MY BODY, MY SWAT (standard:humor, 902 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: Nov 07 2021	Views/Reads: 794/515	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
That got me thinking of those little bugs that were creating such havoc in my life. It’s the little things that you don’t think of at the time that do all the damage. My focus usually is on the “big” things in my life, which allows those “little” things t

Usually, I am not easily offended, nor do I easily lose my temper. I did
lose my temper when I was six years old but have not been able to find 
it since. Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage is trying to find it but 
so far, she has not found it. 

Many people are ticked off by some minor little thing it really does not
amount to much. 

For example, driving through a fast food drive-in, you will realize what
getting ticked off is all about. The customer in front of me is so 
impatient, and the customer behind me is just as impatient. They want 
everything on their schedule. 

Setting in the middle, I just relax because there is no way I can speed
up the line so why try. 

Very few things offend me, and I have found it to be a very good
practice. 

Don't let this out, but the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage can get
ticked off very quickly, particularly with bugs, lizards, and stuff 
like that, not to mention snakes. 

For some reason, she doesn't like snakes, and when she sees one, even if
it's on TV, she responds in a very negative fashion. 

Once when we were on vacation and stayed in a motel, a frog was under
her pillow. I have lived that nightmare quite a few times. I didn't 
know my wife could dance and sing at the same time. I didn't recognize 
the song, but I enjoyed her rendition of it. 

Not being easily ticked off, I enjoy when other people are ticked off,
particularly by little things they have no control over. 

Then the story backfired on me! 

It was the season of the “Love Bugs” that happens every year. I always
forget that it's coming, but it comes every year. This past year seems 
to have been my worst experience. 

It was love bugs, mosquitoes, and flies. I suppose they have a purpose
in this world, but I have yet to discover what that purpose is. Their 
purpose is not well suited to me personally. 

When morning came, I went outside to get into my vehicle to go to the
church office; as soon as I stepped outside, a bunch of love bugs hit 
me. I don't know what they see in me that they love so much, I wish 
they would drop it. I'm thinking of seeking a divorce. 

Walking towards my vehicle, I was swatting left and right, up and down
and every swat hit some kind of bug. I must confess that they were 
starting to bug me. 

No matter where I went that day, there was some kind of bug following me
and trying to snuggle up with me. Why do they have to be so loving? 

All day long, I was swatting these bugs. The more I swatted, the more
they seemed to come in my direction. 

I was in Publix, and as I was walking down an aisle, a mosquito landed
on my nose, and without thinking, I swatted it as hard as I could. 
Yeah, the mosquito was dead. Yeah, my nose was bleeding. 

I heard several snickers behind me, and I was afraid to turn around. I
got my hanky out and wiped my nose as good as I could. When I got to 
the counter to pay for my product, the cashier looked at me and smiled 
very heartily. I just stared back at him with a grimace that I hadn't 
used for a long time. 

I said to him very snarly, “It's my body, my swat.” 

I suppose I never learned a lesson, but I swatted my nose and my cheek
and my chin several times that week. I guess it's just a habit. 

Once a fly flew into my mouth, and believe me, it was no Apple Fritter.


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