chili’s with Sasha. Yum yum. Wednesday May 31, 2000 At college, before class started, I met up with Sasha for a while. When I wanted to go to class, at the same time, Kevin walked by. I really did not notice it was him, until Sasha pointed him out to me. Then, I waved to Sasha and Kevin actually thought I was waving at him! He waved back. As I wanted to walk towards my classroom, Sasha pulled my arm. “Let Kevin walk in first,” Sasha said. Thursday June 1, 2000 at college, I wanted to smile at Kevin. I wanted to smile so badly at him. But he had this cold expression on his face that I could not bring myself to smile at him. It was so cold that made my smile turned into a frown. Each time our eyes met and I wanted to smile at him, he turned away. Was it just so hard for him to even just smile at me as a friend? After college, a couple of us, including Stacey and I went to Michael’s house to do our group project. Suddenly, Kevin came. The door was locked and Kevin had to wait for Michael to open the door for him. At that time, Michael was upstairs with Isaac. Kevin kept on knocking on the door and called out Michael’s name. However, Kevin knocked on the door so softly, how could Michael possibly hear from upstairs? Stacey and I could have opened the door for Kevin, but we purposely let him waited outside. Served him right. If only he did not look so cold today. Friday June 2, 2000 Kevin didn’t come to class today. Hate him very much! Saturday June 3, 2000 I downloaded Mandy Moore’s new song, ‘I Wanna Be With You’. It was fabulous! Such a sweet ballad. I really liked it. I just wished that I could be with Kevin. Sunday June 4, 2000 I always wondered, would Kevin even cared if I died? Would he even feel sad? I did not think so, though. I never knew life could suck so bad. Monday June 5, 2000 I saw Kevin online on ICQ. Kevin sent me a message. It said, “How are you?” That was really weird. He hardly asked me that kind of question. I did not know what to answer him, so I told him that I was okay. Kevin told me that he dyed his hair yesterday. Light brown. I wondered what would he look like. I saw Kevin with his brand new hair, at the elevator in college. It was okay. I wanted to laugh, though. After class, went shopping at Valley Centre. Bought a book, a spaghetti strap top, a halter top, a short skirt and a pair of platform shoes. Cost me a bomb! Also, had Starbucks. Tuesday June 6, 2000 Bored and tired. Wednesday June 7, 2000 at college, I was waiting for the elevator, I wanted to go downstairs. Kevin was there as well. When we went into the elevator, Kevin kept on pressing the 15th floor button. We were already at the 15th floor! He kept on pressing the 15th floor button and then realized that he was actually on the 15th floor. I thought it was rather stupid. Thursday June 8, 2000 I learnt five new quotes today. The first one was, “To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world.” That was absolutely true. If only Kevin knew that he meant the world to me. It’s like, to him, I’m just a nobody. But to me, he’s the world, my world. The second one was, “Don’t waste your time on a someone who isn’t willing to waste time on you.” It was more like, do not waste my time on someone like Kevin! The third one was, “Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.” No comments. The fourth one was, “Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.” I have to comment on this one. I think this relates to some situation only, not all. Like, if you break up, obviously you will cry because it is over, and not smile because you just break up with that someone. If you smile, that is considered selfish. But in situation like, if you go to a concert, you can smile when it is over, because you went to the concert and had a good time. The fifth one was, “Don’t try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.” I have no idea about this one. Perhaps in a way, it is true. But, maybe not. If you do not try hard, then how could you get the best of things? And if things happened when you least expect them to, it applies to good and bad things. Like, if I wanted to rekindle with Kevin, then I did not have to do anything about it? And things were okay with me and Kevin, suddenly it crumbled. That happened when I least expect it to! Friday June 9, 2000 I was so upset. At college, all Kevin could say was “Bye-bye” and all I did was say “Bye” back to him. And that came out like a whisper. When I reached back home, I wrote three poems and posted it on a poetry site on the Internet. It was not that good, though, I just wanted to write something that reflected my feelings. “Feelings...Because Of You Once I used to be happy So happy that even if life sucks I couldn’t care less Because I had you by my side To cheer me up To tell me things will be okay We were so happy together So what went wrong? I guess I’ll never know You suddenly wanted out Without even talking things first What did I do to you that was so bad? I am sorry if I ever did hurt you But hurting you was never my intention I loved you too much to hurt you So why did I screw up so badly? If you really did care for me If you really loved me like you said you did Then you would have made things work You wouldn’t have let me be sad You wouldn’t leave me in this position But you played me for a fool You broke my heart And you never felt the pain Is it because your heart is made of stone Or did you really intend to hurt me? I know I am not perfect But who in the world is Why can’t you accept me as what I am? Like I accept you for what you are Why did you have to hurt me And pretend like nothing happened Please, I need to put a stop on this I don’t want to cry for you I don’t want to be heart broken Just let me be happy again Like I used to be Let me live a full life again Without hate, sadness and loneliness.” “ME + YOU = X You forced me to give your love away You even asked me to forget about you How did you have the heart to do that Something that is so cruel, so selfish I was really happy when I was with you But the day you said goodbye You took the happiness away from me And all I’m left now with is sadness Ever since you went away Nothing has been the same anymore I didn’t think I’d be this unhappy It is tougher than I ever expected I am not the same me anymore Sometimes I don’t think I know myself I thought I would be able to handle it fine But no one knew the pain I mask For you to be in my life is not a necessity Then why am I nothing but a pile of depression Please set me free from this misery I just can’t take this anymore How could I let you destroy the old me The old me who believed in love The old me who used to be happy The one who used to be so alive But you took all that away from me Why does it have to be this way That’s not how my life is supposed to be What did I do to deserve all this I never knew I could be this sad Just because you and I are not together Why am I feeling so sad and lonely When can you take things so easily I should be out there enjoying life Just like you are now Even though there are happy times Yet I still feel as if something is missing I don’t want to be sad because of you I don’t even want to cry a tear for you Yet I am sad and I cry When will I heal I do not know Thank you for taking my happiness away But I beg you to give it back to me Because if you are not happy like I am Living doesn’t seem quite worth it” “I Hate Myself... I hate myself because I let you love me That was because I thought you loved me too I hate myself because I let you played with my heart That was because I thought you were sincere I hate myself because I let you hurt me That was because I didn’t think you’d ever will I hate myself because I got attached to you That was because it seemed so right, so good I hate myself because I am sad Sad because you are not there for me anymore I hate myself because I am not happy Not happy because I am not with you I hate myself because I cried over you Cried over someone who never did care I hate myself because I believed you Believed all the sweet things that you told me I hate myself because I didn’t tell you Didn’t tell you how I really felt I hate myself because I am not strong Not strong to go through this period of time I hate myself because I am not pretty If I am pretty then maybe you’d want me I hate myself because I am stupid If I am not stupid then I wouldn’t have lost you I hate myself because I am not perfect If I am perfect then I’d still be with you I hate myself because I wasn’t the perfect girlfriend Not perfect enough to be with you I hate myself because I feel so lost So lost now that you are not here by my side I hate myself because I still want you When I am not supposed to feel this way I hate myself because I don’t have you When I am not supposed to even want you I hate myself because all I can feel is pain When you don’t even feel a single thing I hate myself for screwing this up badly Not knowing how to make things right I hate myself because I fell in love with you And I don’t know how to fall out of it” Saturday June 10, 2000 while I was chatting with Kevin on ICQ, suddenly he asked, “Hey, wanna go out for lunch someday?” I almost choked on that. Like that could ever happen. He would probably invite the whole class to come along! I answered, “Yeah sure, maybe someday.” Kevin wrote back, “I will give you a call, okay..but not now because we’re busy with assignments and exams are coming.” Yeah, like that would ever happen. In my dreams. Sunday June 11, 2000 Such a boring day. Wanted to study but couldn’t concentrate. M2M’s song, ‘Mirror Mirror’ is pretty nice. I liked the part, “mirror mirror hanging on the wall – you don’t have to tell me – who’s the biggest fool of all..” I was really the biggest fool of all. At least, that was what I felt like. Monday June 12, 2000 In college, I overheard my friend, Nicole Aniston, said “..the girl that Kevin liked..” That ruined my day. It seemed that a bunch of my classmates when out and there was a girl that Kevin liked. Great. I was really upset after I heard that. I felt as if I wanted to cry, but I could not cry in front of my friends. They should have known better not to mention anything about Kevin liking another girl in front of me! The girl that Kevin liked, huh! Tuesday June 13, 2000 I helped Sasha out at her sister’s shop. Her elder sister owned a kebab shop. They were short of staff, so I sort of worked there to help them out. I had to do things that I had not done in ages. I had to sweep the floor, mop the floor, cut tomatoes, cucumbers, cabbage and much more. I also learnt how to do the ice crushed cappuccino that was served there. It was certainly a new experience for me. I wished I had someone to share this new experience with. Wednesday June 14, 2000 Tired! And I hate Kevin! I fell in love with you..with who? That idiot? Now I feel sorrow..you bet I do. Don’t leave me here to cry! God, I feel like I wanna die! The way my life id going on right now, my God, I really hate it. Thursday June 15, 2000 One of Sasha’s sister got married. I spent the whole day at their wedding. It was really tiring, but at least I did not have to stay at home. Friday June 16, 2000 Kevin didn’t come to class today. Why? Sick? Busy with assignments? Oh, what do I care! Today, I worked again at Sasha’s sister’s shop. Saturday June 17, 2000 Studied. Apart from that, a pretty sucky boring day. Sunday June 18, 2000 On this lonely night, something marvelous happened. It was more like I got the shock of my life. I was already asleep when the phone rang at around midnight. “Hello?” I said. “Hello?” the voice on the other line said. I’d recognized that voice over anything. That voice belong to Kevin! Was I dreaming? I wasn’t sure what to say, so I blurted out, “What’s the time now?” Pretty dumb, I knew that. “Around 12. Are you asleep?” “No.” “Do you know who is this?” “Of course.” “You still do?” “Why? Am I not supposed to know who you are?” “How are you?” Great. One question that I did not know how to answer. “I’m okay. What about you?” “Fine as usual.” Kevin then told me that he called me because he was feeling bored and he had nobody to talk to. Of course. If he weren’t bored, why on earth would he want to call me? I was just a nobody. We then talked for a while. He asked me when will my parents be buying a car, because before this I told him that they were planning to buy a car. Kevin and I made a bet. He said that I would get the car early July and I said that I would get the car before the month of July. If he wins, he would let me drive his car and if I win, I would let him drive the new car. I really enjoyed the conversation. We talked like we were old friends who had not talked to each other for ages. That was partly the truth, anyway. Before we hung up, Kevin said, “Anna, you write down this number..017-3834818..call this number if you need anything, okay?” Well, that was nice of Kevin. I guess I got to know his mobile number after all. I wondered what made Kevin called me. He said he was bored, but he could have easily called somebody else. Why me? I was really happy and excited, the fact that he did call me meant that he still remembered me. Yeah, right. I was so excited about it, I could barely sleep. Thank you, God! Monday June 19, 2000 at college, we were back to strangers. We saw each other but we did not even smile at each other. I was rather disappointed. It was as if Kevin did not call me at all yesterday night. Or was I dreaming? I was really happy that Kevin called me yesterday. I had always liked to talk to him on the phone. When I talked to him, he always made me smile and happy. Nobody else could ever do that. Whenever I talked to other guys, it did not have the same effect on me like it did when I talked to Kevin. Besides, I loved talking to Kevin because I liked his voice, too. At night, I felt sad because I knew Kevin would not call me anymore. I was so sad and I felt like crying. And I did. The fact that I was listening to Mandy Moore’s song, ‘I Wanna Be With You’, that did not help at all. “I wanna be with you – if only for a night – to be the one who’s in your arms – to hold you tight..” That made me cry even more. Tuesday June 20, 2000 In the afternoon, my friends and I went to Michael’s house to do our project. Suddenly, Michael, who was upstairs, came running downstairs. “Anna, there’s a phone call for you,” Michael said as he handed the telephone to me. Huh? Who would ever call me at Michael’s house? That was really weird. Curiously, I asked Michael, “Who is it?” “Romeo,” Michael answered as I took the telephone from him “Romeo?” “Yup.” “Hello?” I said, wondering who was it at the end of the line. “Hi Anna.” The voice on the other line said. Oh my God. It was Kevin! We chatted on the telephone for a while and then we hung up because I did not want to use Michael’s telephone for long. It made me wonder, why did Kevin want to talk to me? Whatever it was, I was really happy about it. When I went back home, Mom told me that if all goes well, we would be getting the new car in a couple of days. That meant I would win the bet between Kevin and I! At night, I sent Kevin a short message service (SMS) via a web site on the Internet. Surprisingly, after Kevin had gotten the SMS that I sent him, he called me. It so happened that the next day I do not have any transport to go to college, and so Kevin offered to fetch me there and also send me back home. At first, I declined as I did not to trouble him, but he said it was okay with him, so I agreed as I did not want to let go of the golden opportunity. Kevin asked me whether I wanted to go for breakfast tomorrow morning. “Do you want to go for breakfast tomorrow?” “Okay..” I told him reluctantly. “I’ll pick you up at 10 am,” Kevin said. “Okay..” “Do you need a wake up call?” “No, it’s okay, I think I will be able to wake up.” “I’ll call you at 9 something.” Well, that was nice of Kevin. He was being rather nice. I could not believe that I would be getting a lift from Kevin tomorrow! It was too good to be true. The next morning, Kevin called me at 9.15 am. He picked me up an hour after that. I was so excited, but I had to hide my excitement. We went for breakfast at an inexpensive restaurant nearby my house and then headed off to college. Kevin dropped me off in front of our college and he went to park his car. In class, I told Stacey about it. “Guess who I came with to college today?” I asked Stacey to guess. “Who? Tell me!” Stacey exclaimed. “You would never believe it!” “Anna, tell me!” “Kevin.” Stacey looked surprised. “Who?” “You heard me.” “Is he going after you again?” “Of course not.” Although if that were true, I would be the happiest girl in the entire universe. After college, Kevin and I went to Rio. We had lunch at Dave’s Deli. It was really weird because when we were standing in front of the menu and deciding what to eat, Kevin actually grabbed my hand and pointed it to the menu. We were having a hard time deciding what to eat, we always do. I guess it was my fault, beause I was rather picky with food. I did not know why, but while we were eating, Kevin offered to feed me. He kept saying that many times. I did not know what he meant by that, I just said, “I can feed myself, thank you.” Kevin then cut my potatoes for me. Weird. The other weird thing was we were acting like we were such good and close friends. It wasn’t as if we were strangers at all. When we walked, we didn’t have any gap between us. Our shoulders and arms were practically touching each other’s. I wondered if he noticed that. Although it was pretty weird, I had a good time. I had not gone out with Kevin for ages and I really enjoyed myself. Thanks for the good time, Kevin. Thursday June 22, 2000 As I did not have any transport to go back home from college, I got a lift from Michael. Stacey was there as well. While Michael was driving out of the basement parking, his mobile phone rang. “Kevin McFadden’s mobile phone,” I heard Michael muttered to himself. Then, Michael wanted to pay his parking fee. He told Kevin, “Kevin, talk to my co-pilot first.” As I was sitting at the front seat, Michael handed his mobile phone to me. “Hello?” I said. All I got was a rude response from Kevin, who said, “Let me talk to Michael back.” I was taken aback by Kevin’s rude reply. I was so mad that I tossed Michael’s mobile phone at his lap. After Michael had sent me back home, around 1.30 pm, the telephone rang. “Hello?” I said. “Anna.” It was Kevin. “Yeah, what do you want?” I retorted. I was so lazy to talk to him. “I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad,” Kevin said. How did he know that I was mad? Michael and Stacey must have told him. Was my angry expression that obvious? I guess if it were some other people other than Kevin, I would not be mad. “About what?” I asked Kevin. “About just now, I know you are mad.” “What about just now?” “I thought it was Stacey instead of you. When Michael said to talk to his co-pilot, I thought he meant Stacey because Stacey always sits at the passenger seat in front.” “Does my voice sound like Stacey’s?” “No..” “So?” “I’m sorry, Anna.” “Yeah, whatever.” “I have to go now, I will call you later, okay?” At night, around 11.10 pm, Kevin called. I had just finished watching FRIENDS on television when he called. “I’m sorry, Anna.” Kevin said. “Why?” I purposely asked. “I know I was rude, I’m really sorry. I really thought you were Stacey.” “Well, even if it was Stacey, that doesn’t give you a right to be rude!” Kevin kept on apologizing and I calmed down. He also told me that he was keeping one of my test papers. “Just throw it,” I told Kevin. “Why?” Kevin asked. “I probably got lousy marks on it, I don’t want to see it.” “No, you didn’t. You got higher marks than I did.” Yay! “Okay, now I want it back.” I told Kevin that we will be getting our new car tomorrow. That means I won the bet. For no reason, Kevin asked me to come over to his place after I have gotten the car. Kevin lives around 20 minutes drive from my house so it was not that far. “Why would I want to do that?” I asked him. “To get your test paper,” Kevin answered. What a lame answer. Why would I want to drive all the way to his house to get my test paper when I could get it from him when I see him in college? After we hung up, the telephone rang again. It was Kevin. Again. “Do you want to go to Sky Hills?” Kevin asked. A couple of my classmates were planning to go to Sky Hills as we were going to have our holidays soon. “I’m not sure whether I’ll be going or not,” I told Kevin. “Do go, will you?” Kevin said. It was rather unusual and I wondered why Kevin asked me whether I wanted to go to Sky Hills or not, when he could have asked me will I be going there or not. What was Kevin trying to imply? Friday June 23, 2000 i was supposed to get the new car in the morning, but there a few things that could not be avoided happened. As a result, I got the car at around 5 in the evening. Definitely no time to go to Kevin’s place. Before I went out to get the car, I sent Kevin a SMS, saying that I could not make it today because it was already late. After I had gotten the new car and went back home, Kevin called. He actually said that he was hoping that I would come as he wanted to bring me around. What was that supposed to mean? At night, Kevin called again. I was surprised, because I did not think that he would and I did not expect to hear his voice at the end of the line. Mandy Moore came out with a special edition album which features her lovely song, ‘I Wanna Be With You’. The album is also entitled ‘I Wanna Be With You’. I bought the CD. Loved it. Saturday June 24, 2000 Kevin called me at around 7 at night. He asked me to go out for a drink along with a few of our classmates. I did not want to because I still feel uncomfortable doing so. We talked for a while and then I told him that now since I have a car to use, I don’t have any other choice but to drive to college. Kevin told me that there was still another option. What? Ask Kevin to fetch me? I could never ask my ex-boyfriend to do that. Kevin called me again at 9 something at night. He said that the plan to go out for a drink was cancelled because a few of our classmates could not make it. He also asked me to come over to his place tomorrow. Somehow, I agreed. I thought that was a stupid thing to do, though. Sunday June 25, 2000 In the afternoon, I drove to Kevin’s place using my new car. I had no idea why was I doing so. Going over to your ex’s place and for what? That does not seem right at all. Getting my test paper? That was such a lame excuse. I could ask Kevin to bring it to college on Monday, but no, I agreed to see him. Was that stupid or what? No, it was just God’s way to show that love still exists and miracles do happen. When I reached Kevin’s house, he gave me my test paper and then he got into my new car. Kevin was supposed to show me the way out from his place, because the roads have been changed and I was not familiar with them. While I was driving, he even tried to tickle me! I am rather ticklish. I wondered if an ex was supposed to do that kind of thing to their ex? I did not know. We passed by a shopping mall, The Pyramid. In front of the mall, it has a pyramid shape and I guess that was where it got its name. In front of The Pyramid, there was this sort of fair going on and Kevin wanted to have a look at it. I parked my car further down The Pyramid and so we had to walk to get to The Pyramid. While walking, suddenly Kevin put his hand on my waist. I quickly pushed it away. “Why?” Kevin asked. “Why?” I asked him back. “Don’t ask me that..” Kevin started to say. “Why not?” I retorted. “I do not know how to answer..” Kevin replied. Along the way to The Pyramid, I wondered why suddenly Kevin wanted to hold me. What was he trying to do? When we reached the fair in front of The Pyramid, Kevin wanted to hold hands. “Hold my hand,” he said. “Why would I want to do that?” I said, as if the thought of holding hands disgusted me. “I wouldn’t want you to get lost,” Kevin told me. So, we held hands. After we had walked through the fair, I let go of Kevin’s hand. We went into The Pyramid as it was so hot outside. Kevin wanted to hold hands again. I had to admit, it felt pretty good to be able to hold hands with Kevin again. When I wanted to send Kevin back home, I missed a turn at the roundabout and I heard him calling me “Honey”. When I dropped him at his house, he kissed my forehead. I was totally confused. What was going on? Does this mean that he wanted to get back together? Why didn’t he say so? Am I back with Kevin now? If I am, that would be too good to be true. At night, Kevin called. I guess I am really his girlfriend back again and I have him back now. I’m starting to believe that true love never dies. Thank you, God. Thank you so very much. My prayers and wishes came true after three months of waiting in sadness. Thank you, Kevin. You have made me the happiest girl ever. However, I would never forget what you have done to me before this. I just hope that I would not screw things up anymore. That night, for the first time in nearly four months, my insomnia vanished. I slept with a smile on my face. Monday June 26, 2000 Finals for the first semester started. Tuesday June 27, 2000 When I went out for lunch with Kevin and Michael, Michael told me something interesting. At that time, Kevin was not around. “You know what our good friend asked me?” Michael started to say. “Who? Kevin?” I asked, not knowing whom he was referring to. “No, Stacey,” Michael said. “What about her? What did she ask you?” “Yesterday, in the car, Stacey asked me whether Kevin was going after you.” “Hmm..interesting. What did you tell her?” “I said yes.” “Uh-oh, I told her no.” “But that was quite some time ago, wasn’t it?” “Yeah, I guess. By the way, how did you know that Kevin was going after me?” “I didn’t know. After Stacey asked me, I told her that I would get back to her about that.” “Then?” “Then, I called Kevin and asked him.” “What did you ask him?” “I asked him whether it was true that he was going after you.” I smiled sheepishly. “And..?” “And..Kevin said yes.” I laughed. I was really happy. Kevin, I love you so much! Wednesday June 28, 2000 It has been one year since Kevin asked me to be his girlfriend. I still remember, at that time, we were online and I was chatting with him at the ICQ chat. Since my I had only one phone line, I could not neither call out or receive calls. At that time, I was doing a research on hybrid network topology, but I couldn’t find any relevant and suitable information. “Kevin, can you do me a favour?” I asked Kevin. “What is it?” Kevin asked. “You have 2 phone lines, right? Do you think you could call Pristine for me? Because I can’t call her now, since I don’t have 2 lines. If cannot, then it’s okay.” “What do you want me to tell her?” “Please tell her that I can’t find information regarding the hybrid network topology. Ask her whether she managed to find any or not.” “Okay..hang on a second.” “Thanks.” “Then, you must do me a favour as well.” “What is it?” “Would you be my girlfriend?” I was surprised, because before this Pristine did tell me that Kevin liked me, but I didn’t expect it to be until he wanted me to his girlfriend. As flattered as I was, I wasn’t really sure whether Kevin was playing a fool out of me or was he serious about it. “Are you for real?” I asked him, hoping he said that he was just joking. “Yes. Would you be my girlfriend?” “Err..” “You don’t have to answer now.” “Are you sure about this or are you just joking?” “I’m dead serious, Anna.” “I’ll think about it, okay..give me some time.” “Okay..take your time.” I couldn’t believe that Kevin actually asked me to be his girlfriend! A few days after that I told him that we should just remained friends, though. Regardless of that, we still did get together anyhow. No regrets about that. I am so in love with Kevin now. I wanted to ask Kevin the question why did he get back together with me. Why suddenly? Wouldn’t it be better if we didn’t break up in the first place? I didn’t have the guts, though. I only managed to ask “why?” and that was it. Luckily, Kevin understood what I was trying to ask him. I received an e-mail from Kevin. It was really sweet! “Honey, There are a few reasons I want u back. And I am not going to tell u all of them, so u will get to keep on guessing oki? hehehehe.... Well, there has been a time when I found myself missing you dearly. Day and night I was thinking about you. I was worried about you too. So, then later I figured out that I will call you just to see how things have been going on with you. Then when we talked, I just felt that I wanted you back. Because I still need you. I still want to love you. I still miss you. :) Kevin” Thursday June 29, 2000 I replied Kevin’s e-mail. “Kevin, Thanks for telling me if not all, then some of the reasons-well, that's good enough. Although I do wonder--are you for real? do you really mean what you wrote? hmm..there's something i'd like to tell u. y'know, before this you broke my heart pretty bad and i have never cried so much for a guy before. and i felt as if our love before this were all crap because we seemed to let go whatever we had just like dat. well anyway, i'm over that already so let's just forget it. i have to admit, i didn't think we'd ever get back together and this surprise me. maybe because i know that i can't be the perfect girlfriend for you and i am sorry for that. please understand that i am going to love you in my own special way, okie? i hope you are sincere and meant everything that you said and i hope dat this is not some kind of fling or a joke kind of thingie because i am...dunno..a bit scared, i guess.. i guess that's about it. ANNA” I received a reply from Kevin. “Dear Anna, I am sorry i did such a terrible thing to you. At that time i really could not understand u and i didn't realize how much you loved me. I thought that you didn't really love me. I didn't want to tell you this but i just want you to know what i was thinking at that time. But that is all over now okie? Let’s put that behind. Anyway, at that time i was really facing a lot of problems in my family. i couldn't handle it and then i felt that both of us at that time also had a lot of problems. i am sorry i did that. Please give me some time to understand. One thing that i know is that my heart is still with you and where ever you go. I realized this....... i love you Kevin” Ahh..wasn’t that sweet? One thing though, I couldn’t believe that Kevin thought that I didn’t really love him before this. How could he have thought of such a horrible, horrible thing? That was way beyond true! I loved him with all my heart! Then, and now. Friday June 30, 2000 Last day of finals for the first semester. An old man accidently hit my new car from behind. It was during a traffic jam, the cars were not moving at all and suddenly there was a loud thump coming from the back of my car. An idiot was dreaming, thus hit my car and refused to pay. I was so mad that I kept on yelling at him to pay up. Ruined my mood for the whole day. Saturday July 1, 2000 Sent car for repair. Sunday July 2, 2000 Remember that I said my classmates are planning to go to Sky Hills during our semester holidays? Well, I ended up with rashes because I ate prawns. Since I could not go, Kevin was mad at me. “I only agreed to go because I thought you were going,” Kevin said. Like I knew that! Besides, he agreed to go when we still haven’t gotten back together! That was nice of Kevin, though. If he had told me in the first place, I wouldn’t have eaten those prawns. Monday July 3, 2000 Kevin and the rest of them went to Sky Hills. I am still having rashes. Tuesday July 4, 2000 Jonathan called. He said that he was still feeling down about the girl who didn’t like him. I told Jonathan about Kevin and I. He was happy for me. As my rashes were not getting better, I had to go to the doctor to get an injection. At night, Kevin came back home. Wednesday July 5, 2000 Uh-oh. I received an e-mail from Rachael. Before this, I had been asking her if she would be surprised if Kevin and I were to get back together. I wanted to know what was her reaction. In her e-mail, she said that she would be surprised! And that she didn’t really like the idea of Kevin and I getting back together because she doesn’t want me to get hurt. I don’t want to get hurt, either. And I hope that Kevin knows that and won’t hurt me. Ever again. Because I know, that I would try not do that kind of thing to hurt Kevin. That is the last thing that I would do. Thursday July 6, 2000 Coloured my hair. Mahogany. Went to the airport to send off Nicky. He’s going to Australia to further his studies. At first, I didn’t want to go, but I was persuaded by Kevin. I didn’t have much fun at the airport, but I was glad that I could spend time with Kevin. That was all that mattered. Friday July 7, 2000 Bored. Bought M2M’s ‘Mirror Mirror’ CD single. Saturday July 8, 2000 In the morning, I washed my car. In the afternoon, went to The Pyramid. I got to buy a pair of white pants, a pair of three quarter pants and a sleeveless top. Happy! In the evening, went to Valley Centre. Around midnight, Kevin called and he sounded different. Turns out that he was mad at his mother because his mother didn’t allow himto go out. Kevin said that he was so angry that he smashed his hair dryer to pieces. Sunday July 9, 2000 Slept the whole afternoon. Checked my new timetable for my second semester. I will be starting my second semester this Tuesday because there won’t be any classes tomorrow. Monday July 10, 2000 In the morning, went to Valley Centre. I wore my new white pants. Kevin said that it was nice! Tuesday July 11, 2000 Started my second semester today. Class was okay. After class, accompanied Kevin to the immigration place as he wanted to renew his passport. Jonathan called. He said that things between him and the girl that he liked has resumed back to normal. Happy for him. In today’s newspaper, there was a report about a handicapped driver, who was careless while driving, drove straight into someone’s house! I found that news really amusing. Imagine, a car suddenly rammed into your house! It must felt like an earthquake or something. I wouldn’t want to experience that kind of thing, though. Wednesday July 12, 2000 I slept practically the whole afternoon so I had trouble sleeping at night. Sigh. Kevin said that his stomach doesn’t feel so good. I’m worried about him, because he always complains that it hurts. Get well soon, Kevin. I really wouldn’t want anything to happen to him. If anything were to happen to me, that is fine with me, but not to Kevin, please. Thursday July 13, 2000 Today is Sasha’s one year anniversary with her boyfriend. May they live happily ever after. Friday July 14, 2000 Today, Kevin and a few classmates went to Valley Centre. I did not go because I had some errands to run. When I got back home, there was something in my mailbox. Kevin bought me a candy, with a shape of a frog and left it in my mailbox. Yuck. Frog? Ugh. I really hate frogs, they disgusts me. I told Kevin not to buy me anything that has to do with frogs from now on. But thanks anyway Kevin, that was very thoughtful of you. Saturday July 15, 2000 Finally. One year anniversary – Kevin and I. One year! Although we did not actually go out for one year, but still, 15 July 1999 was the day when Kevin and I officially went steady. I still remember, he had to ask me to be his girlfriend for a couple of times until I agreed. We were walking towards his car when he asked me to be his girlfriend. “Would you be my girlfriend?” Kevin asked. I was stunned. I did not know what to answer. Then, Kevin put his hand on my shoulder. That made me more stunned. I told him, “I will tell you later.” On the way sending me back home, I kept on thinking whether I should accept Kevin or not. Although I did like him, but I kind of liked the way things were. Besides, I did not want to break his heart in the end. Who knew, he was the one who broke my heart. Anyway, I kept on thinking, was I ready to be someone’s girlfriend? Would I be able to make Kevin happy? I did not want to let the opportunity go. If I rejected Kevin, not only would I hurt him, but I was scared if I would ever regret doing so. No doubt, I liked Kevin, but if I refused, I would not get to be with him ever again. Therefore, I decided to give it a try. When we reached my house, before I got out of the car, I looked at Kevin. I knew he was expecting an answer from me. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” Kevin started to say. “I know I screwed up, just forget about what I asked you.” Maybe he was scared if the answer that he would get from me was negative. “Are you sure? Because I have the answer with me now,” I told Kevin. “Really? What is it?” “Ask me again.” “Anna, would you be my girlfriend?” “Yes..” Kevin smiled. A happy smile. I smiled back and he kissed my hand. “Thanks, Anna.” Thank you, Kevin. Kevin was the one who brought sunshine to my life after that. He gave me happiness, as though it were a gift. I really did not know what I would do without him. And I certainly could not imagine my world without him in it. I love him so much and I would just die if something were to happen to us. One year later, 15 July 2000, Kevin forgot that it was our so-called one year anniversary. He went out to a Japanese carnival sort of thing and totally forgot about it. I thought that he would remember, but he did not. I was really upset. In the afternoon, I sent him a message on ICQ. I asked, “what is the date today?” Later that night, or rather, early next morning, when I was online on ICQ, Kevin was there. He answered, “16th July.” I guess that was when it hit him. He called me to apologize. He said that he could not believe that he actually forget such an important date that meant so much to him. I refused to believe. If it really was an important date to him, then how could he forget? I really did not know what to say to him. I was so disappointed. It was okay, the fact that we did not get to celebrate it, but he could at least had the initiative to remember. Kevin said that he felt so bad and so guilty about it, yet I still did not know what to say to him. Eventually, he hung up. I could not believe that he did that. Kevin forgot all about our first anniversary and he did not even have the decency to actually make me feel happy, or to cheer me up so that I would not feel so down. Instead, he had to put down the phone without even saying a thing. Sunday July 16, 2000 Around 2 in the afternoon, Kevin called. “Why did you put down the phone without even saying anything yesterday?” I demanded. “I felt so guilty that I did not know what to say..” Kevin said quietly. “You could have told me that you were going to hang up.” “I didn’t know what to say to you..I’m so sorry I forgot all about it. I didn’t know how could I forget such thing.” “Yeah, well, you did.” “Why didn’t you remind me?” “I wanted to see whether you remember or not.” “I’m sorry, honey.” “Forget it.” Kevin then said that he wanted to see me tomorrow. We made plans to see each other tomorrow, to make up for what had happened. However, later at night, Kevin called. He told me that he had to cancel our plan because it was Michael’s birthday the next day and he wanted to go ice skating with Michael. I could hardly believe it. I know that you should not neglect your friends, but you couldn’t just ditch your boyfriend or girlfriend just like that! I was so mad and I felt so down. Kevin was not there to cheer me up. I cried my hearts out. I thought that now, with Kevin, I finally would not have to cry so much anymore, so why was I still crying? Monday July 17, 2000 What a bummber. I was really hoping that I would get to see Kevin today but oh well. I really couldn’t believe that he’d rather spend time ice skating with Michael, rather than making up to his girlfriend for the fact that he forget his own anniversary. What is wrong with guys nowadays? Don’t they have brains or something? Tuesday July 18, 2000 Today I am still moody. Part of it because of yesterday and part of it because I had PMS. But at night, I was okay and I didn’t feel mad at Kevin anymore. Plus, I had a fever and a slight running nose. Wednesday July 19, 2000 I bought Kevin a present. I bought him a teddy bear, which holds a heart shape saying ‘Love’ in its hand. I also got him a paperweight ornament, the one which when you turned it upside down, you could see some pretty stuff floating. I also got Kevin a card and in it, I apologized for not being the perfect girlfriend he wished for and I told him that I loved him so much. Kevin gave me something as well. He gave me hand-made stars, which were arranged neatly in a heart shaped bottle. In front of the bottle, it said ‘1st ANNIVERSARY KM + AT 2000’. That was really sweet. Kevin actually made those stars, I was really impressed. Apart from that, Kevin also gave me a book, whereby he wrote “I am sorry” for one whole page, “I will never forget July 15th” for another one whole page and “KM loves AT” for another one whole page. I love you, Kevin. Very much. Thursday July 20, 2000 What a pretty sucky day. I developed rashes and had to go to the doctor to get an injection. I had to get one because I have classes tomorrow. Friday July 21, 2000 In class, Stacey asked me something that really surprised me. “How’s Kevin treating you now, Anna?” Stacey asked. “What do you mean?” I asked back. “Like, is he treating you better than before or is it the same?” “Definitely better than before.” “Good to hear that, Anna.” “Why?” “Pristine told me that she thinks Kevin is very bad.” “Why? What did she say?” “She said that it was because Kevin always makes you unhappy.” “Yeah, sometimes..but you could never escape from that. Sometimes I make him unhappy too, but the only thing that matters is that we love each other and are happy together.” Saturday July 22, 2000 Nothing much happened today. In the morning, I went to Mom’s office to surf the Internet. The Internet connection there is super fast, compared to the one at home. The one at home is so lousy that I hated using it. In the afternoon, I slept. At night, I watched television and then talked to Kevin on the telephone..ahh..how nice. Sunday July 23, 2000 At the mall, I went to ‘The Bead Bar’ store and I made a bracelet which had my initials on it. “AT”. Quite nice. Monday July 24, 2000 Kevin started working at a video shop at The Pyramid. I just hope that he will know how to balance work, studies and his girlfriend. Tuesday July 25, 2000 One month since Kevin and I got back together. I received a card from Kevin via the post. He told me that he sent it as a reply to the card that I gave him before this. I did not know that the card was from Kevin, because I could not recognize his handwriting at the envelope. When I opened it, I was shocked, because in front of the card, it said “Love you then, Love you now”. I kept on wondering who the sender was. When I opened the card to read it, the caption inside the card was “Love you always”. I saw Kevin’s signature and from there I knew it was him who sent me the card. I thought it was really sweet. I could never forget what he wrote inside the card. A part that really touched my heart was “I started to realize that you are the one that treats me best no matter how terrible I am. Thank you for loving me all this while. I love you very much and I will always do.” I love you very much too, Kevin. And I will always do. Wednesday July 26, 2000 Had a headache. Kevin didn’t like his job at the video shop. He quit his job after three days of working there. Said that it was too tiring for him because he had to stand all day and he couldn’t stand the loud music there. Thursday July 27, 2000 I bought a Westlife book, entitled ‘In Our Own Words’. At first I was reluctant to buy it because it was rather expensive. I didn’t have enough money and had to borrow some from Kevin. Thanks, Kevin! Friday July 28, 2000 I cried in class. Michael called out my name and asked me about the grouping that I was in for our Artificial Intelligence subject. At that time, I was not in anybody’s group. Then, Stacey started asking me about it and I totally lost it and cried. I could not believe I actually cried in class. It was so embarrassing, but I could not help myself. I was feeling so down at that time. I really hated it when it comes to find a group to do a group project. Basically, it was because, in my class, most of my classmates are the conceited type. They would only like to group with those people who matches their standard, has a pleasant face, intelligent and wears great clothes. Obviously, I certainly did not meet their requirements. Therefore, I always have trouble finding a group for each subject and that saddens me. It made me feel discriminated. Later that evening, Michael called me to see how was I doing. I thought that was really nice of him. I did not expect him to care. Maybe it was because he saw me crying in class. I think practically everyone in class knew that I cried. How embarrassing! Saturday July 29, 2000 I bought another Westlife book, entitled ‘Westlife: Our Story’. I know, I’m crazy. Besides that, I also bought a pair of jeans at Guess Kids! Guess Kids! Not just the normal Guess store. But Guess Kids! Can you believe that? I hate my small figure. I had always hated it. People think that I am thin on purpose, but no! I hate being thin and I hate not being fat. No matter how much I eat, I am still the same, I don’t know why I can’t put on weight. This sucks so much. Being thin is so insulting. Yuck. I wish I wasn’t thin!! Hate it!! Sunday July 30, 2000 Went to ‘Red Earth’, a cosmetic store. Bought a nail element and also a lip gloss from there. Monday July 31, 2000 Went to Dave’s Deli for lunch with Kevin. After that, Kevin went for another job interview, at Computer Assisted Learning Centre, where he would become a tutor there. Also, Kevin gave me two huge Westlife’s posters. And I really mean, huge! They were huge! I loved them! I pasted one of them on my bedroom wall Thanks, Kevin! Tuesday August 1, 2000 Mom’s birthday. Went to Victoria Station for dinner and then went to Starbucks. Wednesday August 2, 2000 Such a sleepy day. I wish tomorrow there are no classes. Such a drag. I hate Thursdays. Thursday August 3, 2000 Bored. Told you I hate Thursdays. Friday August 4, 2000 When I went out for lunch with Kevin and Michael, I offered to pay for Kevin. Usually, Kevin was the one who pays the bill, but sometimes I do, too. It so happened that I wanted to pay the bill at that time, but Kevin refused to let me. normally, he would be glad if I wanted to pay the bill for him. “Why?” I questioned Kevin. “Michael’s here.” Kevin told me softly. “So? What’s Michael got to do with it?” “I don’t want him to see you pay for me. Let me pay.” “But I want to pay!” “So pay me later.” It seemed that Kevin was embarrassed if I paid the bill when Michael was around. He did not want Michael to see or know, maybe because he wanted Michael to think that he was so good to me. Not that Kevin wasn’t but Such ego guys had. What was so wrong if Michael knew that I wanted to pay? What was so wrong that I could not pay for it? What was there to be embarrassed of? I didn’t quite get it. Saturday August 5, 2000 Jonathan called. Bought Elmo, the sesame street character collection that is going on at McDonalds right now. Sunday August 6, 2000 This time, I bought Big Bird at McDonalds. I also bought one for Kevin. Started doing my Artificial Intelligence assignment. Monday August 7, 2000 My ex-boyfriend’s birthday. Kevin came over to do the Artificial Intelligence assignment. We didn’t manage to finish doing it, though. I really liked M2M’s song, ‘Pretty Boy’. “Oh my pretty pretty boy – I love you – like I’ve never ever loved no one before you..” I guess that sort of applicable to me and Kevin. I loved Kevin and I had never loved anyone like I loved him. Nobody could ever replace Kevin. Even though if Kevin and I were to go our own separate ways, and if I ever found someone new, he could never be like Kevin. Tuesday August 8, 2000 Continued doing my assignment. Wednesday August 9, 2000 When I went to do my Artificial Intelligence assignment at Kevin’s house, he kept on hanging on the phone with Michael! It was as if I was not there at all. And it was as if that he did not have to do the assignment. Like he completely forgot that I was there to do the assignment together with him. Instead, he spent most of the time chit chatting with Michael. Even though it was just Michael, I felt a bit jealous. I felt left out. It made me think that Kevin liked Michael more than he liked me, even though Michael is a guy. It also made me think that whenever Kevin was with Michael, he would forget me altogether. I did not like the thought of that. I could not believe that I was jealous of a guy. I could not believe that I was jealous of Michael just because it seemed like Kevin has been spending more time with him instead of me! Thursday August 10, 2000 During the break between our classes, Stacey, Kevin and I went to Valley Centre to have our lunch. When we returned back to college, our next class was cancelled. A bunch of us then went to Rio. Friday August 11, 2000 After class, went to Valley Centre. I wanted to buy M2M’s album, but it was sold out. Then, went to Rio to look for it and luckily it was available there. Kevin bought The Corrs’ album. The Corrs is one of his favourite music group. I discovered that Atomic Kitten had a lovely song entitled ‘Cradle’. I really loved that song. I had to download it from the Internet because I did not want to buy Atomic Kitten’s album. I did not really like Atomic Kitten because one of the members was, and still, going out with one of the members of Westlife. Pretty lame reason, I know. Saturday August 12, 2000 Went to Rio. Bought 2 turtlenecks and a pair of cute slippers. Went to the McDonald’s drive-in to buy Bert. I also saw Michael there, but he didn’t see me. At night, went to Coffee Bean. Sunday August 13, 2000 Nothing much to be done today, such a boring Sunday. I don’t know how to do my Artificial Intelligence homework. Someone, please help me!! Monday August 14, 2000 Kevin and I went to watch X-Men at Valley Centre. After the movie, we had a stroll along the mall. There was this Maybelline information kiosk, and we sort of played with it. We had free Internet access! But we did not dare to do anything, though. The only thing we did was tried to connect to the Internet from the information kiosk, and it worked. Since both of us had a late lunch, we decided to buy some food for dinner and eat it someplace else. We also bought a small candle, which we did not finish using it, though. Kevin and I went to Central Park, and we had our dinner there. We lit the candle that we bought. It was as if we were having a so-called candlelight dinner. When I told my friends about it, they said that it was really romantic. Tuesday August 15, 2000 I saw Pristine in college. She used to be my best friend, but now, we hardly keep in touch. I only talked to her when I see her online or if I bumped into her in college. Pristine asked me a question that really surprised me. upon hearing what she asked, it made me felt uneasy. She asked, “So, does Kevin makes your life miserable?” I was really taken aback by her question. Why would Kevin want to make my life miserable? Was he supposed to do that? “No, of course not,” I told her. I told Kevin about that. He could not believe that Pristine could actually asked me such thing. Wednesday August 16, 2000 I hate it. Everyone kept asking me when will I be getting a mobile phone. Is it a necessity? Does it mean that you have a high standard if you have one and you will be left out if you don’t? Is it so important to own a mobile phone? What is wrong with people nowadays? Thursday August 17, 2000 In the morning, when I entered class, as I was a few minutes later, I found that my Artificial Intelligence lecturer was raging mad at the whole class. it made me scared to go into class but I had to, anyway. My lecturer said that the assignment that he gave us, our answers were awfully similar to each other’s that he could not be bothered to even mark them. He said that it was obvious that all of us copied. I had never seen him so mad before. He called out a couple of names of the people that he suspected who copied each other. Kevin and I were included! We didn’t copy each other! Our answers were similar because we discussed the answers together! It was so embarrassing, Kevin and I had to go in front of the class. How humiliating! Friday August 18, 2000 Went to Rio with Karen, Alicia and Ashley. After that, went to Coffee Bean. Karen and I were supposed to watch the movie ‘What Lies Beneath’, the thriller featuring Michelle Pfeifer and Harrison Ford, but Ashley has seen it, so we ended up going to Coffee Bean. Saturday August 19, 2000 Since I didn’t get to see ‘What Lies Beneath’ yesterday, I saw it today with Kevin at The Pyramid. It was really scary! Kevin said that there were a few parts of the film which scared him as well. Sunday August 20, 2000 Went back to Mom’s hometown because Grandfather was admitted to the hospital. Monday August 21, 2000 Home. Once I got back home, I got ready to go out. I’m meeting Kevin at The Pyramid. When Kevin and I went to The Pyramid, we took pictures. Not exactly pictures, but we took a sticker kind of picture. We had to stand in front of a machine and choose the background that we liked and that was it. I don’t usually like to take pictures because I think I look horrible in them. However, that sticker picture of Kevin and I will always be something I would always cherish. After that, Kevin and I went to Starbucks. We had Iced Caffe Latte with Irish Cream. It was superb. Tuesday August 22, 2000 In the morning, went to Sasha’s house for a while. Then, went to college. After that, went to Rio with Karen and Ashley. Wednesday August 23, 2000 Went to Rio. Again. Bored of it. Thursday August 24, 2000 Yesterday, Kevin said that he was going to have lunch with me today. But knowing him, he had lunch first! He didn’t even wait for me! Why does he always do that? Was it so hard to keep to his word? I was so mad! Friday August 25, 2000 I had dinner with Karen. After that, we met up with Kevin and also Ashley. Kevin drove my car and all of us met Alicia, Logan and their friend, Judy McAllister at Coffee Bean. Later on, Joey and Michael joined us. I had a really great time. It was the first time that Kevin actually went out with my friends. Saturday August 26, 2000 I saw one of my former schoolmate, Amy Silverstone, at a book exhibition that I went to. I really did not recognize her. I bumped into a girl, and I apologized. The girl just stood there. I was wondering why she did not budge from the position that she was standing. I thought she was mad at me. “Anna!” The girl exclaimed. I looked up. “Oh my god, Amy!” “Hey, don’t you remember me?” “Of course I do! But I really didn’t recognize you just now. I’m so sorry!” “It’s okay. Who are you with?” Amy and I chatted for a while and we kept each other updated with our happenings. Then we parted and said goodbye. Bought Ernie at McDonalds. Sunday August 27, 2000 I wanted to study but I wasn’t able to concentrate at all. Help! Monday August 28, 2000 Kevin and I went to watch the movie ‘Boys and Girls’, starring Freddie Prinze Jr. and Claire Forlani. I love Freddie Prinze Jr.! he is my favourite actor. The funny thing was, Kevin and I actually went into the wrong theatre room. We were supposed to go to room number one, but we went into room number two. How silly! When I told my friends about it, they laughed like mad! Tuesday August 29, 2000 Had difficulty breathing. What’s happening to me? Wednesday August 30, 2000 I went to trim my hair. I wouldn’t want to get split ends. Still having difficulty breathing. Thursday August 31, 2000 Didn’t do anything much except study because I have a test coming up soon. Wish me luck! Friday September 1, 2000 The duo group from Norway, M2M, came to promote their debut album. I kind of liked them and since I did not get to go to their showcase, I went to their autograph signing session with Kevin. There were so many people! It was so crowded that I could hardly breathe. And Kevin actually thought that one of the M2M’s actually looked his way and smiled at him. Maybe it was just an illusion, I told him. I never thought that I would ever get to own a mobile phone. But I did. Mom bought a Nokia 8210 and since she was not too keen on using it, she gave it to me instead. I told Kevin that a guy bought me the Nokia 8210. he believed me, though! Haha..if only there were such a thing. When I told him that I was just joking, he refused to believe me. He still thought that some guy bought it for me. As if. Saturday September 2, 2000 My cousin is getting married, so my family and I went to stay over at my aunt’s place, which is like 6 hours drive away from home. Now, this is the time when mobile phones come in handy. Glad that I had one now. It made life so much easier, as I could talk to Kevin anytime I want to. Sunday September 3, 2000 My cousin got married. Monday September 4, 2000 Back home. Went to Rio, got to buy something from Esprit. A cute pink top. also, I won two tickets to see the movie ‘Boys and Girls’. Too bad I have already seen it. I won an online contest that I entered. Together with the tickets, I also won a sample of the Emporio Armani‘He’ and ‘She’fragrance. Tuesday September 5, 2000 Test. I thought I was going to fail the test, but I got 20 / 50. higher than Kevin! He was impressed! He thought that I didn’t get to study properly since I wasn’t home the previous weekend. See, I told you, never underestimate me. Wednesday September 6, 2000 It’s Karen’s birthday and I haven’t gotten her present yet. I went to Sunshine. I bought Karen a bottle of birthday pills and a teddy bear soap set. The birthday pills were actually small colourful candies in a bottle. I didn’t manage to give Karen her birthday present today as I didn’t have time. Perhaps some other day. Thursday September 7, 2000 My computer isn’t working. Something was wrong with the monitor. Friday September 8, 2000 Bored. Plus, no computer to use. Saturday September 9, 2000 I gave Karen her birthday present. I hope she liked it. After giving Karen her birthday present, I met up with Kevin for a while. Kevin gave me the Mocha Brown colour cover for my mobile phone. That was really nice of him. Thank you, Kevin. Sunday September 10, 2000 I coloured my hair again. this time, I used the semi-permanent hair colour, though. Dark garnet red. Monday September 11, 2000 In the morning, went to the bank and then went to Rio. I bought an Esprit bag. Nice! It was rather expensive though, but luckily the bag was on sale so I got it half the price. Tuesday September 12, 2000 After class, went to Valley Centre with Kevin for a while. Kevin complained about his stomach again, he’s getting his stomach ache once more. I’m so worried! Wednesday September 13, 2000 Kevin’s birthday was getting nearer and I had no idea what to get him. I always had trouble figuring out what to buy for a guy. I had to think, think and think. After thinking many times, I finally knew what to get him. The only thing was, I was not sure whether he would like it or not. I hoped so, though. For Kevin’s birthday, I bought him a small Emporio Armani gift set, which comprises of a bath gel, eau de toilette and an after shave. I could not afford to get him the big set, because I also bought him an ESPRIT gift certificate worth 50 bucks. Besides that, I also bought a box from RUSS. I was planning to put the gifts inside that box. In addition, I bought two small cards and the alphabets ‘A’ and ‘T’ from the ‘In The States’ store. I had this idea of sticking the alphabets ‘A’ and ‘T’ in one of the cards that I was going to give Kevin. ‘A’ and ‘T’ represents my initials, Anna Thomas. All in all, it cost me a bomb. I was so broke after that. Thursday September 14, 2000 I bought two items from the Clinique’s Anti-blemish Solutions skin care range. I bought the cleansing foam and the night treatment gel to be used for treating my pimples. My face was so unpredictable. Sometimes pimples comes popping up here and there, sometimes it does not. But I think that my face is acne-prone, and I hated it. I wished I had smooth, clean and clear, flawless skin. Westlife did a cover version of the song, ‘Against All Odds’, which they duet with Mariah Carey. Cool, huh? I finally got to listen to it. ‘Against All Odds’ was a song sang by Phil Collins. Friday September 15, 2000 Shocking. Michael told me that he got together with Gillian Ripoffer. Gillian was my classmate last year. She was really pretty and wore really great clothes. Of course, she is a rich girl and she could afford to wear expensive clothes. I always thought that Gillian’s last name was pretty funny. Ripoffer. It sort of represented someone who always liked to rip people off. God, that was so mean of me. Kevin and I went to watch Jennifer Lopez’s movie, ‘The Cell’. It was okay. After the movie, we went to Starbucks and I had their Rhumba Frappuccino which was absolutely splendid. When we were done with our ice blended, Kevin brought me to a park nearby his house. We hung out there for a while, talking and stayed in each other’s arms. I felt so safe, so happy. I wished the night would never end. Saturday September 16, 2000 On the Internet, I stumbled across a cool e-mail address web site. It had many e-mail addresses which you could choose from. The magnificent thing was, it had ‘firstname.lastname@example.org’ and also ‘email@example.com’. that was really terrific, considering that both Kevin and Westlife are the things that I loved most. I wanted to sign up for both of the e-mails, but I was having a tough time deciding what username I wanted for those e-mails. I told Kevin about the ‘ilovekevin.co.uk’ e-mail address. “Oh my god, you know what?” I started to say. “No, what is it?” “There’s this e-mail site on the net, it offers ilovekevin.co.uk e-mail address!” “You’re kidding!” “No, really!” “Serious? Which site is that?” “Another.com. I was thinking of signing up for that e-mail, but I don’t know what username should I choose yet.” “Hey, that’s really cool.” Sunday September 17, 2000 Bryan’s birthday. Happy Birthday, bro! I finally came up with something. I signed up for those cool e-mails. For the ‘ilovekevin.co.uk’ e-mail, the username that I chose was ‘kevsgirlalways’, which meant that I had a new e-mail address which was firstname.lastname@example.org. For the ‘ilovewestlife.co.uk’, the username that I chose was ‘ilovewl’, which meant that my e-mail address was email@example.com. How cool. Monday September 18, 2000 Nothing much happened today. Had lunch at Dave’s Deli with Kevin. Tuesday September 19, 2000 My mobile phone bill came today. Luckily it wasn’t that expensive or not Mom would absolutely kill me! Wednesday September 20, 2000 Such a depressing day. I had lunch at a place called ‘Insomnia’ with Kevin and Michael. During lunch, they were discussing something and did not even include me in their conversation. They were so into their conversation that they totally ignored me. it was as if I was not there at all. It seemed that Kevin was planning to celebrate his birthday there and he did not even tell me a single thing about it. I got so upset that I did not want to talk to Kevin after that. But since Michael was there, I had to give face. Well, if Kevin did not want me to know about it, then he and Michael should not have talked about it in front of me in the first place. I was really mad because Kevin did not include me in his plans on his birthday. How could he? I was his girlfriend! I could not believe that I would not get to spend time with Kevin at all on his birthday. I could not even spend time with my boyfriend on his birthday because he had made some other plans. That was great, absolutely great. Life could not get any worse. Kevin and I got into a fight because of that. Thursday September 21, 2000 Things are still not good between Kevin and i. Had difficulty breathing again. Friday September 22, 2000 To cheer me up, Kevin told me that he post phoned his plans to another day, on a Monday. And that was supposed to make me happy? How could he expect me to forget the fact that he did not even tell me about celebrating his birthday at Insomnia? Saturday September 23, 2000 my relationship with Kevin is back on track again. he even let me drove his car. I really did not know how to drive Kevin’s car, though. Kevin’s car is a manual transmission car, and I was not good at all in driving a manual car. After I got my license, I had been driving an automatic transmission car, so it felt weird driving a manual transmission car. Besides, I had always hated driving a manual transmission car. I could not seem to be able to balance the accelerator and the clutch. Therefore, whenever I drive a manual transmission car, the car engine would always die. Only on certain occasions it did not, and it was considered good enough if the car engine did not die off. Thank god it did not happen during my driving test, though, or not I would be in big trouble. Sunday September 24, 2000 Bored. Bought 2 covers for my Nokia 8210. Monday September 25, 2000 Since Kevin post phoned his plans on a Monday, this particular Monday, he was being very nice to me. he did not mention a single thing about ‘Insomnia’ and I did not suspect anything. I was with him the whole afternoon, yet he did not mention anything to me. Later that night, I was feeling bored, so I called Kevin. He was not at home, so I called his mobile phone. “Hello, Kevin,” I said. “What are you doing?” I could hear the place wherever Kevin was at that time, it was so noisy. “Go to sleep okay, honey?” Kevin said. I could hardly believe my ears. I asked Kevin what was he doing and he asked me to go to sleep! He kept repeating that many times. Then, it finally hit me. he was at ‘Insomnia’. I could not believe that I was so stupid not to know about it. Of course, today is the Monday he was referring to. I thought it was some other Monday. I should have known. However, I did not like to jump to conclusions. I hate people who jump to conclusions. And I hate people who liked to assume things, thinking their assumptions were correct, without even knowing whether it was the truth or not. That is what Kevin is like. To confirm my assumption, I sent Michael a SMS. I asked him, “Michael, where are you now? Don’t tell Kevin I sent you this.” A couple of minutes later, I received a reply on my mobile phone. It was from Michael. It read, “insomnia” I knew it. I was so upset that I cried my hearts out and Kevin was not there to cheer me up. I was feeling so sad that I sent Kevin many SMS, cursing him and cursing myself for being so stupid. Tuesday September 26, 2000 I went to college with swollen eyes. Before class started, I went to see Sasha. I had to talk to someone because I was still so upset about the previous night. I was scared that I might break down and cry in class. Kevin did not come to class. I guess he was exhausted from his big night out yesterday. I guess everyone knew that I was angry at Kevin. It seemed like everyone knew about what happened between Kevin and I yesterday. It was either Kevin told them, or I had a glum and angry expression on my face. Even Stacey knew I was sad. She kept on asking me about it, but I refused to talk. Kevin’s own girlfriend was not there with him yesterday night. I was sure my friends wondered why was that so. Wednesday September 27, 2000 The eve of Kevin’s birthday. I am so excited. I got ready his present. I put all the things that I bought him carefully in the box and wrote the cards that I am going to give him. Later at night, when I talked to kevin on the phone, he seemed rather upset and he did not want to talk to me. Whenever he was upset, he always did not want to talk to me. This is the thing with guys that I did not, could not and would never understand. It seemed as if whenever guys are upset with something, they always withdraw from the person who cares about them. Weird. Since kevin slept early, I was not able to wish him at 12 am, 28 September 2000. I wanted to be the first one who wished his, but I could not. So, I sent him a SMS to his mobile phone, wishing him happy birthday. I hope that birthday SMS reached him. Sometimes, the SMS that I sent him arrived late or did not arrive at all. As the both of us were using different mobile network providers, I was not able to send him SMS from my mobile phone directly. I had to use the free SMS service provided on the Internet. Thursday September 28, 2000 My boyfriend’s birthday. Happy birthday, Kevin. I love you for always. around 7 something in the morning, I called kevin to wish him ‘Happy Birthday’. I was afraid if he was still mad at me. I could not imagine my own boyfriend being mad at me on his birthday. I thought that if he was still mad at me, I did not want to go to college. I did go, though. Kevin said that he was not mad at me. Nevertheless, something dreadful happened. While I was driving my car out of the parking lot at the basement parking in college, I totally lost control over the car. Instead of pressing the break pedal, I pressed the accelerator. I really thought that I was pressing the break pedal, while all along I was pressing the accelerator. That was why I wondered why the car was going faster instead of slower. As a result, my car collided into two cars. I damaged two cars at one time. Terrific, huh? Not. I panicked. I could hardly believed what happened. At that time, kevin was walking towards the stairs and upon hearing the loud thud of my car crashing into the two other cars, he turned around. I could see the shocked expression on his face. As I was in a shock state myself, all I could do was cry. I barely knew what had happened. Kevin walked towards my car, which was pretty messed up, and consoled me. I cried and cried. There was a car that passed by, and one of the passengers came down and asked me, “Do you need a doctor?” He thought that I was crazy because I was acting so hysterical. I could not help it. I had hit two cars and that was my first major car accident. What would my parents say? I was scared and worried at the same time. Kevin asked me to get out of the car as he wanted to reverse the car back into the parking lot. I got out of the car, hands on my face, still crying. That was the first time kevin had ever seen me cry. I was ashamed, but I was so freaked out that I could not stop crying. I never thought that kevin would ever see me cry, not this way, anyway. After that, kevin came to me and I cried on his shoulder. Kevin sent a SMS from my mobile phone to Michael’s mobile phone. He asked michael to come down to the basement parking as he needed someone’s help to comfort me as well. I told kevin to tell michael not to tell anyone. I did not want anybody to know. I knew I was wrong, but I did not want to embarrass myself even more by letting the whole world know. Kevin accompanied me to see the manager of the building. Not only have I damaged two cars, but I had also damaged a part of the building. Great. I had to call Mom to tell her about it, but she was not in her office. So, I had to call Dad. A few hours later, I tried to call Mom. I told her what happened and I started to cry. She then asked to talk to Kevin and kevin explained to Mom what he saw. Later that evening, Mom and Dad came over to college to see the owners of the car that I had damaged badly. They kept on asking me how on earth I could have hit two cars at the same time. I guess I really was dreaming. The truth was, I did not have enough sleep the previous night because I was busy thinking about kevin. I was so scared if he was mad at me and I did not know the reason why he was being so hostile on the phone. When I was driving, I was still thinking about it and I really thought I was pressing the brake pedal. When the car seemed to move faster, I thought the brake pedal was spoilt, so I kept on pressing it. That was when I rammed into those two cars. Dad settled the payment and I felt so guilty. I caused Dad to spend a lot of money just like that. I kept on crying the whole time. My eyes were swollen and I was so embarrassed and ashamed because kevin saw me crying like a mad girl. I did not want to drive back my wrecked car, so I went back with Mom instead. Kevin offered to drive back my car, which was really nice of him. As for kevin’s car, michael helped him by driving kevin’s car to my house and then from there, kevin will send michael back to his house. I really regretted what had happened. Most of all, I was really sorry that it had to happen on kevin’s birthday. That made me could not celebrate kevin’s birthday with him at all, because after that I was grounded. I was really flattered that kevin was there for me today right from the very beginning. He stayed with me until Mom and Dad came to college and drove back my wrecked car to my house. He did not even say anything bad about it. He was by my side the whole time, and I really want to thank him for that. Friday September 29, 2000 In the afternoon, I received a phone call from Pristine, which was odd because I have not heard from her for quite sometime. She said something that really shocked me. “Anna, did you meet with an accident?” Pristine asked. Huh? How did she know about that? Nobody was supposed to know. “accident?” I asked back, pretending as if I did not know what was she talking about. “Someone told me that you met with an accident yesterday.” “Oh.” “So it’s true?” “Well..yeah..” “Can I come over to your house later?” “Sure. Of course. Pristine, who told you about it?” “emm..someone in my class..” “Who?” “Emm..” “Girl or guy?” “Girl.” “oh. I think I know who that girl is. what time are you coming?” “I’ll call you back, okay?” after I hung up with Pristine, I called kevin straight away. “Kevin! Pristine knows!” I practically yelled. “What? What does she know?” kevin asked. “About yesterday! She’s not supposed to know!” “Hey, I did not tell her.” “I know. She said someone in her class told her.” “I think I know who that person is.” I know who that person was, too. It was gillian ripoffer, michael’s girlfriend. Who else could it be? Obviously michael would tell his girlfriend about what had happened. If it was me, I would have informed kevin as well. But even if Michael told Gillian about it, he should have known better to warn Gillian to not to say a word about it. How stupid. After that, kevin called me and he told me that he called michael. Kevin said that he scolded michael for telling gillian about it. I guess I understood why michael told gillian, but he should have told gillian not to tell anyone. In the afternoon, Pristine came to my house with her boyfriend, David Andrews. She asked me about what had happened and how it happened. I told her. “you should never drive if you did not have enough sleep, Anna,” Pristine said. Like I didn’t know that. We then chatted for a while as we had a lot to update each other with. Pristine also asked me a few questions about kevin and i. Questions regarding stuff that she herself should not know about. And some of the stuff that she asked me, I myself had not heard of them before. That extreme. “where did you hear that?” I asked. “Gillian told me,” Pristine answered. Oh my God. I am starting to hate gillian ripoffer. I guess that name suited her after all. Pristine told me that in class, gillian always tells her stories about kevin and i. Pristine also said that last time, kevin used to tell gillian some stuff about him and me and gillian would tell her. If gillian can tell Pristine, just imagine how many other people she had blabbed to. Plus, Pristine also told me that Gillian told her that it was with her help that Kevin and I got back together. Huh? How come I didn’t know about that? It seemed like gillian was telling people exaggerated rumours about kevin and I to other people, like nobody’s business. How could she? Even if kevin did tell her something, she should know better to shut her mouth and mind her own business instead of spreading it to others. How dare she! I mean, how would you like it if people started telling others about your personal and confidential stuff? From that moment onwards, I started to hate her. The most shocking thing that Pristine told me was, “I think last time Kevin used to like gillian.” For a moment there, my heart stopped beating. “What?” “I think so.” “How did you know?” “I heard people talking.” “oh. Do you think it’s true?” “I don’t know, but I’ve heard about it. Don’t tell kevin I told you, okay?” God. How disgusting. I did not know whether I should believe what pristine had told me or not. Whatever it was, I hope it was not true. Please, let it be not true! If it’s really true, I would just die. Saturday September 30, 2000 Kevin is sick. Get well soon, Kevin! Sunday October 1, 2000 News on Westlife. They will be releasing their second album, entitled ‘Coast To Coast’ in November. Their new single entitled ‘My Love’ is coming out soon, hopefully. Monday October 2, 2000 Stacey called. She sounded weird, like something was bothering her. “Anna, are you free this afternoon?” Stacey asked. “Yeah, why?” I asked back. “Can I come over to your house?” “Sure. What’s up, Stace?” “I just want to come over.” “Sure, you’re welcome to come anytime.” When stacey came, she finally let out what was inside her heart. She said that she was depressed about something. A week before michael got together with gillian, she and a couple of others, including Michael, went to balley. When michael dropped stacey off at her house, he wanted to go to stacey’s house’s bathroom. After using the bathroom, michael actually asked stacey whether she had kissed anyone before or not. Stacey said no, and michael asked whether he could kiss her. I could hardly believe my ears. I asked stacey what happened next, and she said that she did let michael kiss her. Twice! And michael said that he could not believe that stacey had not kissed anyone before this because she was a rather good kisser. It seemed that stacey had a crush on michael, and at that time, michael was going after gillian. Stacey was hoping that michael liked her, too. I did not know that stacey liked michael, because before this both of them were at each other’s throats all the time. Stacey was so dissapointed because after a week of the ‘kissing’ incident between her and Michael, michael went steady with gillian. Michael also did not mention anything about what had happened between stacey and him, and stacey felt confused. Stacey kept repeating that she felt as if she had been played by michael and said that she was a fool for letting him kissed her. Stacey told me that she hated michael because of what happened between them. I could not believe that michael did that kind of thing. He seemed like such a nice person. Tuesday October 3, 2000 Supposed to have a presentation at college today but it was post phoned to Friday. Wednesday October 4, 2000 My birthday. Finally, I turned 19. One more year of teenage hood for me and then I’ll be 20. The age without the word teen in it. Scary. This year’s birthday was not as great as last year’s, though. On my birthday, I had to do my assignment, so I could not go out and celebrate. I did go out for lunch with Mom. We had Salmon at Dave’s Deli. It was delicious. On my birthday, the first person who wished me Happy Birthday was Ryan Britton. He sent me a SMS to my mobile phone. At around midnight, since kevin had already gone to sleep, I purposely called him to wake him up. I wanted him to wish me Happy Birthday at that moment and not the next morning. After kevin wished me Happy Birthday, my friend Devon Hunter called to wish me. The next morning, I received a birthday message from kevin. He left it on my mobile phone’s voicemail. I received a lot of birthday wishes from my friends. Among them were monica weiss, scott white, chris mason, jonathan, karen, alicia, sasha, nina and mary kate fishel. For dinner, I got to go out with kevin. Kevin treated me for dinner at TGIF restaurant. He gave me an Emporio Armani ‘She’ eau de toilette together with an Emporio Armani t-shirt. Apart from that, kevin also gave me a beautiful necklace with matching earrings. I guess that was the best part of my birthday this year, spending time with my beloved boyfriend. Thursday October 5, 2000 I received a SMS message from Ashley, wishing me Happy Belated Birthay. Matthew called, too. He told me that he did not get to wish me on my birthday itself because he was in the hospital. He had some stomach problem, and it was rather serious so he had to be admitted to the hospital. Poor Matthew. Friday October 6, 2000 Stacey gave me a pretty white halter top for my birthday. Another friend of mine, shane owen, also called to wish me Happy Belated Birthday. At night, Alicia and Karen dropped by at my house. They gave me two slices of cheese cakes. Yum yum. Saturday October 7, 2000 My friend, mary kate, had a barbeque in conjuntion of her birthday. Ashley, Alicia, Karen and I were invited. The barbeque was okay, there were a lot of delicious food there. However, Mary Kate did not spend much time with us, though. We felt left out because mary kate was spending more time with her friends from her university. After Mary Kate’s barbeque, Ashley, Alicia, Karen and I went to a café at Rio to have a drink. At the same time, Kevin was furiously mad at me because I did not tell him that I was going out. As the place at Rio was quite noisy, I told him that I would call him back when I got back home. He said that was okay with him but when I called him, he did not even want to talk to me. he was really mad that I did not tell him that I was going out, where was I going out to and with whom. Okay, so it was my mistake. I should have told him that I was going out with my friends, but I didn’t. silly me. I apologized many times but Kevin still did not want to talk to me. It really was not fair at all. When Kevin goes out and he does not tell me about it, that was supposed to be okay. I could not get mad. If I did, he would get mad back at me. on the other hand, if it was me who did not tell him that I would be going out, that was not okay. He would get mad at me for not telling him. Funny. If he could just go out without tell me, so why couldn’t I do the same? As Kevin was mad at me, I was really feeling down. I was so worried and not to mention scared as well. I could feel that something was definitely wrong with Kevin and i. I just could not imagine if he suddenly told me that he does not care for me anymore. What would I do then? How would I react? I just don’t want to lose him again. please God, don’t take Kevin away from me now, I love him so much and I still need him here with me. Sunday October 8, 2000 Kevin was still acting cold towards me. however, at night, things resumed back to normal. I was really happy about that. I promised myself that from that moment onwards, I would always tell Kevin if I wanted to go out. I would not want to repeat the same mistake and face the horrible consequences ever again. Monday October 9, 2000 Busy with assignment. Tuesday October 10, 2000 Where was I going to find all the time in the world? I have a test to study for, a documentation to be completed and a project to be done and get over with. I’m gonna go nuts! Wednesday October 11, 2000 Studied and did my assignment. I have no life! Thursday October 12, 2000 Finished up the assignment, tomorrow’s the presentation. Slept at 4 am. Friday October 13, 2000 Documentation. I’m in charged. Again. I thought that I could sleep early tonight, but obviously I couldn’t. Saturday October 14, 2000 Still doing the documentation. Sick of it. Sunday October 15, 2000 Still stuck doing the documentation. Argh!! Monday October 16, 2000 Finally! Finished the documentation. Yay! Tuesday October 17, 2000 I am so tired today that I couldn’t even study. Wednesday October 18, 2000 Managed to study today. Good progress. Thursday October 19, 2000 Artificial Intelligence test. I only got 82 / 100. for the documentation, my group managed to grab an A-. that was good enough! We were really proud of it. I was proud of it, too. Hey, looked who was in charged of the documentation and spent sleepless nights to perfect it? Friday October 20, 2000 Just when I thought that everything was okay between Kevin and I, something unpleasant happened. After class, we wanted to go for a movie. I wanted to watch ‘Coyote Ugly’, but the screening time at Rio clashed with kevin’s schedule. Kevin wanted to go to the theatres at Rio as it was nearby my place. The only place that we could go and watch‘Coyote Ugly’was at Valley Centre. At first Kevin did not want to go there, but at last he agreed. I think that was what made him pissed off at me. on the way to Valley Centre, he hardly said a word to me. if he did not want to go to Valley Centre in the first place, he could at least say so. Why did he agree to go? We could have picked another movie to watch at Rio, or we could always watch ‘Coyote Ugly’ some other day. “Go and buy the tickets,” Kevin said with a glum expression on his face. “I don’t want to watch a movie if you are so gloomy,” I told Kevin. “after the movie, I will be okay,” he said. “Are you sure?” I asked. Silence. That meant he was not sure at all. “So, are we going to watch a movie?” “If you are going to be like that, then why bother?” we ended up not watching ‘Coyote Ugly’. I really wanted to watch that movie! Kevin was acting so unhappy that I just could not bear with it. When asked why, he did not want to tell me. I left him alone and I went to MPH, a bookstore. My mobile phone rang. By the ringing tone, I knew it was Kevin. “Hello?” I said. “Where are you?” Kevin asked. “Valley Centre,” I answered sarcastically. “Do you want to go back home now?” No! we just reached here and we did not even get to see a movie. “No, not yet.” “Then you’ll just have to take a cab back home.” “Fine, I will then.” After we hang up, I could not believe what Kevin had just said and how rebellious I had been. I could not believe that Kevin actually asked me to take a cab back home. He knew that I did not dare to even get into a cab by myself. These days, a lot of bad things happened and there were bad guys everywhere. How could he even asked me to take a cab? He did not even care if I got kidnapped, raped or murdered. I panicked. How was I going to go back home? I could not possibly call Mom to pick me up. I have already told her that I went out with Kevin. I wanted to call Kevin and said that I wanted to go back home, but I didn’t have the guts to do so. I called almost everyone I knew. Finally, I had to ask Matthew for help. It was so embarrassing. I asked him to do me a favour by picking me up at Valley Centre. He asked me why and I told him what happened. Matthew actually laughed. “you’re kidding!” Matthew exclaimed as he laughed out loud. “no! how could you laugh when I’m practically in tears here!” I said as tears started pouring down my cheeks. “okay..I’ll come and get you, but after that you have to treat me at McDonalds, okay?” “Sure. Whatever, thanks so much, Matthew.” “Don’t mention it.” I was really grateful to Matthew. If he was not around, I did not know what I would have done. While waiting for matthew to come, I called Jonathan as I needed somebody to talk to. I was really upset. I still could not believe that Kevin actually left me at Valley Centre. How could he? If he really did love me, no matter how mad he was and no matter how bad I was, he would not have done that. I guess he really did not love me after all. Surprisingly, after I talked to Jonathan, Kevin called me. “Where are you? Still in Valley Centre?” he asked. “Yeah, where do you expect me to be?” I said sarcastically. Silence. “Where are you now?” I asked Kevin. “At my friend’s house,” Kevin said. “Call me when you get back home, okay?” “Yeah, okay,” I said. Matthew said not to call Kevin when I get back home. He said that wait until Kevin calls me and if he does, tell him that I was still at Valley Centre. After having lunch with Matthew at McDonalds, he sent me back. I was not sure whether I should call Kevin or not. I did not. An hour after I got back home, Kevin called my mobile phone. When I said “Hello”, he did not say anything. There was only uncomfortable silence between us. That happened twice. After that, he didn’t call me anymore. Saturday October 21, 2000 I was planning to study because I had an exam coming. However, I could not study at all because I was so worried of what was going to happen to Kevin and i. Was this the end of us? I really wasn’t prepared to face that kind of thing. I kept on wondering, why did Kevin do that to me? why did he leave me in Valley Centre? Was I that bad? If he did love me, he would not have done that. Even if he did leave me there, and if he loved me, he would have came back to get me. but he did not. Sunday October 22, 2000 Kevin did call me a few times but we barely have anything to say to each other. Things really weren’t good at all. Life sucked. Michael Schumacher won the Formula 1 Grand Prix race. Mika Hakkinen came in fourth place. I was hoping that Mika Hakkinen would win, but he did not. Kevin and I were still very cold towards each other. I did not know what to say to him and I did not know what was he thinking. Sometimes, I wished that I could read his mind. “Are you angry at me?” Kevin asked. “No,” I said. I really was not. Instead, I was scared. “Why aren’t you mad at me? shouldn’t you be mad at me?” Kevin asked again. “Nope, I’m not mad at all,” I told him. I was neither angry nor mad. I was just upset and I could not believe that Kevin had the heart to do such thing to me. the only thing that I wanted most at that time was for me and Kevin to be okay again. that was the only thing that mattered. Monday October 23, 2000 Finals for the second semester started today. Great. I think I’m gonna fail my first paper because I didn’t even study for it properly. It was all, because of the Valley Centre incident. I wouldn’t be surprise if I failed. I really wouldn’t. Tuesday October 24, 2000 I gave Kevin a surprised visit. I drove to his house without even telling him. I had to see him today, to make sure that things are alright between us. Not so good, though. “I know your secret, Kevin.” I said. “What secret?” Kevin asked. That you don’t love me anymore. Wednesday October 25, 2000 4 months since Kevin and I got back together. I really couldn’t study today because I was so tired. Not to mention that I really miss my boyfriend! I miss what we once had. I can’t feel the sparks anymore between us at this very moment. God, help me save this relationship will it is still saveable! Thursday October 26, 2000 Nina gave me a belated birthday present. She gave me an Esprit mobile phone holder. I really liked it, I used it straight away. Friday October 27, 2000 Bored. Saturday October 28, 2000 One month since the dreadful car accident. Sunday October 29, 2000 Bored. I can’t take it anymore! I need to get out of this house! I am so deadly bored! Monday October 30, 2000 Bored. Again. Tuesday October 31, 2000 I have an exam tomorrow. Tried to study but it was so hard to concentrate. Wednesday November 1, 2000 Last day of finals for the second semester. The paper sucked. Even Kevin came out of the exam hall with a sad expression on his face. And he wasn’t in a very good mood, either. And who did he release his anger to? Me, of course. He didn’t even want to talk to me. I had a terrible day. Thursday November 2, 2000 I finally got to see the movie ‘Coyote Ugly’ when Kevin called me and asked me out for a movie. “Honey, let’s go and watch the movie that you wanted to watch,” Kevin said. “What movie?” I asked, not knowing which movie Kevin was referring to. “Coyote Ugly.” “okay, sure. Where at?” “I don’t want to go to Valley Centre.” “Me neither.” I really did not want to go to Valley Centre. It reminded me of the horrible incident that happened a couple of days ago. “Why?” “Because..well, I just don’t want to go there.” “Why, honey?” “It kind of reminds me of you know..” “I’m sorry..” “I couldn’t believe you actually did that, you know.” “I’m sorry..I won’t do it again. I promise.” After that, we hung up and then Kevin called me again. he told me that there was not any suitable time for ‘Coyote Ugly’ at Rio’s theatres because we were planning to watch the 3 o’clock show. Eventually, we had to go to Valley Centre. ‘Coyote Ugly’ was awesome. I loved it. I also got to buy Westlife’s My Love CD single. I had a very happy day. Friday November 3, 2000 Went to Rio and got to buy a pair of bootleg pants. Something unique. Saturday November 4, 2000 I had a wonderful day. In the afternoon, I drove to kevin’s house and then we went to Embassy. They had a Westlife album launch party there, which Kevin kept complaining that he was bored all the time. There, I met Nina, whom I have not seen in ages. Nina had to leave early because she was meeting her friend to go to another party. After Westlife’s album launch party ended, Kevin and I went to the mall nearby. We walked around the mall, looked at things, window shopping, I guess. Around 7 something at night, Kevin treated me ice cream at Haagen Dazs, at Star Walk. That was the first time Kevin and I ate Haagen Dazs together. However, we had not taken our dinner yet. ice creams were supposed to be for dessert, but we took it as our appetizer. Just eating ice cream made Kevin and I full, though. We then had dinner at McDonalds. After that, we went to Tower Records. When the time came for us to go home, I was really reluctant to let Kevin go because I was really having a lovely time with him. Besides, we did not get to go out at night together that often. Sunday November 5, 2000 Sleepy and had a terrible headache. Tomorrow, Westlife’s second album is coming out. I can’t wait! Monday November 6, 2000 Westlife came out with their second album, entitled ‘Coast To Coast’. I had to buy it. It was supposed to be out on 6th November 2000, which is today, but somehow over here, it did not. I was really upset about it and that put me in a very bad mood. Even Kevin could not cheer me up. Tuesday November 7, 2000 Still no sign of ‘Coast To Coast’. when I was eating lunch with Kevin at Long John Silver’s, Isaac called Kevin’s mobile phone. I overheard their conversation. From what I heard, they were planning to go to Sky Hills that weekend. Again, I was not told about it. It made me feel so left out that I did not have the appetite to finish my lunch. After Kevin talked to Isaac, he did not mention a single thing to me about it. I was with him the whole afternoon, and I was waiting for him to tell me about it, but he never did. I received an ICQ message from Kevin. When I replied, I took the advantage of telling him how upset I was. I wrote, “...but what upset me the most was you never tell me that you’re going to Sky Hills, when you already knew in the first place. You did not even tell me, even after you spoke to Isaac on the phone the other day.” I received Kevin’s reply. That made me cry. he wrote, “Look..i wanted to tell you earlier..but everytime when I think of telling you, I know you will get sad because you are not going along with me. and I hate to tell you because it is hard for me to make you sad. All the time when I tried to make you happy, every time you will end up being sad. If this relationship is going to go on like that, I don’t know how long more I can take it.” Very good, huh? It seemed like I was always wrong and Kevin was always right. That’s the way things go every time. I screw things up even though when I did not intend to do so. If Kevin thinks that he could not take it, then what about me? he never did think about my feelings, and he was trying to say that I was ignorant of his? He never knew that sometimes he always hurts my feelings. Sometimes, whenever my feelings got hurt by Kevin, I would just keep it inside me. I would go on putting a smile on my face as if I was not hurting, because it was not worth it, because I loved Kevin so much. If he think that he was the only one hurting, he did not know that I was hurting and suffering more that he could ever imagine. Wednesday November 8, 2000 I was so upset that I didn’t have the mood to talk to anyone. As I was feeling down, Kevin actually helped me buy the ‘Coast To Coast’ CD. Of course, I had to pay him back. At first, when I listened to ‘Coast To Coast’, I did not quite like it. I preferred Westlife’s debut album better. But after listening to ‘Coast To Coast’ many times, it really was great. Thursday November 9, 2000 Deadly bored. Nevertheless, I got to buy a Westlife 2001 calendar. Yay! Friday November 10, 2000 At night, I went out for a drink with kevin at Rio. On the way sending me back home, I purposely asked, “So, is there anything you would like to tell me?” “Yes.” “What is it?” “All the while, I loved you very much, but there are times when you drive me crazy.” Look who was talking. like there wasn’t a single time he drove me crazy. Saturday November 11, 2000 Kevin and a few others went to Sky Hills. I know I shouldn’t feel upset, yet I still did. Sunday November 12, 2000 In the morning, I went to Rio. Bought a pink purpelish shirt and a huge card for Kevin. I spent the whole day reading. I miss my boyfriend! Monday November 13, 2000 Started my first day of my third semester at college. I accidently locked myself outside the house. I left my keys inside the house and so I could not get into my house. I couldn’t believe I had been so careless. As I could not go back home after college since I didn’t have the keys, I called Sasha. “Sasha, what time are you going back today?” I asked. “Around 4.30 pm. Why?” “Oh..that’s okay.” “Why? What happened?” “I accidently left my house keys inside the house, so I can’t go back home. So I thought I could go to your house and then ask my mom to come and pick me there. But my class finishes at 5.” “Oh, it’s okay. I can call my sister.” “Are you sure? Am I not troubling you?” “No, of course not.” What a miscommunication. After class, when I went to see Sasha at the college’s entrance, she asked, “So, where did you park your car?” I did not drive! I followed Kevin to college. “Huh? I thought your sister is going to pick us up?” “You mean you didn’t drive?” “No!” “Oh no..” “I thought you said that you were going to call your sister to come and pick us up at 5?” “No, I called my sister and told her that I was going back with you at 5.” “Uh-oh..” “I guess we have to take a cab back, then.” So, we did. Tuesday November 14, 2000 Kevin borrowed three CD’s from me. Mandy Moore, Britney Spears and M2M’s CD. Wednesday November 15, 2000 Before going to college, I checked my postbox. There was a letter for me. I did not know who was it from. At that time, Kevin was with me and he went like, “Oh no, now only you’re getting it?” “You sent me this letter?” I asked, wanting to open it. “It’s all crap. Don’t even open it, just throw it away, okay?” “Why would I want to do that?” “Just throw it away, okay?” I wondered why. Of course, I did not throw it away. I wondered why Kevin sent me that letter. I was scared to open it and read the contents. If the content of the letter was good, then it would be okay. I was scared that if it contains something bad, because Kevin would not just send me any letter out of nowhere. Plus, he asked me to throw away the letter. Maybe he felt guilty because he wrote something bad to me? It was totally the opposite. The letter from Kevin was one of the most beautiful letters I had ever received. A few excerpts from the letter that touched my heart, “It is a miracle that both of us survived for one year plus. I didn’t think that it will go until so long and didn’t even think of getting this serious. I just wanted to tell you that I do need you right from the beginning until now. And I felt like I have given my heart to you because you loved me so much.” “Anna, I do love you very much. I have never been closer to any girl as close as you before in my life. And I want to thank you for loving me. but one day, I hope either we are able to be together or we are able to accept the truth about ourselves.” “So far, you are still the best girl in my life. I will always love you, although there are certain times when I can’t stand you.” Thursday November 16, 2000 Bored. Friday November 17, 2000 Went to Rio with Kevin for a while. Apart from that, othing interesting happened. Saturday November 18, 2000 Went to Rio. Again. Sunday November 19, 2000 Went to Valley Centre. Got to buy a few books, two nightgowns and a silver bracelet. Monday November 20, 2000 Had lunch at Dave’s Deli with Kevin. Class was cancelled. Yay! Tuesday November 21, 2000 Bored. Assignments and projects started pouring in one by one. I’m going to be very busy soon. Wednesday november 22, 2000 Start buying Christmas cards. Also, got ready a card to be sent to Kevin tomorrow. Thursday November 23, 2000 Kevin and I watched the movie ‘Charlie’s Angels’ at Valley Centre. It was nice, I enjoyed the movie. Also, I got to buy a Westlife book. I am so broke! Friday November 24, 2000 Borrowed Kevin Westlife’s My Love CD single. I don’t usually borrow people my Westlife stuff, but of course, Kevin was an exception. Saturday November 25, 2000 Went back to Dad’s hometown. Thank god for mobile phones. Got to talk to Kevin at night. Sunday November 26, 2000 Went back home in the evening. Monday November 27, 2000 Tired! In class, Stacey told me that it seemed like my relationship with Kevin was getting better and better. That was really nice of her and I was really glad to hear her say that. Tuesday November 28, 2000 I fell down in front of the staircase at home. Ouch! Wednesday November 29, 2000 while Kevin and I were walking towards our college, the rain started pouring down. I liked to play in the rain, but Kevin did not allow me. I don’t know why, but even if I played in the rain, I would not fall sick at all. Kevin and I had to practically run in the rain and our clothes got wet. We looked as if we had just gotten out of the shower or something. It was kind of embarrassing going to class with wet clothes. Thursday november 30, 2000 Went to Rio with Karen. Recently, the Esprit shop there was renovated and it is now a bigger store. Friday december 1, 2000 At night, I was really upset because I couldn’t meet up with kevin. I wanted to go out with him sobadly. Obviously, he had some other plans. Sigh.. Saturday december 2, 2000 Stacey dropped by for a while to pass me a book. Kevin is mad at me because I didn’t want to go out for dinner. Sunday december 3, 2000 Jonathan’s birthday. Finally, I’m done with my Image Processing assignment. I’m so relieved! Monday December 4, 2000 Watched the movie ‘Get Carter’ with Kevin. It was not good at all, I didn’t like it. But at least it had Rachael Leigh Cook in it. It was Kevin’s choice to watch that movie, I wanted to watch ‘Here On Earth’ but Kevin said that he wasn’t in the mood for soppy, love movies. When we came out of the theatres Kevin said that we should have watched ‘Here On Earth’ after all. Tuesday December 5, 2000 After class, I went to Valley Centre. Bought bracelets, a blur jacket, a blue sleveless top, a cute sleeveless tank top, a grey long sleeve top, a cute spaghetti strap top and a black pungki jacket. Wednesday December 6, 2000 Class was so boring today that most of us went back early. That bad! Thursday December 7, 2000 Tired and bored. I am so annoyed at Kevin because I haven’t been able to talk to him properly on the phone for three consecutive nights. Friday December 8, 2000 In the morning, I did my Interactive Multimedia assignment. In the afternoon, went to Rio. Saturday December 9, 2000 To make it up to me, Kevin brought me out. I don’t know why people think they can buy my happiness with money. My parents, they think that they buy me a lot of things, that should keep me happy and I did not have a single reason to be unhappy. They did not know that although abnormal, I am still a normal human being. I get stressed out with college work, I had problems with friends and boyfriend, peer pressures and much more. Even though if they buy me a lot of things, that does not mean that I did not have problems of my own. Just by buying me things, that could never make me happy. I would only be happy when my surroundings were okay and I did not have anything to worry about. Most of all, I would be utmost happy when I have the one that I love. As for Kevin, most of the times when he wanted to cheer me up, he would always say that he would treat me for lunch or bring me out here and there. Kevin bought me roasted chestnut, which was really unusual of him to do so. Roasted chestnut was rather expensive, but he knew I liked to eat them, so he bought it for me. that was really sweet of him. He took me to Delifrance, and he treated me dinner there. After dinner, we went to see the movie ‘The Grinch’. It was a really cool movie. Hilarious yet entertaining. Kind of touching, too. It was the first time Kevin paid for everything without complaining a single thing. I was really glad that I could spend time with kevin. I felt as if I haven’t done that in ages. Sunday December 10, 2000 98 Degrees has a lovely song, ‘My Everything’. “Every night I pray – down on bended knee – that you will always be – my everything..” I hoped that Kevin would always be my everything. I just could not bear to lose someone I loved very much. Monday December 11, 2000 Finished doing the Interactive Multimedia assignment. Finally. Tuesday December 12, 2000 Had a presentation in class and for my group, I thought it sucked because it was a last minute work! Wednesday December 13, 2000 Watched the movie ‘Red Planet’. It was Kevin’s choice, I didn’t want to watch that movie though, because it was a science fiction kinda of movie. I don’t quite like that kind of movie genre, but Kevin did. Kevin bought me a miniature tortoise decoration. The tortoise was wearing spectacles, it was so cute! Kevin bought me the tortoise to remind me of him. Thursday December 14, 2000 I am so bored that it made me frustrated and depressed. Plus, I miss my boyfriend! Friday December 15, 2000 In the morning, went to The Pyramid. I bought a pair of pants. I also got to buy a jacket from Esprit. Cost a bomb, though. Saturday December 16, 2000 On the radio, I heard an interesting ‘pick up’ line. It goes “Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to walk by again?” Corny, but charming at the same time. Sunday December 17, 2000 I feel as if Kevin and I are drifting and drifting apart. Please don’t let that be true! Monday December 18, 2000 I received a card from Mark. It was delivered by hand. I wondered when he stopped by at my house and send off the card. Mom found it at the gate. Even though I did not celebrate Christmas, I received a Christmas present. Kevin gave me a cute handbag. I also gave Kevin his Christmas present. since he liked Christina Aguilera, I bought him Christina Aguilera’s ‘My Kind of Christmas’ CD. I guess both of us got want we wanted for Christmas. I wanted that bag and he wanted the CD. But most of all, just by having Kevin was more than enough. What else could I ever asked for? Tuesday December 19, 200 When I went to stacey’s house, she told me something interesting yet not worth knowing. A few of our classmates were planning to go to Singapore during the upcoming vacation. Somehow, Gillian did not want to go and because of her, Michael also did not want to go. How sweet of Michael. Sometimes, I wished Kevin had a mind like Michael’s. occasionally, I always think that Kevin was really smart in many ways, especially regarding his studies, but sometimes he has lack of knowledge when it comes to relationship. Not that I am an expert myself, but still, I knew that both of us could have done better. Wednesday December 20, 2000 I was feeling so depressed that I had to go shopping. I went to Valley Centre. I bought a pair of pants from MNG which cost me a whole bomb. Also, I bought a grey cardigan and sweet pink thre quarter top. Besides that, I bought two pairs of earrings, three stickers, a small note pad and two blank video tapes. I also bought a small candle for Kevin. I am so bloody broke! Thursday December 21, 2000 I met up with nina for a while at Rio. In a couple of weeks, she would be going to the United States of America to further her studies. How lucky. I was surely going to miss her. I bought her a cute small calendar as a remembrance gift. Friday December 22, 2000 How fast time flies. It was alredy end of the year 2000. My family and I made plans to go back to Mom’s hometown for about one week. I was hoping that I would get to see Kevin before I go. I really thought that I was not able to see him, because it was as if time did not permit us to see or be with each other before that. I was freaking sad. I missed Kevin so much and I would not get to see him until next year, 2001. Saturday December 23, 2000 Thank goodness God was being kind to me. Kevin and I get to meet today, one day before I am leaving for Mom’s hometown, which was eight hours drive by car and fourty five minutes by aeroplane. Big difference, huh? Kevin and I went out for a movie at night. We watched ‘Bring It On’, a cheerleading movie. It was quite nice. Before the movie, we went to Starbucks and had their terrific ice blended, as usual. I’m going to miss Kevin so much. Sunday December 24, 2000 Started packing. Off to Mom’s hometown. Monday December 25, 2000 Christmas. Merry Christmas, Kevin. Tuesday December 26, 2000 Mom’s hometown. I miss Kevin! Wednesday December 27, 2000 Mom’s hometown. Thursday December 28, 2000 Still at Mom’s hometown. Missing Kevin dearly. Friday December 29, 2000 Mom’s hometown. Saturday December 30, 2000 Finally. Started the journey back home as it will take around eight hours to reach home. Surprisingly, when I was at Mom’s hometown, I felt as if I was still at home. Even though I was so far away from Kevin, I felt like we were so near to each other. I guess it was because we get to talk to each other all the time and every single night while I was away. I guess I have my mobile phone to thank. In this kind of situation, mobile phones really came in handy. Sunday December 31, 2000 New Year’s Eve. Finally I’m back at home! This time, for the first time ever, I got to celebrate the new year with Kevin. I was really surprised and astonished that he wanted to go out with me on new year’s eve. I thought that he might have made some other plans and left me out just like he did last year. But he did not. That made me loved him even more. For dinner, Kevin took me to Victoria Station, a quite exotic place where steak was famous for. I told him that we could have just gone for dinner at any other places, not necessarily there. “I want our last dinner together for the millennium to be really special,” Kevin said. During dinner, we talked and reminisced about the things that had happened during the year 2000. somehow, the conversation drifted to the topic of which girl Kevin liked before he got together with me. I did not know how we suddenly talked about that matter. We shouldn’t have, though. I remembered, I asked him, “Which girl do you like in ITI?” I could never forget about what Pristine told me regarding Kevin and Gillian. I wanted to know and see whether kevin would tell me about Gillian. I wanted to be sure that what Pristine told me was not true at all. Or was it? “You,” Kevin answered. Of course. As much as that was the perfect answer of all, I did not want him to avoid answering the question that I asked. “That wasn’t what I meant. Which girl do you like in ITI besides me?” I asked again. “Nobody..” Kevin told me. “Are you sure?” “Of course. Why did you ask?” “Nothing..somebody told me that you did like someone in ITI.” “Huh? Who told you lies?” “Lies? Who did you like before this?” “Nobody, really.” I kept on pestering him and he kept on urging me to tell him who told me that he liked another girl. I kept my mouth shut as I did not want to tell him. Finally, upon realizing that our conversation was not going to take us anywhere, Kevin said “I will tell you later.” I wondered how I would react if he said Gillian Ripoffer’s name. I would just die. after dinner, we went back to Kevin’s house for a while because his family was not at home. Since Kevin told me that he was going to tell me who he liked, the subject was brought up again. “Why do you want to know?” Kevin asked. “I have the right to know.” I told him. “What are you so scared of? You said that you don’t like anyone else, so what do you have to hide?” Kevin held me tight. “I’m not hiding anything, honey.” “Then, why don’t you just tell me?” “I hate the person who told you lies.” “Are you trying to change the subject? Just tell me. then I will know whether what the person told me is true or not.” “Promise that you won’t be mad at me.” “I promise.” After much persuading, Kevin said, “can I spell the name out?” I did not say anything. I turned away from Kevin, I could not face him while he was going to say the name that I did not want to hear. “I just want you to know that I don’t like her anymore, okay? I don’t like her. There’s only you in my life,” Kevin assured me. as much as I believed him, I felt insecure. “Just get on with it and tell me.” “G – I – L – L – I – A – N.” My worst nightmare came true. I think I died. But I died with a smile on my face because I was in kevin’s arms, where I felt safe and happy. Plus, I got to celebrate the New Year with my beloved boyfriend. That was a good way to start off the New Year. Tweet
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