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Solomon (standard:Flash, 935 words)
Author: Reid LaurenceAdded: Mar 03 2006Views/Reads: 2189/0Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
An informative e-mail becomes much more than just the run-of-the-mill greeting!

From: "Reid Laurence" <> "TYPE=PICT; ALT=Add
to Address Book"Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert To: "'Bob 
Laurence'" <> Subject: RE: Our new dog Date: 
Fri, 3 Mar 2006 09:00:38 -0600 

Hi dad, I'm writing you this e-mail just to let you know that we got a
new dog recently. He's a tiny, miniature Pincher we rescued from the 

When I saw him sitting there in his cage, looking at me with those big
brown eyes of his, he reminded me of someone of great wisdom. A thinker 
and a gentleman, so I named him Solomon - after the great King Solomon. 
It seemed to me that our new friend had everything that old king Sol 
had, except of course for any kind of wealth - unless the little guy 
was holding out on me. 

When we brought him home though - much to our dismay - we found out how
wrong I was about this first impression of mine, for several good 

It didn't take us long to find out what a food-a-holic he is. But he's
not just crazy about food, he also goes ga-ga for sweets. We found that 
out when Mary got the kids a bunch of pricey dark chocolate and we left 
the house to go on a hike. When we got back, all that was left of the 
kids candy was the tin foil wrappers it came in, but boy, did he have 
energy from all that sugar! We should've named him Sparky! He ran 
around the house like his pants were on fire - which reminds me of 
another true story about him... 

As soon as we brought him home, he shivered from the cold and that was
all my wife and lovely daughter Natalie needed to know. They went right 
to the store and bought him tiny sweatshirts. I swear, he's got more 
clothes than I do now. The thing is though, when he lifts his leg to 
pee, he goes all over it and needs to change his clothes, but no 
matter, like I say, he's got plenty. One sweatshirt even has a tiny 
hood, so on cold nights he can put his hood up. I wouldn't mind all 
this if he didn't repay us in empty candy wrappers and garbage, strewn 
all over the place whenever we leave the house! We have to 
Solomon-proof the place every time we go, otherwise, we'll be wishing 
we never left. 

He's emptied every garbage can in his reach and dumped the contents
everywhere and anywhere. His motivation to find food is unstoppable. 
You'd understand if you saw what I give him to eat. All sorts of good 
healthy stuff. Things that would make other dogs sit and drool. He's 
like some kind of wild Racoon or something. He doesn't look like he has 
worms either. In fact, he could stand to lose a few pounds. 

I bet I know what you're thinking. You're thinking ‘how in the world
does one little dog get into so much trouble?' and my answer is, that 
the only thing that stops him is a closed door. He's up on every table! 
One time we left a bowl of popcorn on our dining room table and when we 
got back it'd vanished as if we'd never made it. He just bounces around 
the place like a ping-pong ball, getting into everything. If he wants 
to get up on a table, he just jumps up on a chair first. It's not just 
the disappearing food that bothers us though, we're worried he's gonna 
give himself diabetes. He doesn't have much body weight and one day we 
came home and counted eight empty chocolate wrappers. That can't be 

I bet I know what else you're thinking now, ‘if he's so much trouble,
why would you keep him?' Well, the fact is, I have thought about giving 
him to some friends we have. They're very patient people and have a 
farm here in the Ozarks. I think he'd be very happy there, and we could 
visit him from time to time. I'd like to keep him, but he just 
continues to get into the most incredible mischief. You won't believe 
what he's doing as I'm sitting here typing this out. He's digging holes 
in the back yard. All I can see from the sliding door is about four or 
five huge black holes. With my eyes, I'm lucky to see that much. They 
just screw up at any kind of distance. Anyhow, Mary's going out there 
to yell at him. I can hear the screaming from my desk as I'm sitting 
here. I tell you, I wouldn't want to be in his shoes right now - which 
by the way, is the only article of clothing he doesn't 
That wife of mine can really yell. Hmm, sounds more like a party then 
the discipline he deserves. I'm gonna find out what's going on... 

Hey dad! I'm back at my desk now. You won't believe what all the yelling
was about. I guess old Solomon is worth his weight after all. You know 
those big holes he just dug? They're plum full a oil! Solomon struck 
oil! I guess that means we're gonna keep him. How can I get rid of 
someone so wealthy and wise? After all, he more than pays his way. I'm 
gonna go out an get him some a the dark chocolate he likes so much. 

Talk to you later, 


PS - I wonder if he has a preference for Dove chocolate, or should I get
him Godiva?


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