luanne and catherine part 1 (standard:other, 1042 words)
Author: mimsers and her cow who is the queen of the world...	Added: Jan 07 2003	Views/Reads: 3053/1919	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
oh...its a lovery storie about luanne, catherine and her husband burt who is cheating on her and luanne is her insane best freind and it is all good bro!!! AIIIEEEE!

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story


onto the thick wire netting.  "Luanne!" 

"Burt is having an affair!" Luanne yelled out to all of Port 

Washington, jumping up and down. 

"Can't you get in touch with your inner child at your house?" 

"On the contrary.  I don't have a trampoline.  You do.  Hence I am 

here.  Bouncing."  She jumped up again, leaving a bewildered 

Katherine to climb off. 

"The pot roast is burning. I want to make dinner for Burt." 

"Who's having an affair!"  Luanne sang out before Katherine 

could go through her 'devoted wife' speech for the third time that 

afternoon.  The phone rang. 

"Hello?" Katherine was removing a blackened pot roast from 

the oven. 

"Katie?" 

"Burt!  Hi, honey." 

"Listen, I'll be a little late tonight.  I'm stuck in traffic." 

"Really? Oh, I made your favorite." 

"Sorry I won't be home in time.  Bye." 

"Bye." Burt hung up abruptly.  "Maybe Luanne was right." 

"I heard that!"  Luanne screamed from outside.  Katherine slammed the
pot roast down on the table. 

@@@ 

When Luanne wasn't jumping on Katherine's trampoline, she 

was washing her socks.  Luanne went to the Laundromat twice a 

week with a barrel of socks.  She would've done it at home, but she 

didn't want to end up in her house alone with cats when she was 

fifty, so she washed her socks here. 

Burt washed his socks here as well (although Burt never 

seemed to have any socks that needed washing, considering 

Katherine did all his washing for him).  And then, of course, there 

was Christina.  Luanne probably wouldn't have known this if her 

name tag hadn't been there.  But she didn't need her mysterious 

psychic powers to tell her about Burt.  And Christina.  Luanne 

watched them as she put her toe socks on spin cycle. 

"That woman has been watching us, Burty." 

"Don't worry about it..  She's an admirer."  Christina raked her 

long pink nails through his buzz-cut hair. 

"But Buurt, you know I don't like you hanging around other 

girls."  Don't make me sick, Luanne thought, adding a sock to the 

washer. 

"Oh, Chris, you know I'd never do that.  I'm Mr. Loyal, after 

all..." What B S. 

"Aww, Burt." 

"Yeah."  Luanne stuck her tongue out at them.  If Katherine 

was only here to witness this crap.  Luanne pressed a button and 

socks began to fly from inside the washing machine.  Crap.  I 

forgot to close it again. 

@@@ 

"Kids! Dinner!"  Katherine yelled, plopping down her fifth pot 

roast this week on the wooden table.  Burt was out of town on 

business.  Ben and Ally walked into the kitchen.  Their faces fell. 

not another pot roast  they thought.  Luanne wasn't even there. 

She said that Friday was the day she washed her socks.  Knowing 

Luanne, it was a legitimate excuse.  Knowing Luanne, anything was 

a legitimate excuse. 

"Where's auntie Luanne?" 

"Spending quality time with her socks," Katherine replied, 

without a bit of sarcasm.  The phone rang.  Katherine rushed over. 

"Burt?" 

"In a sense, yes."  Luanne spouted from the other end. 

Katherine heard washing machines running.  "He's at the laundry." 

"No, he isn't.  he's at work again." 

"Mmm hmm..." 

"I've gotta go.  Dinner time." 

"Oh, I see."  Luanne hung up. 

Katherine cut into the pot roast. 

@@@ 

"Look what I got you!"  Luanne was bouncing again.  Katherine 

was sitting on the trampoline looking increasingly nauseous. 

"I'm overwhelmed by my excitement."  Luanne grabbed a book 

from behind her back and handed it to Katherine.  The book jacket 

showed a picture of a depressed looking woman and read What to 

do when your husband is cheating: a step by step guide by martha 

shewart.  "Who?" 

"Martha Shewart.  She wrote the book on herbal remedies." 

"Not Martha Stewart/" 

"I don't know, is that a gnome?"  Luanne spat.  Katherine 

opened the book. 

"'Step one: admitting that you have a problem.' What is this 

stuff?  A twelve step program?" 

"There are 40  steps,"  Luanne corrected.  "'Next time you see 

him with another woman, accuse, accuse, accuse!  He must learn to 

fear you.  You are house wife, hear you roar!  It's only a matter 

of time before he admits it.' This is gold!"  Katherine rolled her 

eyes and collapsed onto the wire mesh. 

"Gimme that." She grabbed the book out of Luanne's hands and 

read: "If all else fails throw a soda in his face?  What is this?" 


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