Why I Am Suspicious of All Yard Sales (standard:humor, 912 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: Oct 09 2017	Views/Reads: 1596/1154	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
One of the passions that I really do not have is going to yard sales. The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage is another story.

One of the passions that I really do not have is going to yard sales.
The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage is another story. 

It is my sincere belief that yard sales were created with her in mind.
There is not a yard sale within a 150-mile radius she does not know 
about. If she does not know about a yard sale, it probably is not a 
legitimate yard sale. 

Long ago I have come to the point that I will not go anywhere with my
wife on a Saturday morning. That is usually when most of the yard sales 
are and she has several times tricked me into going with her. 

At the time, I thought we were going to a restaurant, but along the way,
there were 175 stops at yard sales. By the time we got to the 
restaurant, I was so yard saled out that I couldn't order lunch. 
Fortunately, the Yard Sale Lady was in such high spirits she ordered 
for me. 

Throughout the years I have made the mistake of seeing a cup and making
casual conversation, “That's a nice cup, where did you get it?” 

I'm looking for the answer to be, “I really don't know, I've forgotten.”
That is what I was expecting, but what I got was a detailed explanation 
of where she got it, what she paid for it, when she got it and every 
item that was at that yard sale that day. 

By the time she is done, I had forgotten the question. 

Going to yard sales is not the worst thing in the world. The worst thing
in the world is when my wife plans and organizes a yard sale. Every 
year she organizes the church yard sale, and as you would guess, it 
gets bigger and bigger. 

At least three months leading up to the yard sale I am on pins and
needles. I need to tiptoe around the Parsonage because I know that 
someone, not me, is on the prowl for items for the yard sale. I'm 
surprised I haven't been sold at the yard sale yet. 

She will come into my office area, casually look around and say
something like, “You sure have a lot of books in this library, don't 
you?” 

What she is doing is not appreciating my library, but trying to trick me
into donating books from my library to her church yard sale. It is a 
very dangerous time in our house. 

She will then come into my office area, pick up one of my special
fountain pens, and say something like, “How long have you had this 
pen?” 

Again, she is not inquiring about the pen, but trying to trick me into
donating that fountain pen to the yard sale. 

Nobody knows this, so do not let it get around, but I have a small
pocketknife collection. I have been collecting these pocketknives ever 
since I was a young boy. I enjoy looking at them and I always have one 
on my person wherever I go, except in the shower. 

I was looking at my collection the other day and my wife happens to come
in and started admiring my collection. I must confess she caught me off 
guard because I was admiring my collection as well. And I happened to 
smile. 

That is one thing you do not do in front of my wife. Because when you
smile, she's got you! 

So, not realizing what was happening, I smiled. 

Then it happened! 

Looking at my pen-knife collection, she said something like, “Look at
these two knives.” And she picked them up very carefully and looked at 
them. “They look alike don't day? Do you need two knives that look the 
same?” 



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