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Book Of Secrets (standard:drama, 849 words)
Author: CJAdded: Jun 06 2006Views/Reads: 2137/0Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
This is the prologue only - a psychological drama about one's reasoning through life.


I never envisioned my life to take a turn such as this, though I
consider myself lucky that my upbringing was well taken care off; 
attending school right through University, a career in the Fire 
Brigade, great parents and a wonderful circle of friends, we all tend 
to dwell and reminisce about the bad times, incidents that left us 
scarred, a hatred towards a life that directed us to events that we 
shouldn't have confronted in the first place, sorrow that filled us 
with an overwhelming sense of dread and melancholy. I bet that when you 
sit down and list on a piece of paper the good and bad times, those 
wonderful memories of days where you laughed with family and friends, 
the pleasure trips you took with them, experiencing the joys of 
traveling, these would definitely out weight those depressing days 
where you just wanted to dig yourself a hole and crawl into it, never 
coming out! Try it. You'll be surprised. 

Here I am telling you this when in fact I had gone through a state of
depression, suicide, psychiatric counseling and saying to myself that 
the world had nothing to offer me. I look back at those days and shake 
my head, embarrassed with myself, feeling silly that I actually thought 
I was emotionally unstable. Yes, I do look back every now and then 
seeing the changes in my life, what I went through then and how it is 
now, But I was growing up; I wasn't mature enough to understand life! 

There are problems in this world far greater to be concerned about than
the sordid life I lead and the misery I felt but its human nature to 
agonize about your own life. We all want to be perfect, we all want to 
lead a great and wonderful life and we all want to be happy! And when 
this doesn't happen, the depression sets in, abhorrence towards life 
and you begin to question why this was happening. 

There are a lot of stories written about life, dilemmas, and one's
journey through existence, biographies about famous people and what 
they went through to become what they are now, the life they had lead, 
stories of wretchedness, horror and death. Alone you're not for there 
are people in this world who are in a worse position. Think about it! I 
do. I have a roof over my head, a job, a partner and friends. But I do 
sometimes feel alone and that is natural. I get over it though because 
I have those things and I know that I can overcome these dreaded 
feelings of alienation and sorrow that life causes. A strong will, 
patience and analyzing the situation to restore that wrong and make it 
right, make it happen the way you want it, do it the way you feel is 
correct. Take control over the situation and you may find that not only 
will you succeed but your life will become much better for it. 

How much I tried this, and just like a baby learning to take the first
few steps then falling, ashamed that the first try was unsuccessful, 
the tears would come then you try again and fall again. Persevere and 
it will happen. It took a long time for me to keep gathering the 
strength and forcing myself to undertake the ultimate task of self 
control but I did succeed though it wasn't easy. 

The Book of Secrets is an inspiration, an adventure into life's unknown
territories, a journey that captures the emotion of all that one 
believes in, of haunting memories and an exploration through society 
where boundaries are taken to extremities. The emotions run high, like 
a roller coasters where it then plunges to such depths that one deep 
breath could cause your heart to stop beating. 

It is a story about love gone wrong, about a life distressed and about a
world where growing up to manhood was a passage of self discovery. 
Closed doors can lead you to nightmares but they can also open an 
endless reign of opportunities. It sometimes was a game where you see 
how far you can go before hitting bottom and then timing yourself to 
see how long it would be before you were able to get back on your feet 
and try again. 

And again. 

And again. 

My final words; I have learned to cope. I have made decisions and
whether they were right or wrong, I had to live with the results, the 
outcome that at some stage not only destroyed my credibility but my 
heart as well. There would be endless nights where I could not control 
my tears, the heartbreak which took so long to heal. But as they say, 
time heals all wounds, and I did heal. 

This story is written in two variations; one, where you will experience
the journey through my views, telling it the way I see it and the 
second through the eyes of a person who had been a special part of my 

Charlie J Vella  Copyright © 2006 


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