Understanding the Grandpa Rules (standard:humor, 901 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: May 18 2019	Views/Reads: 1311/950	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
When you know the rules of life, it becomes a wonderful and exciting adventure.

As circumstance would have it, and I like to give circumstances due
credit, I was visiting my grandchildren without the Gracious Mistress 
of the Parsonage. 

Normally, if there is such a status, my wife travels with me when we
visit the grandchildren. However, when she is along I do not have a 
chance. I will not say that she hogs the grandchildren, she does, I 
just will not say so. As a husband, I know when to speak my mind and 
when to mind my speaking. The inexperienced husband does not know the 
difference and pays for it. 

With the opportunity before me to go solo with the grandchildren, I
determined to make the best of it. I never know when this kind of a 
situation will repeat itself. When my wife is with me, she always holds 
the reins, but now I have nobody to curtail my visit with the 
grandchildren. I am a freelance grandpa. 

What many people may not know are the rules governing the successful
grandfather. Most people do not know these rules because the most 
prominent grandparent is usually the grandmother. I'm not complaining, 
just explaining. Somebody needs to explain this and the sooner the 
grandfather knows and understands these rules the sooner he can enjoy 
exploiting his role as grandpa. 

The first rule that should be understood is simply this: whatever makes
the grandchildren happy makes the grandfather happy. This brings out 
the unselfish nature of grandfatherhood. It is a wise, not to mention a 
happy, grandfather who invests his resources in making the 
grandchildren happy, whatever it takes. I say invest because there are 
marvelous dividends to be reaped. 

This is perhaps the greatest burden the grandfather has to shoulder.
Everybody knows how difficult it is to make and keep the children 
happy. In addition, during the grandfather's visit it should be one 
long happy adventure. 

Another rule associated with grandfathers is rather basic. Jellybeans
ARE fruit. Anybody with any kind of common sense can see the different 
colors of jellybeans and understand that they represent fruit. It is 
the dutiful responsibility of a grandfather to have an endless supply 
of jellybeans on his person at all times. After all, children do need 
their fruit. 

While on the subject of food, another rule has to do with vegetables.
Every grandfather knows that vegetables are not all that grandmothers 
say they are. And broccoli...is absolutely forbidden when grandpa is at 
the table. Another important aspect of eating at the table is, cleaning 
up everything on your plate is not necessary. 

Also, when grandpa is at the table the order of the dinner is
drastically changed. For example, the dessert should be eaten first 
because of the danger of eating too much and not having enough room for 
the dessert at the end of the meal. 

When going out to a restaurant together for a meal there is another rule
that is most crucial. This is something dear to my heart and something 
I wish to pass on to my grandchildren. Simply put, it is this, a straw 
has many functions. And the beautiful thing about a straw is it comes 
with its own supply of ammunition. There are many wonderful things to 
be done with a "loaded straw." 

Another grandpa rule is that noise is welcome and since grandpa is a
little hard of hearing, the louder the better. A grandchild yelling 
like a wild banshee is the music of the gods. And the most important 
part of this music is all the grandchildren should be yelling at the 
same time. This idea of taking turns is something that only 
grandmothers think up. 

With the children's health in mind, this next rule is crucial. Jumping
on the furniture is good exercise, especially when grandpa hits the 
ceiling with his head. And because of the great deal of laughter 
involved in such exercise, it adds to their health and longevity. I 
read somewhere where laughter adds to your life. Whether it is true or 
not is immaterial, the fact is children need to laugh and laugh a lot. 
Grandmothers do not understand. 


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