|In Loving Memory (standard:drama, 805 words)|
|Author: DS||Added: Mar 19 2001||Views/Reads: 1936/1||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|This is in loving memory to my Mom, who passed away recently.|
IN LOVING MEMORY Anger is coursing through my body as I write this. It's been two and one-half weeks, but it is fresh as the day it happened. At first, I was naturally devastated, as anyone would be. The following week I used the life lessons I have picked up over time to cope with it. It has been that way since then. For some reason now I feel stress and anger. I know anger is a natural part of grieving and of healing. But why is it manifesting itself now? There could be any number of reasons The wedding is five weeks away. She wanted to be there so badly. Besides our family and my Dad, it was what she lived for. To finally see one of her three children walk down the aisle and begin the celebration and unity of marriage that she and my Father had experienced for fifty-one years. Hearing my Dad choke back tears as he talks on the phone, sitting alone in the house. He expects her to walk in at any moment. Seeing the image of him, fighting through an outburst of pain, pushing the shovel into the dirt, lifting it, and pouring it into the grave on top of her casket as tradition dictates. Not being able to pick up the phone and talk to her. Simple anger for having her taken from us, appeased only by the knowledge that she is no longer in pain. It's not much of a trade-off though. Not being able to tell her one last time that I love her. She knew it of course, but it doesn't change how I feel. On March 2nd, my Mom lost a battle she had fought for over a decade. The vicious brain tumor had invaded her three times. Her sword of courage and determination fended off three major surgeries, laser surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, and experimental treatments. She fought her way out of a coma, got through a heart attack and two ensuing angioplasties, and a minor stroke that was thrown in for good measure. Was she being tested to see how much she could take? Each time she would bounce back, a little worse for wear, but still smiling, still doing her crossword puzzles, her amazing art work, which hangs throughout the house and is a bittersweet reminder of her, and being Mom. Looking at pictures, it is hard to imagine the transformation from the young woman of amazing beauty to one who, despite the struggle still, remained beautiful. After her third surgery in nineteen-ninety eight, she was never quite the same. The cumulative effect of everything she had gone through and the surgery itself took its toll. She struggled with focus and concentration, especially in the last year, but she was still the loving, devoted wife and mother, and looking forward to being a mother in-law. She loved the woman, my future wife, that is to be the new addition to the family. I am thankful she was able to get to know her, even if it was only over a three week period. We buried my Mother on March 7th, five days after her heart could take no more. She was at peace, no longer suffering. For those left behind though, we know no peace, we suffer daily. It may be tears, it may be anger, it may be the stressful knot in one's stomach, it may be all of the wonderful memories. The sky cried snow for days, delaying the funeral, until the sun shone brightly. It's as if it were a way of letting everyone lean on each other in preparation for the inevitable. I feel sorry for those children who do not have relationships with their parents. We jokingly used to say were the most functional family we knew. We looked forward to seeing our parents. The fact that they were in a warm, southwestern climate was just icing on the cake. If not for the incredible closeness of family and friends, I don't now how I would have survived this time. But I will. For the Mother I lost in body, is still with me in spirit. Placed in my heart and mind. Her courage, more than any soldier could possibly muster, was, and is, a great inspiration to me. It reminds that there are many things in life that are petty and meaningless in comparison to one's outlook on life. I love you and miss you Mom. You gave me life, not only at birth, but with your words and actions. Say hi Grandpa and Grandma and pet Cindy for me. When I walk down the aisle on April 22nd, I know you will be right beside Dad and I. God bless you. Try not to supervise him too much. At last a smile has returned. Tweet
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