ANALLY PROBED BY ALIENS (standard:Flash, 928 words)
Author: Danny Zil	Added: May 27 2013	Views/Reads: 3322/1813	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Frustrated Edna Kak finally meets a man who sweeps her off her feet.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

Ugly Bastards'. She'd seen the advert for it when surfing the net on 
her laptop. 

Deal was you sent in nude photos and Percy Pine mated you up with an
ugly fucker of the opposite sex. A week later Edna's photos came back 
with ‘Fuck off – too ugly for us' scrawled over them. 

A weeping Edna decided to end it all. Then thought she'd leave her
carcass which was unwanted by anyone in life to someone who might want 
it in death. She decided she'd overdose then leave her body to medical 
research. She sent off for the forms, filled them in and returned them. 


At the interview, the handsome young Doctor looked at her then shook his
head and diplomatically declined her offer. Christ, she was even too 
ugly to butcher! 

Edna wrote her suicide note and drove the camper van till she found a
high bridge near a small dusty town. She waddled to the bridge and 
stared over the metal guard rail. It was a long way down to a tangle of 
rocks, boulders and a dried up river bed. 

With difficulty she hauled her flabby carcass over the fence and stood
on the narrow ledge. Time to go, Edna. 

Just as she was about to jump, she heard someone approaching and saw an
elderly man strolling along towards the bridge. White hair, white 
beard, kindly face. A plug of tobacco in his cheek. 

He waved and grinned as he approached then his grin died when he saw her
up close. 

“Read your note in the camper van,” he drawled. “Y'all fixin t' jump?” 

Edna nodded. 

“Here, let me give you a hand over.” 

Edna smiled. An act of kindness just when she needed it most. 

She let go the rail and reached out but the old guy ignored her hand and
pushed her shoulder hard. She flailed the air then fell backwards. 

The old timer leaned over and watched her go. He jetted a stream of
black tobacco juice after her. 

“Yep, best thing for it,” he muttered. “Some folks're just way too
fuckin ugly t' be alive.” 

He turned and strolled on. 


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