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Breaking News! (standard:Flash, 768 words)
Author: Reid LaurenceAdded: Apr 13 2006Views/Reads: 2387/0Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
How does a guy make a name for himself anyways? Read about this dilemma in Reid Laurence's story; Breaking News!

Breaking News! This just in! A superrace of flying monkeys has descended
on Nazi headquarters in Portland Oregon today. After a raging three 
hour gun battle, very few of the neo-Aryan clan had been left alive to 
speak out on their strange fate. It seems that purposely, the small but 
wiry, frenzied monkeys left the leader of the Nazi's alive and 
unscathed, presumably to teach any remaining, uncooperative followers a 
deadly, and bitterly learned lesson. 

“Don't f--k with us!” exclaimed the diminutive, but outspoken monkey
General; Heimlich Manuvier. “We know who you are and we know where to 
find you! There is no escape.” 

A forewarning, from an obviously, uncompromising agent of destiny, or a
shocking truism with a grave message of urgency. Whatever the case may 
be, the still shaken deposed Nazi leader had this to say about the 
course of the days events... “I never woulda believed it. They were on 
us all of a sudden like a blitzkrieg from hell. I'll tell you one 
thing... them ain't no plain monkeys.” 

And remember people, you learned it here first at; 

“Reid, what are you writing?” 

“Nothing Mary. Just a story, that's all. Don't you have cookies to make
or something?” 

“There are no flying monkeys. That's an outlandish lie. You're starting
to sound like the Enquirer. Are you trying to scare people?” 

“No Mary, I'm not trying to scare anyone, I'm just doing what I can to
get them interested in my writing. There's a lot of good competition 
out there. The way I see it, I have to give readers a good reason to 
visit my site.” 

“By writing about things that have never, and could never happen? Is
that gonna get people interested, or angry?” 

“Nevermind Mary. Leave the artsy stuff to me. I know what I'm doing.” 

“Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you. This headfirst approach of yours
has backfired before, remember?” 

“Thanks for warning me. I'll try and remember that. Hey, Dr. Phil's on
t.v., if you hurry, you can still catch the last few minutes of it.” 

“Very funny Reid. You just remember what I said.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Now then... where was I? Oh yeah, I was just getting ready
to write the next bit of breaking news when my wife interrupted me. 
Maybe I should get a privacy screen for the laptop so she can't poke 
her nose in what I'm doing. Anyways, here we go...” 

Breaking News! This just in! Giant robots from outer space have crushed
and demolished the entire city of Washington D.C.. Inhabitants of every 
government building were evacuated with only seconds left to spare. 
Nothing is left of the White House but rubble, and a few personal 
belongings believed to have been possessions of our startled, but 
safely secured President. Among the belongings are; two twelve gauge 
shotguns; a twenty gauge shotgun; a ten gauge shotgun; and a five gauge 
shotgun. Three cowboy hats, one in dress black and two in casual white; 
a six pack of Bud Lite; one LP recording of the late, but great, Hank 
Williams; one black leather whip; one authentic Lone Ranger mask and 
lastly, a two gauge shotgun, handsomely engraved with the heartfelt 
message; Ain't no rabbits safe with you around! Love Daddy. 

When asked about the fatal incident, the President had this to say... 

“Nobody tole me. Ah was the last one ta know. They ain't gonna blame
this one on me. This is nuth'in but dirty politics. A evil, democratic 
plan ta take ova the guvement, that's all.” 

When told that the democrats had absolutely nothing to do with the awful
devastation, Mr. Bush had this to add... “Robots ma foot.” 

And remember folks, you heard it here first at... !! 

“Giant robots from outer space... you gotta be kidding.” 

“Oh Mary, I didn't see you standing there. It's just a story Mary. You
don't have to take it so seriously, you know.” 

“I understand that, but it's not real news. You act like you're
reporting the news.” 

“Yes but don't you see. These stories have a lot more impact then plain
old everyday news, and by the way... as long as you're here. Tell the 
warden I appreciate the use of the laptop and when I get out of here, 
I'll write something really special about the good treatment I've been 

“Well, that's the thing Reid. That's why I came to see you today. He
says you pissed off so many people, another year or so might be a good 

“Is that so!? Well then, tell him the deal's off.”


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