|Carpenters (standard:humor, 1467 words)|
|Author: Walt||Added: Nov 04 2006||Views/Reads: 1986/1163||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|A 5:15 Gang story - The wives plan a trip to Las Vegas . . .|
Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story only damage was to the pound of bacon and Jerry's reputation. Martha said that the only thing John could cook was cold cereal and even then, their two kids insisted on getting their own breakfast. Penny said Big Al preferred not to cook and she was happy with that arrangement since Al was helpful around the house with any repairs or renovations. "Repairs!" Thelma exclaimed. "That Fred is the worst person I know to ask to fix something!" For some reason, I had thought that Freddie was a pretty good handyman, living out there on his farm in the country. "I asked Fred to fix the door on the bathroom last week. It was sticking and squeaking. I thought it only needed some oil on the hinges, but no, Fred said the wood had swelled from the moisture in the bathroom and he would have to plane it. He spent the whole weekend trying to fix that door!" "Gee, Thelma," I said, "Doors are hard to hang . . ." A look from my wife reminded me that I was to be seen and not heard. "First he removed the door and then scratched the paint on the hallway trying to get the door down to his workshop. Somehow he bent one of the hinges and had to go into to town to get another one. It wasn't the same size so he had to drill new holes for the screw nails. The holes were too big and now the door won't close at all because the top hinge is really loose. Now he's going to have to move the hinge down, fill the old screw holes with plastic wood and of course, that means we'll have to paint the door. I'm sure all it needed was a little oil." "That sounds just like my John," Martha said. This was very embarrassing, hearing about my friend's failures. "We did our recreation room last fall and so help me, I could have done it better and faster without John! He said it would be easy to put wood paneling halfway up the wall, using half a sheet for each section. Didn't he cut them wrong! He tried saying that the floor wasn't level, that the pieces of wallboard weren't square really!" "Uh," I said, "I've found that recreation rooms are the hardest to work on because the floors are hardly ever level . . ." Martha and the others ignored my comment. "We ended up having to buy extra wide trim to make the whole thing presentable. And I put the trim on after he went and cut all the angles the same instead of making them complementary. It'll be a long time before we tackle anything like that again." I felt some sympathy for John since I had that same problem once, trying to get two 45 degree pieces to make a square corner. It is not as easy as these women were making it out to be. "Well Peter admits that he's not much of a carpenter so we usually hire someone to do that kind of work. But Peter likes to paint," Irene said. She went on to tell how Peter had run out of paint and had to pick up another quart to finish painting one of their bedrooms. Apparently, the lad in the paint store gave him the wrong paint and Pete did not notice the subtle shade difference until the whole room was dry. On the second try, he had upset his stepladder and it cost them sixty dollars to get the rug cleaned. Those things happen, I said to myself. Cindy then started a story about how Jerry had tried to fix the plumbing and had somehow installed a sink that was not level. It cost them a new vanity top by the time he was finished and I guess it still drips a little. I could see that the story telling was working its way around the room and it would be my wife's turn next. There was no way I was going to sit through her telling about the time I tried to level the legs of a wooden antique table. I excused myself saying that I would go and warm the car. That damn table still wobbles. Tweet
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