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THE MAN WHO TIDIED UP THE PLANET (standard:science fiction, 1207 words)
Author: Danny RavenAdded: May 14 2004Views/Reads: 2053/1209Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Darcy owns half the planet Earth and decides it needs tidying up!



Having recently completed yet another business deal which netted me yet
another billion, I was relaxing one evening on a favourite balcony of 
my modest five storey mansion, enjoying brandy and cigar. If truth be 
told, I was actually starting to feel at rather a loose end, the 
inactivity of the last few days beginning to jar and I was 
unconsciously searching around for my next project. A non-business deal 
this time - something that would satisfy the aesthete in me. In a happy 
act of serendipity, I discovered it ! 

As I glanced beneath me at the exquisite pale blue, sub-lit waters of my
diamond shaped swimming pool, I noticed that many of the sun-loungers 
which bordered it were slightly askew - not arranged in their usual 
preferred neat lines. I also observed that several of the sun-umbrellas 
on the pool-side tables had been opened at different angles, the entire 
area creating an impression of gross untidiness, a subject which deeply 
bothered me. 

It was perfectly obvious then that the pool area needed tidying up,
which led me to thinking that probably so did the mansion and probably 
so did the grounds and this is where I joyously encountered serendip ! 
If my own home required tidying, then why not other peoples ? Why not 
the towns and villages ? Why not the countryside ? Indeed, why not the 
planet !? 

It must have been brewing in my subconscious for quite some time now as
I travelled world-wide on my frequent, lucrative business trips - the 
general sloppiness and disarray I encountered practically everywhere 
must have penetrated without my noticing and gradually grated on my 
nerves. So that was it decided - a grand, general tidy up, financed and 
organised by myself. Actually I didn't really envisage much opposition 
to the project, mainly due to the fact that I owned most of the planet 

Naturally, as an example, I decided to put my own house in order first
and started the following day. I had noticed a cut crystal ashtray out 
of position in my West Wing study and in the East Wing library, the 
Seurats hung millimetres out of line. All this untidiness was swiftly 
remedied. The Gauguins and Van Goghs had to go. They had been bothering 
me, to be honest with you, since their acquisition - all that gaudy 
colour carelessly splashed around with no thought for symmetry at all. 
No. They wouldn't do. Much better with Seurat and those perfectly 
arranged pointillistic dots. 

My own mansion now in perfect order, I turned my attention to the houses
of my neighbours. When I say neighbours, I mean they were a modest 
heli-car ride away - after all, I owned the surrounding land for twenty 
square miles. Some of them quite docilely allowed me to tidy up their 
homes and gardens, others were persuaded for an agreeable fee but a few 
proved stubborn although not impossible. 

One such difficult case involved a group of so-called musicians. Their
villa and gardens were an absolute disgrace - empty bottles, broken 
glasses and all manner of clothing and other unspeakable items strewn 
everywhere. Suffice it to say, they resisted all attempts to have them 
tidy up and were, on occasion, exceptionally rude regarding my 
suggestions. Eventually I lost patience and was left with no choice but 
to have them, shall we say, removed. Permanently. I had them replaced 
with some of my perfect android doubles. To this day, no-one has 
noticed the difference and they are still doing well in what I believe 
are known as 'The Charts'. 

You see, that's where I aquired my practically incalculable wealth. No,
not 'The Charts' - the androids, or Droids as I prefer to call them. 
Darcy's Droids, as they are affectionately known by the general 
populace. So beautifully, so wonderfully life-like are they, that it is 
absolutely impossible to differentiate between them and human form. 
Indeed, the President of a minor country is one and the Prime Minister 
of another is married to one but only I know that ! It is only I on the 
entire planet who knows how to tell the difference and I'm not about to 
give that secret away, am I !? 

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