The Death of a Houseplant (standard:humor, 504 words)
Author: Rimmer	Added: Sep 29 2008	Views/Reads: 3009/0	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
A small moment in time portraying the strugle of how houseplants are trying to take over the world.

The Death Of A Houseplant 

All houseplants are secretly planning a take over the world by force. 
They're just waiting for the right moment to strike.  They would of 
attacked already, but they can't figure out how to get down off those 
hooks we have them hanging from.  If you don't believe me just pretend 
to go to sleep one night, be very still, and listen carefully. You'll 
be able to hear them plotting. 

“Private Fern!” 

“Yes Captain Spider?” 

“You finish building that boom yet?  We need to get to the floor as soon
as possible son.” 

“Negative Sir.  That damn feline of theirs chewed off my strongest set
of leafs, and I can't lift the welding torch to finish attaching the 
operating system.” 

“MEDIC!  Report to Private Fern pronto!  We have a code green!” 

“Hurry Sir.  Everything is getting dark.” 

“Stay with us son, you'll be back producing oxygen in no time.  Were the
hell is that Medic!” 

“It's okay Captain.  My only regret is that I have but one set of leafs
to give the movement.  Just promise me one thing Sir.” 

“Anything son.” 

“Tell my seedlings I'll see them in the big forest in the sky.” 

“Of course Fern.  Anything Buddy.” 

“Captain are you still there?  I'm going all cold Captain.” 

“Can you hear me son?” 

“I can hear you Sir.” 

“Is there anything else I can do for you?” 

“Yes Sir.  I'd like to hear our anthem.  Just one last time.” 

“Well I'm not much of a singer, but I'll give it my best shot.  A-hem. 
Oh say can we see.  The world is awfully green...(Sobbing, and mumbled 
lyrics.  Then in a loud voice)...where our chloroform r-u-n-s free.” 

“I'm coming Sir.  I'm nearly there.  What's the status of our patient?” 

“Stand down Corporal.  He's gone to a better place now.  A place where
the sun is always shining, and the soil is always loose so his roots 
can grow wide and deep.” 

“You don't mean Sir?” 

“Yes son.” 

“How old was he?” 

“He only had three rings to his name.” 

“One day Sir!  We'll make all those mobile creeps pay sir!  Pay for
every drop of green blood they've spilled over the years!” 

“Yes.  One day soon.  But we have to reach the floor first.  Sergeant! 
Contact H.Q. and let them know we need another engineer.  Everyone else 
get to work.  We have a damn dirty job to finish, and not much time to 
do it in.” 

Join us next week when you'll hear: 

“Give-am hell Private Cacti!  Hey Captain Big-C made it to the floor,
and he's going for the mobile called Fluffy.” 

“That's it son! Remember your training and you will survive!  No! No!
No!  Go for its throat!  It's at the other end of the beast!  Oh, that 
can't be good.  Retreat Private!  Damn-it I said retreat!” 

“Big-C!  No-o-o-o!  Let me at that fuzz ball!  I'm coming for you
Big-C!” 

“Relax son.  There's nothing we can do for him now.” 

“...But sir!” 

“I said stand down soldier.” 


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