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The Quiclys (standard:humor, 26212 words) | |||
Author: laughalot | Added: Aug 31 2002 | Views/Reads: 3431/3513 | Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes) |
Adventures of a less than average seven child family in Australia | |||
Submission from Laughalot ~ wattso@tpg.com.au Title~ The Quicklys . I first wrote this story after a friend of mine explained the meaning of 'P.O.Q'. I thought it was so funny I created a character, thus the names. Having done that It naturually progressed. It got out of control and a whole cast of characters was born. I hope you enjoy reading 'THE QUICKLYS' as much as I have creating them, Dan ************************************************** * The Funeral * OBITUARY Quickly, Pissov aged fifty six years, formally of Shady Days retirement home, Stiffgrove. Sadly missed by family and all who missed (read "milked") him, (especially Shady Days Director Mr Ratborn Lowe) passed away april 1 19- R.I.P Nickov was devastated. well, distracted anyway since obits genrally aren't between Garfield and Mandrake comics, but Shady Days was somewhat familiar.So after finishing the comics and some toast, Nickov rushed 'bored stricken' to Ex-mortis express funeral home for the financially challenged (read "dole recipients"). Nickov had never got along well with dear old Dad since an episode some years back in which his father had managed to burn down their first home while rolling drunk on vodka. Pissov had achieved this while hurling cheap illegal crackers into the fireplace to celebrate some obscure Russian holiday. One had been a 'cartwheel' which had immediately 'cartwheeled' back out, flying around the room on its own momentum setting curtains and apholstery alight as it went before coming to rest under the sofa. Too drunk to find his own arse with both hands and a compass let alone rescue the situation, he had fled into the street with his bottle,laughing like a jackass and sat down on the ground where he promptly fell asleep, while the house burned. Nickov and Gladys had come home to find fire trucks out the front and a large smoldering heap of burnt rubble where their home had stood only hours before.It had been bought after years of slaveing away at a dead end job and he and Gladys were over the moon at finally owning their own home.Having lovingly furnished it throughout with the last of their savings and held a house warming party only the week before, it goes without saying , they were not impressed. Not yet having insured the house, something Nickov has never forgiven himself for, they were forced to face a life of rental ever after. Hence the relationship between Nickov and his father. *********************************************** The mortician was a tall, horsey faced, somber zombie. (Aren't they all?) "Ex-mortis express, for the swift departure of the finally departed sir, how may I help you"?. "Well he's kicked it hasn't he", said Nickov. "Who's kicked...er passed away sir?" said Mortis. "Pissov" said Nickov. "Pissov..er..Quickly?" asked mortis, not sure where this was going. "Of course Quickly" said Nickov, how many Pissovs do you have?" "Oh..yes, quite right..and you'll be...?" "Nickov" said Nickov. "Please sir I understand your distress at this sad time however..." "Its my name" explained Nickov for the millionth time in his life. "Oh right, most unfortunate" said mortis. "Russian?" "Er kind of " said Nickov. Click here to read the rest of this story (3307 more lines)
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