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Thumbs up, Thumbs down, Now Everybody Turn around (standard:humor, 909 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Oct 26 2013Views/Reads: 1438/0Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Flying in an airplane is not my preferred style of transportation. However, flying without an airplane is quite disastrous, if you know what I mean!

Flying in an airplane is not my preferred style of transportation.
However, flying without an airplane is quite disastrous, if you know 
what I mean! 

I am not quite sure the Wright brothers would be too happy with some of
the things passing as an airplane these days. It seems to me that 
psychotic midgets have designed modern day airplanes. Nothing in an 
airplane is designed for the normal person, and I might as well say it, 
I consider myself normal. I may be a shade taller than normal but I am 
normal in every other respect. 

The one plane I took from Detroit to Dayton Ohio was about as small as I
have ever been on. Walking down the aisle, I could not even stand up 
but had to bend over in order to walk down the aisle. I heard a noise 
behind me that startled me and I stood up only to dash my head against 
the ceiling. That was not the worst headache of my flight. 

One of these days, I would like to meet the person who designed the
seats in those planes. I will admit to being a little post thin, but 
after all shouldn't you be able to sit down in a seat when you are 

I truly do not understand what a seatbelt is for with individuals like
me. I can barely squeeze myself into that seat and then it takes me 
about 15 minutes to extract myself from the seat. I suppose a seatbelt 
is for the comfort of the pilot who believes that somehow I will not 
bounce out of my seat while he is flying. I could not bounce out if my 
life depended upon it. 

My seat was so tight and I fit so snugly in it that when I sneezed it
felt like I did some damage to my inner organs. Somewhere in the 
Constitution there has to be something to the effect that an individual 
has the right to sneeze without hurting himself. 

What I want to know is why do I always have to sneeze when I am in
certain situations like this? 

Then, comes the time when you need to go to the bathroom. The flight
attendant will bring you all the free beverages you can consume. They 
know, and I guess they are snickering behind our back, that everybody 
is going to have to go to the bathroom at the same time. 

Coordinating the bathroom run is one of the trying exploits of flying
the friendly skies. 

For one, by the time I realize I have to go to the bathroom there is a
line for the bathroom. Fortunately, but the time I extradite myself 
from my seat the line has dwindled dramatically. Then again, I have to 
go to the bathroom so bad I am dancing up the aisle to the bathroom to 
the great applause of the people sitting there. 

Once I fasten myself into the seat, I try to get comfortable enough to
do a little reading. Since I am sitting in the aisle seat, everybody is 
bumping into me as they go up and down the aisle. 

Now that I am situated so that I cannot move, they come again with
beverages. Why is it I forget there is a link between drinking a 
beverage and going to the bathroom? I know there is a link but when I 
am up in the air so high my tiny little grey cells are working in slow 
motion. So why take a free beverage? Well, it is free! 

I am at the age in my development where going to the bathroom is a
frequent activity, even when not drinking any beverages. When consuming 
a beverage, this activity kicks into high gear. Once again, I need to 
extricate myself from my seat and find my way to the bathroom. 

I am not quite sure about this, but I believe in mid air the airplane
pilot switches the bathroom from the front to the rear. I am dancing up 
the aisle, which I believe is in the direction of the bathroom, only to 
discover I am going in the wrong direction. 

A few of the people in the seats are smiling at me and one person gives
me a thumbs-up as I turn around and dance in the direction of the 
actual bathroom facility. With a forced grin, I give a thumbs-up back 
at him and proceed in the direction of the bathroom. 

It is at this point that I run into a line. Wouldn't you know it; the
line is for the bathroom? 

This is a real thumbs-down for me. It is at this point that I really
wish I was not a gentleman. After all, a gentleman has to let the 
ladies go first. I think if some of these ladies would know the actual 
situation, they would insist I go first and I certainly would give them 
a wonderful thumbs-up. 

As I was standing in line, a verse of Scripture popped into my head. 

“And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way,
walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the 
left” (Isaiah 30:21 KJV). 

Many things in life have us going in circles to which there is no end.
God, however, puts us on the straight and narrow path that ends with 
Jesus Christ. 


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