The True Story of Patience Worth. 1,300 Adult. (standard:Satire, 1197 words)
Author: Oscar A Rat	Added: Jul 09 2020	Views/Reads: 1232/872	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The other day I heard a knock on my door. It was a hippie I met a long time ago. Wiping tears from bloodshot eyes, he handed a cassette tape to me ... then abruptly turned and left. Curious, I played it and this is what I heard in a female voice.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

Damn, the power of suggestion, as my pally Willy Shakespeare would'a
said.  Those guys was'a goin' around with smiles on their faces.  
Nobody had the nerve to admit to the others that the damned things 
didn't work that way. 

Anyway, that's the way I met my George.  He's the guy selling all those
seeds, see?  George Two-Feathers, he had a big grin on his face but his 
was warranted, with all the skins and stuff he done got selling them 
thingies to the other red-guys. 

He took himself a shine to me, right away mind you.  And I liked the way
his loin-cloth stood out from his body. 

Anyway, Jake got his stuff planted and raised tobaccy for the colony and
natives.  Me, I preferred my Georgie, an we done took off in'ta the 
woods.  Ain't no native done killed me, it was that John Smith guy done 
it. 

The stupid oaf done found me doin' laundry one day, out back of the
teepee or whatever the hell they called it.  I called it a skin-house 
cause it reminded me of a stiff pri ... you know? 

"Hey, you're a white woman,"  he yelled, drawing his sword. 

No shit, I thought. 

"Where's that dastardly redman that done did this to you,"  he screamed
at me. 

Bout that time, Georgie Two-Feathers, wondering what all the noise is
'bout, he comes runnin' out, and John starts a swinging like -- with 
that big pig-sticker.   Man, but that damn thing could cut.  It done 
cut the trees, it done cut the air, it done cut the cheese, it done cut 
the bushes, it done cut the damn house down.  It done cut everything 
but George. That nut even cut the shit out'a me.  I remember the 
dizzyin' sight a my pore punkin head bouncing around on the ground. 

Let me tell you, man.  That's one funny feeling, your head done bouncin'
around on the ground. 

So, then it got a little violent, man.  Georgie done grabbed John round
the neck, twisting him around like.  They done fell on the ground, 
wrestlin' like two pigs in shit, see?  Then George runned  his own ass 
right in'ta that damned sword.  He ended up on'a ground, staring into 
my own dimming eyeballs. 

With his last strength, that Injun' held my loose head tight to his
chest.  So damn tight nobody could pry me loose, so they done buried us 
together -- like one'a them totemy poles. 

Course, S'mitty said my George did it. Kilt me.  George being dead and
all, that's the way it was said in your history books. 

I tried to tell that whore, Pearl Curran, what happened, but she didn't
like my version.  She switched it all around when she wrote the book -- 
the bitch. 

"More?  Sure, man, this is some prime stuff.  But I do have to get back
soon.  Make sure this tape gets to Oscar Rat, please, honey? 
------------------- So that's how I got the real story about the 
killing of Patience Worth, the first woman to lose her head at the 
Jamestown Colony.  I got the cassette tape to prove it.


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