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Do You Want Peace and Sanctuary? Don‘t Look For It in Your Own Home! (standard:humor, 1981 words)
Author: Amy BuchananAdded: Aug 14 2006Views/Reads: 3068/2091Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The headaches we experience in living in our homes.

Your home is your place of peace and sanctuary. Ha! Sometimes your home
can be a place of aggravating torture. I will tell you why. 

Appliances! They are designed to make life in the home easier. They
lighten the load of work that people a hundred years ago drudged under. 

Ha! The truth is this: Appliances from the refrigerator down to the
electric can opener have a relentless grudge against you and evil 
intentions towards you. 

An example is the conventional cooking stove. Many drooling concoctions
can be turned out of its bowels. Sometimes what you put into the stove 
it refuses to cook properly, turning your creation into something that 
looks like it was expelled from a volcano. 

You pop in something such as a nice casserole or some chocolate chip
cookies. You expect that what you put into the stove will get done, in 
the required amount of time. You trust the stove more than you trust 
rubbing two sticks together. You can not cook an apple pie with sticks 
but a stove will cook it nice! Right! Ha! You check your creation a few 

"Ooh, it's coming along fantastically ! " 

"I'll check it again, it is not quite done yet. " 

" I will have enough time for a quick jot to the bathroom or to play
light speed with the television remote. " 

You come back to the glorious stove. 

"Open up your mouth. " 

"No! What happened? I was only gone one minute! There is nothing left
but crispy cinders ! " 

At this time all is gone and lost. It will not help if you aim a vicious
dent into the side of your enemy. 

Learn this lesson: Never done enough or too well done. If you do not sit
and stare at the stove and baby-sit it, asking the stove to open its 
mouth and stick out its tongue every minute then just forget it and 
pull out your sticks! 

What room in your home is the most useful? Can you guess? It is the
bathroom, the wondrous bathroom! The engineering marvel of all ages! 

It is the invention of various striving minds that solved the problem of
washing in a river visited by deer, bears, and raccoons. They invented 
a better place for privacy without having to locate a bush away from 
spying eyes. They eliminated the problem of visiting an odorous shack. 

Oh! The gleaming porcelain benedictions of our thoughtful ancestors!
They suffered in agony just so we could have one place to visit, to 
wash, and to brush our teeth. Ha! They never took a shower! 

All you want after a hair - pulling, teeth - gritting day is to refresh
yourself in the gushing warmth of the shower. The shower has different 
thoughts. It looks upon this poor, pummeled human who only wants the 
blissful peace of tranquil waters and with gleeful mischief it spews 
Arctic ice water all over you! 

You gasp so hard your tongue and eyeballs are gulped down your throat.
Next, you scream like an air raid siren. You jerk about like an 
electrocuted crash dummy. You try to squeegee up the side of the shower 
stall to get away from the frigid blast. 

"Is someone turning on a faucet? " 

What if you are alone? Most of the time it happens for no reason. It is
just one of life's surprises you have to learn to tolerate. Why can't 
it just happen once? Would you rather be drenched by cold water or 
would you rather jump into the nearest river to be surprised by 
floating yuck and wriggling creatures that want a piggyback ride? I 

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