accident (standard:other, 1207 words)
Author: Oli	Added: Feb 17 2001	Views/Reads: 3616/2085	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
episode

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story


I don’t keep appointments any more.  I am not inclined towards a single
appointment in my life anymore, so I never feel like I’m in a hurry and 
I never give a fuck about being late.  But I never get bored because 
every moment is just exactly like the last and so I can just sit here 
and look down on it all in neutral. As long as I’m empty- headed and I 
don’t stare too far – but then it’s pretty hard when you’re looking 
down a line where everything is so totally flat. 

So instead of doing this I just stand and stare straight down, just
daring to get involved and I’m staring with some kind of morbid 
fascination right at it.  And because it’s raining, it’s just sort of 
lying there collapsed into a puddle, and the yellowed flaps it has are 
lifting briefly, feebly, peeling up then down. There are tiny splashes 
and a gentle slapping sound and when I hear that it makes me want to 
weep.  It could be the wind that’s doing it or it could be moving under 
its own force, but it looks too pathetic all the same.  I walk around 
it and it’s other parts and my eyes are clouding over.  The centre of 
it is boiled and pregnant.  A pale bloated sack, and it nearly makes me 
wretch to look upon it.  Spilled-out and coagulating on the ground 
right in front of me, ages steeped in ‘aborted’, ‘destroyed.’ 

When I get on the tube and then off the tube and walk for a while and
get out my keys and get into my flat just like I do every day I can’t 
settle, and I spend a lot of time walking around a small room smoking.  
I walk around looking at the objects that are there and sometimes I 
pick some of them up and then they seem more animate or I feel more 
inert but either way, I get about a six-second result.  Otherwise they 
stun with a presence so unjustified, so individuated that I could 
easily get scared – scared of my lighter, scared of my big red fucking 
candle. 


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