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|What Would the World Be Like Without Men? (standard:romance, 732 words)|
|Author: Jim Spence||Added: Apr 15 2002||Views/Reads: 1282/1||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|all of the things the world would miss if there were no men ... for better and for worse|
What Would the World Be Like Without Men? Men – what would the world be like without them? Well, let's see ... for starters ... the world probably wouldn't be fighting many wars without men; the world would probably only have two X rated movie theatres, and those would both be showing Julia Roberts movies; road rage would only involve spats over parking spaces at the mall; ESPN would be out of business; television commercials on Sundays would only be about feminine hygiene products and not about tires and beer; towels would never have to be refolded and dishes never repositioned in the dish drainer; beer joints would become “cocktail lounges”; all gas stations would be full service; the best stock investment in the world would be quick change oil places; the sports page would only have tennis results; we would only need red tees on a golf course; sports arenas would become giant flea markets; and no one would be afraid to ask for directions. We'd never have wet tee shirt contests, or beer drinking battles, or Chuck Norris movies; dirty socks and underwear would find themselves in a clothes hamper without gentle prodding; Martha Stewart would be the President; no one would have heard of Monica Lewinsky; the expression “pissing contest” would take on a whole new meaning; Friday Night Fights would involve the discount rack at Macys; Playboy magazine WOULD be bought only for the articles; hardware stores would have one aisle for tools and 28 aisles for window accessories; urinal manufacturers would go out of business; and so would Budweiser, Michelin and Doritos. High school football would become soccer and games would be held on Saturday mornings, just before the sales at Victoria's Secrets started – and then the only thing on sale would be cotton bloomers; no one would giggle at a douche commercial; waitresses would always receive a 25% tip; the sounds of passing gas wouldn't be as prevalent, or as loud; TV remotes would have three buttons; VCRs would come with one page of instructions instead of 30; soap operas would be on during prime time; workout gyms would be replaced by health spas; and a “wolf whistle” would mean something else entirely. There would be no more Beer Nuts, pork rinds, drive through liquor stores, barber shops, strip clubs, NASCAR events, cyber sex, laundromats, gun manufacturers, auto parts stores, condom dispensers in gas stations, porn sites on the internet, congressional hearings on the definition of sex, $200 tennis shoe manufacturers, arguments about whether Steven Segal could kick Bruce Lee's butt, or long lines at women's rest rooms. Yes, the world would be a totally different place without men. But, then, without men, the world wouldn't have ... Kids learning to tie their shoe laces while mom cooks dinner; big brothers; shoulders for women to cry on; true soul mates; someone to carry six bags of groceries all at once; mowed lawns on Saturday mornings; speeches about “when I was your age” that always end in a hug from dad; quiet sniffles during sad movies; the gentle sound of snoring during golf matches on TV; compliments for “the best dinner you've ever made”; doors opened; cars washed; grease spots in the garage where dad tried to fix the Buick, just to save the family some money; strong hands holding on to children at cross walks; hand me down tennis shoes; father and son pancake dinners; those little fingers painted on a paper plate that Billy brings home from school; and scraped knees that need a kiss only mom can give. There wouldn't be any “wait until your father gets home”; no more back scratches for women in “just the right spot”; boxes brought down from the top shelf without a ladder; compliments said out of ear shot that make a woman's day; coffee served in bed; kisses for no reason when you least expect them; hugs, too; strong hands rubbing a woman's feet after a long day; knowing that “my dad can beat your dad”; children looking into the stands to see dad's face after they scored their very first basket; fathers hugging THEIR fathers, and not being embarrassed about it; Mother's Day gifts that include a shoe box and a frog; and no more “go ask your mom”. Yes, the world would be a different place without men. Would it be a better place? Probably not. Tweet
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