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A Grandfatherís Stand on the Father Christmas Hullabaloo (standard:humor, 868 words)
Author: GodspenmanAdded: Dec 22 2013Views/Reads: 2184/769Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Normally, I am a mild-mannered person and just to be on the safe side, I stay out of telephone booths. You cannot be too careful, if you know what I mean.

Normally, I am a mild-mannered person and just to be on the safe side, I
stay out of telephone booths. You cannot be too careful, if you know 
what I mean. 

As a great philosopher once said, "I've stands all I can stand and I
can't stands no more." 

This Christmas inequality has been going on for a very long time. It is
about time somebody took some action in this regard. Since nobody else 
has the courage to take on this subject, I pick up my pen (actually 
it's my computer keyboard) and duly attack the subject at hand. 

I know, as I begin, what I am going to say will not sit well with
certain portions of the population. Some will even accuse me of 
jealousy and other foul attitudes. It just has to be said. 

This disparity is between Father Christmas and Grandfathers. As a
card-carrying member of the Grandfather's union (GFU), I feel I have 
the right to express my mind on this subject. In my opinion, Father 
Christmas is getting too much attention at the expense of Grandfathers 

Sure, I give you that Father Christmas does have his place in our
culture. I know children are enamored with him in his silly little red 
suit and funny hat. 

Just between you and me, no self-respecting Grandfather would be caught
dead dressed like Father Christmas. I will admit that some Grandfathers 
dress rather silly and act even sillier. 

I believe I should set the record straight between Father Christmas and
Grandfathers. Let me compare these two right now and clear up this 
subject. Then you can be the judge. I have complete confidence in the 
intelligence of my readers. 

First, Father Christmas makes up a list of naughty and nice children. I
feel, and I am speaking as a Grandfather, this is highly 
discriminatory. Children should not be subjected to such discrimination 
in this day of enlightenment. 

Today, children have it hard enough without this silly overweight elf
from the North Pole putting undue pressure on them. Grandfathers love 
both naughty and nice children, especially the naughty. Grandfathers 
know naughty children need more attention. 

Second, Father Christmas only comes once a year. What I want to know is
what he is doing the rest of the year. From the pictures I have seen, I 
am guessing it is not in the area of exercise. 

Grandfathers are around all the time, not just at Christmas. No matter
what time of year, you can always find a Grandfather, which is more 
than can be said of Father Christmas. 

Third, Father Christmas just brings toys in his huge bag. I grant you,
some of these toys are terrific. I am not going to sell Father 
Christmas short on this aspect. I believe credit should be given where 
credit is due, unless it is my credit card. 

Grandfathers should get some recognition for other things that are just
as wonderful. Grandfathers, for example, are full of stories, jokes and 
a lot more. 

If the truth were known, Father Christmas does not have the time to tell
a story to any child. I think this is sad. Sadder still, does he even 
know a story? 

Fourth, Father Christmas drives around in an old-fashioned sleigh
powered by eight tiny reindeer, with no room to take children for 
rides. What is that all about? 

Nothing is more exciting for children than driving around with their
Grandfather, usually in some old pickup with an array of unidentifiable 
aromas. Whatever they are driving, the ride always ends with ice cream. 

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