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The Trials and Tribulations of Sir Samuel Sultana (standard:humor, 2514 words)
Author: DaniAdded: Dec 11 2000Views/Reads: 4060/2338Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Random snippets from a book I hope to piece together one day. Humour-Adventure-Fantasy. Sir Samuel is on a quest, but how will the forces of evil overcome his idiocy?

(c) Danielle Henderson, 2000. 


Sir Samuel Sultana had tickets on himself. Chest puffed out, back ramrod
straight, he patrolled like he owned the city of Shanoo. Hell, he 
considered himself the best in the city, knighted at the age of twelve 
by the good king Billy. That never happened, he was the first, and he 
let everyone know every chance he got. 

Never mind that the old man had been on his deathbed, out of his mind
with fever and delirium, but hey, a knight was a knight no matter which 
way you looked at it. If a king said a knock-kneed, squeaky, 
twelve-year-old, with teeth that stuck out at odd angles like spoons in 
a thick pudding, should be a knight, who could disagree? 

He'd come such a long way. Now in the city watch, Sultana was a pro at
issuing tickets and fines, getting cats out of trees and filling in 
those tricky forms that never seemed to end. 

And he was damned good at it, a hell of a lot better than some of those
youngsters in the watch. If he'd told them once, he'd told them twice, 
when rescuing a cat from a tree, you don't grab it by the tail. It was 
a dangerous and tricky job that had to be executed to perfection. The 
ladder had to stand a certain way, the body had to lean to a certain 
degree, elbows had to be angled a particular way and used as props, and 
the cat must always be carefully lifted with both hands around the 

Sultana shook his head and tsk'd quietly to himself as he patrolled,
hands clasped behind his back, his gait wide and steady. They were 
lucky they had him working at the watch house, very lucky indeed. Those 
young lads desperately needed his guidance and expertise. 

A cart in a side alley caught Sultana's eye and he spun on his heel, his
hand automatically reaching toward his hip. "Allo, allo, allo.  And 
what have we here then?" His fingers nimbly unclipped the holster at 
his hip and wiggled in anticipation. The man beside the cart blinked 
rapidly. "An illegally parked cart!" Sultana accused loudly and whipped 
his ticket book and pencil out of the holster. "That's a five piece 
fine, mister!" 

"But I'm unloading supplies for the -" 

"Save it for the judge, criminal." He quickly scribbled on the ticket
and thrust it in the stunned man's hand. "Next time, obey the law." 
Sultana stalked away, sliding the ticket book and pencil back into his 

"Phew, lucky they have me at the watch. That could have quickly become a
nasty situation." He could be out slaying dragons and saving maidens, 
as knights were supposed to do, but it was obvious that his skills were 
greatly needed here in Shanoo. 

Yep, no doubt about it, they'd be lost without him. 


Sultana felt his mouth foam and froth just thinking of the delights that
he might guzzle if the roadside lights ahead were what he thought them 
to be. This was a farming area, surely even farmers like to drink 
themselves into a stupor after a long day at work. Please let it be an 
inn, pleeeeeease let it be an inn! 

Eyes visibly lightening and his stoop miraculously disappearing, Sultana
could feel his heart pound faster as tell tale signs began to make 
themselves apparent. Lights on well after dark...yes...funny smell of 
old apples...Yes...faint music, hearty laughter, swinging wooden 
sign...yes, Yes, YES! 

He danced a little jig there in the middle of the road then puffed out
his chest, raised his head and marched into the inn like a man on a 
quest. For that is what he was! A man on a quest! A brave man. A 
thirsty man. A man who was about to get sozzled...and enjoy it! For 
tonight, that was his quest! 

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