ROGER'S FABULOUS VOYAGES, PART 1, CHAPTER 2. (standard:humor, 1522 words) [2/6] show all parts
Author: Danny Zil	Added: Jun 07 2012	Views/Reads: 2160/1528	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Roger heads back to Earth.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

“Keep it brief.” 

“The description or the humiliation?” 

“The description.” 

“Right. The Black Cloud is composed of anti-matter and some other
unknown molecular substances and is five hundred miles wide. It is 
destroying everything in its path, is heading towards Earth and nothing 
can stop it.” 

“Anything else?” 

“You're not very good in bed. Have difficulty maintaining your--”
“That's enough of that!” Roger said quickly. 

He strolled around the Bridge, deep in thought, his razor-sharp Pilot's
brain digesting the information the Computer had just given him about 
the Cloud. A minute later, the salient facts surfaced. 

“You mean this Cloud is heading towards Earth?” he asked. 

“Affirmative.” 

“Well hadn't we better get back and warn them?” 

“Of course. There may be a medal in it for you.” 

“Mmmhhh, especially as there may be a--. Look, I'm not really interested
in baubles, I'm more interested in--” 

“Impressing Amanda.” 

“Impressing Amanda,” Roger agreed and flushed. 

The Computer laughed scornfully. 

Under stress, Roger did what any highly trained Pilot would have done at
a time like this. 

The Computer sensed what he was doing. “Come away from that corner and
take your finger out your nose,” it ordered. 

Roger turned round. “I've had an idea!” he said brightly, strolling back
over. 

“Let's hear it.” 

“Couldn't we just cut the story to us approaching Earth and save a lot
of time?” 

“Oh I don't know about that,” the Computer replied. “It's highly
irregular.” 

“So are my bowels,” Roger muttered to himself. 

“Still,” the Computer mused, “there's no harm in trying. Okay, go ahead
and ask.” 

Roger looked puzzled. “Ask who?” 

“Whoever's writing this, dummy.” 

“Oh I see. Right.” He cleared his throat and straightened his
smoking-jacket. “I say, is there any chance of cutting the story to us 
approaching Earth so we can save a bit of time?” he asked. 

Silence. 

Roger looked round. 

More silence. 

“Oh well, it was worth a try,” he said, shrugging. 

“There's good news and bad news!” announced the Computer. 

“Really?” Roger said, brightening. “What's the good news?” 

“We're approaching Earth.” 

“Yippee!” Roger yelled. “It worked.” 

Pictures of himself as the Hero of Earth flashed across his head as he
realised he would be able to warn everyone about the Cloud. There would 
definitely be a medal in it for him. Maybe Amanda would let him--. He 
flushed. 

“Wait a minute,” he said. “What's the bad news?” 

“Earth's disappeared.” 

Roger was stunned. “Vanished? You mean it's not there anymore?” 

“Take a look.” 

Roger stared at the forward observation screen. There was only empty
blue-black space and some twinkling stars where his home planet used to 
revolve. 

“So where d'you think Earth might be?” he asked. 

“I've no idea,” replied the Computer. “Perhaps we should send out a
message asking if anyone's seen a sort of big blue-green ball floating 
around. Answers to the name of Earth.” 

Roger considered this idea. “No,” he said eventually, shaking his head,
“it wouldn't work. If Earth's gone there'd be nobody around to see the 
message.” 

The Computer groaned. 

Roger paced slowly round the Bridge. ‘If Mr Entwhistle was here, he'd
know what to do,' he thought. ‘Mr Entwhistle knew lots of things. 
Useful things. Like how to survive on an uninhabited planet with 
nothing but a piece of string and last month's copy of ‘Astronomers 
Weekly'.' He frowned. ‘Why did they have to keep locking him up so 
often? He seemed so fond of children too.' 

He continued to pace slowly round the Bridge, deep in thought, hands
clasped behind his back. When he turned back towards the forward 
observation screen again, he glanced up and what a surprise! The 
beautiful blue-green ball of Earth was revolving where it was supposed 
to be! 

The Computer laughed mockingly. “Ha, ha, ha! Fooled you!” 

“Why you absolute bas--” 

“Shouldn't you be rehearsing your speech?” 

Roger was caught off guard. “Speech? What speech?” 

“Well with the information you have about the Black Cloud you'll be
treated like a Hero for warning Earth. After you receive your medal 
you'll have to give a speech to the other Pilots.” 

A dreamy smile holidayed briefly on Roger's face. “Oh yes! You're right!
A speech to my fellow Pilots. I wonder what I should say?” He began to 
stroll round the Bridge again, thinking about it. 

“This should be good,” the Computer muttered to itself. 

Roger strolled back over. “What d'you think of this?” he asked. He
cleared his throat then stared off theatrically into the distance. 
Already he had landed on Earth and delivered the message. Later, after 
a Hero's reception and medal presentation he was in the auditorium at 
Fleet HQ with all the other Pilot's seated in front of him. 

“Fleet Commander,” he began. 

Simulated applause from the Computer. 

Roger nodded haughty acknowledgement of the applause. 

“Assistant Fleet Commander,” he went on. 

More applause. Another haughty nod. 

“Deputy Assistant Fleet Commander,” he drivelled on. 

Not so enthusiastic applause. A further haughty nod. 

“First Assistant to the Deputy Assis--” 

“Oh get on with it!” snapped the Computer. 

“Fellow Pilots,” Roger said quickly. “While on a mission quite a long
way from Earth, a mission that was pretty dangerous, a mission so 
important that I was chosen to lead it, well not exactly lead, I mean I 
can't say lead when I was the only person there, a mission shall we say 
that I was...that I was...” There was an ominous silence from the 
Computer. 

“I say, is there anything wrong?” Roger asked. 

The Computer hesitated. 

“Well?” 

“There's something you should know about Earth,” it eventually said. 

“Oh don't tell me it's disappeared again?” Roger asked irritated. 

“Not...quite.” 

“What d'you mean, not...quite? What is it? Is it still there?” 

“Affirmative but scanner reports show that--” 

“Oh don't tell me!” Roger said theatrically, hand on brow. “Whatever it
is, I don't want to know. I don't care what the problem is. Don't tell 
me. I'm not interested. Don't even try to say anything about it. Don't 
say a word...is it dangerous?” 

“Negative.” 

“Then I'm not concerned,” the Hero of Earth said dramatically. “I don't
care, I don't care, I don't care! Take us down!” he commanded. “And 
have the full Fleet Command there to meet me. Tell them I have a very 
important message about Earth being in serious danger.” 

“But there's something changed you should--” 

Roger was having none of it. “Take us down!” he commanded. “The VIP
Landing Bay! Now!” 

“Alrighty,” said the Computer. “You asked for it, smart arse,” it
muttered and started to take the Ship down. 


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