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Being dead isn't so bad if your still alive (standard:adventure, 1593 words)
Author: stanley mcqueen kentucky backwoods writerAdded: May 15 2009Views/Reads: 2001/922Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
this story is about and old dumb country boys that plans his dead to see if his mountain girl friend loves him enought to marry him..
 



Being Dead isn't so bad if your alive 

well maybe your wondering what happen to me , well my name is Clinton
Bishop and I am twenty four years old and live right smack out in the 
backwoods of Kentucky, my parent are just common county folks that just 
had me the one , and paw name is Oliver and mammy she is called Lucy, 
we live in a small one room cabin, and paw owns just a about enough 
land to starve us all three to death is the corn crop fails that could 
well happen, 

well for the sake of time let me get right into my story and just bare
with me a little and you'll see why being dead isn't so bad if your 
alive, it all started when I meet the a little pretty single county gal 
that move in these part just bout a month back, we both met at the 
cattle market in our little backwood wide place in the wagon road town, 
I feel plume in love with her she as pretty as hound ear , and sharper 
than a plow point in smarts, there was just one problem with her and me 
and his name was Lester snoot   she has been sparking him before we 
started courting some time after, and I go to thinking she might love 
the rascal , because she kept mentioning him some as we talked and that 
never set well with me, I asked her to marry me last week and she said 
she would think it over, and let me know in about a month or so, and 
that got me to wondering was she still uncertain about which one of us 
boys she was going to settle for, 

it was then that I come up with and idea to become dead, and I would
plan my death well and hide around and see if she would go back to him 
and start the courting she has left off, this was my way of seeing 
really was she worth marring in the first place, how to plan a death 
without being dead would take some deep thinking on just how to be dead 
, well the idea come easy I decided to have a friend report me being 
drowned in the muddy Fork river during a tide and I would be washed 
away and my body would not be found , that idea come right from the 
noggin of Richard my good old fishing buddy was smarter than a whip, 

It come a big storm and the muddy Fork river was out of banks and what a
time to get dead by drowning, me and Richard took some food and hide in 
the wood so I would have something to eat during my death, can green 
beans and dried jerky we bought at the trade store would keep me from 
starving to death and really being dead I suppose, I told Richard a 
month supply would be enough to keep me being dead to eat on, 

Richard and I had this all planned out so perfect and this would test if
my loving rosea would jump ahead and marry , well I hide in the woods 
and had Richard to go to my paw and maw and tell them I had tried to 
cross the muddy fork river and my horse fell and he stood on the bank 
and watch me drown, I knew maw and paw might cry a little and take on 
something awful me being dead now and washed away by the muddy waters 
of Muddy Fork river, but after they seen I was alive and just done this 
trick to see if pretty Rosa really love me or not, I figured if I be 
dead that she might go latch right back on to Lester shoot right fast 
like , and marry him and then I know she was not the right one for me 
to marry in the first place, Richard was suppose to keep me posted and 
watch her and see what she done after she found out drowned in the 
river, and I expected him to do that Job , he made me pay him twenty 
dollars for the job of watching and reporting to me, and I felt like 
that was fair enough, 

well being dead isn't as bad as I thought if you still alive, the woods
bugs were the worse part of being dead, them mosquitoes, were bad this 
time in the summer season, it was a week till I seen Richard slipping 
to my death camp, he reported that maw and paw had took my death pretty 
awful , and that was not the worse part he advised me that maw had give 
all my breaches and clothes and even my razor away because she cannot 
stand to look upon any of my belongings, me being dead and all. I never 
figured on this happing and this has took a bad turn to the worse, he 
also told me that Rosa was seen in town with Lester snoot, and they 
were thicker than molasses, well that proved it I had not been dead a 
full week and she is back with old Lester snoot, and here I am now with 
all my clothes give away and all I will have now is the ones I am 
wearing my death clothes , 

and how maw and paw will take me being alive will probably be the death
of me for real, after Richard left I done me some powerful thinking, a 
week had passed and I was getting awful tired of being dead, I would 


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