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|A Conversation Between Squirrels (standard:humor, 1688 words)
|Added: Oct 03 2008
|Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
|What squirrels talk about.
A CONVERSATION BETWEEN SQUIRRELS S1: I've got to move down south! S2: Not again! Every October you go on and on about all the work that goes into hibernating. S1: I wouldn't mind hibernating so much if I wasn't such a light sleeper. S2: Light sleeper my tail! I woke up last January to drain the main brain, and I saw you sitting in your nest. Eating chocolate covered chestnuts, drinking coffee and sitting next to a roaring fire. S1: So? S2: So? We as members of the general squirrel population, do not as a general rule, drink coffee while munching on chocolate covered treats. Especially laid out next to a roaring campfire 50 feet up in a tree. In a house made out of mud and sticks. S1: Why not? I was cold and hungry. What do you want me to do? Freeze! S2: You're supposed to be asleep! What puzzles me isn't why but how you managed it. You don't have thumbs for Gods sake. How did you pour yourself a cup of boiling coffee into a cup? Much less pick it up, or start the fire in the first place. You do realize fur and fire don't mix? You could of burned down half of the woods! S1: Oh no! The woods were never in danger of burning down from my fire. S2: How could you be certain of that? S1: I had a fire extinguisher primed and ready to go. S2: Were in the hell did you get a fire extinguisher? S1: I asked that bear with the green hat and pants for one. He always seemed pretty keen on keeping fire in its place. He was a really nice guy. It was to bad about that whole tourist mauling thing. I heard the humans put his head on a pike to warn the other bears not to step out of line. S2: Fine! The fire was contained, and I'll assume you had help with the rest. But why on Earth did you bother inviting guests over? S1: I wouldn't have called them guests. We get together twice a week to play bridge. I can't ask them to put their game on hold while I go take a nap. S2: You were playing bridge twice a week with two badgers and a bald eagle? Are you completely out of your peanut size skull? Those kinds of guys eat our kind of guys! S1: Oh, get out! I don't mind the occasional joke about snakes being a bit off. But my bridge partners are a bunch of softies. Forced to live by just that sort of mindless stereotyping. It's comments of that nature that perpetuates the lies of our carnivore brothers and sisters! S2: Snakes a bit off? Badgers being softies? Stereotyping birds of prey? I've met discarded milk cartons that have more common sense than you! If you weren't my only living cousin I'd tell you to “Piss Off!” S1: Couldn't even if I wanted to. S2: Why? S1: You know darn well I've been trying to conserve all my bodily fluids. S2: For the last time! Green Peace meant for us to recycle our reusable refuge to help keep the planet green. Not to save our piss in mason Click here to read the rest of this story (170 more lines)
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