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A Conversation Between Squirrels (standard:humor, 1688 words)
Author: RimmerAdded: Oct 03 2008Views/Reads: 2855/1817Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
What squirrels talk about.


S1:	I've got to move down south! 

S2:	Not again!  Every October you go on and on about all the work that
goes into hibernating. 

S1:	I wouldn't mind hibernating so much if I wasn't such a light

S2:	Light sleeper my tail!  I woke up last January to drain the main
brain, and I saw you sitting in your nest.  Eating chocolate covered 
chestnuts, drinking coffee and sitting next to a roaring fire. 

S1:	So? 

S2:	So?  We as members of the general squirrel population, do not as a
general rule, drink coffee while munching on chocolate covered treats.  
Especially laid out next to a roaring campfire 50 feet up in a tree.  
In a house made out of mud and sticks. 

S1:	Why not?  I was cold and hungry.  What do you want me to do? 

S2:	You're supposed to be asleep!  What puzzles me isn't why but how you
managed it.  You don't have thumbs for Gods sake.  How did you pour 
yourself a cup of boiling coffee into a cup?  Much less pick it up, or 
start the fire in the first place.  You do realize fur and fire don't 
mix?  You could of burned down half of the woods! 

S1:	Oh no!  The woods were never in danger of burning down from my fire.

S2:	How could you be certain of that? 

S1:	I had a fire extinguisher primed and ready to go. 

S2:	Were in the hell did you get a fire extinguisher? 

S1:	I asked that bear with the green hat and pants for one.  He always
seemed pretty keen on keeping fire in its place.  He was a really nice 
guy.  It was to bad about that whole tourist mauling thing.  I heard 
the humans put his head on a pike to warn the other bears not to step 
out of line. 

S2:	Fine!  The fire was contained, and I'll assume you had help with the
rest.  But why on Earth did you bother inviting guests over? 

S1:	I wouldn't have called them guests.  We get together twice a week to
play bridge.  I can't ask them to put their game on hold while I go 
take a nap. 

S2:	You were playing bridge twice a week with two badgers and a bald
eagle?  Are you completely out of your peanut size skull?  Those kinds 
of guys eat our kind of guys! 

S1:	Oh, get out!  I don't mind the occasional joke about snakes being a
bit off.  But my bridge partners are a bunch of softies.  Forced to 
live by just that sort of mindless stereotyping.  It's comments of that 
nature that perpetuates the lies of our carnivore brothers and sisters! 

S2:	Snakes a bit off?  Badgers being softies?  Stereotyping birds of
prey?  I've met discarded milk cartons that have more common sense than 
you!  If you weren't my only living cousin I'd tell you to “Piss Off!” 

S1:	Couldn't even if I wanted to. 

S2:	Why? 

S1:	You know darn well I've been trying to conserve all my bodily

S2:	For the last time!  Green Peace meant for us to recycle our reusable
refuge to help keep the planet green.  Not to save our piss in mason 

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