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Merry Christmas (standard:Satire, 717 words)
Author: EveretAdded: Dec 25 2008Views/Reads: 4919/0Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Merry Christmas I use a skate board much to my dismay

Merry Christmas By Slambang 

*For Christmas, as a joke, I was given a skate board.  New skateboards
are really something now, but I remember my first one. It was a piece 
of 2" x 4" pine and for wheels it had some that had been removed from a 
pair of old  Roller Skates. This new one only faintly resembled  the 
one I have just described. 

*Well I decided to give it a try I took it out onto the concrete apron
in front of my garage and shakily got on it. My balance not being too 
good, it took me quite a while to start getting the hang of it, but 
soon I got to where I could do pretty  good. As I gained confidence I 
got going a little farther and faster. *Next I thought I would try 
going down the slope on my driveway to the street in front of my house. 
As I look back now I can see that decision was made by an Idiot.  My 
driveway is pretty steep. In fact, we don't go out when it snows 
because we may not be able to drive back in. But there I was a the top 
about to descend into the street beyond. That street continues in the 
same direction, but is not quite as steep until it reaches a cross 
street that is about 400 ft away from our driveway. 

Wow!, at first it was fun and exciting, then it became just exciting and
finally, it scared the bejabbers out of me. there I was exceeding the 
legal speed limit and wondering how in the world I was going to stop. 
At first, I thought I could just step off and let the board continue 
until it destroyed itself, but by then I thought, I was going too fast 
and would end up on my face in the middle of the street. But as always 
fate has a way of working things out for us and that is exactly what 
happened at this point in time. My neighbor who is not too bright 
either, backed out of his driveway into my path, leaving me absolutely 
petrified. No problem, I veered to the right thinking his lawn would 
not be as bad a the paving on the street. Bad choice I now know, 
because I forgot the post for his mail box was  mounted   at the edge 
of his lawn. That too was decided for me I hit his car and then slid a 
straddle of his mail box post. 

The sounds of me screaming, and then hitting the car and then the mail
box post caused quite a commotion in the neighborhood. Some folks, I 
learned later, thought it was either an earthquake , a tornado, or an 
attack by foreign terrorists. Or even possibly all of the above. 

My neighbor, who had by this time dismounted his auto, came over and
asked me if I was hurt.  "Well no", I said except I believe I am minus 
my testicles and my rear end feels as it if is now in two separate 
pieces an may need some super glue to put it back together again. If 
you see my testicules anywhere in the near vicinity could you please 
gather them up and save them for me. "Oh", he said. "that must have 
been those little red  round things I saw rolling down the street that 
a passing car ran over and now they are no longer round. Bad News! 

Well by this time the ambulance had arrived and the medics were taking
charge and in spite of my screams, were unwrapping me from the mail box 
post. They tried to act compassionate, but I know they were snickering 
when they thought I wasn't looking 

Anyway now I am home sitting in my wheel chair, bandaged  lie a mummy
and ice packs between my legs,  watching the kids on television on 
their skate boards doing all kinds of tricks and wondering how many of 
those same tricks I may have done before I hit the mail box post. 

Sometime in the near future I hope to be able to walk again and Oh! I
forgot to mention my wife sold the skateboard at a yard sale for 2 
bucks. It was undamaged.


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