Memories and Regrets (Part 4) (standard:non fiction, 2583 words) [4/5] show all parts
Author: Maya	Added: Apr 22 2001	Views/Reads: 2437/1930	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
This is the next part of the continuing story of me.

Time passed as it always does.  Day follows night follows day.  I worked
hard at my job.  I became good at it.  I was respected and was counted 
on.  My employers new that I would get the job done and done correctly 
and efficiently.  I was pleased to have their respect.  It felt good to 
know that I was needed and that I was useful.  Regardless of age or 
situation in life, humans need to feel needed.  We need a reason to get 
up in the morning.  Work was my reason.  This is not to say that I 
particularly enjoyed what I was doing.  This is just to say that I was 
getting enough out of my job that I was able to be proud of who I was 
and what I was doing.  I was a decent, hardworking member of society.  
I was not longer a kid.  I had responsibilities and I took care of them 
well. 

Unfortunately, I always felt that I was destined to do something more
worthwhile and important with my life.  Something that would fulfill my 
soul.  I still feel this way.  I tried to think of what I could do with 
myself that would make my entire being happy and satisfied.  Divine 
inspiration.  That’s what I’ve been waiting for.  The way I feel about 
divine anything, I’d better stop waiting soon.  When I thought I’d 
found something that would really make me feel good about myself, I’d 
start to second guess myself.  “I can’t do that.”  “What would people 
think.”  “I don’t know what it would take to do that.”  “I’m getting 
too old to start over.”  I can do a pretty good job of talking myself 
out of things that are important to me.  I think eventually I’d like to 
help kids like Curt, like me. Eventually... Maybe one day.  Maybe one 
day it will be too late.  Until my day of destiny, I would work hard to 
be the best person I could be. 

During this time much happened with Curt. Unfortunately, I only knew
what I read.  I hadn’t maintained telephone contact with him.  I sent 
him a few letters, but they never got across what I wanted to say.  
They probably came across quite ridiculous in fact.  I didn’t know 
exactly how his life was going.  He sent me a brief letter (all of his 
letters were brief), but that didn’t say too much.  From what I’d read, 
I know he became an activist.  He was eventually given an honorable 
discharge in December of 1992.  He did a lot of campaigning against the 
ban on gays and lesbians in the military, and he lobbied for civil 
rights and against various anti-gay initiatives. But that is his story 
to tell.  This is mine. 

About a year (maybe less) after I first saw Curt on the news someone
else from my high school days came into my life.  His name was Sean.  I 
knew him from school because at one time he was a really good friend of 
my brothers when they were in Middle School.  He was tall and thin with 
light brown hair and gray eyes.  I saw him in school all the time, but 
we were never friends.  He was just Sean.  Extremely shy and a 
non-conformist by choice.  Geek or nerd would have described him had we 
still been in high school, though I prefer not to label people.  He 
just seemed to be uncomfortable around other people. He was a bit 
anti-social.  He had built his own wall around himself. 

But here he was.  He knew where I worked because he’d been in at least
once before.  He came up to me, and I used my most business-like voice 
and demeanor to say “Hi Sean, What can I help you with?” “Well,” he 
said.  “I was wondering if you’d like to go out with me sometime?” 

What?  I hardly knew this person and he was making the effort to ask me
out.  Well, let me check my appointment book.  Yeah, right.  This just 
did not happen to me.  I didn’t know what to say.  I guess because I 
really didn’t know him very well (and because I finally had the chance 
to revel in this) I asked him to let me think about it.  He gave me his 
number.  I gave him mine, and I said I’d call him. 

I did, too.  After I called everyone else I new (all three people) and
told them. Ha! Someone asked me out! 

I was feeling pretty good about myself when he picked me up that Friday.
 I wore a pink denim skirt and a nice pink flowered shirt.  I thought I 
looked pretty nice. He wore slacks and a nice shirt.  He looked pretty 
nice, too, but I got the impression that he didn’t exactly do this 
often either. 

We went to a restaurant called DaVinci’s.  It was a really nice
restaurant.  I don’t know what I ordered, but I probably didn’t eat 
much.  I was too nervous.  He was nervous, too.  The only thing we 


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