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Id Rather Kiss A Goat (standard:humor, 904 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: May 16 2023Views/Reads: 300/195Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The most important thing is to understand that God will hold me accountable for every word I speak, even those idle words.

There are very few things in my life I regret; at least that I can

One of the good things about getting old is that you can forget many
things. The important thing is to forget the right thing, which is a 
challenge. You can be sure I work on this all the time. It takes a 
really good memory to forget the right things. 

What I regret the most is that The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage
never met my good old Uncle Fred. If she had met him, she would 
understand me more than she does today. She would understand why I am 
as crazy as I am. The problem is, she still would want to try to fix 

One phrase I remember the most about Uncle Fred is, "I'd rather kiss a
goat." I cannot tell you how many times I heard him say this. Where he 
got this phrase is a mystery to everyone who knew him. 

If someone invited him to an activity he did not want to attend, he
usually would respond by saying, "I'd rather kiss a goat." 

People would smile because nobody had any idea what he was saying. 

A friend once asked him, "Fred, will you watch the football game

Looking at him as seriously as possible, Fred said, "I'd rather kiss a

Knowing him as I did, he was not antisocial; he just liked to get under
people's skin. Everything was a joke to him, and most people did not 
realize it. So they always took Uncle Fred seriously, which he wanted. 

As a teenager, I spent time with him working in his garden one summer.
He had a fantasy for garden work. If it could be planted, he would 
plant it. He had the best garden in the whole neighborhood at the time. 
Some plants in his garden I could not identify. Years later, much to my 
dismay, I found what some were, which explained a lot. 

While spending time with him, I asked, "Uncle Fred, what do you mean
when you say, I would rather kiss a goat? Do you really mean that?" 

I had been thinking about this question for a long time, and at this
point, I had the opportunity to ask him. 

"Well, son," he said rather slowly, "it's a very interesting thing. I
have no idea what it means, and the people I say it to have no idea 
what I mean." He finished by laughing hysterically. 

Then he explained that it was better to confuse people sometimes than
try to explain something. 

"For instance, if somebody wants you to do something and you don't want
to do it but don't want to hurt their feelings, it's best to confuse 
them. That's where I come in and say, I'd rather kiss a goat." 

According to him, he got out of many sticky situations by saying that. 

"Just don't tell anybody I said that." He looked at me and then winked.
I wondered if he was telling me the truth or just what he wanted me to 

It was his way of getting along with people he liked but not doing what
they wanted him to do. 

It was the summer before Uncle Fred died that we had our family reunion.
Just about everyone was there, and it was the last one that I got to go 

Everyone was there except my grandfather. He was Fred's brother. Nobody
knew where he was and was concerned because he never missed a family 

Then, out of nowhere, my grandfather drove in, and in his truck was a
goat. So he got out of the truck, brought the goat out, walked over to 

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