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Germed and frightfully dangerous (standard:Inspirational stories, 913 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Jan 18 2010Views/Reads: 1497/830Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Living in the Sunshine state of Florida and seeing snow accumulating on the ground is the closest thing to blasphemy I know. Everybody knows it does not snow in Florida.

Living in the Sunshine state of Florida and seeing snow accumulating on
the ground is the closest thing to blasphemy I know. Everybody knows it 
does not snow in Florida. 

The other night I was so cold I tried to pick a fight with my wife just
to get into some hot water. Unfortunately, she was too cold to 
participate and so we sat together shivering and trying to keep warm. 

Just when I thought all of that cold was behind me it happened. 

Some people say that the inevitable is simply that. I, the other hand,
do not know the meaning of the word inevitable. But if it means 
something that is supposed to happen will happen then I guess, it has 
happened to Yours Truly. 

Several nights later all was quiet in our domicile when trumpeting down
the hallway came a sneeze of the like I have never heard before. Then 
came a series of sneezes each louder than the previous one. Following 
the sneeze came an eerie moaning. At first, I could not make out the 
words. It sounded like something from outer space. 

After another crescendo of sneezing, I heard the moaning again but this
time I was able to make out the words, "I think I'm sick." 

At first, I was stunned because those words and sneezing were not coming
from me. And, I usually do not think. Then a dreadful thought gripped 
the remnant of my brain. If I am not sick and sneezing, who is? 

At that time, a most frightful creature emerged from the dim hallway. It
was a balky creature with its head out of proportion in size to its 
body and a large, thin flickering tongue. Never before in my life have 
I seen such a creature. Whether it was human or not was for me to 
decide. I had been cold before, but this time I froze in my tracks. Was 
this a home invasion? Was my life in mortal danger? 

The strange figure kept coming at me out of the darkness, hissing and
puffing and sneezing as it came. I was about ready to scream bloody 
murder when I recognized the hallway monster. It was the Gracious 
Mistress of the Parsonage wearing her bathrobe with a huge towel 
wrapped around her head and a thermometer sticking out her mouth. 

Looking at me with watery, bloodshot eyes she said, "I don't feel so

At the time, I was tempted to say, "That's all right, you don't look so
good, either." However, not knowing the kind of monster she had morphed 
into, I checked my razor-sharp wit at the front door. 

Then the hallway exploded with another crescendo of sneezing, all of it,
by the way, in my specific direction. The hallway is rather narrow and 
the force of her sneeze was like a tornado. 

Like a jackrabbit on steroids, I jumped out of the way of the flying
germs as best I could. Not knowing what infectious diseases my beloved 
was carrying, I was not in such a sharing mood as I could have been. 

Then the room begin to rumble again and I heard her say, "I don't feel

Up to this point in our marital relationship getting sick was the sole
responsibility of Yours Truly. I am the one that comes down with 
everything that goes around. I am the one who looks like an unshaven 
monster in the morning. I am the one that groans and grouches, 
especially when he is sick. 

I have a special relationship with my bathroom mirror. Before actually
coming into the bathroom, I knock and in a loud voice tell my mirror I 
am coming in. The first time I did this without knocking my mirror took 
one look at me and cracked in all four directions. 

Now, someone other than Yours Truly is scaring the heebie-jeebies out of
people. Actually, it is quite nice not to be the disfigured object for 
the moment. 

Whatever my wife had, it had her and had her good. 

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