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Nurses, Bedpans And X-Rated Hospital Gowns (standard:Inspirational stories, 958 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Mar 06 2005Views/Reads: 7179/2236Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Tuesday last I awoke from my nightly slumber with terrific pain in my chest, much like an elephant break-dancing on my chest. It was painful just to breathe, but like the trooper I am, I shrugged it off and set about my daily routine. Rather than improvin
 



Nurses, Bedpans And X-Rated Hospital Gowns Rev. James L. Snyder 

Tuesday last I awoke from my nightly slumber with terrific pain in my
chest, much like an elephant break-dancing on my chest. It was painful 
just to breathe, but like the trooper I am, I shrugged it off and set 
about my daily routine. Rather than improving, the pain intensified. 

I went to my office and started the day's work only to find it almost
impossible. Fortunately, my one daughter is a paramedic with the fire 
department and the other is an EMT with the county ambulance service. 
Sitting at my desk, I saw the vehicles pull into the church office 
parking lot. 

Within a few minutes, my office was filled with EMTs and paramedics.
(Someone and I'll mention no name, only to say this person who lives at 
the same address as I, squealed on me.) Their unified mission was 
convincing a rather stubborn preacher to go to the hospital. According 
to their examination, it was possible I was having a heart attack. 

Who knew I even had a heart? 

Each took turns persuading me that I needed to go to the hospital. Their
strategy was to wear me down. To my credit, it took half a dozen to do 
the job. The ambulance was outside and in a few minutes, so they 
assured me, they could have me in the emergency room. 

"What about it, Reverend," a good- looking paramedic said, "how about
going to the hospital?" 

"Okay," I finally agreed, "but I'm not going in the ambulance, I've
already mortgaged my house." 

I was escorted to my paramedic daughter's jeep and away we went to the
ER. 

When we arrived at the hospital, they rushed me into the emergency room
and started working on me. 

After a few hours, I came to myself (which is a shock in and of itself)
and discovered my chest had been shaven. Now, what I need to know is, 
once shaved always shaved? Just a theological ruse. 

In examining my chest, I discovered I had 17 nipples of which all but
two were hooked up to some monitoring system. When a person, such as I, 
is in a dazed confused condition, this is enough to create a heart 
attack. 

The medical staff put me through all the tests they had in their
diagnostic arsenal. Evidently I had crammed the night before because I 
passed all the their tests with flying colors. Although I passed the 
tests the pain in my chest continued. 

During my medical odyssey, I discovered three things. 

The first has to do with nurses, which are the first line of defense in
a medical situation. Sometimes n and I'm not complaining, just grateful 
n they are the only lines of defense. Certainly, they are the link to 
everything a person needs. 

It is extremely important to keep on good terms with these angels of
mercy. For one, they are the ones who wield the needles in the ER. 

Nurses have two kinds of needles. One, they have the nice sharp pointy
needles that pierce the epidermis with the greatest of ease causing the 
least amount of discomfort. 

The second type is reserved for those certain patients, and you know who
you are, that cross them. I'm referring to the square point needles 
that gouge the flesh. I'm proud to say I experienced the former. 

The second has to do with hospital bedpans. What deranged person
masterminded this dysfunctional appliance? Some research must be funded 
by the government to track this person or persons down and have them 
executed. 



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