The Soul of Me (Part 11) (standard:romance, 0 words) [11/11] show all parts
Author: Maya	Added: Jun 09 2001	Views/Reads: 2509/1805	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Heidi and Aaron have a talk.

This part is a bit shorter than the other parts.  I'm hoping that
because it's shorter it will help draw more readers to the whole story. 
 Please rate and give any comments you'd like.  It is truly important 
to me.  Thanks! 

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Forever. Forever was how long Aaron held me. Forever was the length of
time we cried. Forever wasn’t long enough. I knew I didn’t want Aaron 
to feel pity for me. I didn’t think I could live with pity from the boy 
I cherished. It took everything I had, but I pulled away from him. When 
I looked into his beautiful eyes I nearly died from the pain I saw 
there. Pain that I caused. 

It took a moment for me to regain my composure. I side-stepped him and
walked over to my bed and sat down. Looking at the carpet, not into his 
pained eyes, I said as calmly as I could, “I really think it would be 
best if you left.” 

“Heidi...” he began. 

“Please, Aaron. I know you want to help, but there isn’t anything you
can do.” I managed to pull my eyes from the floor and look at him. 
“Please leave me alone.” I was doing my best to control the feelings 
that were mixing inside my soul. 

Aaron walked over and knelt in front of me. “Heidi, talk to me, please.”
I started to tell him to leave again, but he stopped me by placing his 
fingers on my lips. “I won’t leave. Not, yet. I came here to talk, and 
that’s exactly what we’re going to do.” He took my hands in his. I 
could not let him see into my soul. I kept my eyes on our hands, on his 
hands. “When did you write that note?” His voice was not accusatory, or 
damning. It was gentle and soothing. 

“Tuesday.” Was all I could say. I didn’t see any reason to deny or to
lie to Aaron at this point. If I thought he would have believed me, I 
might have. 

“What happened that made you want to...to...” he didn’t have the words
to say it. 

“...to kill myself.” I was being brutal. I looked up, prepared to build
a thick wall around myself. A wall that would protect me. A wall that 
would not let him in. I couldn’t do it. He winced at my words, and a 
look of total sadness washed over his face. “I’m sorry, Aaron. I don’t 
know what I’m saying.” 

“Please tell me what happened Tuesday?” 

“I can’t. I just can’t tell you. Besides, it wasn’t just Tuesday. It’s
just...” I paused not knowing how to explain myself without admitting 
to him how badly I hurt. “It’s just a lot of things. I don’t want to go 
into them, okay?” I pleaded. 

“I can’t just let this go, Heidi. You need some help.” He stood up and
sat beside me on the bed never letting go of my hands. “I can help. I 
really can. Just let me in.” 

“I am getting help.” I tearfully told him about Jody finding me and
about my meeting with Mr. James. “In fact, when you asked me to meet 
you at the library on Wednesday I was on my way to meet with Mr. James, 
my parents, and a psychologist. That’s why I couldn’t stay and talk.” 

During my whole story, Aaron just sat beside me and let me talk. He
never interrupted and never let go of my hand. “So that’s why you 
missed so much class this week.” He said when I had finished. 

“Yes.” I said calmly. “Yesterday when you dropped me off at the post
office, I wasn’t meeting anyone. I had an appointment with Dr. Lane. 
She’s my psychologist. She’s going to try and help me with my 
depression and...well, everything else.” I pulled my hand from his and 
stood up. My defenses were beginning to show, again. “So, now you know. 
I suppose now you’ll have some pretty good locker room gossip.” I 
pretended to whisper. “Hey, you guys hear about Heidi? Ya, she tried to 
off herself last week. What a loser.” I covered my eyes and broke down 


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