Ticking all the boxes. (standard:humor, 1035 words)
Author: red1hols	Added: Mar 13 2006	Views/Reads: 3065/2012	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Charlie needs publicity. With Amy ticking so many boxes, how can he fail?

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

The committee sent out an urgent request for reinforcements. 

By the time that Amy arrived at the hall, the entire male population of
East Northamptonshire seemed to have gathered – although the promised 
police hadn't yet made it from Wellingborough. 

She pulled her trusty golfing umbrella from its scabbard and struck a
warlike pose. Cameras flashed. Unexpected levels of hormones caused 
several juveniles to feint. The swinging, slashing golfing umbrella 
caused the crowd to part and Amy dragged Charlie into the safety of the 
Great Hall. 

The committee looked at each other nervously. The door controls had
proved very inadequate and the Great Hall was packed over capacity. 
There was an expectant buzz and numerous scuffles as people tried to 
get closer to the stage. 

If only one of the committee had thought to research Amazonian Love
Poetry. It is a very powerful art form and one with which the committee 
hadn't felt the need to acquaint themselves. 

Enter “Amazonian Love Poetry” in Google and you'll get over two million
hits. Most of the sites will warn that the content isn't suitable for 
the under eighteens or people with weak hearts or of a nervous 
disposition. 

In English, Amazonian Love Poetry caters for a niche in the erotic
marketplace. With Amy dressed in traditional Amazonian garb and reading 
in the Amazonian dialect, it was like aural Viagra. 

To the Islington Militant Feminists, Amy was iconic. So when half way
through her first poem, “My Man, My Prey”, a small man in a scruffy mac 
made a rush for the stage, the Feminists let out a blood curdling 
scream and rushed in the same direction. 

Charlie tried to head them off but found himself in the middle of a wild
brawl as feminists attacked anything male and males tried valiantly to 
defend themselves. 

The committee fled. 

Later, from his hospital bed, Charlie took stock. There had been 3
minutes on the national news, although they hadn't mentioned Amy, just 
the riot. The local news had 10 minutes and they showed a wonderful 
clip of Amy felling a man with a now broken golf umbrella. 

There were acres of news print – including a call from the Daily Mail to
ban Amazonian love poetry. Any demand for a ban from the Daily Mail 
almost guarantees a best seller. 

Only the success of his plan was secondary. Charlie had achieved
something far more. At the height of the fracas, Amy plunged headlong 
into the Melee, scooped Charlie over her shoulder and carried him away 
to safety. As Charlie hung limply over her powerful shoulder, he 
realised he was totally, hopelessly and irrevocably in love. 


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