Evil Bill: Grim Harvest (standard:horror, 8076 words) [4/4] show all parts
Author: The Dark Master	Added: Nov 09 2000	Views/Reads: 2927/1952	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
This is the last Evil Bill story in the Saga. This is the most glorious of the series. Evil Bill's fury no longer extends to the inhabitants simple towns...but cities and nations. This is only the beginning of the End.

Evil Bill: Grim Harvest 

It was a beautiful, sunny day in the state of Oregon.  Out in the woods,
the only sounds to be heard were the roaring of gasoline-powered chain 
saws and the grunting of lumberjacks.  A big, gay lumberjack named Gary 
was just cutting down an immense pine tree when his chainsaw suddenly 
stalled.  Ominous clouds materialized seemly from nowhere as he bent 
down to remove and inspect the saw.  He played with the chain and found 
nothing wrong.   Suddenly, the chainsaw roared to life.  Its 
blade-imbedded chain started spinning, mutilating the logger's hand 
beyond recognition.  As the logger screamed in agony, the chainsaw 
lifted itself from the ground and revved its engine.  Gary started 
screaming for help and started running away from the vibrating 
monstrosity, which was now hovering in the air.  "If you run...you'll 
only die tired," smirked Bill. "Why not just hold still and make it 
easy for both of us? It won't hurt, I promise." Suddenly, Bill's blade 
came crashing down onto Gary's head, slicing it in two. He continued 
on, splitting his neck and rib cage in two. Bill then eviscerated the 
poor man and sliced him in two right down the midline. The two parts of 
his body fell to the ground, blood and internal organs spilling out in 
a cascade of gore. After "enlightening" this enemy of the ecosystem, 
Bill moved on to continue His quest as an eco-activist. 

Next, Evil Bill found Jamal, Gary's fellow lumberjack and lover; he was
in his logging truck. When he saw the bloody chainsaw floating toward 
him, he panicked and tried to run it over with his truck. But Evil Bill 
wasn't worried, with His hell-spawned powers, He simply revved Himself 
up and charged the truck. Spearing through the thick windshield, He 
impaled Jamal's head on His blade with enough force to carry both of 
them out the rear window. Finally coming to a rest nailed to a tree 
several feet up by Bill's blade of terror, Jamal's own weight dragged 
him down, slicing the rest of his mangled head in two. His brains 
poured out of his head and onto the ground, and together, Gary and 
Jamal would fertilize the trees they had once tried to cut down. These 
two lovers had just taken an oath of affirmation, now, death had done 
them part. 

Evil Bill extracted Himself from the tree and beheld the carnage,
Jamal's truck sat smashed into a tree next to the body of Jamal with 
the body of Gary a little bit further up the logging road. Next Bill 
moved on, He made his way to the main road and headed toward 
civilization: and more victims. 

As Mrs. Esop drove her new tan Ford Taurus down the road, she suddenly
saw the most peculiar sight...a big, vibrating chainsaw flying through 
the air on the same road towards her.  Evil Bill had also seen her.  
The last thing Mrs. Esop saw was the chainsaw belch a large plume of 
acrid smoke and come flying at her.  Calling on the scintillating 
flames of the chasm known as Hell, Bill infused His engine with the 
Elixir of the Chosen One.  Mrs. Esop screamed in fear as Bill speared 
her Taurus, slicing it in two. He bisected the engine block and ripped 
Mrs. Esop's arm off as He split open the passenger compartment like a 
can of Spam. The car split in two, both pieces sliding across the road. 
The sparks flying from the shrapnel ignited the ruptured gas tank 
causing the car to burst into flames. Viewing the wreckage, Evil Bill 
was content. Turning around, The Chosen One continued toward 
civilization. "Damn," muttered Mr. Connors as he realized that he was 
stuck in traffic. He knew he would be late for the birth of their son 
John. But suddenly, as he was wallowing in self-pity, he heard the 
screeching of metal and the screams of terrified people. At first, he 
thought there had been an accident, but just then, a van two cars in 
front of him flew upward and backward, its engine compartment and 
forward passenger compartment shredded. The van flipped in the air 
three times and landed on the car in front of him. Now Conners knew 
something was wrong. He got out of his car just in time to see the 
blade of a chainsaw come crashing down onto the head of a fellow 
motorist who had gotten out of his car. Evil Bill then turned His 
attention on a van right next to that poor man's car. It was full with 
a family of seven. Bill revved up His motor and sliced off the roof of 
the van, and the heads of its occupants, killing all seven including 
four small children and their mother. Bill then felt a disturbance in 
the Force, and realized the dead woman was pregnant. Since Irish 
Catholics breed faster than rabbits in heat, and she was a good 
Catholic, she was pregnant with five bundles of joy. But that wouldn't 
last long, He was going to help eliminate the over-population problem. 


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