Regret (standard:romance, 2875 words)
Author: firsttimewriter	Added: Jul 16 2007	Views/Reads: 2921/2020	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
A story of a young man looking back at the time when he met his first love. A girl who captivated his heart and soul

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

running to the washroom when I told her. Crystal just stayed silent and 
went to the washroom after Amy. After what seemed to be hours, but were 
only minutes, Crystal came back telling me Amy was crying. I was torn 
inside, I couldn't believe this. I had no idea that my initial lie 
would cause this much pain. I told Crystal I would leave and she told 
me to stay. When Amy came back she looked alright. She then told me 
something to which even today stays with me. She said that it hurt her 
so incredibly that someone she cared so much for lied to her. It was 
alright though because our ages didn't mean anything. It didn't change 
anything for us. She didn't see me any differently. I let out a sigh of 
relief that shook my entire being. 

After that, things became a little more complicated. As the time
progressed I started becoming closer to Amy. We spent a lot of time 
alone together. And I already had feelings for her which I tried to 
hide. I sometimes had sleepless nights thinking about her. I remember 
we would spend time together, just holding hands and walking. We would 
spend nights outside gazing at the sky and talk. It may sound like a 
sappy and boring love novel but it was something that you can never 
truly experience in anything else except for in real life. It was a 
feeling I have not been able to replicate even today, the feeling of 
having someone close to you in which you trust more than yourself. 

Well, then something incredible happened when I stayed over one night.
Now, I have stayed over at her place many times before. It was normal, 
we would do what friends would usually do, watch movies, draw, and just 
hang out. Usually when I stayed over, I would sleep in a bed with Amy 
and Crystal. We would just kind of mush together. It was nothing 
sexual. Just close friends. But that day I will never forget. We were 
ready to sleep as usual, when Crystal suddenly felt like sleeping by 
herself. I didn't know why but she just did. So that night it was just 
me and Amy. 

Well, after Crystal left for Amy's room we just stayed in the living
room bed and talked. And as we talked we started snuggling. Then I 
didn't know why but I put my arm behind her head and she rested against 
my chest. It was such a bold move and I didn't even think about what I 
was doing. My body seemed to have moved on its own and my mind was 
screaming me, pondering what was happening. We laid there and I held 
her close to me. It was extraordinary, like being bathed in the warmth 
and glow of sunlight as it molds and fuses with your body. I wanted 
that moment to last forever, a moment frozen in time so that it may 
never end. Well as we talked I moved over for what would be a kiss with 
the only girl I ever loved. The kiss was amazing; a slight caress of 
lips, so soft, so warm. There was a near electric current coursing 
through my body. My heart was beating at an incalculable rate but soon 
afterwards, she kissed me back, harder this time. I remember the feel 
of her satin smooth skin against my own and gazing into her eyes as 
overwhelming emotion surged through me. I was drowning in a sea of 
emotions and unable to breath. When I finally broke the surface of my 
emotions and could breathe again, it was amazing. 

The next morning I awoke with Amy held tight to me. It took me a few
minutes to remember if what happened was an unforgettable dream or an 
even more unfathomable reality. My brain could not believe what really 
happened. I prayed that if it were to still be a dream that it would 
stay this way always. I tried to move as little as possible so that I 
would not wake her. I just wanted to watch her sleep. I remember the 
blanket was bundled by our legs. She was wearing a silky pink sleeping 
gown that hugged her body. The soft glow of morning was enough light to 
see her beautiful body underneath. Her golden blond hair a glorious 
mask covering her face and sprawled against the pillow and my arm. She 
slept so soundly and she looked so peaceful. I felt as if I was holding 
onto a perfected painting come to life and the slightest movement might 
disturb its surreal beauty. I didn't know how long I watched her before 
she awoke. Love was not something tangible to me until that day. 

The following weeks were wonderful. We continued doing what we usually
did but with a physical closeness I never had with anyone before. As 
the months progressed we were never officially dating, but we were as 
close as any couple could ever be. Then one dark day, the detrimental 
effects of what she will tell me will stay with me forever. She told me 
that she didn't think we can be lovers; I was devastated. I didn't know 
where this came from. I thought everything was going perfect. I didn't 
know what to say. She told me she didn't feel we could stay together. I 
asked her why but her only answer to me was that she doesn't know. Its 
funny you know, the only person that could bring you this much 
happiness, is also the only person that can crush your heart to dust. I 
couldn't make sense of what she was telling me. My mind was refusing to 
accept what she said. There were tears trailing down her cheeks and I 
just looked at her in a state of shock. When my mind finally accepted 
the reality of the situation I told her it was alright. I told her we 
would always be friends. There was little else I could have said 
because those were the only comprehensible words left in my head. The 
rest of my head was filled with mindless rage and despair. As I look 
back upon that day, I know there was so much more I could have done. An 
ocean of words I could have said to keep hold of what I had. 

We continued our friendship for a few weeks, but I was hollow inside.
She was still so kind and passionate towards me. I did not understand 
why she couldn't accept my love for her. Crystal knew that Amy still 
had feelings for me. I tried so hard to make everything the same, but I 
couldn't. Crystal tried to make things the way it used to be between 
all of us, but no matter how much I loved the both of them, I could not 
completely recover from my injury. Soon I was distancing myself from 
them. I started calling her less, and started avoiding her. I was 
consumed with self loathing and anger; beyond that was a sadness that 
ate away at my very being. Then, months later, Amy told me she started 
to have feelings for another person. I was beginning to recover, I had 
felt that maybe I could try to reignite her feelings for me. Yet when 
she told me this, she pushed me over the edge and fed me to my worst 
nightmare. I started getting angry at her. I started to blame her for 
my agony.  I started to hate her and I stopped talking to her. A month 
passed and the pain never went away. 

Then one day during the summer she came to my home. I answered without
knowing it was her. When I opened the door I was greeted with a hug 
that I haven't felt in so long. The feel of her body against my own was 
enough to bring a rush of emotion that I could hardly control or 
comprehend. The fates it would seem were not as cruel as I thought.  I 
just stood shocked for a moment unable to move. As I relearned how to 
breathe I hugged her back. She was crying as we held in embrace. She 
told me how happy she was to see me and how much she missed me. I asked 
her how she and Laura were doing and she told me a story of how Crystal 
has a boyfriend and they were very happy together. The problem though 
was that Crystal was distancing herself from Amy. I tried to convince 
Amy that Crystal was not doing it on purpose and that everything would 
be alright. We talked for many hours just like we used to and I had the 
feeling of closeness again that I lost. I realized that I truly missed 
being with both of them as close friends. My love for her was enough 
that I wanted to be there for her no matter what problems she had. It 
was obvious now that it didn't matter whether we were friends or 
lovers. The only thing that mattered was that I be there by her. 

The next day, I called Amy again and we stayed together all day and
night. We walked along our favorite places and I held her hand again 
after so long. During that night we sat on the hill outside where we 
first met. She put her head against my shoulder and I put my arms 
around her like what we used to. I was too confused at that moment. I 
wanted so much to tell her how I felt about her. How she was an amazing 
person, full of spirit and creativity. How her smile can melt my heart 
and chase all thoughts of anything but her. How I cherish every waking 
moment with her and how I will never forget any of the nights I was 
with her. I didn't say any of those things for fear of what she might 
say if I told her. My doubts have left me a coward. I went home that 
night unable to sleep. It was true that I would always be her friend, 
even though I wanted so much more. 

Afterwards, we were closing the distance between us when suddenly; like
a twisted plot from a hellish comedy, she told me she was moving away. 
I could actually sense the fates laughing at me. They dangled hope so 
close to me and just out of reach when in but a mere moment they once 
again snatched it away; Leaving me an empty shell of shattered desires. 
I didn't know anything to say except to tell her I would miss her more 
than anything in the world. I never did gather the courage to ask her 
how she truly felt about me. I still regret not asking her about that. 
Soon she moved away and with her she took a piece of my heart and soul; 
A fragment in which I have tried to heal and rebuild even as I write 
this. 

Well ladies and gents, that's my story. I must force myself to relive
the past so that I may continue a better future. If ever there is a 
chance to do something in life, take it. Do not have second thoughts 
about anything you do, or you will regret it for the rest of your life. 
Just remember a simple rule, do not be afraid. There is so much more 
you can lose if you're controlled by your fears. Well, here's to 
believe that there is a brighter future and let's hope the fates will 
give us another chance at a little thing called love. 

- Best of Luck to all of you out there - 


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