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My barbershop quandary (standard:horror, 904 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Nov 30 2009Views/Reads: 1752/0Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
When someone looks at me, they might be tempted to assume that my relationship with my barber is a cordial one. This, however, would be a great error in assumption. I have not always harbored such ambivalent feelings towards my barber, but things have cha

When someone looks at me, they might be tempted to assume that my
relationship with my barber is a cordial one. This, however, would be a 
great error in assumption. I have not always harbored such ambivalent 
feelings towards my barber, but things have changed. 

Once, in my more neophyte years, I trusted my barber with my pride and
joy. Not only is my pride gone but also my joy has a different shine to 
it. In those days, I had plenty of hair, even on the top. Now, after a 
half-century of going to the barber, it is quite thin on the top and I 
blame my barber for that. It only makes sense. Before going to the 
barber, I had plenty of hair, now it is rather thin. Who would you 

Besides this, I have several issues with my barbershop. 

First, I have a problem with the magazines. It used to be that the
barbershop had a wonderful selection of outdoor and sports magazines. 
Sure, they were several years old but how can you date a classic? The 
ones now are usually ladies journals or those dreadful celebrity gossip 
magazines. Who cares who is doing what to whom? The only men that read 
these magazines are those held hostage in these newfangled barbershops. 

In those good old barbershops of the past, you did not have to worry
about how you dressed or even how you smelled when you went in. If the 
truth was known, most of us try ignoring this part of the truth, the 
barbers usually smelled worse than the customers did. But that did not 
matter in a man's world. 

A man's world is full of odors while woman's world is full of fragrance.
If you know the difference between these two, it means you are a woman. 

Now, the barbers are usually women and I always feel like I have to take
a shower and dress up just to go and get a haircut. 

I have nothing against women, even women barbers. But in the old
barbershops where the barbers were men, all of us men could sit around 
grousing about women. There is something quite therapeutic about 
venting pent up anxieties. In those days, we did not need any group 
therapy sessions. We had the barbershop. And what harmony we made 
together. The consensus among the barbershop group was that all the 
problems in the world could be traced back to Eve. If we could control 
women, we surmised among ourselves, and keep them in their place, we 
could control the general trend of naughtiness in our world today. We 
all agreed and sat back in our chairs and enjoyed the moment. 

Things have changed. Now, when I visit a barbershop the consensus is
that all the problems in the world can be traced back to Adam. Imagine 
that! The one or two men sitting in the barbershop duly note the 
eloquence of this point. Being in the minority there is nothing to do 
but go along with it. The biggest reason to go along is when I set in 
the barber's chair the barber with the scissors and razor will be a 

As it stands now, when I am sitting in the barber chair I really do not
know what to talk about. That old barber of mine used to know 
everything that was going on in a man's world. These new barbers, who 
are women, get all their information from Oprah Winfrey. What she knows 
about a man's world can be summed up in one word... Stedman. 

My dilemma is this. If I am conversant on women's issues what kind of a
man am I really? On the other hand, if my female barber is conversant 
on men's issues what does that mean? 

All I need to know about women's issues is what the Gracious Mistress of
the Parsonage tells me. If I want to be conversant on women's issues, I 
just need to start paying attention to what she says. But, is it really 
worth it? 

To meander my way through a barbershop session with a woman barber I
have learned several phrases that have come into good stead. It is my 
privilege to pass this kind of woman lore on to other men who find 
themselves in a barber chair with a woman barber. 

"Aw." (This is stretched out according to the situation.) "That's so
cute." "That is just amazing." "You're right there, girl." 

I do not understand all these phrases but it seems to get me through the
ordeal of getting my hair cut at these newfangled barbershops. And, 
after all, that is all that really matters. 

In my defense, I now pay $19.95 for a haircut it used to cost me five

A wise man once said, "In order to get along sometimes you have to go

The apostle Paul understood this quite well. "... I am made all things
to all men, that I might by all means save some. And this I do for the 
gospel's sake, that I might be partaker thereof with you" (1 
Corinthians 9:22b-23 KJV). 

I must confess Paul's motives were much higher than mine. He was anxious
for people, no matter who they were, to hear the gospel of the Lord 
Jesus Christ. Paul was willing to be misunderstood by just about 
anybody as long as God got the glory. 


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