|Is it a fragrance or a stench? (standard:humor, 899 words)|
|Author: Godspenman||Added: Oct 13 2013||Views/Reads: 1102/729||Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)|
|It does not matter how good I smell on the outside if there is stench on the inside. I want to focus on my inside and make it as fresh as possible. That is the fragrance God smells.|
This past week I had to go to the mall. I know, I should know better but I thought I could sneak in, get what I needed and sneak out again. So much for my thoughts. I wanted to purchase several tie chains for my neckties and searched every jewelry store and nobody had them. Finally, I ordered three online, which would be shipped free, (which always gets my attention) to the nearest store, which happened to be in the mall. I do not like the mall and choose not to go there if I can help it. When in the mall I am usually very nervous and get confused and do not know which way I am going. Once I get in, I am not quite sure how to get out again. Everything seems to be contrived to confuse a person like myself. Looking down at the ground while walking I became rather confused and I happen to turn into an open door. My mall savvy is not sophisticated in the lease. The door I turned into happened to be for the store Victoria's Secret. I do not know who Victoria is, I did not know what the store was all about but when I got in the store I discovered Victoria's Secret much to my great embarrassment. That is exactly the reason I do not like going into the malls. They have places like this that a gentleman, such as Yours Truly, should never enter. I am not sure how I got out of that store, all I can remember was a great deal of hilarious laughter thrown in my direction from inside. I just hope they did not recognize me. They probably did not, because I had all my clothes on. It has been a long time since that incident and now I had to go and pick up my order. I put together a plan to sneak in very quietly, pick up my order and tiptoe out as quietly as I came in. You know what they say about well-laid plans! Whether mine was well laid or not, it blew up in my face. I did slip into the mall and found the store where my order was. I picked them up and quietly turned around and started for the door. How I got turned around is any man's guess. Actually, I think it turned around too many times. For the next 15 minutes, I tried to find the way I came in so I could go out. The trouble started when I hesitated. I stopped to try to get my bearings and in stopping a young woman approached me. “How do you do today, sir,” she said most cheerfully. I nodded and tried to get away as graciously as possible. She would have none of it. “And how do you smell today, sir?” Had I been in my right sense of mind I would have told her I smelled with my nose. Being in a confused state of affairs, I had no quick come back for her. It was then that she introduced me to her product. I must confess I am not up-to-date with all of the body lotions and perfumes that are available today. I shave in the morning, splash some aftershave on my face, rub some deodorant under my armpits and that is as far as I go. This young woman took me for a potential customer of her body lotions and ointments and perfumes. I suppose many people are concerned with how they smell. I am not one of them. My basic philosophy along this line is simply, if I cannot stand my own smell, I take a shower. I know when it is time to take a shower when I can smell myself. She wanted to introduce me to some body lotions and ointments and perfumes that would make me smell alluring to anybody I met during the day. Click here to read the rest of this story (32 more lines)
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