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Mystery Mailer Come Out to Play (standard:Satire, 595 words)
Author: LoriAdded: Jan 18 2008Views/Reads: 2868/0Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
We all get them. Mystery people who pay us respect with their words in email, no way to respond to their kindness and whatnot. I've decided to answer one of these the best way I know how, with wit, humor, and sex appeal ;o).

Mystery Mailer Come Out to Play 

Anonymousness gives so much to so many. With no names you can remain a
mystery. Is it right to leave us up in arms? Is it wrong to hide 
yourself from us? 

You sent me something funny. I laughed until I cried. Don't know if
that's the reaction you wanted, but it's the one you got. 

You read two essays I've written, one on being a bitch and the other on
being a bastard. You said “Yep . . . You're a Bitch, “ like it's a bad 
thing. I take homage in being whom I am. And I will proudly wear that 

You insinuated my writing and rantings were boring. Yet you read them
anyway. Why? If you don't like my style, my attitude, my charm, and my 
grace, why bother in the first place? 

You said most guys find bitchy women a turn off. Are you one of those?
Or do you like a woman who knows how to take charge? Why not tell me 
your name? Or are you afraid something will fall off? Something you 
hold dear and precious, something which is reserved for only one? 
Maybe? Scared I might bite? 

The definitions were for the stupid people who can't understand what it
means to be a bitch. You seem to think it was foolish to put them in 
the essay. I saw it as a way of stressing the point home. You said I 
could have saved room for more bitching. Is that what turns you on? Do 
you want a woman who is nagging you to death? Can't get it up until 
you're forced too? 

Yes I'm proud to be a bitch. It is what has gotten me through my life.
By being a bitch I've done the things I've needed to do when no one 
else would do them for me. By being a bitch I accomplished my goals I 
set out to achieve for myself. And I've done them with a smile on my 
face and glee in my heart. For NO man will EVER get me down again. 

So try as you might, I dare you, you won't knock me off my bitch
pedestal. Why? Because this Bitch is here to stay! 


Being a Bitch means . . . 

I stand up for myself and my beliefs. I stand up for those I love. I
speak my mind, think my own thoughts, or do things my way. I won't 
compromise what's in my heart I live my life MY way. I won't allow 
anyone to step on me. I refuse to tolerate injustice. It means I have 
the courage and strength to allow myself to be me. So try to stomp on 
me, douse my inner flame, Squash every ounce of beauty I hold within. 
You won't succeed. And if that makes me a Bitch, so be it. I embrace 
the title and I'm proud to be a Bitch! 

If payback is a Bitch. And revenge is sweet. Then I must be the Sweetest
Bitch you'll ever meet. 

Some might say I'm a grumpy little Bitch. That's not true. I have the
heart of a kind and gentle soul . . . In a jar on my desk! 

The definition of a Bitch: B=Beautiful, I=Individual, T=That, C=Causes,

Now you can bitch about the tag lines I've included. 

Hope I got another “rise” out of you. If I did, let me know by dropping
me a line. I'd love hearing from you ;o). 

© January 17, 2007 by Lori


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