Yellow Grease (standard:Satire, 1783 words)
Author: Juggernaut	Added: Nov 01 2010	Views/Reads: 6720/3305	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
A funny story on collection of used grease from fast food restaurants

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

the restaurants by under weighing the grease while picking up the 
grease. 

The cows and hogs were addicted to feed laced with spicy yellow grease
supplied by “Grease Man” and “Fat Man,” and refused to feed on regular 
grain or graze on pasture. Both Jimmy and Billy understood how badly 
the animals needed their grease to get fat easily. 

One day, Jimmy met with Billy secretly to chalk out a plan to share the
grease business in town between themselves without competing with each 
other. 

“No more free turkeys to the managers, Billy,” said Jimmy. 

“Well then, no more freebees from you to the restaurant managers
either,” said Billy with a glee in his face. 

“Shall we keep under weighing the product?” asked Billy. 

“Sure, as long as we don't get caught,” Jimmy, the wise man replied. 

With the secrete agreement in place, Jimmy and Billy stopped competing
against each other and stopped giving freebees, and even refused to pay 
the restaurants to pick up the rancid grease. 

When the restaurants protested to Jimmy and Billy for withholding
payments towards yellow grease pick-up, they told the restaurants to 
take their grease, and shove it in their backside.  The restaurants 
knew that “Fat Man” and “Grease Man” were making a killing in selling 
yellow grease as animal feed, and yet could not keep the rancid yellow 
grease in their restaurants for too long without disposing it. This was 
exactly what Jimmy and Billy had in mind when they refused to pay even 
a penny for collecting the grease from the restaurants. 

“Grease Man” and “Fat Man” expanded their business to other towns, and
shared the restaurants between themselves without anybody getting into 
their grease business, and kept fat profits to themselves. For 
starters, very few outside businesses were mindful of the amount of 
money “Grease Man” and “Fat Man” were making in collecting the used 
restaurant grease, which everybody believed to be of no value, and 
nasty to handle. Billy and Jimmy wanted others to believe exactly that 
way while they went to bank laughing. 

The animals couldn't live without lapping on spicy yellow grease, and
the feedlot owners depended on “Grease Man” and “Fat Man” for grease 
supplies. This made Jimmy and Billy indispensable, and their business 
exploded making them rich. 

A large venture company from out east stumbled on yellow grease
recycling business when one of their guys while munching at a fast food 
restaurant watched Jimmy pumping the yellow grease from the restaurant 
kitchen. Following some inquires, he realized the profit margin in the 
restaurant grease recycling business. 

The venture company paid handsome price to buy out Grease Man and Fat
Man from Jimmy and Billy.  The venture company did not like either of 
the company names  “Fat Man” or “Grease Man”, instead the new company 
was named Yellow Gold Corporation, as it sounded modern.  Yellow Gold 
Corporation quickly turned into a national franchise under the new 
ownership, and bought small grease recycling outfits across the 
country, and cornered the entire grease market in the country. The logo 
for the new company was a fat cow and a pig with yellow grease dripping 
from their mouth painted on black trucks. 

The company went public immediately, and issued millions of shares to
the public (IPOs). The stock price skyrocketed in first few days after 
it went public. Billy and Jimmy flushed with hundreds of thousands of 
IPOs became instant multimillionaires. 

For less than a halfpenny paid per pound of grease to the restaurants,
the “Yellow Gold Company ” made 100 times more as profit. Jimmy became 
the chairman of the board and Billy the President of Yellow Gold 
Company. They discarded their old pickup trucks and bought expensive 
imported cars. They greased their hair, and combed backwards like 
investment bankers from back east, and started wearing pinstriped 
suites. 

“I worked from bottom up” boasted Jimmy at every board meeting. 

“I am an operational guy all my life” boasted Billy to counter Jimmy at
the meetings. They both knew pretty well that their old companies made 
money because they spent little money on environmental compliance by 
dumping wastewater from factory into city sewer on a stormy day to 
escape being caught by the inspectors. They paid little or nothing to 
the restaurants for collecting their grease, and yet charged a hefty 
fee for their product from feedlot owners. That was pretty much their 
business model of the past. 

Yellow Gold Company jacked up the price of yellow grease knowingly that
cows and hogs were addicted to their product in their feed.  They 
stockpiled the finished product in their tank farms, and hoarded it 
until the prices went up. The cows and hogs refused to feed without the 
grease. It was almost like going on dieting, and the animals lost 
weight rapidly. The feedlot owners panicked when they saw their animals 
loosing weight.  They begged Yellow Gold Company for grease supplies at 
any price. 

The Yellow Gold realized their hold on the meat industry and issued more
stock to the public to expand the company exponentially making the 
stockowners particularly the company officials immensely rich. The 
Yellow Gold Company, now a national chain for yellow grease recycling 
popped up in every town. The company's black trucks painted with a 
Holstein cow and Berkshire pig with yellow grease dripping from their 
mouth were all over the place picking up grease from the restaurants. 
With no competition and high price for their product, the company raked 
profits in peddling grease to fatten the animals. The environmental 
impact of yellow grease processing attracted various government 
agencies, and the Yellow Gold Company came under scrutiny for 
environmental non-compliance that drove the company stock value 
dramatically down overnight. The company officials cashed in their 
stock options early leaving the average investors on a greasy slippery 
slope with worthless stock.  Quickly, the yellow gold stock turned into 
fools' gold. 

The price of yellow grease was bottomed out and cheap grease started
flowing into the market. The feedlots doled out spicy rancid grease to 
the animals again, to quickly fatten them for slaughter. The animals 
once again regained their top position as the recycling machines for 
the yellow gold albeit-the yellow grease. 

The yellow Gold Company went broke and filed for bankruptcy. Jimmy and
Billy bailed out to start their own company “Grease Men” and went 
straight back into grease collection business. 

“Jimmy, I thought we would retire after all that money we made from
Yellow Gold,” said Billy. 

“Billy, yellow grease flows in our veins, you darn well know that, don't
you,” said Jimmy, getting out of the truck Then, they both started to 
sing in harmony: 

Yellow grease, brown grease, 

whatever the name. 

Animals love to feast on it. 

We love to pick it up to line our pockets. 


Tweet