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|Another Coversation Between Squirrels (standard:humor, 913 words)
|Added: Oct 03 2008
|Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
|Follow up to 'A Conversation Bewteen Squirrels'.
ANOTHER CONVERSATION BETWEEN SQUIRRELS S1: Hey cousin hold up, I've got some great news! S2: Can't. My Doctor said I have to reduce my stress levels, and you have a knack at getting me all wound up. Besides I need to walk for another ten minutes to get my thirty minutes of exercise in for the day. S1: For the love of all the hippie slippers, will you please stop for just ten minutes. The news I got is huge! S2: How huge? S1: Bigger than Godzilla's mid-day piss after eating 3000 drunken Japanese ironworkers. S2: What did you say? Okay! Fine! It had better be huge or I'm stapling you to a tree. S1: Deal. Just stop walking so fast. These heels are killing me. S2: For the last time heels do not make you look taller! Besides, I think there's a law in this state about cross-dressing woodland creatures. S1: What's a cross-dresser? Does it have something to do with the church? How many crosses can I wear, and how should I dress them? What the heck is with that whole scientology stuff anyways? Do you ever think someone will say, “Any fish caught holding an extension ladder, will be fined twenty-two and a half coconuts?” Or how about... S2: Focus on the moment! Your doing that thing we talked about last week. S1: What? Oh, you mean that thing about me talking crazier than a scurvy ridden horde of howler monkeys on a three-month ocean voyage dressed like pirates. S2: Yes. That's it exactly. Now what do you do when other animals start to casually back away from you when your talking? S1: Apologize, and tell them my ranting is a side effect of my involvement with experimental lab testing of new weight loss products. S2: Perfect. Then what do you do? S1: Ask them if they've ever seen a leaping anaconda with a tattoo of Charlie Chaplin dancing the ‘forbidden dance' on it's back. S2: No! No! Focus! Try again. S1: Oh wait, I know. Excuse myself by stating it's time for me to take my medication. S2: What's the next thing you should do? S1: Actually walk away. Standing there miming myself walking away doesn't actually count. S2: Perfect. Now what's the news you had to tell me? S1: Give me a second! My head is spinning so fast I can't remember what language I was going to tell you the news in. S2: How many languages do you think you can speak? S1: In this astro-plain somewhere in the neighborhood of four, possibly five and a half. I can never remember. S2: For the love of walnuts! You've been listening to late night radio programming again. Haven't you? S1: No! Yes! Maybe! A bit! I plead the fifth. I'll take what's in Click here to read the rest of this story (71 more lines)
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